I hate ME.

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Edahn said:
They're like bubblegum: good for about 15 minutes, until it loses it's potency and you need some more. And more. And more.


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Yep Edahn and the world sells tons of bubble gum...

I'm not an antagonist so please don't view this perspective as seeking such...

But for such a young member (posts) you seem to have drawn some conclusions a bit premature.

Yes there is some hugging here,,lots of it sometimes. Your statement that it is only coddling is simply presumptuous. It neither indicates the lack of work outside this arena nor does it demonstrate the lack of real efforts here.

There are some folks here well versed in the "tone" of Internet support facilities,,that know that one hug can open the gate of time,,which more often than not is what is needed in those few confused, convoluted moments...

This is not a vehicle for long term therapy but there is a priceless gift and accommodation that this type of interface allows...a level of limited anonymity blessed with a convergence of experience...it is the greatest gift in knowing you are not alone...even within the vast nest of cyberspace..

So please don't knock the hugs,,,they are a grand improvement to cuts or bruises...

IMHO.

Lenny

Lenny,

I see my low-post count as an advantage, not an obstacle. It gives me a fresh perspective of this forum that seasoned members may not be able to tap in to.

In most cases, a superficial hug is better than a bruise, but I didn't suggest we go around bruising people. In fact, I said quite the opposite, that sometimes you need to withhold hugs and whatnot in order to TRULY support and make progress. That especially the case for a thread like this, where the subject of the thread is obviously uncomfortable dealing with the prospect that she may be uncared for. The hugs are, imho, exactly what she is seeking to mute her fears rather than confront them and accept them and moving on. By giving her what she's looking for, we're only enabling her dependency on affection, and reinforcing her habit of avoidance and distraction.

So, I ask you, is it a hug, or a bruise in disguise?

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Edahn said:
I see my low-post count as an advantage, not an obstacle. It gives me a fresh perspective of this forum that seasoned members may not be able to tap in to.

So, I ask you, is it a hug, or a bruise in disguise?

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It would be a mistake to underestimate the value of time and experience in this venue Edahn. Also the construct of patience in dealing with issues of mind and heart which are inexplicably intertwined within our shared issues here, is simply priceless. Your few posts had included some valid advice but your chosen tone and methods have succeeded in some level of alienation. That may serve you and your flag and if so then so be it...but if your aim is not your ego then maybe a change of tact would be of service to us all...

A hug is only a hug. It becomes a bruise if it comes with expectations...

IMHO.

Lenny

Edahn, welcome to Psych Central. This is a SUPPORT community. It is not a debating or berating place so please be mindful of that when talking with other members.

You do have much to learn when joining a supportive community such as this. Most people have their own therapist and are not looking for another therapist, or someone to point out what they feel is wrong with how people support each other here.

Besides that, if you are trying to become a therapist or are a therapist the very first thing you need to learn is EMPATHY! Hugs = empathy and understanding.

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pegasus said:

Edahn, welcome to Psych Central. This is a SUPPORT community. It is not a debating or berating place so please be mindful of that when talking with other members.

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I think you should read my last post again. My intent IS TO SUPPORT, but support doesn't just mean you offer hugs when they're requested (overtly or subtly). To give support, as I've already said, requires that you look into the problem and what the real issue is. I have NOT berated anyone, and if you choose to view my comments as debate, that's up to you. I consider it an open discussion about difficult issues that will not always be warmly accepted.

If that atmosphere you want to create here is saccharine and shallow, be my guest. If that atmosphere you want to create here is honest, investigative, and therapeutic, then I ask you not censor me.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
You do have much to learn when joining a supportive community such as this. Most people have their own therapist and are not looking for another therapist, or someone to point out what they feel is wrong with how people support each other here.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

But I thought this is a place for support? You can't have your cake and eat it too. By pointing out what's wrong with hugging, my intention was to BE therapeutic, as I've now said a few times.

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Besides that, if you are trying to become a therapist or are a therapist the very first thing you need to learn is EMPATHY! Hugs = empathy and understanding.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Please. I haven't doubted that at all. I've questioned the wisdom of burying someone in hugs who's trying to avoid certain feelings. I think it's ironic that you're calling ME out for not being empathic, when all I've tried to do is investigate Storm's state of mind and issue, which requires a great deal of empathy.

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Lenny said:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Edahn said:
I see my low-post count as an advantage, not an obstacle. It gives me a fresh perspective of this forum that seasoned members may not be able to tap in to.

So, I ask you, is it a hug, or a bruise in disguise?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

It would be a mistake to underestimate the value of time and experience in this venue Edahn. Also the construct of patience in dealing with issues of mind and heart which are inexplicably intertwined within our shared issues here, is simply priceless. Your few posts had included some valid advice but your chosen tone and methods have succeeded in some level of alienation. That may serve you and your flag and if so then so be it...but if your aim is not your ego then maybe a change of tact would be of service to us all...

A hug is only a hug. It becomes a bruise if it comes with expectations...

IMHO.

Lenny

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Lenny,

My tone is truthful, accepting, and forthcoming. I play it by ear and do my best.

This is how I understand the response I've received in this thread, so far. I'm going to speculate a little bit, too. It seems that there is an atmosphere of unconditional support here. It is taboo to criticize members, even when that criticism can help them, and even when they're clearly seeking help. Why? Because people are afraid to confront pain and work hard to bury it and obscure it. This isn't the first site I've been to that has this kind of atmosphere, and it's not surprising that it shows up in a site like this that is largely composed of people, like myself, who are seeking relief from their pain, a pain that they are used to running from, and a pain that they are still running from.

I'm not perfect, and I have my own issues, granted. But I'll do what I can to help people here, even if that requires getting my hands a little dirty. Because I'm an %#@&#!? No. Well, maybe. But I care and am willing to do the dirty work. I'll do what I can. If I get banned in the next couple days, so be it. But it'll be a loss for me and for this site.

Thanks for your opinions, Len. I appreciate them truly.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Edahn said:
[It is taboo to criticize members, even when that criticism can help them, and even when they're clearly seeking help. Why? Because people are afraid to confront pain and work hard to bury it and obscure it.

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II don't know if taboo is the correct characterization for the methodology you speak of Edahn...If I may borrow from a gentle nanny of times past..."A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down"....

Thank you for your honest opinions and your accompanied self appraisal...

Lenny

Back to the original poster-- I just read about your horrible session with the new T, no wonder you're spinning.

Can your retiring T refer you to someone she knows would be more suited to help you with your issues? I also think it would be in your best interest to tell your T what happened.

I hope you can convince Jeremi and everyone else that what she said was absolutely not true and totally unprofessional.

I hope things settle down for you soon, stormyangels.

Sorry, but this thread is being locked as per request of the original poster.

DocJohn