Go to Bed With Your Spouse?

We also have the night owl/morning person issue in our marriage. My husband is the morning person, and I'm the night owl. We generally go to bed together, though. But luckily, I was blessed with a heavy sleeper, so I can sit with the light on and read or crochet or what have you until I'm tired. Then in the morning, he stays in bed with me, playing games on his phone until he eventually coaxes me awake with breakfast (yes, I'm very spoiled, but bringing me breakfast in bed is a surefire way of getting me to wake up and not be grumpy.. most of the time And on the rare occasions I am awake before him, I return the favor and bring him breakfast).

We both try to take care of the things that have to be done before we go to bed. We don't have a hard and fast rule for who does what, but it all gets done. Maybe not perfectly, but live-ably.

The rare occasions we don't go to bed together is usually because my husband fell asleep on the couch while watching TV or something. And since he's a heavy sleeper, I generally just leave him (rather than frustrate myself trying to wake him up), and in the middle of the night he comes to find me.

Basically, I feel for you. And maybe because we're still newlyweds and haven't been living together that long, all of this is still fresh and new for us, so the little things like going to bed together still come easily. Or maybe my husband just isn't quite as much of a morning person as your wife is, and that just makes things a little easier, too.

we go to bed at the same time. we tend to lay there and talk for a while. it's nice and relaxing and we just enjoy each others' company. i don't think either of us fits into the night owl/early bird category. we both go to bed at about 10, then he has to get up for work at 5am, and i get up with the kids at 7. we should probably go to sleep earlier.

sometimes i stay up later than he does, but usually because i'm lying awake thinking about things.

i prefer us going to bed together because it's a bonding thing for us. we do so many things separately, it's our one chance to be together without the kids and without a lot of noise going on around us.

I've been married close to a quarter-century. For the first 15 years or so, we also usually went to bed together. She was more tolerant of going to bed later and I was more likely to go to bed with her in hopes of getting a nice "sleeping pill".

Now, 3 kids and about a gazillion gallons of water under the bridge later and it's a little tougher. Life has a way of making itself more complex. My struggles lately have been to try to simplify things again as much as possible as we have leveled out and are taking the turn to the downhill side of things.

This has never happened to me. I doubt my wife would be to receptive if I tried.

I always go to bed hours before my husband, We never have sex due to my reaction to medication and hes ED. Nonetheless, he comes into the bedroom when I am in bed and "tucks me in". We talk for a few minutes and then he leaves the room. I am often asleep before he even gets the lights out. He comes to bed much later.

I love sleeping with him. He is so warm and makes me feel so safe. It brings a closeness to our relationship. He hugs me all night. It works for us and I never want separate beds. We need that time together.

This might sound a little odd - my hubs and I rarely sleep in the same bed. It was a source of confusion for me for a time; caused an increase in self-esteem issues for me...thought he wasn't attracted to me...made me depressed...yadda yadda yadda. We've talked about it and I get it now. Our bed isn't the most supportive for him and he finds that he sleeps better on the couch. He also works from home and sometimes is up much later than I am so he just crashes out there. I sometimes have to move to the couch myself when he falls asleep in bed with me because he tends to snore right after he's fallen asleep. I just go to the couch, try to pass out and then inevitably I wake up and return to our bed. I suppose deep down, it still sort of bothers me. I try not to let it do so, because I enjoy having a full night's sleep - it happens too rarely - and I can't have it both ways.

That said, I can usually tell when he's in the mood for sex because he shows up more often when that happens.

Have you spoken with your wife about this? It took my husband a while (and a conversation from my Dr.) to understand that I needed to have certain things done before I could rest. That meant that he had to pitch in and help with the chores. He could care less if there are dishes in the sink, towels all over the bathroom floor etc.

I'm not trying to belittle you in any way, but there are simpleish solutions. Load the washer but don't turn it on until morning. Or turn it on as you're eating dinner so that it'll be in the dryer while you're sleeping. Dinner isn't over until the left-overs are put away. I relaxed over the years, the dishes don't have to be washed, but they have to be rinsed and stacked neatly or put in the dishwasher. The kids can help out here. My three year old granddaughter knows at Grammy's house when dinner is over the dishes go in the sink (she would try to put them directly in the dishwasher, since the child does not eat, the food left on her plate created some issues.) If you don't want to crate you're dog, put some wee pads down. WE make things more complicated than they have to be.

OMG, yes. We talk about it ALL THE TIME. She REALLY, REALLY wants me to come to bed with her and I want that too but eventually she just says, "I'm too tired. I have to go to bed" or she just sneaks away for a "5 minute rest" under the blankets, in bed, in her pajamas.

She's got issues and I know that. I guess this is just another manifestation of them. I don't want to make a big deal of this stuff while she's going through so many other things. So, I look for the little things to help. Band-aids on the hole in my chest to keep things under control, if possible. I think I will at least start insisting on cleanup immediately after dinner. She likes to chill and cuddle with a full belly after dinner (who doesn't) but we have to make compromises, right?

Yes, you are right, we have to make compromises. It's frustrating when you're views on things are so far apart. I loved my MIL to death, but her house was TRASHED. When we would go to visit I would be cleaning from the minute I walked through the door until the minute I left. My babies were crawling around on that floor! I did not want to be offensive, this was their home, but my baby shouldn't be dirtier crawling around on the floor than if he was outside playing in the sand box. So I usually only cleaned the bedrooms we were using, the upstairs bathroom, kitchen, dining room and living room. I once laid in bed there wondering where I would start if I were to clean the whole house and came to the conclusion that I would burn the place down and start from scratch. Ever see an episode of How Clean is your house? My MIL was also a borderline horder. But then again, my FIL and BIL are construction electritions. The place that they were working on one spring was red clay mud. They would come home for lunch and not even stomp their feet before coming in let alone take their shoes off. I had literally just finished scrubing and waxing the kitchen floor when they came in with their boots COVERED in mud. So much mud that clumps were falling from the back door to the kitchen table, then pooling at their feet while they were sitting down to eat. I wouldn't want to clean up after that blatant disregard for courtesy either! My husband grew up with this so this was normal to him. I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I have relaxed quite a bit, but even something like the towels folded the wrong way or put in the wrong place put me over the edge. He had to learn (and it took YEARS) that if he wanted this from me, I needed that. It's not perfect, he still does things that set me over the edge. If he cooks dinner (and he does most nights, it's his turn) the garbage from the packaging from whatever he is making goes right in the sink. WHY??? The garbage can is RIGHT there. If that 12 inches is too far away from you, it's mobile for crying out loud! Why must you throw it in the sink for me to follow behind you and throw it in the garbage?

Sounds familiar.