Can't shake the thoughts this week

okay little update....
I have joined a different dating site (mainly because Richard had added me to his favorites on the other one so it shows him when I am online.. last on line.. changes to my profile etc).
The new site is completely free unlike the other one where you had to pay a nominal amount to be able to email the other person..

So far I have spoken with some genuine nice guys.. then some that are just after casual sex and finally one really weird guy.. Will tell the story because it is sort of funny.
The guy started off sounding normal (on IM chat).. sounded level headed, in a good job, liked what he did etc... about 15 minutes into the chat he started on that hw would tell a woman what to wear in the house - eg not very much but heels LOL... how a woman should be submissive etc.. haha.. he got right into explaining how he would be the boss at home blah blah..
I said that if he expected someone only to wear shoes and nothing more then he better hope he has good heating LOL
Then I blocked him

Any way back to the real life issues.... Richard and I are incontact... just as mates. he's down and it makes me sad. Offered a night of just chilling at mine watching dvds (nothing more.. not that it would happen anyway) and he said it was a nice offer... so that was a brush off and a half LOL

Am fighting with Mark at the moment and I don't really care... am sick of being so nice to him when he is so selfish. I found out that Lisa is talking about having kids.. she told a friend that she is going to try and get pregnant without mark's knowledge (she's an idiot!) so I told him.... probably shouldn't have stuck my nose in but if it was ANY friend I would tell them something like that.. it's sort of entrapment... Now he's ****** so i cut lose telling him I was only being a true friend... that I had supported him everythim he needed it and he gave me nothing back ever...

So I have a smile on my face today.. I spoke my mind with him and it felt good
I finally found that all I wanted was friendship with him, that i could never have a relationship with him - trust issues amoung everything else.... an now am not even sure I want to be friends with him... will see what happens.

I am strong and happy in my life atm.. minus the Richard thing (yeah wrong but I still want him...could love that boy LOL)

Haven't seen my T for over a month and I am doing really well on my own... will call him if I need him though and that makes me feel secure

Sorry for the long babble.... hadn't been on here for a while and needed to get all my thoughts out.. maybe I should start a blog LOL but like that I get responses here..

hey girl....good to hear from you....hang on there

I finally found another apartment....I'm going to move....40 miles away from this city....hmmm.....new apartment, new city, new life.....

It's been a long time since my last date....wow....I've been so busy....It's been so stressful lately.....I was so nerves that I had this sharp pain going on in my stomach....once I rented the apartment, the pain has gone....It was just out of anxiety.....I had that pain for three days.....felt like a sharp knife going into my stomach and then the pain was going through my back!!!!

I know how you can feel about Mark....It's still fresh wound for you....forget about Richard....he's useless....and even harmless....he will stay there forever....

I don't know why but I'm getting a sense that Aaron is single again....I'm not sure but I think something is going on....I just snooped into Facebook....I saw he has signed up for the Salsa Dancing party this Saturday....and then his ex-girlfriend, the one that he got right after me has signed up too....then another girl that I'm suspicious if he's dating and she's a friend of the ex has signed up too....hmmm.....I really miss the party....hehehe.....I wanted to figure out what is going on between them....but in other hand, It will be all pain and no gain.....I think I'm so lucky that I set Saturday as my moving date....then I would not have any opportunity to sneak out and attend the party.....

I know this will continue till I find another guy....

I miss being with somebody....but I'm getting so comfortable to be alone....or I just don't want to have heartache....I want a mature guy who doesn't give me headache.....and I want LOVE

take care and good luck to me with my moving
Marjan

P.S. by the way....my advice to you....don't give so much thoughts and effort into the relationship....go with the waves and see where the ocean will take you....it's always shore!

Hey marjan

Glad you found an apartment and sound settled! I think it will be wonderful for you xx

Yeah am over Richard and Mark.. have a few other dates planned.. some really integlient and goodlooking guys... really looking forward to them!

I am just going with the flow now.. see what happens and let my life unfold around me.

As the saying goes curosity killed the cat.. better not figuring out what is going on with Aaron i think... I'd want to know too though haha

Take care and have a great weekend (friday here)...

well....I think I made a mistake last night digging into FB and finding out about him....I could not sleep the whole night....I got so disturbed and I had to take pills to sleep....then the whole night I was dreaming about him and his step sister....I think her step sister was hating me and she tried her best to make us break up.....she was always in the middle of our relationship....arggg....I didn't like that girl at all....
well...there is a twist in my plan now.....I'm moving Sunday instead of Saturday....but I will get the apartment on Saturday....and I plan to move some of my stuff on Saturday....but I think I can go to the party....hmmm....probably, I just go to find out what is going on....not sure even if that's good for me....
I've been in too much stress lately....I don't need more excitements!

