What's wrong with me?

I feel like I sabotage any relationship I get into subconsiosly then I feel sad and pitty once he doesn't want to be with me anymore.....

I know I'm putting so much thought into it and I hate to admit that, but I want to learn at least....Also, I'm getting crazy of thinking obsessevely about it....I don't feel sad or depressed, but I can't stop the thoughts....

Now that I think back, I was complaining and questioning everything from up front so quickly without knowing him at the very begining of the relationship and that's what everything goes wrong....

It's sad when you feel for somebody, but things don't go well

sorry folks for bugging again....

I'm trying to forget and move forward, but tired of the same cycle starting again....getting so disappointed, although I don't want negetive thoughts coming to me, but it's hard to push them back....

Thanks
Marjan

SLOW is the ingredient that is needed here.... learn to back off and let the relationship bloom as it should, not forced or rushed. Guys don't like to feel as though they are being overly questioned or put on the spot for a possible marriage invitation on the fist, second or even tenth date.

Thanks for your respond Rhapsody....

That's not my case....I wasn't thinkng about marriage stuff at all or asking about it....I was gettng upset when things weren't going the way I wanted....and I agree with you about the SLOW process....It was so quick, then me not knowing him thinking that he's going out or flirting...He's still not dating anybody so far....
I think I hurt myself overly by thinking so much....I'm so tired....I'm not able to sleep....can't remember when was the last time, I fall asleep without taking pills
My brain is so tired....I'm so afraid that I'm losing my time, but what the heck....I can't do anything about it really....

thanks again
MT

If you don't mind me asking how lond were you with him, and what did he get so upset about?

Well...on and off around 6 months....the first month was very good, then I wanted to break up, then he wanted me and we stayed together for another month, then he got mad at me and he left, but I don't think he wanted to break up, I just didn't answer his text messages back....then we saw each other and he persuaded me....anyway, make the story short, he is not my problem, he's just somebody in my life for very short period....I'm just mad at myself to let my thoughts and my obsession to kill me....
I know for sure that he's not for me....He has so many girls around him and I can't handle it....I have to admit that I'm a jealous type of person and that's why I can't handle it....
I'm trying to work on my jealousy which has ruined most of my relationships.....
I'm just questioning myself, why things go wrong?
thanks
Marjan

I sabatoge subconsciously too. I know how you feel. As I grew closer to turning 50, I began feeling obsessive thoughts about believing that I was too old to ever find love. ( I'm still feeling that way ) I think we need to feel good about where we are ourselves first, and accept whatever fate has lined up for our future, and not depend on what we think, or wish it could be.

Thanks for your reply....I think it's good that we are recognizing our mistakes and issues....that's the first step towards knowing ourselves...
ya...we can get to the negetive thoughts about our age, but age is all reletive!
I have a friend who is in her early 50s and got married for the third time to a doctor and she's very happy....When she told me about her life story which was really sad and challenging, she ended up this way....Oh Marjan, it took me 52 years to find love of my life! and she's very happy....
So, we never know! I think we don't have to lose our hope that's all it matters....
Today, I woke up and I felt I don't care about anything really...He was a jerk and I don't need him in my life...He will make my life misrable...at least now I have hope to find somebody else...I've been in a good relationship that I know how it feels when the man is really in love and I love him back...that's awesome....
We don't have to let negetive thoughts bother us....
Last night, I slept 8 hours and in the morning I felt so fresh and new...I think that's mostly missing from my life...yes...sleeping well...because I'm all about thinking thinking and then I don't get enough sleep and I'm tired and kranky the whole day...then I get sad and I make stupid mistakes....
Hope for having inner peace....I think I'm getting better by the time at least....
take care
Marjan

marjan,

I certainly don't feel like you're bugging. I think I know exactly how you feel to be obsessed about someone. I think you have an idea about how I am, since you have been so helpful to me recently.

Yes, it's very hard to push those negative thoughts back. I've been working on trying to change my self-talk. Sometimes I think it helps.

A few examples:

I choose what I do. I can choose to worry and I can choose not to worry. For right now, I choose to let any worrisome thoughts go.

I am in control of my own thinking and I think only those thoughts which create and fulfill the best in me.

For right now, I choose to let my mind only dwell on bright, cheerful and enthusiastic thoughts and ideas.

I choose to focus the attention of my mind only on those things that I can do something about. If I cannot affect it or direct it- I accept it.

I choose to think about only good, healthy, positive, constructive and productive thoughts.

