Can't shake the thoughts this week

I'll say... intense indeed... an very fruitful by the sounds of it Belle. You are an awesome person with a heart of gold. Wishing you a restful sleep.

(I was dumped by a wave.... I'm not washed out to sea and I am on my way back to shore...)

Belle your quote above ..I have said sometimesx that IO felt abandoned at sea with no one or anything at sight slowly swimming hopefully to land and not wanting to drown before getting there ...of course my journey would be a bit easier and shorter if someone through me a lifeline so I could rest every now and then along the way and the most helpful if someone came along in a boat and gave me a lift ...none has yet happened so I continue to swim this long journey knowing land is there ,still haven't drown although at times have wanted to stop swimming what seems endless waters more than not..I guess deep down somewhere in me even after all this time ...I must know it is there the shoreline waiting for me to finally lay my head down and rest and say I finally made it .....

As you love swimming I do also to both of us making it to the sunny shoreline (emotinal one)I believe you may make it there first my journy seems a bit tougher ...I will eventually have a whole dilema someday of a divorce as much as I of course had wanted that fairy tale ending the mermaid joing the King of the Sea in my heart of hearts I am sure it will never be..he will keep meeting for our neutral type conversation breakfasts and leave me with a hug and kiss and confuse me ...since in the past(year ago)he wouldn't even hug me in fear of leading me to think anything?

And my emotions are at a fragile point because my finances and home are now in total jeapordy too to know ones knowledge ..I want to run away and live in a cave

The Clan of the Cave Bear is interesting.

Byz? sorry that comment over my head ?Maybe over tired ? Usually I am pretty good on the uptake

Thanks everyone. The session was full on but good. My T's main worry is that i am putting the blame back on myself again..

Kacey we will find the shore line and it will be a sweet time when it happens.

I am doing okay today. Still teary and weird but better than I have been. I didn't bounce away from my appt. but came away realising that I have more work to do to be back to how I want to be.

I can't take the blame and I can't make everyone happy... but it would be easier to accept if i had done something wrong. I gave me heart and soul to the relationship only to have it taken away. It still hurts. One good thing is that when I am hurting like this I don't want to have communication with Mark... so have to look at the as a positive way to get back on track.

Byz - I love 'Valley of the horses' and 'Clan of the cave bear' - Kacey they are books written by Jean M Auel (I think that's the spelling).. Byz is that what you were refering to??
There is another I think is called 'the mammoth hunters' or something similar...

If that wasn't what you were refering to Byz you have lost me as well LOL

The Clan of the Cave Bear is about a women's (Ayla) maturation -- an intelligent, clever, courageous person who is an inspiration.

http://www.experienceproject.com/sto...Reading/937060

Kacey if you are a reader.. start with 'Valley of the horses".. its a beautiful story and then read the others in the series.. (clan of the cave bear and mammoth hunters). I read them back when I was about 16 or 17 but I still have copies of the books and love them to bits.

I am a reader and will give them a look..

#1 Burn the bed sheets/pillows/comforters that you think they used, then buy a new color.
#2 Throw out all the pots and pans they uses, or give them to charity, let someone enjoy your kind heart who will appreciate it, them get a different better set.
#3 Anything else that was touch by betrayal of trust MUST go. It's like a cancer and will spread until stopped.

I don't think that I could throw out the pots and pans.... pressent from mum and they were REALLY expensive (cos I am a bit of a cook )
But bed linen can go I think xxx

Do not toss the bed linen. Just put the used side down.

LOL - I have a LOT of linen (love 1000 thread count sheets) so I am tending to use the ones that don't remind me of them... ones that I know were not near the bed for a month before we broke up..
The ones that I know they slept on is the only sheet set and cover that I let him leave with

Still here and still sad...
I just want to shut the door and forget the past but I know that's not healthy either.
I'm better than I was but same "can't shake it" feeling is hanging around.

My fish died today (okay so that sounds silly!).. Mark and I bought two gold fish when we moved in to the house.... the first one died the day he told me he didn't love me anymore.. (so I saw it as a sign) the second one died today... It the conection that makes me sad.. I remember laughing when we bought them and especially when I named them (bob and russell).. feeding them together and smiling at each other...
They are happy memories that now just make it all seem harder to cope with the end.

My dear Belle....Gold fish usually dies very quickly....try not to relate them to anything....
Stay focus and go forward....put the past behind and just be hopeful for a bright future....
Find a way to distract yourself from all these thoughts....anytime they come to you, do something to distract you....whatever you like....
take care of yourself and go out and sit under the sun....it will make you feel better.....even I found out if I have enough vitamins specially B12 and B complexes are helping me with my mood....Camomile Tea is good too....
Do you have fun friends that you can hang out with and forget all about Mark?

Hi Belle1979. It sounds like you've had a rough go of it. Something you held dear is gone. Can you focus on replenishing you? like those things you enjoy doing alone. You are aching right now. Rebirth comes in its own time with a new perspective and different smiles.

Hi Belle.... hope you are feeling better soon. Heartache is like no other pain. It is like an unwanted friend who just keeps coming back. Have you considered how this may be a natural progression of your grieving process. Something you need to go through to get to the other side of your heartache. You have gone from missing Mark the man to missing the life and moments you lived with him. The memories of what you shared. You are missing a way of life that your remember. It may be less about the man at this stage.

