Can death be a better option?

Is it ok to continue living as a loser or it will be better to end my life? everything is falling apart. Im making the same mistakes that i had made before which ultimately led me to make a suicide attempt. Im afraid that im again gonna fall into that pit, im getting depressed again like i did before aswell.

I already know where the major fault lies. I need to concentrate on my career and must not pursue guys who r not available for me. I need to take care of my family. But im so irresponsible! i never do what needs to be done. And i cant go to psychotherapy because they have already failed me.

It sounds like you have some ideas what needs to be different for positive change. As they say, if you keep making the same mistakes you will keep getting the same bad results. It is time to try some new (and scary) behaviors. Make a list of your short term and long term goals. Then pick one goal and describe what you can do to achieve it. You may not achieve all your goals but that is okay.

You can do it!

You have too many vague "they", galactic "psychotherapy" and "loser", and either/or scenarios that don't exist in "reality", just in your mind/as a result of feeling depressed.

Your original question, "is it ok to continue living as a loser or. . .end my life" is what is known as a double-bind; there is no way anyone can answer well. My favorite example of a double-bind question is, "Have you quite beating your wife?" If you answer "yes" that means you were beating her (and have quit). If you try to answer "no" (because you never beat her in the first place) that says you are still beating her.

You are not a loser. And, no, it would not be "better" to suicide.

The actual problem, I see, is that you need to concentrate on yourself and becoming friends with yourself so you quit feeling you are a loser, irresponsible, etc. Calling one's self names never helps anything but can make things much worse than they have to be.

Suicide is never a better option than making a few changes that will improve your life greatly. If you are getting more and more depressed I don't know if you are already on antidepressants but if not consider getting on some. Talk to a counselor and or therapist. They may be able to help you get things going for you to be able to accomplish all the things that need to be done. A big thing that you have already done is step number one: realizing what issues you have and that things need to change in order to go on with a good life. That is one of the most important steps. I'm glad you see that and aren't in denial which can hold you back. One thing is to stop berating yourself for being human. We all do things we shouldn't do at some point in our lives. It doesn't mean you are a loser. You are at a crossroads I think you know which direction to take. Make that big scary step and make those changes that will ultimately bring you happiness. Keep posting for ideas and support. That's what we are here for.

Life is DEFINITELY worth living. There are many dark moments though. I am going to tell you what worked for me. I was never suicidal but I was pretty depressed at one point until I made a commitment to be a more loving person. What does that mean? It's all about the little things...smiling more, saying hello to strangers, make a commitment to be a better listener, be non judgemental, be a more giving person (not just money but you can give your time to people just by listening to them). Choosing a charity would help too. I am involved with Children Incorporated. It's like $25 a month or something like that but I write letters to my child in Africa and I know atleast I'm making a difference in someone's life. There are so much more you have to do to be happy than just "be a more loving person" but if you love others, the love will come back to you. Make a commitment to be a more loving person and you will see what happens. There's also a lot of little things you gotta do too...Are you getting any exercise? Just try walking 20 minutes a day. Get enough sunlight. Make sure you drink enough water. It all starts with love though. And you are capable of it. Now just start NOW!

I agree it's not good to call yourself names and no death isn't the solution at all. If you're in school, the most important thing for you to do, is concentrate on that. It's so important to get your education so you never have to be dependent on anyone.

Forget about men for now and when you're in a healthier state of mind, look for guys who are kind and treat women with respect. Are you on medication for depression? If not you should make an appt. with your family doctor because you sound depressed. Most of us ladies here have plenty of life experience and we can all tell you - you can't let relationships or lack of relat. get you down. Life gives us punches and we need to get up and move on. You can over come this bad period.

Lynn, u'r right in saying that relationships shouldnt hold us back. And thats y im even more worried because i need to prioritize things in a more accurate manner,which im not doing. I know studies r VERY important,but since im facing problems in studies too i think i blame every other a7pect of my life for that.

You can learn from other people's mistakes jiakhan. I met my husband when I was 18 and just entering university. The 1st mistake I made was not knowing what I wanted to be career wise. Next was not focusing on my studies. The 3rd and worst mistake was, I believed that it was okay not to finish and that by BF(now husband) would take care of me - huge mistake.

This made me dependent on him and now I'm stuck in a terrible mess of a marriage that would drive anyone crazy. I had my kids late and I'm older now and don't feel very employable and there's no way I can support them on my own.

I'm sharing all this with you, so you can learn how to be an 'independent' strong woman and to always be in control or at least equal standing in your relationship with men. Since you know you need to prioritize, you can start doing that. Do you think you should be on medication or speak with a therapist you can relate to? I'm happy you're thinking about the future - that's a good sign. I wish I had this knowledge when I was 18 but I didn't have anyone to guide me with wise advice.

Thanks for sharing ur experience with me Lynn. yes i considered going to the psychiatrist wid whom i have talked about my recent crush and his behaviour,and about my studies too. But now he has taken job in some other hospital where its difficult for me to reach him.

May be its time to start taking anti depressants again,but my family will become very upset about it. I know that.

Hmmm Does that mean they wouldn't be upset if you died?



I'm sorry you weren't able to work in therapy, it's difficult but worth it; you're worth it. Why not try again? Did AntiDepressants work for you before? They take them again! You don't need to feel so poorly. They'll help you not to worry about everything, especially what family thinks, and can help you feel better.

