Can't shake the thoughts this week

LOL a little lesson in drugs for you... Speed is an amphetamine - so keeps you going/awake and feeling buzzed.. Ice is a meth amphehetamine.. similar results but more addictive from what I have heard... both can be either snorted (as with cocaine), put into a drink and drunk or injected into the veins...
I think that if you know the 'wrong' crowd then you have access to everything - plus being a drummer in a band probably doesn't help... musicians seems to be into drugs..

He moved from his home town 5 years ago to get 'clean'... and says that he has been since.

I'm not sure that I am seeing him today now.. have to think really hard about it. He says his anxiety and depression is really playing up and maybe I'm right in taking things slowly....Of course it has happened just when I decided that I did really like him haha - story of my life!!

Richard came over last night... we had a good talk about everything... from his anxiety and depression to my anxiety and depression (Mine is under control 99% of the time...he still goes through rough patches even though he's on meds too)
I like him, like really really like him I don't know if it's purely a re-bound thing or if there really is a chance for something more.. I think I could love this guy...
Have to see how it all goes I guess

Great ....I'm so happy for you....don't think about re-bound stuff....just enjoy your time and days with him....and try to build up this relationship without thinking about past.....

Good luck
Marjan

P.S. thanks for the info on drugs....wow....most of my friends are not even smoking....I didn't know how it goes....but I know it's more drug use between artists...so sad...but true....I've been in a camping trip with my friends...most people in the camp were using drugs and pills (extecy I guess!) I felt a bit uncomfortable, just feeling safer with my friends who are not into drug stuff....hehehe...

Thanks can't wipe the smile off my face today.... he's a guy that i actually WANT to spend time with rather than making excuses so that I have time alone..

I think we get pretty good drug and alcohol education here... I wouldn't know half of it if it wasn't in the newspapers! Never done more than smoke a little marijuana really when I was in high school...

That's awesome....It's great to see you happy....just live day by day and enjoy your current situation and relationship....

I'm suppose to go on a date tomorrow afternoon....he sounds like a nice guy....but I don't know what's going on in my mind even.....

take care and celebrate your happiness
Marjan

Take care Marjan and let us know how the date goes please

My problem now is that he wants to sort out his current bout of depression etc before committing to me... ahhhhhh... when I finally find someone that I like it all goes wrong!!
He doesn't want to put me through any of the problems that he has..

I spent a few hours with him last night tho.. just hanging out and cuddling watching TV... felt relationship to me.. I just don't know

On a sad note that has me crying Mark's Grandmother had a heart attack.. out of all the family of his.. I loved his grandparents the most.
She is in an induced coma and there is no change as of last night.
Would it be wrong for me to go visit? Mark has no issues with me going in but it feels a bit weird..

I didn't like my date at all....He was not for me and I kept it very short....I just stayed for half an hour....Honesty, what is with guys and lying about their height even....not that I'm into tall guys, but I hate lying!!! besides he was short, he had this bad smell....He wore clean clothes, but had flip flops on....I don't know, I didn't get attracted to him at all....so probably that's what it is....but he was so smart for sure....but not for me again....very negative and basically so boring....I really wanted to live ASAP....
not sure if there is any luck for me in dating scene!

well....Belle....you are asking us if it's right to go visit Mark's grandma....I think it's absolutely wrong....if she's in coma, she won't even understand that you are there...so what's the point then....but girl...I know you won't listen to me....hehehe....so, then do what you think it should be done.....

It looks like you fall in for guys when they are not available.....be careful with this new guy....I just don't want you to get hurt again....

take care and enjoy your dates with him
Marjan

I know!!! He was all wanting a relationship for the past 4 weeks.. and when I finally decide that maybe it would be okay he wants to get his head sorted out first... So yeah I'm confused again. If I hear "I need to sort my s**t out first" one more time I'm going to scream...
On the plus side we did really have a nice night last night... cuddling on the couch watching TV... it felt "relationship"... then today I go and get all confused again LOL

I was planning on waiting for Mark's grandmother to be awake before I went and visited... Out of all his family I go along the best with his grandparents... I did/do love them and I am very sad that she is not well....

Keep trying with the dating.. it's just a matter of playing with the numbers

I think it's just good if you don't talk about relationship with the new guy....and just enjoy your time with him without any future expectation....let the time figure out your future instead of trying to figure our your future by yourself....

and honesty, it's all about the game....when you were not available, he was...now you are available, he's not....oh...I'm tired of these kinds of games too...but that's how it works....all relationships have it like this....

