he is cheating on his g/f for me..

and I really do not know what to do.

Him and his girlfriend were dating for two years and they broke up. A while after this, my friends introduced us and we got to talking and ended up texting and talking, and we hung out as friends with a few other people two. I really liked him and decided to maybe try to go for him.
The he went to a concert and called me during all the sweet songs and stuff so i could listen with him, and even tried to talk to me between the songs, it was awesume.

Then we were flirting the next day as we usually did, and he suddenly came out with he was back with her. I told him to go away, and stop flirting with me when he has a girlfriend, because I felt wrong and didnt like it when he was taken. He said he understood and would stop flirting with me. Then i forgot for a moment and I flirted with him. And then I kept flirting until he flirted back and I remember and was like oh crap. I asked him why he got back with her, and he said that it was because he was drunk and afraid that she was going to do something really bad to herself so to stop her he agreed to get back with her.

It was then the weekend after my birthday and he said he was coming down to newcastle with a friend and said that i shoulld go out and meet him too. So me and my friends went out, as we had originally planned to, and me and him ended up kissing. And people kept coming up to us telling us we weere such a cute couple and go so perfect together, and we were like o.o what?

We have have kind of had a few dates... and and I asked him what was going on, like between us. and he said " I really really really really really really like you alot, and me and that are over just not offically, but it should be offical by this weekend i hope if everything goes right."

It is the weekend now, they are still currently together, and i feel incredibly guiltty. like i have moments when i completly hate myself for what im doing, but he makes me happy, he treats me like im the best most precious thing in the world. he always is asking when he can next come down, and when i said i would go up to see him he refused saying that he would come down here. (not because his g/f would be about there, me and him have hung out their a few times, its where we usually meet)
he wants to read my stories and stuff, and asks about my hobbies and what all i do and basically everything about me. he treats me better than anyone has ever really treated me.
i do not know what to do. i think he feel guilty about having to break up with her twice in a row and is also worried about how she will take it, but i cant live like this just waiting for her to be gone, i cant live doing this and feeling all this guilt. i feel so horrible! but at the same time he makes me smile.

worst part - i chose to get involved, and now im lost and feel like crap.

does anyone have any advise? what should I maybe do?

If he really really really likes you a lot, and respects you, then he will break up with the other girl to be with you.

Right now he is disrespecting both of you with this.

The right thing would be to not see or speak to him till he breaks up with the other one - right now he's "having his cake and eating it too".

Don't worry about him feeling guilty...worry about doing the right thing.

You chose to get involved - and you can ALWAYS choose to get UNinvolved, whenever and wherever you want. It's totally up to you. It sounds like you feel trapped. I think you need to stand up for yourself - don't see him until he breaks up with the girl. I worry that it will just hang over you and never change. It sounds like you're ready for an exclusive relationship, the question is if he's at the same place or not.

take care!

he keeps saying he will, and part of me believes him.. but i cant wait around.
i know he is disrepecting both of us, i mainly feel guilty because ive been cheated on before and i know what its like, and if his poor girlfriend ever found out id really just hate myself. it already makes me hate myself

its so hard to say ill not meet him, because it will be hard to. im off now for summer, with a few exams in june really, so im going to be free and at home, and ill really want to see him...

i have said to him that i will understand if he wants to remain single for a while after breaking up with his girlfriend, and he said that he will be ready to move on as soon as they are over. he then asked me to my school Formal/Prom.

i feel like i should run and hide, and let it blow over, but i dont want to lose him instead, im scared incase he chooses her if i stop talking to him.

I know you're young honey, and I have been there, done that. I am telling you this stuff to help you....I am 41 years old and have been exactly in your shoes.

why do you want to be with a cheater when you've been cheated on...and you already hate yourself...take yourself out of this mess while you still can.

While you're off this summer find some other things to do and find a nice guy who doesn't have a girlfriend and can treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

If this guy is willing to cheat, hasn't broken up with his GIRLFRIEND but still asked you to your school Formal/Prom...is this really the kind of boy you want to be with?

Let him choose her....i think you might like him because of the thrill of it all right now...but he's really not a nice guy when you look at it. You will end up hurt and lied to just like he's lying to his girlfriend every time he's with you - he's probably lying to you already.

When he calls/texts you, don't answer the phone. When you want to call/text him, call another friend if you can, or come on here and post...find something else to do till the urge goes away...it will be hard at first but trust me, it will be the best thing for you to get rid of this guy.

