[pachyderm]

Anyone have any suggestions on how to train our therapists to be better people, handle our problems more helpfully, and gain more satisfaction and happiness in their own lives? Maybe fresher, brighter, more glowing skin, too...

Great idea!

Let's also train them to take less time off, be more available outside of business hours....hum....what else. Oh, it would be great if they could read our minds to spare us having to blurt out the hard stuff!

Oh, the possibilities....

[ECHOES]

I dunno, but first they have to read Yalom and adopt his practice of touching his patient at every visit and making home visits. (wait, looking around this joint--maybe not the home visit )

I think I would like them to trust us more. Trust our intellect and share more directly what they know about how the mind works so we can think about that and how it applies to us.

How to make their lives more satisfying? I can't think of anything that could be more satisfying than having me as her patient. Maybe if I was a twin?

I know they know the imbalance of the relationship but I don't think they always understand what it looks like from 'our chair'. I think maybe each session should begin with T stepping up onto a pedestal for a minute or two, to fully understand how we see them.

[MissCharlotte]

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suggestions on how to train our therapists to be better people, handle our problems more helpfully, and gain more satisfaction and happiness in their own lives? Maybe fresher, brighter, more glowing skin, too...

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LOL -- When i hear the word train I think of two things. One is my dog and how I give her a little biscuit when she sits. However, I don't think T would perform for dog biscuits so perhaps some kind of reward, like a nod of approval or a smile when he gets it right?

The other thing was when my kids were little, and I rewarded them for going in the potty.
I gave prizes from the dollar store for making it. Hmmmm, maybe we could make up coupons for some kind of "T" rewards. You know, like those corny coupon books that you can buy for valentines day -- they have things like "one free backrub" or "one day of driving." Then when they "get it right" we could give them a coupon!

What would the T Reward Coupons say?

.............This coupon good for one session where client does not cry

.............This coupon good for one session where client doesn't show up and you charge her.
..........This coupon good for one session where client is able to state her needs matter of factly

and so on

[little*rhino]

well, i can't train T to be a better person... he's damn close to ideal as it is, annoyingly so sometimes He does get grumpy if my "issue" is stated so that it sounds like it's *his* issue.. which is an issue.

come to think of it though, i think i am training him.. i just don't know for what.. i bring him a chocolate every session, except the session in which i bring him cookies or something else i made. Maybe that big smile he gives me when he sees me is a conditioned response to cookies? Nah, better not to think about it.

Miss.. how about one that says "this coupon good for one session in which you can put on headphones while the client blathers on about something you're sick of hearing?" i don't know though, as bad as he might want that his sweet tooth is so bad i think he'd hold out for the chocolate frosted vanilla cupcakes! hahahaha.

pach.. the T's that don't fall into the trap of tuning people out... those are the ones who learn from their clients and really do become better, more compassionate people. My theory, and i have one because the whole issue fascinated me, is that the techniques or concepts used to help protect them from becoming enmeshed, etc, well, they are delicate and if not properly used then the T can become less compassionate without even noticing. It is easy to construct a fake "duck blind" and distance oneself more and more. It's tough to work in a field in which being too vulnerable would destroy you... tough to find that line.

[sunrise]

Ha, my T needs to learn to check his voice mail messages at least every other day. And respond to them. And he needs training on how to access emails sent after 8 pm. (I gave him some training on this last time.)

But he doesn't need training on how to be a better person, because he is as good as it gets. And he certainly doesn't need work on how to have more satisfaction and happiness in his live. He has told me he is at over 90 right now out of 100, so he don't need no training on this.

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This coupon good for one session where client does not cry

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">lol, my T is the opposite. He needs a coupon for one session where the client does cry.

[Kiya]

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ECHOES said:...and making home visits. (wait, looking around this joint--maybe not the home visit )

I think maybe each session should begin with T stepping up onto a pedestal for a minute or two, to fully understand how we see them.

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TOTALLY!!!!! I 'echo' those statements completely.

[pachyderm]

Although I introduced this topic in a joking way, I am also serious about it. I need more suggestions on the right way to handle the "problem".

[Angel_of_the_Past]

Please don't take this wrong; but all the education doesn't make them the clinician they are. Education is very important! But in order for them to "talk the talk" personal experience needs to come into play-ie on some level they need to have "walked the walk".

Example: I knew this surgeon (great surgical skills but very poor people skills); he put his patients through "HELL" post-op. Very little pain meds, aggressive PT the whole nine yards.

Then one day on a skiing trip he broke both legs. Well to make a long story short; after surgery and extensive rehab he's a changed man for the good. He has learned to merge his book learning with his personal experience to enhance his care giving skills.

Also, with anything that has to do with human beings, it's not a "9 to 5" job. We need lots of support in the off hours.

They also need to be mindful of their own self care. If they don't practice self care they will be of no use to us. (My own problem here-I don't do this well at all-but I'm learning).

I could keep going but the post would be too long, hope this much helps!

[chaotic13]

I don't know about making my T a better person, because the more I think about our exchanges the more I realize how impossible her job really is.

As for trying to improve the way she handles my problems, maybe doing one of the body/life exchanges seen in the movies. Then she would see the types of things I am dealing with on a daily basis. Or maybe I need to wear a small spycam complete with commentary on the thoughts that continually play in my head. Maybe this would include a live 2-way feed, so she could interject helpful comments and provide tips during stressful interactions.

Mind reading superpowers would also be very helpful.

