[kyle]

K so heres my story... I first met this girl in grade 10 and we were not that close at the time, we saw eachother in the halls at school and stuff. Then when she broke up with her b/f at the time I was there for her to help her through it. Then later I found out she liked me and I didn't share those feelings with her. I grew to like her alot, then I grew to love her. I was always totally open with my feelings with her, and neither of us wanted to mess up our friendship by dating. Well last week she fooled around with her ex. I was so angry with her for doing that. We slowly worked things out and by the end of the week things were almost back to normal. We went on a date too . I had a lot of fun and so did she, and that night she told me she liked me again. The next day she fooled around with him again and I got angry with her again, and on monday night she called me and told me she hates me and she never wants to talk to me again. She said I talked to too many people about our problems and I need to learn to deal with things by myself, but I can't do that, I need to talk to people. She also said I don't respect what she says. She was my best friend and I miss her so much. I still love her and I want to fix things, but I also don't want to fix things. What should I do?

[kyle]

ok well i think i figured out what i did, and i feel really bad about it. Heres the new question... how do I apologise to someone and beg for forgiveness from someone that doesn't ever want to talk to me again?

[ltlredvett]

How do you apologize to someone that never wants to see you again? I don't have a good answer to this question. You could send a crd BRIEFLY express your thoughts, feelings and emotions and leave it at that.

It sounds like she may have not been the greatest friend afterall since she was so willing to cut off contact with you so quickly. Or, perhaps she really had feelings for you and was trying to maniuplate the situation. Who knows? Give it some time.

[heidu]

If she won't listen to you in person write a card or letter. Keep it to the point and apologize. Be honest with how you feel. Explain what you feel you did wrong.
If it's in person, give her space and time to think it over if she seems unreceptive. A card or letter gives her that time automatically. Then when you see her next you should be able to tell if she is approachable if she hasn't already contacted you.
Wish you the best, it's a tough spot.
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[LMo]

Vett - the options you paint all point to Kyle's friend being wrong. I think, Kyle said that he knows what HE did wrong and that he feels bad about it. I don't think it's fair to not consider the feelings that the friend might have had before cutting off the friendship - it takes a lot out of someone to kill a best friendship, so I'm sure she must have been majorly hurt to decide to do that.

Kyle - the card is a good idea, but if you really did so something wrong, I think the best way to show that you want to save the friendship is to describe your understanding of how you might have hurt her, admit that you were wrong, and apologize (no more than twice).

And watch your anger - anger, especially when it's jealous anger in a non-romantic relationship, is never attractive. I disagree with your friend's advice that you need to learn to deal with your problems by yourself. If you need to talk, then you need to talk if that helps you. But try to respect her privacy where possible, don't bad-mouth her if you must talk to people she knows (that just makes YOU look bad), and do try to keep a lid on the anger thing.

Good luck - hopefully she'll give you another chance.
LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

[kyle]

I have never bad mouthed her, i don't have anything to bad mouth her about. If i did, i wouldn't do that anyway. Its not like this happened in a few days, it happened in a few weeks, it was a gradual thing. I also think there was a bit of 3rd party influence here, her ex bf(not the one she was fooling around with but a different one) gave her msn to his best friend(also a girl) who particularly doesn't like her. That night was the night she called me and told me she hated me. When she called me she was crying, and i think it is the type of hate you tell your parents when you're angry with them. Thanks for all the help. PS i talked to her today, but she kind of approached me. She stuck out her tounge at me, which she always used to do.... and she smiled.

[kyle]

K so if i was to write her a letter this is what i want to say...

___, I'm sorry for what I've done. I miss you so much and I only wish I could express how much I love you. Please accept my greatest apologies. You are my little blue daisy...

K so i decided to leave her name out in case she runs across this site, i don't think she'd like that known, and the blue daisy part... well she loves blue daisies, they aren't grown they are dyed, and very hard to find where we live, and one time one of her b/f's bougt some for her and she started crying she was so happy. Thats how she makes me feel. I miss her so much, and i know i keep repeating myself, but i'm so confused.

[LMo]

I think you can dye daisies yourself by cutting them and then put them in some water with food coloring in it. Give it a try!

