My husband hits me..

Hi everyone. I've never posted here before but I need advice. I don't have anyone I can let everything out to. I feel like if I don't tell someone I might explode.

I really just needed somewhere to get this all out. I have no one to talk to and it's building up inside and all I want to do is let it all out and cry. So here it goes, I'm sorry if it's long.

My husband and I just got married and moved in together in May. My husband and I sometimes get into to stupid fights but a couple months ago they recently started turning into something else. I got into an argument with my husband and then felt silly and went into his office room to make ammends. I went in and put my arms around him to hug him and he pushed me and I fell and hit my head on the wall. I was shocked and started to cry, not because of physical pain but because my feelings were hurt. He started to get even more angry that I was crying and bothering him because he said he was busy. He told me to leave and I told him we needed to talk about it. So since I wouldn't leave he came over and grabbed my arms and dragged me out of the room and slapped me in my face. I had rugburn on my back and after the fight showed him and he told me I did that to myself.

This isn't the first time he's gotten physical with me before it had been little things like grabbing my arm and squeezing when he gets angry with me in public. So a couple more times it got worse, he has slapped me on the head and back and grabbed me by my shirt and shook me. This last and worst time was Friday. I had caught him messaging other women and the things said were innappropriate. I was so angry and I confronted him about it and he told me his relationship with other women is none of my business and that he can do whatever he wants. I asked him how he would feel if I did and said the same and he told me he would spit in my face. I told him it is my business because he is my husband and this is not okay with me, especially because his profile does not say he is married(this is on facebook). I felt betrayed and I told him so. He told me not to talk to him like that and he grabbed my arm and twisted it behind my back and told me to walk to the bedroom. He then threw me on the bed and started slapping me on the legs and when I started to cry and he scream he put his hand over my nose and mouth so I couldn't breath or scream. He told me to stay on the bed and went to the other room. Well after a few minutes I walked out and he got angry that I didn't listen and grabbed my arm and twisted again. I tried to get out his grip but he grabbed tighter and laughed at me struggling and said he would break my arm. So the rest of the day I sat in the bed and just cried not knowing what to do. We haven't been talking these past couple days but when he does it's only a couple of words. He has never apologized to me but I do apologize to him to resolve it.

I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be but I have never tried to physically hurt my husband. I just feel like it's my fault he hurts me because I start the argument or I try to talk to him when he tells me to leave him alone.

I just need advice.

The only advice you should get, is to walk out the front door and NEVER go back. It's only going to get worse.

Welcome to PC! Get Out Now! Is there someone you can call leave him before he hurts you bad! It is by no means YOUR FAULT! That is what he would want you to believe and anyone that has been in an abusive relationship will tell you the same thing! I know you probably love him or you wouldn't have married him, but he will not change, not for YOU! I can't say it enough GET YOURSELF SAFE! No one has the right to hit anyone I don't care what they do! I wish you the best keep posting so I know you are safe.

Hi annajane, welcome to Psych Central!

What you're describing sounds just like an abusive relationship -- especially this part:
If your husband were just displaying random ill temper you'd probably want to maintain a safe distance from him until you could get him to seek treatment. If he can get you to feel like it's all your fault, you're more likely to stay around and put up with him.

Thank you for mentioning this. Please stay safe and keep posting. Here are some articles you might find helpful:

• 5 Ways To Escape An Abusive Relationship, from the World of Psychology blog at Psych Central

• Controlling & Abusive Relationships, from the Sexual Violence Advisory Board at Stanford University

• Warning Signs of Abuse, from the Center For Relationship Abuse Awareness

domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Hi annajane.. I am so glad you found Psych Central so that you can talk about your problems. The first step is talking about it. Getting it off your chest... I can say you are in an abusive relationship. Your husband has no right to hurt your physically. I don't know if you are living in the United States. If you are, there are women's shelters that can help you. They can house you, help you get on your feet and point you in a new direction for a much better life.

First .. It is NOT your fault.. He does not want to admit he is wrong when he hits you, which to me means he is not willing to change. SO the abuse will continue. More likely it will get worse. And as it gets worse, it somehow drains your soul and you become fearful, ashamed, maybe even feel worthless.. The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the harder it is to get up and leave...Sometimes one feels trapped and afraid and they hide within themselves.. There is "NO GOOD" that can come out of an abusive relationship..

So the good thing is, there is hope for you to have a better life.. If you have family or friends that can help you leave this abusive relationship, I would suggest you do it. And don't wait 5 or 10 years down the road to do it..Do it now.. Before it strips you of who you are......