I control the thoughts I choose. No thought, at any time, can dwell in my mind without my approval or permission.

I can continue to worry and obsess about this situation with ____ and that’s up to me. But I want and deserve to have peace of mind, so for right now, I choose to let these worrisome thoughts about _____ go.

Dwayne61

thanks Dwayne61...that's so true...we are choosing what to think about...
I've been okay today....even a little bit bright part of me shine up again....
I think thinking too much of having somebody in my life is killing me...so, I try not to think about it and think about all the good things that I have...and I will be fine....
I used to hidden him from my facebook, but now I unhide him....and I'm totally okay with it...
This is me who make decision to be happy or not....I can think about him as one of those past lovers I had whom I hate right now....for me, anybody in my past, except one person, were not worth thinking....and honesty, I always think how I spent time with them....so, Aaron would be another one....
I feel better now....
thanks
Marjan

I went to my class, and I wanted to go dancing in the club....most of students came to the club....Aaron came too....He tried his best to show that he doesn't care about me....Mostly, he danced with another girl who he know I don't like that much and he doesn't like her either....he just makes friendship with her to make me jealous....but interesting point is that I didn't care really....It was so good for me tonight, knowing that I don't like life like this...I can't spend my life in the clubs....I don't belong to it....he's not dating anybody for sure!
When I was leaving, he came and talked to me...he said, already leaving? I said ya...I'm so tired...I said I don't know how you guys can do that....I have to go to work tomorrow....he said, he goes dancing every night!!!
I said you don't stay at home at all? he said just sleeping....OMG....
Such a waste....I'm just thinking, why the guy that I like and I have Chimestry with should be this much waste!!!!
anyway....just wanted to tell somebody....
Tonight was the night that I made sure nothing will happen between us....I don't want or it's better to say, I can't spend my life in the corner of the clubs....That's too much....Best of luck to him....Hope I find that special smart person too....
Marjan

All I can say is ....YAY YOU, MARJAN!!

You have proven to yourself that you come first. What a wonderful progression.

The sweet thing about self-acceptance and betterment is, the more positive we apply to ourselves, the more we attract TO ourselves.

You mark my word...your positive WILL attract positive...it's only a matter of time. And the positive flow seems to come in a tsunamis. I so love that!

You are a wonderfully compassionate and giving person. Good things will come to you. How can they not with such a positive outlook such as yours?

Best wishes~

Shangrala

Thanks Shangrala, you are so wise...Thanks for couraging me...your reply brought tears to my eyes....Yes, I'm so compassionate....I feel love for everybody even those who are not good to me...That's why sometimes, I can't recognize between those who trys to harm me and those who loves me....
Last night was definitly end of the era for me....He tires to turn me on by dancing with me and looking into my eyes and pooling me close to himself and then he tries to ignore me....I'm tired of his childish game really....for god sake we are 35! See, now the question of age is coming up....no matter what age one can be, it can be either so imature or so mature!!!
For me, dancing and clubbing are just a hobby or exercise, but for him it's half of his life....after works he goes there...every single day....and weekend! I told him before that I don't see any future with him and I'm not in love with him...I know these are pissing him off so much....
Well....I was feeling so much stress and pain on my chest last night and in the morning and I wanted to get rid of it...that's why I cried...I forced myself to cry and I feel so light now....I didnt' cry for not having him at all...He's just a useless individule who's seeking happiness in wrong places...but if he's happy with that so good for him...I can't be happy like that....I can't get connected with those in the club at all...I'm highly educated and I read a lot....I enjoy intelectual conversation....
Last night, I found out I have to stay away from the places that he goes...but dance class is okay...he doesn't bother me there at least for now!
thanks again for your support....I'm sure time will be the best cure....
I might cry today, but laugh tomorrow....
with love
Marjan

Awwwww...

Crying is much like a summer rain. It washes away the haze that accumulates on our horizons, and provides us a fresh, clean view.
I encourage it whenever my view becomes obscured by my haze....Allows me to greet the new with laughter, (just like you said).

Loves~
Shangrala

True...I feel really better after crying this morning...lighter!
I got to stop being obsess about him, and cut all the connections, then I can go with my life...I don't need this much hazel...I think finally sign of maturity is shining in me
I want more stability in my life rather than chasing a loser! He keeps posting his pictures with this girl and that girl in the facebook....and he doesn't date any of those girls...just out of insecurity!
Well...finding the peace within oneself is not going to happen over night...I'm trying and trying to get to that point...

MT.