You've felt better before, and you can again.

life is better than suicide. yes maybe it is time to start taking anti d's again. you must look after yourself first. i would not be worrying about relationships at this point in time if i were you. i stopped taking my anti d's this time last yr. after 6 months - and a terrible situation where i was being used by a supposed friend, i became really ill again. not that i wanted to die - i just didn't want to live. slowly i have clawed my way back and now realise i prolly need to be on the anti d's forever. i have accepted that because i never want to go to that place again. i am just able to cope better when i am on meds. i am a very sensitive and caring person, unfortunately the other person was a user. anyway, please stick around, it is worth it.

Yes,they worked before, the issues werent resolved completely though probably due to lack of proper counselling on part of the psychologist i was seeing at that time. To start taking medicine again is going to be a tough thing for me esp when my family thinks there is nothing really wrong wid me and its just me taking things lightly and not doing what sh6uld be done.

Seeing that you need to be back on the anti-depressants means that you are STRONG. It takes more strength and pride to admitt that you need help.

My Mother didn't understand why I wasn't "strong" enough to just "get on with it" and not be on meds.... In the end I told her.. well i sat down with 3 boxes of panadine forte... took half a box and then decided that there were better options... Getting help makes you a better person and don't listen to others that say otherwise!

You should also make sure you're eating healthy and start a regular exercise program. Take this time to treat yourself very well. Regular exercise can make a huge difference in the way you feel physically and mentally. It will also improve your self esteem tremendously. I also highly recommend meditation - amazing how it quiets the mind and allows you to cope better. Making yourself strong mentally and physically is the best gift to yourself. If you want to try all this for a month and see how you feel you might be able to skip the meds. If you don't feel better then follow Belle's good advice.

Well done for reaching out in this difficult time jiakhan. The fact that you are questioning whether or not to suicide suggests you have reasons for dying and reasons for living - so while you are not sure, it is a good idea I think to not make the decision to die. There are loads of therapists out there that will have a different approach to your previous experience. Would you stop eating all fruit because you didn't like bananas? Of course not. Perhaps you could try again? Or maybe this site will help meantime.

I hope you are able to ditch the label of loser you attach to yourself soon and concentrate on the good stuff about you (and yes there will be plenty of good stuff - it's just a matter of recognising it)

take care

((((((((jaikahn))))))))

Believe me death is not the best option. I've been there and I can tell you that the problems you have in life are still there in death and you end up wandering around unable to find the light.

We are all here to support you and to lift you up when you fall. Please take care of yourself as much as you can and keep us up to date on what is happening with you,

Rhiannon

Finding the right T, or Pdoc is hard to do. That being said, just because you can't see the one you liked then doesn't mean there isn't another one (or a better one) out there. I was seeing someone in T for about a month when they got transferred to a different hospital. The next one I found actually was much more insightful.

So true, once you find the right T then everything just seems to fall into place. It took me a couple of different ones before I found the one that was perfect for my situation.

How are you doing jaikhan?

Don't tell your family if they can't handle it it's not your fault. Some people use alcohol not realising it is a depressant, others use cigarettes or illicit drugs; which would your family prefer you to use?

You could always try alternative treatments but they can be just as expensive as medicines and you really have to stick with them long turn until they start to kick in. But it can be worth it if you want to go natural. Just be very careful because quite a number of the natural therapies also have the opposite effect on someone who is allergic to them. Others reach toxic levels quickly if not watched.

I just hope you find some relief Jaikhan, you have been feeling like this for so long now and it isn't good for you. Nothing is a quick fix but the work you do on the way is so very much worth it, and you can acknowledge your own persistence and staying power,

Good luck and many hugs,

Rhiannon

Thanks Rhiannon and thank u everyone! I wont lie, i still dont feel very good. Im hating to say this esp when so many of u wonderful ppl r trying to make me feel better.

Right now there is a lot of burden of studies on me. An exam is coming up. Also, i saw that guy (my crush) chatting wid his friend (girl). I want to move on,really,but everytime i see his face or see him talking to that girl i feel im gonna burst into crying.

I know that dark pit - it feels like you will never get out of it and that it is so dark you will disapear and never be found - but we see you - everyone here sees you and we will walk wiht you til you feel better.

You said everythings going wrong? are you trying to concentrate on too many things at once - i did that - i tried to fix everythign at once and fixed nothing and that made me more depressed - my T said pick one thing - the thing that needs the most urgent attention - write a list of them all but pick the most urgent and work on that 0- once that is under control take the enxt on the list and so on

I fyou need anti-depressants and they help - then go back on them - i held on for a year before i took them and went through some very dark times - got very close .... but the anti-depressants are helping me and i am gradually getting everyhting else under control one by one - second by second

if your family doesnt see the benefit - that doesnt mean that you shouldnt take them - they are not in your shoes

is there a person at the school/colllege/uni ? that you are going to who can help you sort out your study probs?

for every problem there IS a solution - hold on - take it second by second and you will get there - i didint think i would survive but i did if you can survive one second you can too - second by second, minute by minute hour by hour -

YOU CAN DO THIS

take care of you and do one good thing for you every day - no matter how small - talk to yourself as you would a dear friend and see how the conversation changes

take care and keep lettingus know how you are

P7

Still nothing gud is happening,rather its getting worse. Im left alone and friendless,mainly because of my anxiety and temperament issues.