I think it's great that you are putting yourself out there by writing her a letter, asking for her forgiveness. Your letter is very sweet. The only thing I might want to see if I were her is that you admit that you made a mistake, and that you have tried to understand how she feels. Girls like that kind of thing. But honestly, your letter is great as-is and you don't need to change anything.

Good luck,
LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

[kyle]

I'm such a mess over this girl, I'm a guy and i've cried almost everynight... missing her, hell i'm crying as i write this. I know shes not the only one that i will lose in my lifetime, but i've never cared this much about anyone, I'd do anything for her, i told her i'd take a bullet for her and i would. I can't stop thinking about her, i haven't done any schoolwork in a week, i haven't done anything at work in a week, I don't even eat anymore, and when i do eat, i eat way too much. The least i want from our relationship right now is to be able to talk to her, an actual conversation, not like hey hows it goin kinda thing. I think i need to relax, i think maybe i need to get over her, i think i need someone to tell me what i need to do, because i don't know. I want her back in my life so bad, but i don't want to hurt her any more than i have.

Thanks for everyones help, sorry about the lack of capital "i's" I talk on msn alot.

[heidu]

Kyle,
I think your letter to her is sweet and caring. I would think she would like that. Also, it sounds like she isn't closing the door to you. Her sticking her tongue out and smiling is a good sign!!
Hang in there and try to take care of yourself. Find a way to relax. Do something you enjoy. And when you get the opportunity, talk to her.

You sound like a caring young man.
Hugs,
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[kyle]

I think i need to take some time for myself and decide what i should do. I bought myself a cd today. I never buy anything for myself, and i did that. I decided this morning that my school problems are more important than my personal problems. I don't want to destroy my future.

This girl isn't the romantic type at all. One time i told her that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and she started laughing, and shes always been like that. One night i was visiting her at her work, and me and her were the only ones in the store and i got down on one knee and proposed to her. Later i told her that i was serious, and she told me she took it seriously. We're gettin married when i'm 40... lol, hopefully sooner than that.

[LadyDragus]

Taking time for yourself is always a good way to start, sending her a card, can help.
Take it from a womans point of view, I have endend best freindships with tears running down my face, and not too long ago maybe a month I had to end one that i love to death, and I would have taken a bullet fro and died on death roll for him.
But you know, as we grow up, and grow older in years, we deattach ourselves to love that we thougth woudl work when the feelin may or may not be returned.
sounds like she is playing with a fire she may not be able to handle, 3 boys at the same time..
Wich one does she truly want, well that is the thing you do need to ask, when and if you start talking to her agin.
Make sure the love you feell for her is not because she is no longer in your life, make sure it is love for wanting her to be with you forever. and if you are truly in love with her as a friend be up front and honest, if you want more tell her.. (this is why she may be messing around) she may want more and you are not giving it ?????

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[Sam]

hmmm ...

Hi Kyle - it's nice to meet you, although, I'm sorry your having trouble with your girlfriend. I take it that you're still in high school which means you still have your whole life ahead of you. And I do want to appauld your decision to not allow your personal problems to damage your school work Bravo!

Before I give my opinion, I'd like to tell you a little about me (I know this is supposed to be about you, but trust me - I know what I'm doing - ok?) and that way you can perhaps understand how and why I see things as I do.

I'm divorced - several years now, and have always had (for some strange reson) terrible taste in women. In school, I had girlfriends, even one everyone thought I would marry, but for some reson we broke up at the end of our senior year.

I dated my wife to be for two years and thought I knew her pretty well. But here's the thing - a person never truly knows another unless both are honest. That's something I've found to seldom happen.

My wife and I were married for over five years so all in all, we knew each other for over seven years. In that time - I was myself and was honest with who I am (or was - heck, these days, I'm really not sure I know who I am, or even if it is even important now), but the thing is, she (my wife) wasn't honest.

And when people aren't honest (especially in a serious relationship), or when people are playing games - things are not likely to last.

In my observations - most people fall in lust with one another (thinking they are in love - this happens a lot with younger people) and they take a big plunge (marriage) and once the lust or the newness wears off - they realize that they don't love that person - heack, they may not even like that person!

And when that happens, usually the girl is pregant or already given birth, and they go their seperate ways. Please forgive me - I'm not trying to be negative here, but rather, trying to be realistic. Even the stats on marriages show half of all marriages fail and I'm sure the boyfriend/girlfriend thing is even worst.