I went to the dance class...a friend told me that Aaron has a new love....I just stopped him right away....I don't want to know about him at all....It made me feel a bit sad....although, I don't see him...I don't want him...but I don't want to know he is with somebody else while I'm still looking....I'm so happy I got rid of him from my mind....still he comes in my mind sometimes, but it's getting fade as I don't see him....such a bless....I think I should not go to the class anymore either....I have one more prepaid lesson and then after that I won't go....

take care of yourself...and don't over analyze this new relationship...just stay positive and enjoy....
M.

Thanks Marjan. i am having a pretty hard time just "enjoying" dating.. I didn't even want a relationship until I couldn't have one just yet.
My main thing at the moment is jealousy LOL I've never been jealous before and now everytime someone comments (well when a girl comments) on his Face Book I get jealous.. WEIRD. Perfered not caring hehe and just having fun!

Your jealousy is totally valid....you don't know him and your relationship has not been built up yet....that's why I hate to add the guy that I'm dating into my facebook....I'm keeping my facebook for just family and close friends....and I hide my wall to not have conflicts....there are too much into FB....I was so miserable and jealous when I broke up with Aaron and honesty I think he used FB to hurt me....when we broke up, he was just meeting girls and adding them to FB....before he was against of it all....I was the one more into FB....but he took a revenge from me....then I just deleted him and his friends to not see any of those photos or comments....and honesty, I'm happy with my choice....
If you want to have a relationship with this guy, remove him from your FB and tell him why....then you can add him when you guys have steady relationship....and you are not bugged by a random girl putting comments on his wall....
The guy that I dated yesterday didn't have enough photos on the online dating site (well probably if I was seeing more photos, I would not have gone out with him at all)....when I asked him for more photos, he said he can add me to his facebook....I said no....I'm glad that I didn't, because I didn't have any chemistry with this guy....argggg....I'm still even pissed of going out with him....I was so tired and preferred to have a nap rather than going out with this guy....he lied even about his height! sure his PHD was a fake too...hehehehe....he's telling me his from my city, then he had a thick accent....I said what your accent is from???? he denied to have an accent....gosh....it's like me speaking English as a second language denying having an accent....hehehehe.....
Belle....try to stay away from things that trigger jealousy or any other bad emotional feelings for you.....your peace of mind is more important than anything else....

take care and let us know how you are
xoxoxoxo
Marjan

Hi Marjan

You will look back on that date and smile.. cos the way you describe it I am laughing hehe It took me MANY dates to to find someone genuine.. and I think that I have (other than the guys that have become good friends)

We had a good chat last night.. turns out that he is more worried about sleeping with me than anything else.... wants it to be perfect and his current meds (effexor) cause some issues in that area... SO that's why he has pulled back.. this also has been causing him huge anxiety..
Told him I am happy to continue as we are.. cuddling and talking and kissing are more important at this stage than sex... he was so relieved!

I like him.. don't love him and don't know if I will but he is sweet, nice and I enjoy his company
I am seeing him friday night... just to watch dvd's and hang out - should be really nice and I am looking forward to it.

Marjan just keep dating as many different guys as you can.. think the right one is just around the corner xxxx

Seeing Richard tonight... looking forward to it but also have a nagging feeling about Mark's grandmother... he hasn't replied to my messages today and left the office early to go into the hospital. I am worried that she has passed away and I feel very sad

On an up side I am thinking of spoiling myself with a new car.... just that they are so expensive here... the one that I really want is over 40K (australian $) but have my eye on one that will only be about 30K... 'window shopping' for cars is on the menu for this weekend

Sanity are you out there?? Been ages since I heard from you. Might post on FB to check how you are....

Mark's grandmother is still alive but in a worse condition... I am sad, I really want to go and see her but feel it's too strange...

Richard got held up with his boss coming to see him (or some such story...) I just don't trust anyone anymore and it has me thinking that he was lying... am a liitle annoyed... so have said I am busy for the rest of the weekend... and can't catch up. It's sort of true as I have a lot on work that I need to work through at home... but more that I am angry...
He's texting sorry blah blah... and I noticed that he has taken his profile off the online dating site.. but I'm too annoyed to think anything good right now..

what about you? did you take your profile down from the site? I think you should not quite looking.....

He bascially told me today that he needs more time.. that he was crazy about me and I made him wait and now he's not so sure.. other than he's not ready to commit 100%... Like what the... He said it wouldn't have happened if we got into a relationship when we first met - that was not going to happen.
I have told him to sort his crap out.. deleted him from my phone and possibly my life.
(Just had coffee with a really nice mature, sensible, guy )

I am a bit hurt to be truthful... I really liked him - or started to really like him anyway and thought there was potential for a relationship - I was happier and now I am just confused again...

I have my own issues to deal with and don't need anyone elses for the moment...

Marjan, i am still on the dating site ... had been off it with a 'hidden' profile for a while cos I liked Richard.. but now am back in the game

I am sad

sweet heart....why are you sad?

