[sunrise]

I am having lots of anxiety due to a bunch of c**p going on. Just a lot of stuff piling on. Hard to sleep at night, short fuse, that constant "enough, I can't take it!" feeling. Is it useful to go to therapy when that is happening? If I went there I would just sit and be stressed out--how can you have meaningful conversation when you feel like that? Do any of you find therapy helpful at all when you are totally stressed and anxious? Does being with your T help? Should I even expect help? Probably not--what am I thinking, that they can just wave their magic wands and say, "be not anxious, my client"?

I can't remember being quite this way for a session before. What I really feel would help would be for people--family, co-workers, employees--to leave me alone. Going into a hole for a week sounds good. Seeing T isn't compatible with being in a hole, it means reaching out.

My session isn't until Thursday, so maybe I'll feel differently by then, or maybe I should just cancel now (need to give at least 24 hours notice) and hope for a better frame of mind next week.

[pegasus]

(((((((((( sunrise ))))))))))

Personally I think T is probably the best person to see when feeling like that. Shut the door on everyone else if you need to but take comfort in sharing with T. That's what T is for.

[foreverlost]

Maybe it would be good for your T to see you like this to get a better idea of what you're going through. My getaway hole includes just my T. And I've been waiting FOREVER for that magic wand - maybe it costs more?!

When I've been in similar moods, I still go. No, it does not usually lead to a great, connected session, but it does give her a chance to see how I'm doing, what the anxiety is like for me, etc. I mean, that is part of what I'm seeing her for, so she should get to see it in action. Also, I know me, and I think I would regret it afterwards (feel like she wasn't there for me, even though I'm the one that cancelled, etc.).

But if you're already past that point in your relationship, and feel it would just be a waste of time/money, I could see just choosing to take a week off. Good luck. I hope you can find a peaceful place to rest up

[Lenny]

I can't see any reason to cancel. I don't know the depth or extent of your relationship with your T but often if connections are good,,benefits can be realized by the sharing within a session.

Are you on any medication for controlling your anxiety?

Lenny

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((((((sunrise)))))))))))))))))))))
Seeing your T is probably a good idea, it might help.
I have went to several of my appointments really stressed out and most of the time it helps me calm down at least a little bit.

well sunrise, if not going was the thing to do then i should have stayed away from therapy for the entire last year! Not every session can be turned onto deeper work, sometimes maintaining the foundations, doing some structural integrity work is needed... meaning, sometimes you can use T to help just cope and take care of yourself.

Give yourself permission to "waste" his time and your own. It's ok to need someone. It's not stupid to have needs which aren't emergencies.

[Perna]

I always went to therapy in whatever state because it was the most likely experience for me that could change the state or at least distract me well. Talking to T could ground me and help anxiety.

[onlymedid]

I don't have any other wise words, but I wanted to send you some

BJ

[lauren_helene]

I say sleep on it and see how you feel tomorrow. Actually though, it is when we are feeling like this that it is best to talk it through with T.

He may be able to pull something out that you haven't considered. I know what you mean though.

I'm sorry you are feeling anxious.

[ECHOES]

(( sunny )) I'm sorry you're feeling axious about all that's going on.

My personal commitment to therapy is to go no matter what--no matter what is going on or how I'm feeling. Sometimes it's been a struggle but I've never been disappointed. In that room, with T, feels like it's a safe haven where I can just "be".

Therapy has been extremely helpful for my anxiety and sometimes I would love to be able to just be with my T for the relief that gives me.

I hope you choose to go and let T in on what's going on with you right now. I hope you feel better

[MissCharlotte]

((Sunny))

When I feel anxious like you described it usually means that something is brewing--perhaps I'm working through some emotion, or maybe I am trying to integrate some experience. I know that trying to find the trigger for these emotions often leads me to some unresolved conflict I hold inside of me.

Going to therapy when I am feeling this way actually helps because through the conversation with T I sometimes (not always) can get to the root of what is going on. Even if I don't get to the root, talking about it helps a lot and often makes me feel better.

Try it! You might feel lighter when you leave the load behind...

[Lemon]

(((sunny))) wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and hope you're feeling a little better. If you go to T maybe you could request a session of doing relaxation techniques or something like that.

((((((((((((((( sunrise ))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.

When I'm anxious is when I MOST want to see T, because I know that there is a chance that in talking to him, I'll find some relief. In fact, when a really stressful thing happens these days, the first thing that pops into my head is "T!", because I want to be with him to process whatever is going on.