So, getting back to your post Kyle, you stated, "Well last week she fooled around with her ex." Being the kind of guy I am - (since I've been lied to, and she has cheated in our relationship with both men and women), I am very watchful of the women in my life, and would have a very hard time trusting any girl/woman that would fool around with her ex when she was in a relationship with me.

Next, you again stated, "and that night she told me she liked me again.". Sweetie - if she can change her way of liking you to hating you to liking you so fast - run like hell away from her. That's something you don't need in your life right now.

And then, you stated,"The next day she fooled around with him again". Well, it is pretty oblivous she isn't what one would call a "Lady", but if this is true, you definately don't need her.

And I know well how the mind can tell you one thing (like to do the right thing) and the heart tell you to do what would make you feel better (even if only till the next day, because we all knopw when the next day comes, she's going to be fooling around with her ex again). But take my advice sweetie because I know - I've been there. Take care of you - you don't need that kind of girl. And you will get over her and in time when it is right - you will find that one girl that is right for you. One that will stick with you like glue, and not want to be with any other.

Concentrate on your schooling so you can prepare yourself for a family - get that nice job (after college or vocational school) and then you will be able to take care of the family you and that special girl will have.

Now, maybe my rely here was somewhat strong, but it is for a very good reason - if she is so willing to swing back and forth between you and her ex - you are getting the short end of the deal and I think you deserve someone that will meet you 50 - 50. That, and like you and love you all the time and not be so willing to change her mind on whims.

In your other post - you said you knew what you did wrong? hmmm ... this girl changes her liking you to hating you to liking you again and back tohating you - this girl that keeps going back to her ex? This girl that doesn't want you talking about how she is fooling around on you? And on her ex? Is he really her ex?

Forget her. Do it now because it isn't near as bad as being married to her, and having to divorce her. It would really be bad then.

You need someone that will treat you as she would like to be treated - someone that will be honest with you - someone that thinks you are her center - her reason for being.

I don't know if anything I said will be helpful to you, but it was given in hopes of helping. If at times, I seemed bitter - please accept my apology. But boy oh, do I ever wish someone had given me this talk so many years ago.

Best of luck to you,

Sam

[LMo]

Sam, I think you just rock.

Kyle -- Sam has some very good words of wisdom.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, Kyle - you sound like a wonderful guy. I hope your heart heals itself quickly.

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

[kyle]

That is so true, i really don't need that, but when i say i love her i don't mean the last 2 weeks, i mean the times we had before that. I miss that, not the past few weeks. She told me shes really confused right now, but when she becomes "un-confused" she might realize that she just lost the best friend she'll ever have. I was thinking about it at work and if we do patch things up, she will probably fool around with him more, and i don't want that. If she wants me back in her life (which i've been a BIG part of for the past 5 months) then she can come back to me. SHE ended it, SHE can start it back up again.

I know i am just going through the stages, anger, denial, remorse.... etc but hopefully soon I will find someone to take her place. I don't want to use the word replace, because no one will ever be able to replace that girl, but maybe fill the emptyness she left behind when she called me that night. Now that i'm not spending ANY time with her, there are alot of girls talking to me now, i don't mean like 1 or 2, ALOT of them. Its kinda funny.

I honestly think things will get better soon. My very trusted friend at work says the situation is so immature, she fools around with her ex, and then she tells me she hates me? I felt like i had been replaced, by her ex.

Several other little things, she lied to me... she told me i'd never lose her, and i think i have. She owes me $20(but i don't care its just money) and she has my ring from when i proposed to her. It was a ring i wore all the time. It wasn't expensive or anything, but it was my ring and i gave it to her.

K, i think thats all.... thanks for your help.

[Sam]

(((((LMo))))) Thanks sweetie, but I'm far behind you because girlfriend - you really rock!

Your friend Sam

Kyle, in the end, all we can do is to offer you advice, but it falls upon you to do whatever it is that is right for you.

You strike me as being a nice young man, a little navie perhaps, but then again, who among us all that hasn't been at some time?

I think from reading your last post that you realize what is best for you, and then again ? You stated, "SHE can start it back up again.", and that makes me think you would take her back if she came to you? The question I just have to ask you, is this: WHY???????????

