T's after hours

How many of you are able to reach your T's after hours. On the week-end and most of the week, after hours, I'm not able to reach my T. She has early stages of MS and I understand she needs her rest and sometimes she will answer if I leave her a message. Is this common practice? Sometimes I am really really in a bad way and I need to talk. I called the Real Crisis hotline and I was put on hold 2 or 3 times. Let me hear from yall and should I worry or just accept that my life will always be up and down and sometimes there will not be somebody here IRL for me to hold on too. I get really scared of my thinking........pj56.......xxoo

[((((((((((pj56)))))))))))))

Me, not at all. Suppose that's what happens when it's through your university's health services! I do understand though... it sucks a lot, and I don't like those crisis lines much.

If I call T and leave a message specifically asking him to call me back, he will call me back. If I call and just leave a message without being specific about calling, he doesn't call. Same with e-mails....I have to say these specific words: "Please respond to content" for him to respond (this is an ongoing joke between us because he is serious about me using those exact words and it drives me absolutely crazy).

I try not to call after hours, because he has a family and I don't want to interfere with his family time. But he tells me he can take care of his own needs, and he will make sure it is a good time for him before he calls me back. So we have had phone calls on weekends - some short, some much longer. He's much more available when he's on the road/out of town for a conference or whatever (not a vacation - there is no contact then at all).

I've been able to get a lot of support on this board when I don't want to "bother" T. Is there something going on that you want to share??

I have no contact between sessions with my T. She made it absolutely clear that she would not discuss things between sessions. She has said that if I'm in a real crisis I can call and she'd call me back, and I know she has for other clients, but for me it would feel like violating a boundary with her.

--splitimage

My T has a full time job directing a correctional institution. His "T" hours are Mon-Tues-Thurs-Sat 5-9. There really is no after hours because he is always working. He told me that he and another T take turns answering crisis calls, but thats not enough for me. I want HIM!!!

Dee

I do not have after hours phone access to my T. I don't believe he checks his voicemails at night. He checks the next day (or the day after that). Once I was not in a good way and sent a rather desperate email to my lawyer. She was disturbed and called my T and he called me right away (it was at night). It had never occurred to me to call him since he doesn't listen to his messages for a day or two or three. Practically his first words to me on the phone were, "why didn't you call me?" I do not get that at all. Why would I call him if he won't even get the message for a day or two?

I do have email access to him and I send him short messages from time to time. He does respond to those on evenings and weekends.

puckyjan, I'm sorry you're feeling without the support you need right now. That sounds really hard that you got put on hold at the Crisis Line. What does your T suggest for these times?

My pdoc is available during office hours and on a rotating call schedule. He always goes the extra mile to return my calls.

My T is always available via email. I have never actually tried to call her because I always just send her an email. I think she would probably return a call....I hope...

My last t also had the beginnings of MS. she said no email or calls on Sunday (to all clients) so she could rest. It took her several days to respond as it was.

WIth my current t, she doesn't check messages until around midnight and sometimes calls back the next day. If it is urgent, she also knows that I am up until about 11:30 pm so she has called once at 11:30 and once at 9:30 pm. but she doesn't like to call late. She doesn't often return calls just out of sheer lack of time. Sometimes she will return emails.

Another venue is the GoodSamaratins -you can call or if you have 12-24 hours time to wait you can email.
best to you!!

I have a new T, but I think if I called she would call me back. She works in conjunction wth my pdoc. My pdoc has been doing therapy with me for the last year and a half after an overdose until I finally got up the courage to connect with another T & she (my pdoc) gave me her cell phone # to call anytime-even to call if I needed encouragement to do my exercise ! (she is determined for me to exercise daily for 30 min. & has "prescribed" it along with my other meds).

My pdoc has also accompanied me (no charge) to my internal medicine doc when I needed a physical but was freaking out about being in the waiting room as I had panic attack there before & was cancelling my appts. for my physical trying to avoid that waiting room. Talk about a caring doc!! I'm so lucky. She also knows her meds!--Suzy

good luck with everything, i dont have one and that is actually a really good question.

This is so weird, but I'm seeing it from the therapist's perspective for the first time. I have so few clients right now, that I have thought I could be available pretty much round the clock. I don't sleep at normal times anyway. I do get calls from staff late at night about client crises, and I try to talk them through it.

Clients don't have my phone numbers though. They would have to go through someone else to call me. A client has been kind-of hinting about wanting my phone number. Something inside me told me that giving it to her would be poor boundaries, and I have to model good boundaries for her. I gave her a card with the office number on it, that has the typical recording during off hours about using emergency services if it is an emergency. I would eventually get a message and get back to her if she left a message at that number.