It looks like you have a good progress.....and I feel you are a loving person....so, you don't have problem falling in love....don't worry....you will find that special person....

take care and keep us posted
Marjan

Snooping on FB is bad!! but if you want to go to the dance party then you should it probably wont be good for you but may solve your curiosity about his situation...and I want to know what you find out LOL

Progress is about moving forward.. and I am.. don't feel stagnant anymore in my life.. that has to be a good thing! Plus work is busy again, have a new project so it's great to feel like I am doing something.

Actually.....I think it's really a bad thing if I go to the party....I just remembered that we had a photo together in my friend's album on FB and both of us were tagged.....he removed his tag! I just checked it...That means he moved on completely....but he still has my picture in his facebook....no point digging into his life when I don't have a partner/love in my life while he was at least with two different girls after me....and I was with nobody.....just Kevin and that doesn't count even.....
Not sure what is wrong with me....why do I think about him or talk about that jerk even....argggg.....hate him totally.....
It's better I go and pack instead.....I'm really looking forward to my new place....I hope I get a little bit of peace....
I had such a rough day today at work....you know they say that we are living in America and Women and men are equal, but in reality it's not.....I can see how I get discriminated at work as a woman and a minority.....I have two degrees and I'm holding GPA of 3.9 out of 4.0...having an honor degree then a jerk at work is putting me down and I have to fight for my right.....all because I'm a woman and a minority....
it's like ((((Minority X Minority))))
I have so much stuff to deal in my life all by myself....but still I'm happy to be alive
I'll let you know if I go to the party....probably, I just go for an hour or so at the end.....or probably, I don't go....not sure really.....my teacher has called me and asked me why I'm not going.....I'm just so busy these days....and I think I'm looking forward to a new/fresh start....Let him (Aaron) wonder what has happened to me.....I know he will think about me.....

Well I woudn't worry about you not having a realtionship after him... look at it as he never found anyone that would have him for long instead - hence the two girls after you
If you do go.. stay on a positive track xx I'll be thinking of you.

As for you work situation.. same over in Australia but not so bad. I am in a totally male dominated industry (Project manager/Senior Architectural DraftsPERSON - not dratfsman LOL).. when I walk into a boardroom full of males all generally older than me the try to ignore me.. I flick my business cards around the table LOL that makes them pay more attention and then I tell them what is needed. But it happens whenever I have to deal with a different set of consultants.
Australia has a female Prime Minister as of yesterday... but to be honest i think we are so backwards that we wouldn't have voted her in if there was an election... she challenged the ex prime minister in office as she was the deputy PM.. and that's how she ended up in the top job.

I hope that your move goes very well and that you have a very happy life in your new place

Love you ad am so glad we can just post here and get everythng off our chest... plus great support from each other.

Wonder what Sanity is up to these days.....may FB message her and see if she is okay.

(((((Belle & Marjan)))))

ya....good that we can just write down all our thoughts here and get it off from our head....It helps me a lot....Instead of going around and telling friends and family....
The jerk guy who bugged me yesterday at work is not working today...hmmm....I don't see his car in the parking lot....He's such an ***....probably, he called in sick to watch soccer!
I will be so busy this weekend with packing stuff....
have fun
Marjan