I do hope you decide to go just to see what it feels like for you to have that support when you're feeling so bad. Maybe it will be just what you need.

Let us know how what you decide and how it goes. And I really hope you feel better soon!

[chaotic13]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Sunrise said:
What I really feel would help would be for people--family, co-workers, employees--to leave me alone.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
During one therapy session my T asked what the little girl in my past wanted or need back then. Later that night while journaling I wrote... to hide under the bed with the pillows tightly over her ears and eyes... just for everyone leave her alone.

Sunrise I hope you feel better tomorrow.

[sunrise]

Thank you everyone. it sounds like it's pretty unanimous--I should go to therapy!

I was able to sleep better last night--took a Xanax, which I hate to do, because it makes me feel like a failure, but I did it, and slept for 6 hours straight.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
My getaway hole includes just my T

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I really like that, foreverlost. Maybe I need to think of my T in my hole with me (hmm that may not capture quite what I mean )

My anxiety is caused by several coincident life issues right now (I may lose my job, it looks like I may lose a lot of money in my divorce financial settlement that I had been counting on, my checking account is almost empty, my roof is leaking, I may have to sell the house, my youngest daughter is failing classes at school, H is berating me on the phone, I need to ask for a raise, etc.) and when that happens, even little things piling on will cause me to be even more anxious, because my load is too great. I am having a guy do yardwork for me now and that would normally not be anxiety producing for me, but because I am already at the edge, it is! It is hard for me to talk to him about some things I think he did unsatisfactorily--aaaackkk, conflict!

I also notice that my youngest daughter is so sensitive to my moods. My anxiety is high and she becomes very demanding, unpleasant, hard to be around. That adds to my anxiety. A circle.

Well, yes, anyway, I'm going to go to T tomorrow. Part of the "problem" about going to see T is I like him so much that just being with him makes me feel really good, but that isn't what I need to deal with anxiety, is it? So when I "feel good" with him then it seems like the problem isn't as important and then I leave his office and I am right back where I started from. I know T told me once before a long time ago that he was worried I was unable to deal with an issue successfully in his office because of the positive feelings I had for him--they were masking my grief over something else. So I had to deal with this outside of his presence. (He gave me advice on how to do this.) Does anyone else ever get that?

Thank you again everyone. Your thoughts and encouragement are helpful!

P.S. Lenny, the only med I have is Xanax and it puts me to sleep so I don't take it during the day. I tried buspar for anxiety last year but it wasn't very effective. In general, I've been managing OK since then, anxietywise.

[Kiya]

"Part of the "problem" about going to see T is I like him so much that just being with him makes me feel really good, but that isn't what I need to deal with anxiety, is it? So when I "feel good" with him then it seems like the problem isn't as important and then I leave his office and I am right back where I started from. I know T told me once before a long time ago that he was worried I was unable to deal with an issue successfully in his office because of the positive feelings I had for him--they were masking my grief over something else. So I had to deal with this outside of his presence. (He gave me advice on how to do this.) Does anyone else ever get that?"

Yep.... Just to be in a postivie environment with someone who cares about me... all my problems just melt away and i laugh and smile... and then go home back to the depression, anxiety, panic attacks....

[chaotic13]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
T told me once before a long time ago that he was worried I was unable to deal with an issue successfully in his office because of the positive feelings I had for him--they were masking my grief over something else. So I had to deal with this outside of his presence.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Could it be that your are just so relieved to have someone to communicate with that when you meet with him you just want to soak up and enjoy the positive experience? Maybe you are so relieved to have someone to talk to that your anxiety and grief don't seem as bad and you have difficultly connecting to these feeling. Since you are comfortable talking with him, you don't feel the anxiety you have when talking with others (like your H). It then becomes hard to describe, because you aren't actually feeling it that moment.

[sunrise]

Yes, mckell, that is exactly what happens sometimes. "I was feeling bad before I came here but now I feel fine because you are here with me." It gives me new insight into why not getting along with our T's perfectly can be helpful sometimes, because it lets us "feel" our real problems and be able to work on them. Does that make sense? It seems convoluted but it doesn't make me want to give up the "feel good" with T. Hopefully, in its own way, that is helping me too. It's not a bad thing to have someplace to go once a week where you can feel good, especially at times when so much else in life is a challenge, sad, stressful, etc.