I'm sure that there are things about yourself and her that you haven't told us, and that's ok. Relationships are a two-way street and I'm not expecting either of you to be perfect. But, the one thing everyone should expect of any person so close in their life is honesty. Without it - you have nothing.

I look at love and can't say I understand it. And while I believe love at first sight can happen (although it doesn't happen often), true love - the kind that burns and grows into something so binding that one couldn't see living without the other, that love, it grows in time and is not something born at first sight. Look around you at the old people - people whom have been married and together for 40 years or more. These people have that true love - the kind that no matter how many times they may disagree or get on each others nerves - they cling to each other as if their lives depend upon it. That's true love, and it comes from time together, of being honest and loving and needing.

Again - Best of luck to you.

Your friend Sam

[kyle]

Well she came into my work today, and she talked to me. There was 2 ppl working and she came to MY till. She was talking to me like things were all normal. She said she wanted food, and thats why she came, but her work is all the way accross the city from where i work, and it was like 3, and she woulda worked at 5. I tried to avoid talking to her, because honestly she hurt me alot, and i don't think i'm ready to talk to her again. I took her order, gave her a discount(which i can to family and friends) and gave her food to her. I treated her like a normal customer. Wow, i think i'm starting to get over her, or maybe things are just getting better. I still miss her and i still love her, those feelings will never go away, but i might forget about them.

[kyle]

We talk now. We aren't friends, we are aquaintances. I miss her so much and yet i don't want to be with her. She also said that she can't trust me, and I can't trust her anymore. Things are getting much better tho, i can tell you that. It'll just take some time. Thanks for everyones help with this.

[heidu]

Sending you a hug and a wish for a very happy future filled with true love. "it'll just take some time" ;O)
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[kyle]

errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg!!!!!!! Shes messing with my mind now, pretending to be all suicidal, but shes not, she doesn't know what its like to be suicidal. I do, don't worry i'm not, and neither is she, i know her she does this to mess with ppls minds cuz she thinks its funny, well will she think its funny when i tell her to ***** off???? hell now, screw her and that crap. I don't wanna talk to her till she understands what she is doing. Our whole relationship was probably just her messing with me to see what she could get me to do for her. I HATE HER FOR THAT!!!!!!! I NEED TO SCREAM!!!:@:@:@:@:@:@:@

[heidu]

Scream away Kyle. It sounds like maybe you are better off forgetting about her. It will take some time but remember the good stuff and let go of the bad.
There is just no reason to play mind games. It's unfair and just plain mean. Especially messing with Suicide threats.

I think the best you can do right now is just ignore her. Let her play her games, say what she wants, threaten what she wants and when she sees you aren't reacting to it she'll eventually give up.
Hugs for Kyle,
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[jac]

Kyle-my heart breaks for you. I know how frustrating women can be, the fact that I am one only shows you that we know what we are doing. I honestly feel like she was keeping you on the side to make sure she wouldn't have to be alone-at all. You obviously have a huge heart and always want to believe the best out of people. Please don't get suckered in by lies and deceit. I believe there is someone out there for each of us and someday down the road this is just going to be a memory. Until then, hold your head up high and be the friend that she is obviously not. Trust me when I say that "this too shall pass". You will love and lose many times in your life until you are ready to find your soul mate and when you do it won't feel like this.

Lots of Luck
jac

[kyle]

Ya i know.... but its just the fact that i've never cared about someone as much as i cared about this one, and then she ends up ending it all so we don't even have a friendship left. I always get mad at myself now when i miss her, because why would i miss someone that treats me like crap?

[kyle]

I ended it completly, the shattered glass has been turned into sand. There is no way i can fix things now, because i don't want to. She told me that she wanted to fix things to a point, and we kept talking and some truths came out and i ended it. I feel so much better now. If I let her back in my life she just would have done it again. She lied to me througout the friendship, and she was finally honest with me, and i told her i want my ring back, and that its over and i said goodbye. I feel like a major burden has been lifted and i know that i can do better than that (5 letter word) YAY FOR ME!!! but i know that later on i'll end up missing her, but i've made it this far, so i think i'll keep going.

[LMo]

Kyle - I am so impressed by you. You have a really good head on your shoulders, and a strong heart for yourself. I'm happy for you.

We are ALL going to be a-ok!