Belle Belle.....I went there....I went to the party....gosh....I was so tired, and it was best for me to not go and instead stay at home and have rest....but curiosity didn't let me to stay at home....I just went there for an hour....and guess what? Aaron was there.....his new girlfriend, Sarah, was there....and his old girlfriend, Holly, was there too....plus me....This guys is absolutely a jerk.....Sarah and Holly are best friend....he dated Holly right after me, then he said he started dating Sarah, Holly's best friend, just shortly after breaking up with Holly.....
His guy friend told me earlier about it....and then I just walked towards Holly but she was such a shy girl....she didn't say anything....I told her "oh...I find about the class when I was dating Aaron..." she said nothing.....hmmm
Then Aaron came and said Hi to me....then he introduced me to the new girlfriend, Sarah....I shake her hand and I said "I'm the EX"....Aaron was shocked....hehehe....she said what? then Aaron said....I used to date her....she made a comment that he got to date till he finds the right one....I didn't say anything at that time....and Aaron got so happy and told her "I don't think she understood what you said"....arggg....again I didn't say anything at that time....I just said..."ya, I bet he was dating so many other girls here too....and bringing them to the class"....he said..."I'm good for the business"....and I pet him on his shoulder saying "yes, you are JUST good for the business, nothing else"....then I said...."oh guys, I'm just joking....you know that I'm joking!"....((((I can be such a *****....I didn't know that...heheheh))))
Then I told the girl, don't worry about me....you can have him all....he said...."oh....we are dating for 6 months now"....."I said...wow!"
Then later on....he came and asked me to dance....I said "NO"....then I said...."oh....you know I was joking"....he said..."honesty, Marjan, I didn't like it....It was so awkward"....I said "you are a player and you don't know that"....He said "I don't like to hear all these things, why are you angry at me"....I said "I'm not angry at you, and I don't care if you like or not like what I say, I tell you as a friend"....then I asked him "how he met her?"....he told me "she is a best friend of Holly", Holly is the girl that he dated right after me and she was there just dancing with us in front of us....I said how long after breaking up with her you went out with her best friend....he said "pretty early....but I've never cheated on anybody"....I said..."now you understand why I said you are a player"....he grinned his teeth....hehehe....
I want to email him....I hate that I didn't have time to tell the girl, she thinks that she's the one....but she's just another girl....and once the game is over, she's out....now, that I start being a ***** and I'm really out of my character, I got to finish it up with an email....I want to tell him....I didn't want to tell your new girlfriend anything further, that's why I ignored her comment and I ignored your comment thinking that I didn't understand what she said....let her think that she got something.....I have to email him....I'm sure he would not answer me back....but at least he will understand that I understood her stupid comment....and I want to tell him to stop spreading his jerk around....yes, I'm still mad at him or probably mostly mad at myself, because of his STD....oh god....can't believe I slept with a guy who told me that he had STD....yes, I will tell him that in the email....
His friend came over and told me "oh my god, Marjan, I think you have so much fun tonight..."....hehehehe....I told him all the stuff.....he couldn't believe that.....
I still can't believe that....I knew his such a jerk....and I couldn't trust him....that's why I was not secure in my relationship.....
that's the story for tonight....
I'm so excited that I can't sleep....
I think I've done with this city completely and now I can move to the new city and move on with my life.....I'm so nerves....

sorry for the long post....I got to get it off from my head....
thanks for reading it....
Marjan

Dearest Belle,

What a beautiful name by the way...I so understand why this is upsetting you and how it gets unto your head and it won't get out. I haven't read every post because there are so many, but I'm certain that you have been given a ton of support and lots of love.

My ex husband did this he brought his secretary into our home our bed while I was in hospital with a life threatening illness (I actually died twice while there), and he thought he was so bloody clever. He also did the same with a girl we took in off the street because she had no where else to go. He was a police officer who used to laughg at me and say "do and say what you like, I'll come out of this smelling like a rose". He was a liar and a cheat so I really do know how this feels.

You are so beautiful Belle, truly you are and I know that there would be many men out there lucky and happy to be with you.

I avoided this thread because I had a sense that it would bring something up for me which was hard to deal with. It wasn't until I said to myself "Suck it up!" that I had the courage to just do it.

It did bring that stuff up, but no worse than it always does. I'm in a wonderful relationship now with a beautiful man who is so loving and supportive. If I hadn't left that marriage I would not be with this man so I am so very lucky and feel very blessed.

I really hope that things are settling for you, and that you look forward to a happiness that has you being treated as you should be, with love and with respect,

Loving thoughts,

Rhian

((Rhiannonsmoon)) I didn't know your story.....OMG....that's heart breaking....your story gives me a courage to just let it go......thanks

Thanks Belle for inquiring after me. I am around. Sorry I haven't stopped by your thread her for a while. You guess got a little hot and heavy for me there with all your sex talk. teeheehee!

I am glad you are managing life so well. You sound very content and at ease with just letting things unfold as they will.

I am doing well. Still enjoying an energetic and lifely respite from any depression or anxiety. Oh what a relief it is!! Summer is trying to sneak in over here but no real heat yet.

Wishing you well hun.

Thanks for stopping in Sanity miss you so much..

Rhiannonsmoon thank you for sharing your story.. this forum has become a way to share everything and not just dwell on the bad things any longer. Can understand why you avoided.. trigger posts are horrible.. glad you got the courage to read some of this though.. later in the forum the less it is all about my ex and the betrayal.. more fun and a way to express everything and anything

Marjan love your post.. think it's great that you got to be b****y and speak your mind.. hope it helps when it comes to letting it all go xxx

Hope the move went well - are you settled in yet?

Well is it possible to fall for someone online?? i have been talking to this one guy everynight for a week... plus talking on the phone too... swapping silly stories, stalking each other on FB, lol, he went right through mine and suprised me a few times with comments about things that happened back in Feb haha.
Hi name is Louis and he makes me smile.. like really really smile. We talked on the phone until his credit ran out.
He's 28 working in the mines so is away 4 weeks and back 1 week..... and yep he's back tomorrow. We seem to have a lot in common and then a lot of differences.. the differences are good things like travel.. he has travelled heaps and I have not.. wants to drag me around the world..
I am nervous about him coming down and meeting him for the first time... he's so excited about it.. says that he is SO happy that we met online... and that he can't wipe the smile off his face for the past week and a bit either

Seems financially stable, mature beyond his years, fun, out going and not a hint of any baggage or issues so far...

