Is it really normal to breakdown in therapy?

Most of you know that I had a session like that this past week and that my T says it's ok and normal.

I think it would make it easier for me to accept if I knew of others who had done the same. I don't cry in front of people but have shed little tears in the session before. However, this past session I had to hide myself, the tears poured; I could barely breath and was shaking.

Has anyone else ever had this happen in session before, if so did it happen more than once?
I don't know why I fear it happening again, maybe I just need it normalized.

Hi Hanginon, my therapy was on and off over a decade. I would find a therapist, go for a bit until things settled down and then was on my own working on what came up until the next issue came up and I found another therapist for help. That first session with each new therapist (I don't hold back!) I cried the entire session, releasing all of my pain over the new issue that came up. Yeah, so I broke down..........

Wow your brave Sannah.
I went to my first T for a year then started with this new one 5 months ago, and this was the first session where I ever cried like that.

Was it easier for you to open up to a new T during the first session because there was no relationship yet, then as you progressed and there was a relationship it was too hard to do in front of them?

My T was really great and supportive, I couldn't have asked for more support during the incident, yet, thinking about next session is already getting to me. I don't know why I am so nervous about it. I am sure I will get through this next session like any and am worrying myself for nothing.

I've broken down in a major way a few times. It really varies according to the session. . .anything from no tears. . .to a few tears . . . to silent steady crying. . .to blubbering. . .to anguished cries from the soul that make it hard to draw a breath. Since I try so hard to be in control and reserved with my emotions, I do feel surprised and concerned after I really let go and wail. Strong emotions actually still really scare me. But I think it's normal.

Peaches,
That is so me, I need to be in control of everything. Maybe it's the thought that I couldn't hold back at that point and that the emotions just pushed their way through that scares me.

One of my big fears that I shared with my T at the beginning of starting therapy is the fear of losing control....

It really wasn't braveness! One therapist told me that my emotions are right there. I wear my feelings on my sleeve. Maybe my growing up experiences were such that I didn't have to stuff my feelings? Believe it or not I never had a "relationship" with any of my therapists! I looked at it as a business relationship. They were being employed to help me......

So are you afraid of this next session because you think that you are going to "break down" and let more out?

We posted at the same time and I see that you sort of already answered my question here. What bad thing will happen if you lose control?

Yes Sannah
That is what I worry about. I don't like to lose control like that...

I don't know, maybe it's the fear of the unknown.
Growing up my emotions where the only thing I could control. I couldn't control the people who hurt me. Being able to control my emotions was where I got my strength, losing that control meant that someone won.....

I've got the opposite problem. I WISH I could break down in therapy. I never even shed a tear in about 15 yrs. of therapy with different Ts. I wish I could have! I've fantasized about it happening, but I can't get close to crying. I'm very inhibited. As soon as I've left my T's office and gotten out of the door, or in my car, I've burst into tears. Often. I just hold back. I often thought it would be a big breakthrough if I cried in therapy, but my T said I don't have to cry for therapy to be effective. Just thought you might be interested in a different perspective.

Good insight........ Can you see how this applied when you were child but that it doesn't really apply anymore?

Hanging on -

I also have had breakdowns in therapy. Anywhere from crying softly the whole entire session, to sobbing hysterically and wanting to hide because I couldn't control myself.

I don't particularly like it, and I especially hate feeling that the T is the audience, watching me in so much emotional pain......... It is kind of embarassing, but at times it is necessary, and I always assume that Ts have seen it all anyway. At least I hope so.....

(((((((((Hangingon))))))))))

((((((hanginon))))))

I think it's "normal". I also think, like rainbow8, it is "normal" not to.

I didn't cry in therapy for a long time. Then after awhile my eyes would well up but no tears would fall. Then I would shed a tear or two. After a year or so with my former T I would often have sessions where I just sobbed. Other times I would talk about some really difficult things and then hold my tears in while in the room then go to my car and sob. Since my most recent T issue, finding a new T, interviewing new T's, going to a new T saga, I don't care who sees me cry. I have cried everywhere, in every form, all over town by this point.

And now with my new T I have pretty much picked up where I left off with my old T as far as crying goes. I cry all of the time in session. Sometimes hard, sometimes not, sometimes I cry a lot after...I have a lot of tears from a lot of old wounds (and new ones too) and I am getting nothing out of holding them in at this point.

In fact, I think I deserve to have a good cry. I sure wasn't allowed to cry about the things I needed to, that warranted tears, when I was small.
I have begun to think of crying as both a cleansing of all of that old stuff and also a reclamation of what I didn't get as a child.

Once I started crying during therapy (it took about 3-4 months), then I did so fairly regularly. My emotions became totally free when I was with my T. I think the fact that you've allowed yourself to be vulnerable with your therapist really says a lot about trust. It says a lot about the growth of your relationship and it says a lot about you that you're now allowing that part of yourself be seen. Being vulnerable means you're willing to take that risk with your T...you're releasing some of your pain... you're expressing yourself...you're being open.