NO woman, child or any living creature deserves to be abused, threatened, or hit. It is HIS fault for hitting you.. It is your "choice" on what you are going to do a bout it. Stay and take it.. or.... Leave and start a new life....You deserve much better and you need to believe that... You need to believe in yourself...

Annajane, this post really makes me scared for you for a few reasons. First that you already feel that this is your fault. Second that your husband has stated that you have no voice in the relationship, third that he displays no remorse, fourth that you demonstrated that it is already getting worse.

I left an abusive marriage with three little ones. What you have said is so familiar. I was so scared to leave. I lost my self in the abuse. I almost lost my life to his hands twice before I got out. Things can escalate quicker than you think. I am pleading to you to please get yourself safe. I went to a women's shelter and they helped me get a fresh start. My only regret now is that it took me five years to get out. This is 100% NOT your fault! I urge you to get out while you still have some sense of self intact, and before you become seriously injured or worse. A women's shelter not only helps you get back on your feet but they also offer counciling and a safe environment where you would not have to fear your husband.

Please keep in contact with us, let us know your are safe. I wish you the strength you need to help yourself right now.

I agree with other posts,you really need to remove yourself from this situation.
The very fact that you have asked for advice tells you that in yourheartyou know that this is not right...It is typical of the abuser to make you feel as though this is your fault and tell you so..BUT,it ismost definately NOT your fault.
I too have been where you are now,and believe me it will onlyget worse..seek help to get out of this,there are womens refuges that will help you..YOU are a strong woman who DOES have the power to change your situation,abuse is all about control..take that control back for yourself.
It is not an easy thing to do,but you are not on your own in this,please get help now,don't give him another chance to break your spirit,sending you virtual hugs,keep safe.

I've heard of this happening before. Things seem to be going well, then the couple moves in together or gets married and suddenly someone finds themselves stuck with a Mr. Hyde. It's unfortunate and it's unfair. However, in this case I have to second what everyone else has been saying. Things will get worse and you could end up in very real danger if you stay with this man. Get out fast before he does you permanent psychological, physical, and/or emotional damage. The longer you stay, the worse it will get, but the harder it may be to leave. Don't let yourself become trapped in an abusive situation. Go and don't look back.

Please plan your exit carefully. I heard that the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when the abused person is trying to leave. Ask whatever domestic abuse hotline or shelter you are contacting what is the best and safest way for you to leave. Be strong. Your husband is a coward. Best of luck to you!

I agree with the others and TerryL - its very important to leave safely as the last poster said. Don't tell him you're going to leave and plan it out. Men like this rarely change and you may think he won't do it again but he will. You'll live walking on eggshells never knowing when he'll lose it again. Blaming you is typical abusive thinking. Also don't have kids with him. The longer you stay the harder it'll be to leave. There's no hope in a relationship like this.

I agree with everyone else. This man is a serious and dangerous abuser. Things will not get better, they will get worse.
I know its easy to get into a false sense of temporary security making you doubt your own resolve to leave, but you can never let that stop you.

But you need to plan this right. Get support from everyone you know you can trust. Call the hotline. Inquire after safe places to go. Don't let him know you are doing all this. And then, when you have everything worked out, leave when he is not there to stop you.

And please, stay safe!!

Oh, and one very important thing: its not your fault.

As others have said, my best advice to you would be to leave. It will get worse. I have watched my mother for most of my life being in abusive relationships, one right after another. And i will tell you this, it never got better, only worse. Please be good to yourself and get out of that relationship. And please don't blame yourself for him abusing you. No matter what you think you may have done, it is never okay for someone to hit you. A real man would have just walked away, it makes me sick to hear of someone abusing someone. I agree about what other people say about being careful when you leave. The best way to do it, is without him knowing, when he is not home. Make sure you have somewhere safe to go, whether it is a friend's, relative's, or even a shelter. Hugs to you!

this isnt a healthy relationship u are at risk. you are not safe with him. i would seek help immediatly! even if it would be ur fault u do not deserved to be treated like that! if it happens again, which i hope it doesnt and that u have left him, take pictures of any bruising, redness, any physical harm done by him. its to protect yourself and have proof so that you can go to the authorities.

he is the one with issues not you! you deserve better. hope to hear from you and that you are ok

Oprah's "Lifeclass" show has a whole show on domestic abuse today. Hope you can catch it!