Fingers crossed that we actually like each other when we met....

Sounds exciting and fun. Hope it works out.

Thanks sanity.. I am working myself up in to a state though.. the closer it gets to actually meeting him the more I am panicing.. and that is making him stress out too lol
Will try to stay cool calm and collected.. after all it doesn't matter what the outcome is.. it proves to me that I am trully over Mark though and that's brilliant!

Yes that is brilliant! I remember when that realization came for me. I really hope you have a good time. You probably have nothing to worry about. Sounds like you guys already have found some chemisty.

((((((((Marjan))))))))

Thank you for your message; I really do hope you can let it go this is your time.

((((((((Belle))))))))

So looking forward to finding out how your meeting goes...I'm very happy for you and I know he's happy by the way you wrote about him...good luck and enjoy,

Rhian

Thank you Sanity and Rhiannon

I will fill you all in.... no matter if it works out or not. I haven't heard from him tonight yet and it's a little strange... used to him waiting online for me...

Hi - I'm going thru the same thing. How did you get the thoughts/images out of your head?? Mine are destroying me

Hi JoDe,

So sorry to hear you are going through what I went through. The images just come and the thoughts are a killer really. I went to therapy and that helped a lot, also taking up yoga where they teach you to meditate really worked. I have to say that I still thought of the two of them, especially when I was relaxing or trying to sleep - the unwanted thoughts just are that, unwanted thoughts.
It has taken me 7 months to finally banish 99% of them from my mind.
Surround yourself with people that you unconditionally, remember that you are NOT at fault here, that you are a strong and worthy person who didn't deserve to be treated this way... and TALK - get every thought out of your head, no matter how small it may seem.. once it's out of your head the healing process begins. It's hard, full of depression, self doubt and finally anger..
There are wonder people on this site that really will support your every need and let you express all of the emotions that you need too.
I am proof that you can survive it, get past it and finnaly realise that life can be much better than it was.

Okay little update on my date lol

Trying not to get too excited but so far he is PERFECT!... we spent Tuesday night (two days ago) getting to know each other in person, so coffee turned into a 4 hour date.. perfect...
Yesterday I took the day off work (boss knew that I might) and we went about an hour and half drive out of Perth to a little seaside bar/restaurant for lunch... spend a few hours down there and then came back and neither of us was ready for the day to end so we went to the movies...
By this stage he hadn't even attempted to kiss me lol think he was a little nervous. towards the end of the movie he finally held my hand.. was sweet, walked out of the cinema holding hands.. REALLY nice (Mark never held hands, let along went out any where)...
Dropped him home and finally the KISS..... yep it was perfect also.. soft and sweet... He's coming to my best friends b'day dinner tonight... in at the deep end haha meeting the friends already..
I slept like a baby last night.. first time in a long time..
He is down for another 5 days.. and I think that in that time we will probably spend every moment we can together.... It just feels right.

so great Belle....now you are dating like a guy...hehehe

just try to be moderate and not go so fast....you don't want all those emotions bubble up...do you?

take it easy and one step at a time....

I haven't dated anybody yet, even can't get online now, because at work I can't and then I get my internet connected in my new apartment on Friday....so, I will start next week....this week should be just all about home cleaning and arrangement...

take care
Marjan

Hey

So trying to take is slowly but it's hard.. he's taking is slowly when all I can think about it how to get him to the next stage (in to bed haha) before he flies out again..
He was unsure even to kiss me on the second date.. it was a 7 and half hour date haha and no kiss until the end..
His roster is horrible (works up on a mine sight) 4 weeks away and one week back in Perth.. until December... It hadn't bothered him before but now he would like to change it.. but the money is SO good (10k a month after tax) that I think it would be better for him to stick it out... so he will...

I am totally suprised that I have met someone this normal and nice online (no hidden aggenda, no real baggage, and doesn't seem to have any mental issues... lol)

Marjan the right one is just waiting out there for you.... and then you will get butterflies in the tummy everyday just like me

hey girl....you made me laugh....but wait till he makes the move....guys like to be the leader....specially at that department....let him to drive!!!!
sometimes, they are all nerves, and they need really time....even better....it means that he's not fooling around.....

hope I find somebody too.....I think I'm going to my dark side again....hate to admit it, but it's true....all the signs of my darkness is coming back to me....like not wanting to go anywhere or not wanting to eat....I hope I get better soon....here is a long weekend...4th of July....I should get better....