Hello, niamhh504. What he is doing with you behind his girlfriend's back is the same thing you will one day wonder about. What is he doing with someone else behind your back?

if he does it with you he does it to you.

i know, ive heard it all before, if he can cheat once, he can cheat twice, but i met him and liked him when he was single, and thats when he started showing interest..

he already lies to me, i have found out everytime, and havent told him. when he goes to see his gf, he never tells me, he just says he is out drinking, which is the truth, he is just drinking with her and her friends. he is trying to hide it from me but i know. so i know its not good, but then my head says, "maybe he isnt telling you so that it doesnt hurt you"

i cant call another friend, both friends i would talk to at that sorta time have broke their phones, the other has no credit to reply and also never answers when called, which just makes me feel so alone and make me feel like i need to talk to someone.. ill try tomorrow to not text him unless he texts me first, and go from there?

he has a habit of not texting me when he is with her. he was with her today, and wouldnt reply, i know because i seen on facebook that he was with her friends, so i assume she was there too. so yea, no reply to me anyway.

ive never done well with rejection, i.. handle it very badly, worse than any of my friends. i dont know what to do when this will go wrong.
can anyone help me deal with the rejection, because i dont know how i can :'( and i will end up rejected in this whole thing

I have been rejected A LOT of times and i know it hurts, but its good to stay away from a cheater than longing for him and waiting for when he will be exclusively urs. Didnt work for me, the guy was a loser and im glad that i made the right choice for me.

I don't want to say that "once a cheater, always a cheater", but this is a bad sign for you. If he's carrying on a relationship with her and seeing you on the side, you have to ask yourself: what's to stop him from doing it to you if you two ever became official?

I would say this is not a man you can trust. My advice: don't wait for him to break up with this girl, just drop him. Period. Don't wait for him to reject you because it sounds like you're resigned to that fact. REJECT HIM. Embrace the inevitable pain, confide in your friends, and move on. You're still in high school? Well, you got plenty of time to find a guy who won't treat you like crap. And that is what he is doing. Stringing you along like this shows he doesn't respect you, at all.

Best of luck!

well last night i took the plunge and told him that i dont want to see him again while he is still in a relationship with her, and that i dont like being the 'other' girl. i said i was uncomfortable that he was doing this to her, because it isnt right. he said he understood and agrees if it is making me feel uncomfortable. i then said i was annoyed because to me it looked like he wasnt even trying to break up with her, and he said he was trying, but everytime he tried to talk to her, she would change topic.

so i told him i dont want to see him again until he is single..

and now ive spent the day wearing his shirt.. how sad is that? -.- i got to attached to someone who was never mine.

You did the right thing by calling him. you should be proud of yourself.

He's making excuses by saying everytime he tries to talk to her she changes the topic...if he really wanted to do it he would just do it.

Wear his shirt if you want to. It's harmless.
You did great!

he was online on msn there, and says he is sorry he hasnt been online to talk to me recently, and that tonight he will be on. but im working tonight to mabe even 3am, and he said he will wait for me to come home. like he must like me a little if he sits up to 3am just to talk to me? he has done it before.. and then stayed talking to me untill i fell asleep

its so unclear what he wants!

He's playing you...don't fall for it.
How would you feel if you found out your boyfriend was online with another girl at 3am?
He's not a nice guy at all.

well he kept his word anyway and stayed up to when i got home, and sat up with me until he said he was gonna pass out from lack of sleep lol...

he is a nice guy, just very stupid, chicken, idiotic, indecisive.. maybe he thinks this is going to hurt her less by dragging it out? we cant tell whats going on in someones head, so we cant tell why they do things, but you cant just go and say he isnt a nice guy.. he treats people nice, just not in this circumstance.

You deserve better naimh. MUCH better.

Well, good for you for telling him off. That was a great step in the right direction!

But I still advise you to reject him. Cut ties with him completely. It'll hurt like hell for a little bit, but you may wind up thanking yourself for it later. He's not married to the girl. Breaking up with her does not consist of a costly, time-consuming legal procedure like a divorce. If he truly wanted to break up with his gf, he would have done so by now. What is this "changing the subject" nonsense? He can easily change it back. The fact that he hasn't just proves that he wants to have the best of both worlds. That's unfair to you and to his gf. Being nice to everyone else does not excuse this behavior and it does not make him a "nice person" by any stretch. He's certainly not treating you and his gf nicely or with a shred of respect. He doesn't sound like serious relationship material. It might be a sign of immaturity or it could be just how he is wired. Sorry, but I don't buy the wishy-washy excuse of dragging it out to hurt her less. It really sounds like he's stringing you along.