[chaotic13]

Well hell yeah that does kinda of make sense to me!!! Very interesting. The funny thing is how differently we both respond to this situation. You embrace the comfort he provides and allow yourself to enjoy it while it last. I freak out and reject the comfort. During my session 2 weeks ago, I was amazed at how comfortable I felt. Unfortunately of course in my convoluted world, when I am comfortable something must be wrong. This week's session was not a comfortable at all. I made myself uncomfortable by going into uncharted territory. The fallout so far has not been pleasant. For me pushing the boundaries of comfort is necessary to move forward.

Maybe if you go this week when you are feeling really overwhelmed, it can help you feel good and be therapeutic as well.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Part of the "problem" about going to see T is I like him so much that just being with him makes me feel really good

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I know exactly how you feel! My T asked me once what it was that made me feel better when I was with him, and I told him just because he was there.

Sunny, I'm glad you are going to your T session. I'm sure you will feel better Take care.(((Sunny)))

[sunrise]

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mckell13 wrote:
You embrace the comfort he provides and allow yourself to enjoy it while it last.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Yes, I do. I have so little of that in my life, I lap it up in therapy.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
mckell13 said:
I guess when we finally figure out how to make our session both "feel good" AND be therapeutic it is time to move on.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">That's not when my therapy will end, lol. But I hope you achieve this, mckell! It is interesting, I have read you say this several times over the months about different things--"when I have done X, then I will be finished with therapy..." I don't think I have ever said that. I have too much to do in therapy and I don't think it is clearcut when I would be ready to leave. Sometimes I fear that my therapist will think like that--"once sunny is divorced, she won't need to see me anymore"--but he has never said or implied this.

My last session was kind of blah. Maybe this one will be different. They're always a surprise, kind of like the elephant and the six blind men. What part of the elephant will I touch today?

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Soliaree wrote:
My T asked me once what it was that made me feel better when I was with him, and I told him just because he was there.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Yes.

I just had an afternoon distant meeting canceled at work. Yay! A little less stress for the day.

[ECHOES]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
T told me once before a long time ago that he was worried I was unable to deal with an issue successfully in his office because of the positive feelings I had for him--they were masking my grief over something else. So I had to deal with this outside of his presence. (He gave me advice on how to do this.) Does anyone else ever get that?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yes I struggle with it still. I tend to want to go off somewhere by myself to feel my feelings. It's lonely and I hope I can get past that. She knows this about me.

sunny, I take Xanax sometimes too. I sometimes take only half or even a quarter of my .5mg Xanax (when I take a small amount, I call it "nibbling" ). I let it dissolve under my tongue and even the small amount helps take the edge of, particularly when I'm at work and I don't want to feel tired or groggy.

[sunrise]

Thanks, ECHOES, that is exactly what I experience. I am just intensely shy and do not like exposing myself to others, I just consider a lot to be "private." I seem to have largely gotten past this with T in the safety of his office, but the whole divorce has been another story, with all this stuff that 2 lawyers, a child therapist, a financial person, and a career counselor have to know about me, sometimes I think unnecessarily. I sometimes work in therapy on managing those feelings of exposure to strangers. I even have flashbacks of traumatic experiences as a child, where people stood by and "watched" me as I was in pain. We work on that in therapy too.

RE Xanax: I only occasionally take a half a pill of the lowest dose at night--it puts me to sleep during the day. My doctor says there is no lower dose format to go to and I am just very sensitive for some reason.

[chaotic13]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Sunrise said:
I have read you say this several times over the months about different things--"when I have done X, then I will be finished with therapy..." I don't think I have ever said that.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

LOL! You must have captured that line in my post at the same time I had caught it and was revising it. I do seem very fix on the making sure I know when therapy should end!!! What's up with that? I edited the statement because it was just BS. I like my therapeutic relationship and don't want it to end anytime soon. I also know that you are not remotely interested in ending therapy at this time. I'm sorry for trying to impose cut off criteria.

It seems like you and I have/are experiencing some similar situations, yet are seeing them from different perspectives. Do you think this could be related to different attachment issues? Do you think it is a maturity/ therapy experience difference?

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I am just intensely shy and do not like exposing myself to others, I just consider a lot to be "private."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I think the fact that you were able to break out of this shyness with your present T says a lot. I would like to achieve this to some degree too.

What do you envision as your next personal therapy goal? Beyond achieving your independence. I think you can ways to benefit from a positive therapeutic relationship with your T. You are paying for therapy so, there doesn't have to be a clear cut ending criteria. There is no health-meter that ejects you when you meet some threshold.

With what you are experiencing in your life at the moment, you deserve an hour a week where you just lap up the positive vibes and feel connected with someone. Your kids are likely benefiting from this indirectly too.

I hope this week you have fun exploring your elephant.