I remember some of the phases I went through. I remember so well missing the day to day of being with my ex. So much so that I would romanticize him and think that if only he would come back I would be okay. If life could just get back to 'normal' I would be okay. It took a long time for me to create my own life without him. To feel comfortable in my own shoes again. To not see everything and think of him. I would be in the garden and I would think how nice it was when he was there too. Working side by side and at the end of the day sitting back with a glass of wine and admiring the results of our efforts. Entertaining friends with a back yard barbeque and a walk through the garden. The memories could bring me to tears. Still can on occassion but less and less.

Now that time has passed and I have made the adjustment to him not being there; now I have memories of gardening without him; entertaining friends without him; going camping and playing on the seadoo without him.... because of time he is less and less attached to the activities in my life.

It takes time Belle. I expect you are tired of hearing that or using that explaination with yourself to try to settle your heartache. You can fast forward some of that by acknowledging how you feel without getting lost in the sadness. Giving yourself a time limit for dwelling on the losses when the overwhelming feelings hit you.

To break the spell of the memory blues, no matter the lose I have started saying to myself 'It is what it is'. I can't change this. I can't bring him back. The reason he is gone is real. It is what it is. I will adjust. I will take a deep breath and with the exhale ask myself 'now what'. What can I do instead of courting the sadness of my loss. What can I do to say thanks for the memory and embrace my new life. My life without him in it. At the end of the day it isn't so much about the loss as it is about being afraid to make the leap forward on my own. The habit of life a certain way was comfortable. Especially in my memory. As it happened for me I was helped out of my sadness by leaping back to life before him. I loved my life before him as much as I loved aspects of my life with him. I reminded myself of that and in time it helped me to reinvent myself again. To enjoy my independance again. To enjoy being able to make decisions on my own again. It is liberating. I am my own person again. I wasn't very good at being a couple so for me once I got through the hurt I was celebrating my independence.

I wish you only wellness Belle. I so hope your mood lifts soon and you are celebrating everything about you and your life today and the mystery of the life that awaits you. Love yourself through this Belle and buy yourself a siamese fighting dragon fish... just don't put it in a tank with another fish or she will EAT IT!!

Thanks Sanity

oh my... he says now that he misses me and misses us and that he's sorry...

That guy really is pernicious. Next thing you know, you will be bouncing on his bed again being the perfect mate and beating on yourself if he even raises an eyebrow.

A very real conundrum involves other men. All will be compared to that one, invariably coming up short. Frankly, they have no chance until that one is acknowledged to be a predator always on the prowl.

Take this thing off the pedestal. As long as he remains the exemplar he will hurt you.

Thanks Byz.
I have issued him written to him again. (seeing he hasn't ended it with her)
He said that he knows there is no chance I would take him back so he doesn't know why he sent the message other than he wanted to tell me he misses me and misses us.
I replied in a text with "I would take a chance with you again but by god you need to talk to me in person. Either you want to see what we could do or you want to be with her. You had no problems leaving me so why so hard to leave her or just tell her the truth. I can't be in limbo on this. Either you love me or you love her"

Belle, may you attain what is best for you. I am sincere about that and hope the dude is not the snake I think he is.

I agree with you Byzanitne....

Belle...I wish you were asking him to go out and talk to him in person or talk to him on the phone rather than txting....

Just keep in your mind, you are young and still have plenty of time to find that special person in your life.....Also, do you trust mark again? do you want him back? are you okay to get hurt again?

Byz offers a man's perspect on this that I think is really valuable. I imagine it would be near impossible to find a new man who could measure up while Mark is kept on a pedistal like he has been up till now. Take care Belle. Snake or not he is clearly slithering around to see what he can snap onto. He seems able to talk a good talk to get your attention but what good is talk if his action speak differently. He was dishonest with you when he took up with Lisa and now he is being dishonest with Lisa and potentially turning you into the other woman. No wonder your mom is done with Mark. This well could be the beginning of the end in a good way for you.

I might be willing to give Mark the benefit of the doubt that he sees the mistake he made leaving you but not before he untangled himself with Lisa. Even then it would be a long uphill road. Turning to you while still engaged to Lisa is not a good sign. He says he did you wrong but he is doing the same thing to her now by turning to you. Perhaps he just says what people want to hear. It seems to work for him.

(((((((belle))))))))

just take it all really slowly, okay? it kind of sounds like he thinks the grass is always greener no matter the situation he is in.

I love you all

i am meeting him Wednesday in person to see what he has to say about everything.. but I will not be meeting him if he is still engaged to Lisa - I have my 'spies' in his office.. my old boss etc that will tell me what happens between now and then and if he hasn't done the honorable thing then I will not met him. I will not be the other woman in any relationship.. even if I was the original woman haha...
I am actually hoping that I see him in person and the feeling just aren't there anymore. It's easy to love someone still from afar.. up close it can be different. I have't seen him in over 4 months. My love could just eb a fantasy now and in real life it could be very different.

Forget the spies. Lead by example Belle. Ask him directly. If you still have doubts then maybe check with the spies to see if there is any evidence one way or another. I think it is always wiser and safer to take the high road no matter what. If he is the player we fear he is then you will never beat him at his own game. Ask him directly and then hold him to account for his words. Throw up your hands at his lies and run don't walk the other way.

What is up with letting your emotions determine your future? Why do we do that? At our most vulnerable and least rationale times we turn our future over to our feelings. What if you do discover you are still in love with him? Does that mean you will turn a blind eye to who he isn't as a person? Do your feelings give him a by from being a decent human being? Shouldn't he need to prove himself a decent human being first? If you let your heart lead you can you trust where you will end up? Just saying........