I really think you should not get into any relationships till you feel happy inside.....trust me, you don't need a guy to stay happy....do what you like and find yourself....your inner side....
I know lots of people may have told you this before, but it's really true....
I've been like you before when I hit 32 and got divorced.....it took me years to understand how much is important to be comfortable with myself and not laying my happiness on a guy's shoulder.....

This guy, Richard, is a baby....good that you deleted his number.....I think you are so lucky to not have him at all.....he's a total baby who can't make up his mind....you need a mature guy who keeps his promises and not give you headache.....

I'm getting much better in my selection.....I know what I want and I don't go for anything less....It should be my match.....

Do you want to me to make you laugh? There is this guy who keeps sending me winks and emails....He's like 50 years old, oriental and he's a cook.....there is absolutely no match between us....nothing....from race to background to age to our daily activities and education and interests.....It's just a joke to me that he doesn't go for somebody to be his match at least....or he may not read my profile....and even I sent "no thanks" to his wink, but he still emails me.....I wish him a luck, but I think there are some people out there who just want to be with somebody.....and try their chances anyway.....

stay active and you will be fine....
with love
Marjan

P.S. I'm going for a short hike today....

Hi Marjan,

You did make me smile.. I get 'kisses' from guys in their late 40's early 50's too LOL It's like why?? Haven't you read my profile haha.

I guess that I had started to realy like Richard and was hoping it would turn into something more.
He said that if I had of just said 'yes' after the first few dates then we would be together and happy right now.. so am I weird for wanting to wait until I felt something back?
I feel that there is something a bit wrong with me wanting to take things slowly... and in a way I have only myself to blame. When I first met Richard I was still hoping that Mark would make up his decision.. so that's the main reason I wanted to slow things down with Richard... and now I have lost him too...
He feels that it went 'stale' with all the waiting - his wording not mine.. I don't really see the difference between what we were doing and a relationship other than possibly spending more time together...

I just feel that I screwed this up. He sees his T next week and hopes that it will help with his anxiety and depression.. and that maybe this is te cause of the loss of strong feelings.. but I doubt it - think like you said Marjan, he's a kid, he had a crush and when it was finally returned then he lost interest... the chase was gone or something - I don't know.

Just feeling so down atm... Yeah exercise would help but I have no motivation or will to move about.. just want to lie in bed and sulk

Have a lovely hike and enjoy the day xxooxx

((((((belle)))))

belle, i think wanting a relationship after 3 dates is waaaaay too soon. he was totally rushing it and you were wise to hold off. didn't he even say he was in love with you after a few dates? no offense to you but that's crazy. love doesn't happen in a few dates. this is exactly why it was smart of you to wait. you have seen that this guy is not very stable and doesn't know what he wants. don't give up girl!

Thank you Bloom
Hope you are doing well!

Yeah he is a bit unstable and did tell me he loved me after two dates.. it freaked me out a little but then when it's not there I am missing it.
Am sure it will only take a day or two to get over it... I ust started to really like him and it felt right with him is all...

thanks girl. i am doing really well. don't want to hijack but just to say i got prayer at my church for healing, and i so can't believe it, but i feel great! after 7 years of being sick i am kind of in shock but ecstatic.

glad to hear you think you'll bounce back quickly. it's always hard when guys come on strong and then disappear. i've been there.

I'm very agree with bloom3.....This guys is playing game...if he really likes you, then he should want you now even more than the first three dates....

Belle....you are better off without him....don't even think about him and look forward into your life....

The stupid guy on the online dating emailed me again today....OMG...that's insane....I sent him a reply back telling him WTF why are you keep emailing me and the same email....what do you think? there is absolutly nothing match between us...go find somebody who is your match....and I blocked him....argggg.....at least other guys don't persist on sending the same email over and over....he even doesn't write a new email...he just does copy paste.....hehehe....

((BELLE)) good days will come again....we don't know what is good for us....just go with the events in the life and you will be fine.....
please don't beat up yourself over Richard....

take care
Marjan

Bloom that is fantastic! I'm glad that you are feeling great xxooxx

Any anyone can hijack the thread.. it's all over th eplace anyway LOL

Marjan you made me laugh. love the WTF hehehe

Okay so I did something that probably wasn't wise but do I have to be wise all of the time??
I invited Richard over last night to hang out... and he came over... I thought I'd get a knock back but turns out that he does like me and we have fun together...
I think I did it as validation that I am attractive and that that wasn't the reason he had 'cooled' off so much..
Nice evening in the end. Am not hung up on him as I was and I think we could just continue as we are... which for the moment I am happy with...
Silly, silly, silly I know but it was a fun night and if it makes me feel good then is there any harm to it?... Am not emotionally involved in wanting a relationship with him anymore, don't even know that I was until he backed off... more of I want what I can't have...