Seriously, in my therapy the most helpful thing I could do to improve how my T is helping me is for me to stop denying and dismissing myself and actually discuss what I think I want.

[Angel_of_the_Past]

I kinda like the "spycam" thought, but for me it would have to be a "endoscopic cam" so she could see the inside of me. The 2-way feed, that I'll have to give thought to. Very interesting concept!

[(JD)]

One way to help your therapist help you better is to communicate with them. "TALK, ASK, TRY."

Another way is to find the good in them and dwell on those things, rather than finding all their faults. (Finding faults could be a way of resisting therapeutic help, btw.)

[MissCharlotte]

Chaotic's spycam made me smile because once I told T I wished I could "hot sync" my brain to his so he would be able to see and hear what's going on inside my head.

Anyway, Pachy I think SKy is on the right track here. The only thing that has helped me is to try to be as honest as I can with T so he will know how I feel. He is intrinsically a good person, just boneheaded at times. So, sometimes I feel so completely frustrated because I think he doesn't get it and I feel bad. When that happens I try again..sometimes from a different angle and often at a different time. Hey...he's not the only one who can change a subject in session now is he? The more we can help them to experience our feelings, the more empathic they can be. In fact, you did just this on this thread when you came back and told us you needed less humor and more problem solving!!

Good luck.

[sunrise]

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_Sky said:
Another way is to find the good in them and dwell on those things, rather than finding all their faults.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I have to agree with this, and really, my desire to have my T be better with phones is a minor "complaint." (I don't even like talking on the phone to people, so I don't really desire significant phone contact with him.) He is so great in session, so attuned, and has helped me so much, that the phone thing is a small blip in our relationship, and something I would never make an issue of or drop him because of this or say "he's a bad T" because of this. I tend to just shrug that off and even smile and roll my eyes, and think fondly, "typical" for my techno-phobic, somewhat disorganized and absent-minded T.

So, good advice, Sky!

[Sannah]

Which problems with your T are you specifically talking about?

[pachyderm]

I don't think I will suggest or try to make my T break both his legs...

[pachyderm]

> Which problems with your T are you specifically talking about?

I guess what he does reminds me of one thing my mother used to do -- and when I am feeling more incapacitated it just about destroys therapy. That is, he talks too much. Just about everything I say he has a rejoinder for. He has a very hard time keeping quiet and listening to me. My thinking is often disjointed, and it takes a while, even when I am by myself and have hours to compose myself, to put my thoughts together and begin to have insights into what is going on. It is only when I am operating "well" that I have the ability to override his tendency to say something every time I say something, or have the ability to tell him that he needs to let me talk. And when I do, I do not think he really understands it, at least over the short term. It has not changed his behavior much. He has needs, I think, that override seeing my needs. And telling someone that is not a very good way of changing the situation. My mother, of course, found any suggestion of error on her part to be intolerable. For me when I was small (I guess I am not any more) it seemed life-threatening to challenge her in any way -- she thought she was being challenged/threatened even when she was not.

I actually am learning in spite of, and maybe because of, this problem. I learn to understand, I think, why he does what he does and why it has the effect on me that it does. I learn to work it out on my own. But in the bad times it is very frightening for me to have my mind stalled and he does not do anything to reassure me.

It is very interesting for me to discover how many people are not very aware of themselves and how they affect other people. I really would like to meet some people with a lot of self-awareness, but I don't. I AM finding it easier to cope with that, since (I think) my own self-awareness is increasing. It would be nice to have more people to share that with.

[pegasus]

So T's need to listen more.

I suggest you share your above reply with your T. Print it out and show him.

[Sannah]

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pachyderm said:
I guess what he does reminds me of one thing my mother used to do

For me when I was small (I guess I am not any more) it seemed life-threatening to challenge her in any way -- she thought she was being challenged/threatened even when she was not.

I actually am learning in spite of, and maybe because of, this problem. I learn to understand, I think, why he does what he does and why it has the effect on me that it does. I learn to work it out on my own.

But in the bad times it is very frightening for me to have my mind stalled and he does not do anything to reassure me.

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Wow, Pachy, you are self-aware! I think that self-awareness is so important too.

[pachyderm]

> Wow, Pachy, you are self-aware!

I am amazed at how my awareness is increasing...

[pachyderm]

Wit increasing awareness comes increasing awareness of fear. And a distinct tendency to dissociate in order not to be aware of that.

[Sannah]

I can understand that! You know, though, I'll bet all of this fear that you have is just leftovers from the past. Your current environment I'll bet is pretty safe. I had to work through this. It is just training your mind that the fears that you feel are just in your memories. Focus on the security that you have in the present. It is basically retraining your mind.

[pachyderm]

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Sannah said:
I can understand that! You know, though, I'll bet all of this fear that you have is just leftovers from the past. Your current environment I'll bet is pretty safe. I had to work through this. It is just training your mind that the fears that you feel are just in your memories. Focus on the security that you have in the present. It is basically retraining your mind.

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It's from the past, all right. But nowadays especially when just I wake up it seems as though it is in the present.

[Fuzzybear]

[Perna]

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pachyderm said:
Although I introduced this topic in a joking way, I am also serious about it. I need more suggestions on the right way to handle the "problem".

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Pachy, I don't know that you want to "care" so much about what your T is doing. You can use any behavior at all from them, whether you like it or not; going to T is to get better at listening to yourself. You have to live with you, not T. How would you train yourself better?