She told me in a session that she had a really bad weekend and wanted to kill herself and would have called me if she had my number. I went over options for getting help when she needs it with her. But it has made me think about what would happen if she did have my number. I really think that she would get into the habit of calling me whenever. If she called me at the time that she wanted to, she might have called at about the time that I was in therapy, or maybe just getting out of my session. I would not be able to switch roles efficiently enough to be there for her right at that time. I can be there for her during her hour, but pushing the boundaries would seriously interfere with my ability to be what she needs me to be in the future. I have a new appreciation for these kinds of boundaries.

I am also starting to see why it would be a problem to have a friendship outside of the therapeutic relationship. Even with a client that I could easily enjoy having as a friend, now that I know the deep and dark things about her, and my role is to help her with those things, to try to make it a two-way relationship even after terminating would be very awkward. It's too bad, because in other circumstances, we could be friends. I like her. Now I have to re-think my wish for my therapist to be a friend. I need her as a therapist, and it's too bad, because I like her too. I wish I could hang out with her after hours, but it would be so awkward. For both of us.

My T makes himself ridiculously accessible to me. I can leave him messages or emails whenever I want and he will always respond. Sometimes he even responds if I say, "You don't need to respond." I don't know what "after hours" means with my T, but if you are asking if he calls me when he is not physically in the office, yes, all the time. Plus, he reads and sends all emails from home because there is no internet access in the office.

Like Rapunzel, I can also look at it from a Ts perspective. At my agency, we do not have any after-hours correspondence with our patients. I carry a caseload of over 115 patients, so that would be just a bit out of control. They can call me anytime they want, but I can only get back to them when I am actually in the office. They are provided and educated with resources in case there is an after-hours emergency. It is hard for me because there is very little time in my day as T to even go to the bathroom, let alone call a patient to speak with them for any length of time. So far, I have not encountered this more than once or twice because I am just getting to know all of my patients. I am meeting them for the first time, and so far, I have initial-session patients scheduled into the last week of June. I imagine as I get to develop a relationship with the patients who come on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, phone calls will begin to pop-up more and I will have to find a way to allow time for that.

I finally understand why our T's sometimes simply might not have the time to get back to us. The other day, my T called me and he said it was literally the only time in the entire day he had to make the phone call-- now I see why! I know he doesn't have 115+ patients, but he does a lot of out-of-office things as well-- talks, workshops, groups, things like that.

I have no idea how many patients my T sees, but I can only hope they all aren't as needy as me, otherwise he would never get to sleep, lol.

Rap, I think you've come a long way. No, the dual relationship is tough in any sense of the word. It wasn't allowed for quite some time, and only became somewhat acceptable due to very small towns and the need for therapists! It isn't the ideal situation though.

Anyone can imagine how it would be to be a friend of a doctor, but what happens to the therapeutic relationship? Friendship puts an extra strain on the therapist, and it weakens the effect of the therapist's knowledge and expertise for the patient/client.
(AND who hasn't wished they didn't know so much about a person that they used to like until they found out!?)

Never forget that the patient/client might be testing you to see if you can hold good boundaries. They might have some serious stuff to share, and are building their trust base. If you're a pushover for the simple rule of "no calling me at home," then how will you fare with the more serious issues?

Everyone will have their own opinion on these matters. I hold to mine for good reason.

My therapist... is avaiable.. via an answering service - but only on a very emergency basis... like... the extreme.... and I have called a couple of times.. and said.. this is an emergency.. and he called right back...

mostly.. though... we have an agreement... that I use my pdoc.. for.. the "oh don't want to live"... type of emergency... because he works for an hospital... and staff is always available...

and e-mails... are out.. which for me is ok...

My T's answering machine has the standard 'if this is a life threatening emergency call 911'. I've never called her wanting her to call me back to talk on the phone. I hate talking on the phone so at this point I can't imagine wanting that! The one time I called to ask for an extra session she called back within a couple hours and squeezed me in to her schedule the next day. That built my trust up a lot. The only other times I've called are due to scheduling issues and she always has called back that day or within 24 hours.

Personally, I wouldn't want to exchange emails with my T. It is to easy for things to get misunderstood via email.

Oh I think being available... and providing a way to contact is quite professional. What I was referring to is giving out your home number to patients, and allowing them to call you.

My pain T calls me within 5 minutes usually when he isn't holding office hours, and in his next break if he is. I can leave all the messages I need to, and even fax if I wish. He doesn't email, but neither do I. I have all his numbers, home, cell, his wife's cell too? because I have them for my phone with a special ring (I don't answer my phone when I'm in pain flare so I need to know when it's him) but I have them listed as DNC (Do not call!) for myself.
Even so, I would never call him on his personal numbers... well, never is a long time. I think right after Hurricane Wilma, and so many phones out, he did have me call his home number one time, but that was HIS direction.

For those new Ts without any answering service of their own, IDK. If you have a cell phone, and voice mail... and on a particular weekend the client is really having difficulty... IDK you have to make your own decisions.

