[bighands]

How many of you go to sleep with your significant other?

Wife always wants me to come to bed with her (not to make love) but goes to sleep at 8:30 - 9 with lots of chores left undone. How do you all deal with this?

[astenon]

I'm way to inexperienced at relationships to be able to make a confident response, but can't the chores wait till tomorrow? Maybe she just wants to fall asleep in a cuddle with her man?

Or am I just an old romantic?

Originally Posted by bighands

How many of you go to sleep with your significant other?

Wife always wants me to come to bed with her (not to make love) but goes to sleep at 8:30 - 9 with lots of chores left undone. How do you all deal with this?

I also have problems with this as we work at different times, so we get tired at different times. But I like sex, so I go to bed with her anyway.

Maybe you can compromise. She might be willing to go to bed about a half an hour later every night. Or you could go to bed earlier on some nights and get things done on others.

[Big Mama]

I do not go to sleep at the same time as my H. We have very different sleep patterns. He gets up around 4 or 5 m. If I had to get up this early it would not be good. I am not a morning person.

My H goes to bed around 8:30 or 9:00 pm. I am just not tired at that time. Sometimes I will lay down w. him and talk until he goes to sleep and then get up and do what I need to do.

I sleep from 12:00 -1:00ish until 8:00 am then take a two hour nap most days from 1:30 - 3:30 when my littlest one sleeps.

[outNabout]

Originally Posted by bighands

How many of you go to sleep with your significant other?

Wife always wants me to come to bed with her (not to make love) but goes to sleep at 8:30 - 9 with lots of chores left undone. How do you all deal with this?

What were you meaning by "deal with this". Do you mean deal with the lack of chores being done? Or your partner's lack of interest in sex?

One nice thing is that you say she consistently wants you to come to bed with her. That's nice! It's nice to be wanted, and that she's consistent about enjoying your company! I'd enjoy that if I were you.

For example, I'm wishing my partner was:
1) nice to me
2) wanted my friendship
3) communicated that she likes me
4) communicated that she wanted me in bed with her

So, my two cents is, enjoy the good things you've got, while you can, and keep working on the other challenges.

[High Treason]

Yep, this has been an issue in every relationship in which I have lived with a woman. Personally, I don't understand what's so damn important about going to bed together. It not like she ever has sex. Ever. So really what's the point of being in the bed at the same time when all you're going to do there is sleep? Is it really that important to spend time together while unconscious? A lot of times, I pretend to go to bed with her and then get back up once she falls asleep.

[Big Mama]

I do this to. I don't see what the big deal is either. We are just going to sleep for goodness sake. We are not having sex we are sleeping. If you want me to lay there and talk to you so be it. I can do that, but after you go to sleep. Why should I lay there and watch you sleep. So I get up and go about my business.

[shezbut]

My bf is always wanting to go to bed way before I'm ready. He is happy to have me come in and keep him company for awhile, otherwise I'm encouraged to try to wake him when I do come to bed if I'm "in the mood". That usually doesn't work very well ~ as we all need our zzz's!

What works for us is middle of the day (after lunch) or early evening sex (before supper). I'm not an early riser and he's not a late night guy, so that's the way it works out for us. Sometimes, one of us will have energy at an unusual time and we take advantage of those times as they are special!

[beadlady29]

beads bf always wanted her to go to sleep with him like way earlier then she was ready too, and expected us to stay in bed all nite
we could not do that. once we waked up after like a hour or two we had to get up. he did n ot like that.
he wanted his cake adn eat it too. fat chance.
beads

[Leed]

When my husband was alive (obviously) I'd go to bed with him, but after he was SOUND asleep, I'd get back up and do what needed to be done, or else wait until I was sleepy enough to go back to bed. I always got up with him in the morning, but I just didn't sleep well, and couldn't go to sleep as early as he did. But I did like lying down with him when he went to bed.

[adam_k]

Me and my wife go to bed at the same time about half of the time, others I go to bed first and she comes up a couple hours later.

[bos314489]

Originally Posted by High Treason

Yep, this has been an issue in every relationship in which I have lived with a woman. Personally, I don't understand what's so damn important about going to bed together. It not like she ever has sex. Ever. So really what's the point of being in the bed at the same time when all you're going to do there is sleep? Is it really that important to spend time together while unconscious? A lot of times, I pretend to go to bed with her and then get back up once she falls asleep.

I agree totally. Sleep is sleep and sex is sex. You cannot have sex when you are unconscious. My boyfriend snores so loudly that I have not been able to sleep in the same bed as him forever. I think bottom line is two people can be intimate, cuddle, have sex, talk in bed, etc but do what you have to do to get a good nights sleep. For me that is my own bed.

