I just don't understand!

I am just really bummed out (depressed) right now and needed to get it out somewhere... The friends I have aren't very supportive and my boyfriend would just get mad... So here I am...

I have been in 2 very serious relationships in my life and I am only 24... The first was for 5 years and the relationship that I am in now started a month after the last ended and we have been together for 4 years... Well over the years I have seen friends get married and have kids, no biggy to me, I was happy for them... I would say for the last year it has really bothered me all of a sudden... My best friend had a baby last year and another close friend of mine just had a baby, well I started thinking, I would like to start a family, but my problem there is that I don't think I can have kids... Well over the weekend 2 co-workers and close friends of mine got engaged, well it has really bothered me since... I am happy for both of them, they are both great people and a wonderful couple... My boyfriend and I have discussed it and looked at rings, but then he will talk as if he doesn't believe in marriage, my last boyfriend (who was married before) didn't want to get married again... So here I sit confused and beating myself up wondering what is so wrong with me that someone doesn't want to spend the rest of their life with me... Yeah, Yeah I'm still young, but I don't want anyone else in my life, I have thought long and hard about it and really I don't... I don't know, I am just lost and hurting deep down inside...

Ever since I was young I have always wanted what my parents have... They started dating in the 7th grade, they are now both 47, happily married and working togther... I want to have the love that they have, to grow old with someone... And I really believe that it is something I will never have... I just don't understand...

Sorry this is long, I had to get this off my chest somehow and had no where else to turn.

I hope getting it off your chest helped. For what it's worth, I don't think there's anything wrong with you.

ree - I know what you mean. I had the same kind of history as you. Had several long-term relationships, but nobody ever seemed to be in a hurry to get married. My brother told me it was because I give too much of myself too fast. I was married once at age 27, after living together for 4 years and like your situation, he was married once before and didn't want to get married again (eventually, he gave in but divorced me a year later). My husband now waited 4 years to propose, and it looked like history was repeating itself. However, he never said that he didn't want to get married -- he just wasn't in a hurry to do so.

Honestly, if I were 24 again, I would run fast and far from any guy who said "I don't believe in marriage". It really pushes my buttons. There are so many guys out there who WANT to get married that I don't see the point in wasting so much emotional energy on someone whose goals aren't in line with my own. It really is a big emotional drain.

Just my experience. I do know how you feel. And yes, I'm married now but it doesn't mean that the hurt is completely gone.

I don't think anything is wrong with you, either. I think it's normal to feel some of the things you are feeling. But, by all means, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. I hope things improve for you. Just post all you want to here. We'll do our best to help you through it all somehow. Take care.

I am 32 almost 33 and I wish I could get married. But, I never managed to be able to conceive of someone wanting to date me until college. I never could quite figure out why he would be interested in someone like me. Also marriages always seemed to be bad to me--my mom and step-father and mom and dad before that. It seemed like getting married meant that you had to get divorced.
Now I have seen a marriage that I like-my sister and her husband. But, I still can't see myself as lovable. If someone wants to date me, I wonder what is wrong with them.
Atleast you have had long-term boyfriends. Mine never last that long. But, I have only had three boyfriends if you count the odd one who harassed me some. Besides, I tend to date losers or dysfunctional people who are even worse than I am at relationships.
Sorry, I think I stole your topic a bit. But, I do think you are normal. I know I wish I could have a kid and sometimes it pains me to see other people with children. I mean my mom hit menapause around her mid 40s--I think. Does that mean I have a little over ten years to get married and have kids?

Hopefull - you do have plenty of time. However, the negative self-talk can't possibly move you forward...

Thank you all for your thoughts and kind words... Like I said for some reason it really bothered me this time... Other than my co-workers/friends getting engaged, my aunt is getting married (again) on Tuesday... I have cryed many times today thinking about it... I just wish I had some sort of hope so I wouldn't feel this way... Once again Thank You all and I will continue to post here, it's always good to be able to let it out...