Sometimes all I would have to do is look in T's eyes briefly and the floodgates would open. It was almost as if I was saying to him, " You know me. I don't want to hide anymore. I'm willing to share my pain with you." I found it to be very cathartic. It was a relief to know that I could relax and just be me. Ironically enough, the hardest crying I did in all of my therapy was during my first good-bye session with my T. I was literally hysterical for most of the hour...

I think it's an important step and definitely very normal.

I missed this the first time around. I think it's important to remember that everyone is different and that everyone has different temperaments and different needs in therapy. I tend to be a very emotional person anyhow. The first time I cried during therapy was basically just from T stroking me with his tender voice. That special tone went right to the pain and turned me to mush. I agree, though, that therapy can be effective without tears...and effective is what matters in the end.

Oh, yeah. It is supposed to be the safe place to do so. My T is used to my letting out my tears, my rage, and everything else. Don't be embarrassed. Just let it go. And after a while, it'll let you go.

YES and YES! It took me a long time to cry in therapy but now I cry regularly, and when I need to. It is normal, and healthy. I think the reason it took a long time was because it took all that time for me to truly feel safe within the relationship.

Once I cried so much and so hard that T had to ask the next person to wait 15 minutes.

So, yeah, it's okay.

Just echoing what everyone said here. It probably took me...a year? maybe?...before I really SOBBED in therapy. I was just SO sad. Before that, there were probably a few times when tears rolled down my cheeks, but not that all out, letting go, sobbing.

Now I cry when I need to. Usually. I was terrified that I would totally lose control if I started crying, but I haven't.

The first time I really sobbed in therapy, we did process it during the next session. Talked about how it felt, etc.

I never, ever, EVER thought I would cry in therapy. EVER. Because I don't cry! But I guess now I do. And that's okay.

hangingon, yes I have cried in session with my therapist. I don't like to call it "breaking down", though. That seems negative to me and makes it sound like something to be avoided (I'm very sensitive to language!). I think of it as "sharing my feelings" with T. That sounds very positive to me and like something I should want to do. And I do.

After I learned to be able to cry in session, later I was able to express some other feelings. Like anger (rarely, but occasionally!), and joy. It is wonderful to be able to share joy and happiness with my T. But the sadness and pain came first.

Do you think tears always have to precede that others? I'd really like to by pass the first 2 and skip to the happiness/ joy share.

I'm pretty resourceful.If crying is required.. maybe I can find a way to cry via email :-)

No, I wouldn't say always. It could just be that is how it was for me. I'm especially dysfunctional at expressing anger--some people might be able to do that first. As far as joy goes, I think for a long time it never occurred to me to share positive things with T. (Plus, I wasn't having too many positive things in my life.) But yes, I think sharing pain/sadness/tears did have to precede sharing joy for me. I had to release some of the pressure by beginning to let the negative out, and that made it easier for positive to follow. (You know, when the baby is born, it works best if the head comes out first, and then the rest of the body slips on out more easily.) I also had this image of "therapy" in my mind that wasn't consistent with sharing the positive. I thought of therapy as working through problems, painful happenings both past and present, etc. Not talking about positive things and sharing joy, happiness, etc. I think the very first time I shared anything positive with my T was about a year and a half ago when I told him about a class I was taking. I really liked this class, was learning a lot, was synthesizing knowledge from several fields, and was also transferring part of what I was learning into my personal life. T caught some of my enthusiasm and excitement. At the end of our session he thanked me sharing this with him and said he hoped I would share more "things like that." At the time, I interpreted this to mean he wanted to hear more about my class, but now, looking back, I think he was telling me it was OK to share excitement and enthusiasm with him and positive things from my life.

In the beginning I spent entire sessions crying. Apologizing and crying. Unable to even talk. She kept telling me it was okay and was a nonverbal way of being there.
Everything is significant.

Very interesting comment! Last week my T mentioned after my session that it was nice to see me laugh.I think I often have the few that therapy is not supposed to be a pleasent experience.

Speaking as one who will not permit herself more than one tear to leak out in front of T, no matter how much it costs to keep "control", I could really use a sleeve like that. Where did you get it?

seriously - I admire your ability to express feelings. It has to be a very healthy thing, and one that is not easily learned.

It is not only very normal, it is a very important part of therapy. I think at some point you have to break down, be emotional. I have not done it yet and I see that it as a very difficult thing to do but I am sure I will. I will have to if individual therapy is going to work.

I have gotten very upset including tears in couples therapy. Couples is much more difficult and we have the same therapist for both individual and couples which I am sure complicates the situation but that is not a good example.

Xtree