[AAAAA]

I've drafted several responses to this post. It brought up some issues from long ago, I will try very hard to seperate my issues from you're own .

I've always been a night owl, hubby a day bird. The first time we actually worked the same hours, 10 years into our marriage, going to bed at the same time became an issue. We both worked nights, he'd go to bed right when we got home and I would be up doing chores, whatever. The problem was he wanted me to go to bed right when we got home too. At the time, I thought it was a control issue and I sorely resented it. I can see now how silly that assumption was.

For whatever reason he needed that connection, that closeness. I used to wait for him to fall asleep and get up and do whatever it was that seemed so important to me at the time that needed to get done. He'd roll over and wake up if I was not in bed and come and find me. Do you know now, 18 years later, I cannot for the life of me remember what was so damn important that I had to get out of bed. What I do remember is the days I stayed in bed, reading, playing sims (literally the reason I got my first laptop was so that I had something to do while he was in bed sleeping), or whatever I did to occupy that time, I DO remember when he'd roll over and say love you and fall back asleep, or when we'd argue in his sleep. He works just as hard in his sleep as he does awake. Sometimes he'd think I was one of the guys working for him and he be very frustrated that I was not doing what he wanted me to do.

So here's what I'm trying to say. When you're laying on your death bed are those chores going to comfort you, or the memories of just spending time with your wife, the person you chose to spend your life with going to comfort you? I have OCD, I understand that some of the things I have to do before I rest control me, I do not control them. Medication has helped, but now every thing in my life is broken down into a simple question: "Will this be important to me in a year?" Live each day as if it were your last. If this was your last day on earth, which would make a difference? Getting your chores done or spending time with your wife?

[Big Mama]

AAAAA you are so right. I used to think it was a control thing that my H wanted me in bed the same time he was in bed. I'm still not so sure about that. He does have alot of control issues and this was just another to add to that list. But I do think it was and is more about the connection.

My H is self employeed and is in construction. I totally get what you mean by arguing in his sleep. My H has asked me some of the silliest things about work and argued w/ me about his work like I was an employee.

For me I suppose it is not wanting that connection, not wanting another argument, no wanting ugly words as he goes to sleep and I'm left to drive my self crazy w/ the rude things he has to say. But that is just me and I'm not sure that is the cause for everyone not sleeping in the same bed.

[astenon]

Originally Posted by bos314489

My boyfriend snores so loudly that I have not been able to sleep in the same bed as him forever

Bos,
This is probably a bit off topic for the thread, so will keep it quick. Apparently my snoring was keeping my flatmates awake at times, so last December I had surgery (can dig out the procedure name if you want it, PM me). I was in and out of hospital in a day. Took a couple of weeks to heal though.

Just a suggestion if the snoring is something you'd like to quieten down a bit.

[AAAAA]

Originally Posted by Big Mama

AAAAA you are so right. I used to think it was a control thing that my H wanted me in bed the same time he was in bed. I'm still not so sure about that. He does have alot of control issues and this was just another to add to that list. But I do think it was and is more about the connection.

My H is self employeed and is in construction. I totally get what you mean by arguing in his sleep. My H has asked me some of the silliest things about work and argued w/ me about his work like I was an employee.

For me I suppose it is not wanting that connection, not wanting another argument, no wanting ugly words as he goes to sleep and I'm left to drive my self crazy w/ the rude things he has to say. But that is just me and I'm not sure that is the cause for everyone not sleeping in the same bed.

Aw. Now that I look back at it those arguements were funny. The equipment that he works on is larger than our house and I would have to use logic to get him out of it in his sleep. You're laying in bed, exactly where would a DISA be located in here? At first I tried just agreeing with him to passify him so he'd go back to sleep. But the dreamstate me apparently did not do what he wanted so that was worse. But he has his crosses to bear as well. I will wake up mad as hell at him because in my dreams he slept with my sister. I don't even have a sister!

But you did bring up a good point. Everyone that I've ever known that has split from their spouse/SO, the beginning of the end was sleeping on the couch or another room. So withholding that connection even when your partner is sleeping means something.

My husband rarely comes to bed with me and it has started causing a real wedge in our relationship. It's not so much his staying up later....it's I'll wake up 3-4 hours later and he's still not there, and then I wake up early to get my son off to school and to work and he sleeps until almost noon. It affects not only our sleeping hours but our waking hours as well...and there's no reason it needs to be this way, HE'S NOT WORKING!

[bighands]

Originally Posted by outNabout

What were you meaning by "deal with this". Do you mean deal with the lack of chores being done? Or your partner's lack of interest in sex?