My T offered phone calls to me. I can call her as often as I wish and leave any kind of message. If it's urgent (my discretion) I can call her on her cell. When I leave a message and want her to call me back, I tell her in the message and she will call when she can. She always returns my calls when I ask and several times has called even when I didn't ask. I love that I can pick up the phone and connect with her at any time of the day or night, as leaving a message makes me feel connected.

We always discuss the content of the call(s) at the next session so it is really very helpful.

I love that she offered this to me.
I can remember how surprised and how cared for I felt when she said
"How would you like to be able to call me between sessions?"

my current t did send me out with her cell # because she wanted me to reach out before the alters SIed. But then she was never around when the call was made, which later we talked about. So i've not used it in ... well, I was going to say "ages" but really, 7 weeks (after SIing the last time, knowing she would not answer). She does call when she can or when she is worried. She even called on Mother's day which was a big surprise.

My T has given me his home number in case I ever need him. I've not used it but once in the 6 years I've seen him. Was when I was home alone and woke up with a night terror that caused an asthma attack. Most times I try and call the office and they call him to call me. ( he only see's patents part time. He has another job during the day. ) But he's really good about calling and checking on me if I'm having a hard time. Will call each day to check on how things are going. I'm very lucky to have found a T that helps so much.

This is a source of tension in our therapeutic relationship. We've never discussed what is okay, I plan to ask on Wed.

Much better to just ask upfront and get the rules so to speak. I learned this the hard way.

Once in awhile he calls back, other times he "didn't get the message"... so protect your feelings and ask is the best advice I can offer.

My T is available M-F from 8 to 5. If I leave her a phone message during those hours she always calls me back if I request it. The clinic is connected w/ the hospital so after hours the message gives the hospital emergency number. I have often called after hours just to hear the answering machine so I feel safe and know eventually she will be there.

Sky said, "Never forget that the patient/client might be testing you to see if you can hold good boundaries."

That is so true. When I was with my former male therapist boundaries felt really blurry--he made me feel like I was special to him and he would call me sometimes just to see how I was doing (once on a Saturday). As much as I loved the attention a part of me was confused and frightened by it as I have a SA history. I don't think I ever felt truly safe with him because there weren't strong clear boundaries and something about it felt vaguely innapropriate. With a female therapist this probably wouldn't have been an issue for me. So I think what Sky said is REALLY IMPORTANT.
* *Just to be clear: My therapist was VERY ETHICAL and appropriate but I needed very firm boundaries and I wasn't able to articulate how the dynamics were affecting me. Also, I'm not saying having a caring, available T is a bad thing but for certain clients it may be better to limit any extra contact.

Ugh. I actually called my T yesterday morning and left a message saying how I was feeling - I was in a bad spot and just wanted to get it out. I didn't know whether to ask for him to call me back, since it was Saturday. I told him on the message I'm not sure what the rules are on the weekend. Then I called back later and asked him if he could just leave a short message on my voicemail, so I could have that point of connection with him.

He hasn't called. For all I know, he's out of town and hasn't checked his messages. Or maybe he checked and doesn't want to wear his therapist hat on the weekends. I've asked him before what the "rules" are, and he's told me that I can call his voice mail and/or e-mail as many times a day as I want/need to. He seems to really mean that. He says he will respond IF I ask him to specifically. I try not to ask, because I find the wait excruciating. And he's made it clear that sometimes he won't be able to get back to me right away for one reason or another and I'm not supposed to get all freaked out about it.

But of course, that doesn't make it any easier not to feel kind of freaked out. Ugh, therapy.

Noooooooooo kidding, EM! The wait could kill a person. The last time I was in a bad spot and trying to not SI i finally called a crisis line, needing someone to REAL to pick up the phone.

This is a terrific thread. My T is terrific. I don't have after hours contact with her, but if I do need something and call during the day or even at night, she will check her voicemail the next day and get back in touch with me. Over Memorial Day weekend I was in a bad way and I had called her on Friday and she called me back right away. She then proceeded to check on me at least once a day thereafter from home even though it was a holiday weekend. I appreciate her time and felt bad about her calling, but she did it on her own, I didn't ask her to. We have a great therapeutic relationship even without my being able to get ahold of her after hours.

Right now I only have T's office number/email and she is only available Tues & Wed 9-530ish (sometimes not even that late).

I used to have her home number until she moved. I've asked for her new one but at that time it wasn't set up yet. I think it is now. I haven't asked though, I figure if she wants us to have it she'll give it to us.

I've only called her home in emergencies (twice in the last year and a half) and always felt guilty for doing so.

I hate that I don't have it. It's not that I would use it, it's just the comfort that if it came down to it, I had a way to contact her. I worry she thinks we'll abuse it or something, tho we never have before.

She said when I first met her that she'd rather us call her at home in a crisis/emergency and let her know then waiting for hours on end and torture ourselves. I guess that philosophy has changed since she is about to retire.

Sigh.