Now if you really want to give it a shot with this guy (which most of us are advising against, but this is your life, so do what you feel is best!)You're giving him crumbs by chatting with him online. If you really want this guy, you need to go no contact cold turkey and stick to it, make it clear that you will not speak to him or see him until he's out of the relationship. Right now, he's not taking you seriously. He's likely never going to break it off with this girl if he sees that he can keep you on the fringe like this. It's easier on him. You will make yourself seem more desirable and respectable if you do this. It also will allow you more distance and perspective.

Good luck!

I agree with Flooded though. You deserve much better.

I can't say it any better than this right here. Perfect response.

You know he is wrong for you so what are you waiting for? End this before it gets to deep. It will hurt right now but believe me, it will hurt a lot worse if you keep it up and end it years down the road. This obviously isn't the right guy for you, and if it were he would have broken up with his girlfriend a LONG time ago. I was with a girl that I broke up with because I was still in love with someone from my past, someone who had moved on and was engaged and everything. I never cheated, but just knowing that in my eyes that sort of WAS cheating I ended a relationship. I didn't want to hurt her but I knew it was best that way.

Now you have to make that decision for yourself. Not only are you hurting yourself, but the other girl involved. She doesn't know that this is going on and it would be devastating if she had to find out. I am not calling you out or saying you're in the wrong or anything like that, but before you really ARE in the wrong this needs to end now. You know what is right and you know what is wrong and now is as good of a time as ever to step up and move on from this loser.

By the way, I read some more recent responses from you and other members. For one I wouldn't be arguing with someone saying he isn't a nice guy. No matter how nice he can act it doesn't mean that he is a nice guy. What he is doing to this other girl and to you is NOT nice. Even if you don't see it that way, you should have sympathy for the other girl. How would you feel in HER shoes? Think about that.

Also, him staying up with you in no way shape or form shows that he loves you or anything like that. Guys will do almost anything to get what they want, even if it is something on the side.



Good luck to ya.

whether he is a nice guy or not, i still feel pretty bad about it.. its half my fault for letting it happen.. so im taking the advise here and not even texting him now.. its only been 2 days now, and its hard.. but im trying i guess.

He's NOT a nice guy. He's a bastard for doing this to you and his girlfriend.

to be honest right now idont care if he is a bastard or not, i just want to be happy again and for the brief time i was with him i was happy, and i havent been that happy in quite a time, and when someone makes me smile and be as happy as i used to be i try to hold on. i just wish i could find someone who could make me smile like he did, except a single version.. he made me happy and now im not..

I am 48 years old and have been where you are now. Except his girlfriend was his wife (so there was marriage). He was full of excuses as to why he wanted to end the marriage but didn't. It lasted 10 YEARS! So he was telling the truth that he wanted to end it but he didn't have the guts or the courage or the motivation for an additional 10 years.

How long do you want to be in a relationship with him and her?

I appreciate wanting to be happy. You may be happy with him but you are not happy afterwards when you are postiing here.

And as long as he is there, you are not emotionally available for the 'same as him but single version.'

roses

The happiness that he brings you is only a superficial happiness. But he's simultaneously making you miserable and guilty because, unlike him, you seem to be a nice person and obviously feel uncomfortable on behalf of his gf. I know it hurts now, but you would be much better off without him. Stay strong with the no contact, you're doing very well! Like someone else mentioned, call up a friend, come on here to vent, or do something else to distract yourself whenever you feel the urge to call/text or otherwise contact him. He does not deserve your regard in any way, shape, or form. You can find happiness in other things, trust me. You just have to be willing to look hard enough. And there will be a guy who will make you smile and laugh and who will not toy with you like this guy is. There will be a guy who will respect you and treat you as you deserve to be treated.

i think i have to meet up with him, i have something of his that i would feel horrible if he kept because it meant something to him, and i would feel bad if i never gave it back. which means ill have to contact him to get it to him. i debated not giving it back, because its only a comb, but his dead grandad gave it to him like 4 years ago, so it did mean something to him.
part of me doesnt want to meet him, but i need to give that back. >.<

Why don't you just mail it? Are you sure this isn't a sub-conscious reasoning so that you CAN see him? There's no reason for you to have to see him in person to give it back to him.