One nice thing is that you say she consistently wants you to come to bed with her. That's nice! It's nice to be wanted, and that she's consistent about enjoying your company! I'd enjoy that if I were you.

For example, I'm wishing my partner was:
1) nice to me
2) wanted my friendship
3) communicated that she likes me
4) communicated that she wanted me in bed with her

So, my two cents is, enjoy the good things you've got, while you can, and keep working on the other challenges.

I shouldn't have even really mentioned the chores or sex. They're trivial. She doesn't have a strong libido because of meds and I could probably put away dinner leftovers and take the dog out to crap so he doesn't do it on the carpets and hurry to bed before she falls asleep if I wanted to. The real problem is just the morning person vs night owl issue.

I actually do enjoy that she wants me there and am, like you say, working on these other challenges. That's why I'm, here.

[bighands]

Originally Posted by shezbut

My bf is always wanting to go to bed way before I'm ready. He is happy to have me come in and keep him company for awhile, otherwise I'm encouraged to try to wake him when I do come to bed if I'm "in the mood". That usually doesn't work very well ~ as we all need our zzz's!

What works for us is middle of the day (after lunch) or early evening sex (before supper). I'm not an early riser and he's not a late night guy, so that's the way it works out for us. Sometimes, one of us will have energy at an unusual time and we take advantage of those times as they are special!

I may start a whole new thread on this topic! We used to love our afternoon delights but kids kind of puts a damper on that. She can't relax when kids are in the house or due back any time soon.

[bighands]

Originally Posted by High Treason

Yep, this has been an issue in every relationship in which I have lived with a woman. Personally, I don't understand what's so damn important about going to bed together. It not like she ever has sex. Ever. So really what's the point of being in the bed at the same time when all you're going to do there is sleep? Is it really that important to spend time together while unconscious? A lot of times, I pretend to go to bed with her and then get back up once she falls asleep.

I understand/agree with the "Connection" aspect of going to bed together. I love it. Problem is that it's just sooooo damn comfy, that I can't NOT fall asleep. Then I wake in the morning and there's spoiled food on the stove still and wet laundry in the washer that now smells and needs to be washed a second time and the dog took a humongous dump on the new rug in front of the front door! That kind of stuff can't wait until morning.

If I do manage to stay awake and go back down to finish up chores or have "Me" time when I finally do come to bed, I have to be quiet as a hobbit or she'll go thru the roof because I woke her and she didn't get 8 "Consecutive" hours of sleep!

[bighands]

Originally Posted by shezbut

My bf is always wanting to go to bed way before I'm ready. He is happy to have me come in and keep him company for awhile, otherwise I'm encouraged to try to wake him when I do come to bed if I'm "in the mood".

LOL. This has always been like Russian Roulette for me. Sometimes I can wake her for play and she'll be very receptive but other times she might bite my head off. So, I have to be horny AND in a bit of a gambling mood.

[bighands]

Originally Posted by astenon

Bos,
This is probably a bit off topic for the thread, so will keep it quick. Apparently my snoring was keeping my flatmates awake at times, so last December I had surgery (can dig out the procedure name if you want it, PM me). I was in and out of hospital in a day. Took a couple of weeks to heal though.

Just a suggestion if the snoring is something you'd like to quieten down a bit.

Sleep Apnia. CPAP aint sexy but it can really help get yuou a wonderful night's sleep if you're a snorer.

[Big Mama]

If my H woke me for sex I'd be so ticked. My sleep means lots to me, and you better not mess w/ me durring sleep. You might get by talking to me but for sex, no way. After 10:00 am and that might be a different story, might.

[bighands]

Originally Posted by AAAAA

So here's what I'm trying to say. When you're laying on your death bed are those chores going to comfort you, or the memories of just spending time with your wife, the person you chose to spend your life with going to comfort you? I have OCD, I understand that some of the things I have to do before I rest control me, I do not control them. Medication has helped, but now every thing in my life is broken down into a simple question: "Will this be important to me in a year?" Live each day as if it were your last. If this was your last day on earth, which would make a difference? Getting your chores done or spending time with your wife?

Thanks for the perspective. Like everything else, relationships are about compromise and I never, EVER, want to have separate beds from my wife. We just need to work thru the differences.

For you folks who are both morning people or both night owls, consider yourselves VERY lucky!

[AAAAA]

I only wish that I knew half of what I thought I knew at 18. It took a long time before I realized that my husband and I were not speaking the same language. Wouldn't it be nice if compromise meant we met each other half way? But sometimes I have to compromise more than he does and vice versa.