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Mountaindewed
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Default Apr 02, 2024 at 05:25 PM
  #461
It was also nice that I could tell you I was
Possible trigger:
the other night and know you wouldn't freak out about it and talk about IP or IOP.

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Default Apr 02, 2024 at 07:31 PM
  #462
I can't believe I shared that, even if it meant you left the room when you read it. thank you for being you, and giving me the extra time to calm down some. I'm sorry you left so late! I don't know how I am going to deal with what I shared, but for right now, I am not ashamed or scared that I told you. That is progress, even if temporarily. Especially with the subject matter. I truly believe we were meant to work with each other.
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Default Apr 02, 2024 at 07:56 PM
  #463
I started to let some of the anger out in today's session. Granted he said the really wrong thing... he said never - that you could never see me/contact me; that Psychiatrists are held to a higher standard. I called BS on that because it can't be a never because there are communities that are too small that never talk to a previous patient would be near impossible. He finally agreed that you wouldn't lose your license if you were to contact me.

But... the truth is... that it's not an issue of losing license... it's a truth of you have no liability.. it's one of money. I didn't say that to him. You guys can phrase it however you want to make yourself feel better. But the bottom line is since you do not have a private practice anymore ... you don't have private liability insurance either... and ... that's the bottom line. Or the one I believe right now (subject to change).
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Default Apr 03, 2024 at 12:36 PM
  #464
My spiritual life has been bound up with grief for nearly 20 years now.
We'll talk about how it's showing up currently tomorrow, but 17 years ago today the strangest journey began.

❤️🙏

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'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Default Apr 04, 2024 at 11:27 AM
  #465
Thanks for sticking up for Emotional Lost.
She's been...heavily impacted by the last few years, and is still trying to figure out how to share publicly.

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A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Default Apr 04, 2024 at 03:50 PM
  #466
(no Artie, just STOP IT, leave it the f alone!)
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Default Apr 04, 2024 at 04:35 PM
  #467
I think my old therapist could possibly be at the grocery store. She said shes seen me there before around this time. I don't know too many people around here but the people I do know I defiently don't want to run into.

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Default Apr 04, 2024 at 04:53 PM
  #468
One of my favourite podcasts introduced me to the concept of 'grief bombs' - basically the same as triggers, but amplified even more.

Just discovered Ethan Hawke's 'Black Album', which reimagines an album The Beatles might have made if they hadn't split up.

'My Sweet Lord' is the second track, and I can't listen to that song properly these days.

So I was reminded of Run of the Mill

'The meaning has changed now.'

Only you'll arrive at your own made end
With no-one but yourself to be offended...


Ouch.

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'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Default Apr 04, 2024 at 11:36 PM
  #469
I'm pretty sure I'm having unusual thoughts and urges. Like wanting to message my transference therapist and stuff like that. And thinking stuff I've never thought before of myself. I'm guessing its wellbutrin related. I'm not sure but I'm guessing it could be.

That was right around 11 on Sunday when I had that mini freak out. So it could be unrelated too. Why Is everything a **** show lately.

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Default Apr 05, 2024 at 02:55 PM
  #470
hi t,

im a little thrown off by that political rant. where did that come from?

me

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Default Apr 05, 2024 at 03:17 PM
  #471
Dear T,

Well, that brought out some paternal transference today. if he finds anything before I leave for session. In part your broad praise of my writing. But more your questioning why, instead of just focusing on the positive with working on the memoir, I had to bring up the negatives, too. I think if this were a couple years ago, I might have been offended or upset.

But, you're right. Why can't I celebrate this victory, that I've been focusing on something positive that's important to me. Instead of getting down on myself about not exercising more? I think it's about message from childhood. About being perfect, so one good thing is nowhere near that. and my own self-esteem issues (well, I guess those were planted during childhood).

I also think some of this is struggling to take the praise from you. As much as I crave praise and approval, it's difficult for me to accept.

Love,
LT
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Default Apr 05, 2024 at 04:41 PM
  #472
7 weeks, $980 saved now. Good heavens, woman, I paid you a LOT of money. Yeesh! I mean what in the h e double hockey sticks was I thinking?! Oh, right, I wasn't; I was under some kind of cult-like spell or something for the past couple of years. I'm not completely blaming you for that though. I had a hand in weaving it too, I think.
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Default Apr 06, 2024 at 09:51 AM
  #473
I used that coping skill all last night and I got the best nights sleep in weeks. I'm not sure how to tell you my sleep was better without mentioning this thing.

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Default Apr 09, 2024 at 03:17 PM
  #474
How can I spend so much time in need of having a conversation, and yet be unable to find the words?

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Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Default Apr 09, 2024 at 07:36 PM
  #475
Maybe you actually thought I was doing well on just 75mil of Lamictal and why you only prescribed a low dose of Prestiq. I'm just glad you did. I was more talkative today. Despite starting to puke my guts out after. But thats not your area.

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Default Yesterday at 01:46 PM
  #476
I just threw up half an hour before we were supposed to meet so it is good I cancelled completly today.

It was 4 more tmes during our entire session length. So yeah today was a good day not to do a session.

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Last edited by Mountaindewed; Yesterday at 03:28 PM..
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Default Yesterday at 04:56 PM
  #477
My connection with Steve was a powerful thing to have, and a hell of a thing to lose.

'Falling into grief is like falling in love, only you keep falling.
You are unaware of what they were carrying for you.'

- David Whyte

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'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Default Today at 04:57 PM
  #478
Dear T,

I'm glad it's OK to go to the dark places with you. That you explicitly said that. Though I sort of wish I'd gone there earlier in the session, as I felt I had to resurface sooner than I was ready. But maybe we can continue parts of that discussion next week.

Love,
LT
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Default Today at 07:33 PM
  #479
$1,120.00
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