Is he just not that into me or is it control?

I do not know if the man that I am in a new relationship with is just not that into me or if he is using control of when he makes time for me. At first we we could not be separated. Now I ask when we will see each other because it has been about a week since I seen him.He says how about tomorrow because it will be cold and snowing, but every night I do not see him it is ok weather and because he goes to the gym for 2hours.What does that suppose to make me feel about this relationship and there will be no future if I have to chase him around.I don't do that and I won't be last on your list.Am I being selfish or what is this?

Then I had made appt to get my tubes tied because I think I am done having kids due to my mental illness and I am far from any new marriage.He tells me no I need to cancel that appt because I should not do that.Ok that is confusing mixed signals and I cannot play this mind game or whatever it is?

Another thing is I always have to go to his place and he never takes time to come to my place?What do I do with this guy?Is there any hope for the relationship?Is this a form of abuse?I need help because I have not taken someone serious since my ex.I would love some feedback because I am lost and not thinking correctly because my illnesses.

Are you saying you have to wait until the weather is lousy before he'll see you? I.E. "How about tomorrow because it will be cold and snowing?" That sounds pretty rotten to me! Obviously he wants all the good weather to himself so he doesn't have to DO anything with you except stay IN. Do you KNOW that he goes to the gym for 2 hours? Perhaps he has someone else he's seeing instead.

And why doesn't he want you to have your tubes tied? That is YOUR decision, NOT HIS. Go ahead and have your tubes tied, because if you get pregnant, you can BELIEVE that he won't be around to help you pay for another child! He'll be GONE!!! YOU will have to pay and bring up this child -- HE won't. So have your tubes tied if you don't want another child!!! He won't be there for you!!

Find yourself another guy. This guy isn't the one for you. You need to find a guy who will be there for you ALWAYS. Someone who will LOVE you ALWAYS. This guy doesn't. He's never even told you he loves you, right? Get rid of him. He's no good.

God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

You should not have your tubes tied anyway because there is a much better procedure called Essure that outperforms having your tubes tied along all dimensions (except I do not know about the cost - I have not done it).

So if you want to be 100% sterile, Essure is the way to go.

Whether you should become sterile is up to you, but there is no question that Essure is better than having your tubes tied.

No, you are not being selfish. You have reasonable expectations and he is not meeting them. You should never chase a guy around. I am a little old-fashioned in that it is OK for a woman to make a guy chase her around a bit - not too much, but to some extent, but not vice versa. Making guys chase you around keeps them in good physical shape so I view it as a public service .

I think you should get Mirena IUD, which is almost as effective as sterilization, reversible, protects against cancer a bit, and stops menstruation in 30% of women as a normal side effect and it is nice not to deal with tampons and pads. I am very happy with it and it makes periods painless for those women who continue to have periods. It has been in use in the States for many years and in Europe for much longer, has a great safety and efficacy record, and will allow you to really think well about permanent/irreversible decisions without having a deadline. You are now upset because he is not behaving nicely, and it is better to postpone making irreversible decisions until you are not upset.

Plus, if you use Mirena with condoms, the risk of pregnancy is zero (well, an infinitesimal number), but Mirena, unlike permanent methods, confers health benefits, is reversible, and possibly confers the convenience benefit of no menstruation or at least painless and light periods.

So in my opinion, Mirena+condoms >> Essure >> tubal ligation.

It is actually a very rare case when a medical discovery is SO useful without side effects for most users.

You deserve a decent man that wants a relationship. He clearly is a jerk.

This person certainly doesn't sound that interested in you. Perhaps it is time to make him chase you for a while. If he doesn't, then you know he isn't the one for you.

I think this is a perfect way to make him reveal his true interests by way of an experiment.

Thanks for the responses I truly appreciate them. My mistake I am getting Essure. Yes I am not calling or texting him and we will see what happens. I do not need any jerks in my life anymore and I figure I have enough stress with life and my health that I don't need anybody's help brining me down.

I also have to get off All BC because my emotions are already always on a roller coaster because of sudden mental illnesses

You are so right that I just cannot stress it enough. Mentally ill people are so good bringing themselves down on their own that they clearly do not need any assistance from others.

Very true,I do not need any help with "doing bad".It was obvious that there was a lot of crap going on that I removed myself from this person's life. My PTSD psychologist told me to stay away from relationships for now until I get a little better mentally.hmmm sounds kind of depressing but either way it's a catch 22 and I need to focus on "me"ONLY now.

Hi Aiuto, if he is comming around and having sex with you, then not having time for you. Hes not only a jerk but a really big jerk. If your feeling bad emotionally this is probably the reason. I would defanitley cut him lose, no explanations or phone calls. Please dont let him treat you that way. On the subject of hes not that into you, is a negative statement towards women and not healthy, who cares what he likes hes a creep, theres was a book out called hes not that into you and face it your not into him either. One other thing some people will take advantage of the mentally ill, you need to stay away from him. please.

How long should he chase me and if he does then what do I do?Tell him we can do dinner,lunch,coffee,meet @ the park etc??

Yes, but not instantaneously. Wait a bit with the reply and then schedule something for, say, the following weekend. Or if it is Monday, for Wed evening, but not sooner.

I was thinking more long the line of a week and half. Act like I am soooo busy that I can fit him in my agenda next week?lol

I think next week is good. I think a week and a half is too long. What do you think?

We will see if he even puts in effort.lol

Hi Aiuto, does he ever take you out to dinner or on a date? Are you just going to his place and not doing anything else? My question is why do you even want this person in your life? It sounds like the relationship has caused more confusion then anything else. As for if hes going to chase you or not, I doubt it unless he feels like theres somehting it it for him, I say this because of the way he has treated you. He wont even come to your place, and just wants you to come to his place. How disrespectful.

very TRUE Layla we do go out for dinners etc.But lately it has seemed really confusing and disrespectful and I have not heard from him in a few days so I guess that is the effort he is putting in and someone else can have that BS.I got things to do for me.Silent treatment or ignoring someone they say is worse then hate.And this is going down a two way street!If you know what I mean?

Well guess who text today?Him!He said sorry if I tried to call which I did not. His phone was turned off from the bill not being paid?I tell you I feel like this idiot has more excuses that is not even necessary.Well I said if you want to pursue this we need to meet for lunch or dinner to talk in person.He said he agrees. I just don't know what is up with this idiot lol. I will maybe meet him for a lunch or dinner just to hear his story. And look really good and just be numb to him and rush out after for a appointment or have plans.So this way this guy knows he is on my back burner as well.

Then a hour later my girlfriend calls me and tells me he is on a dating site!!!!!I signed up and sure enough!!!!People are so disappointing.I am best by myself

hello,
honestly yes thats mixed singnals i hate that he needs to make up his mind or forget about him if i were you i would ignore him for a while let him want you give him a chance to see you dont sumther him let him chase you ignore him pretend to be busy when he asks you out then see how he likes it if he comes at you like i really miss you then go from there.....

Hello,

I just want to say yes he is sending you mixed signals and i know how that feels i hate that but what you should do is give him his space ignore him make him want you ,when he asks to see you tell him your busy, let him tell you he misses you then see him keep words he has to say how much he misses you .....
good luck hun

Hi Aiuto, in 5 years he will probably be doing the same thing. Just go on with your life and meet someone who has morals and values. Thier are a lot of good men out there. In time you will only feel sorry for him, when you have moved on and improved your relationship with someone else. If you dont move on you will never trust him because you know he has lied. Hes a sad case with risk taking behaviour, which could lead to sexually transmitted deseases. Just tell him youve met someone else and dont want to continue the relationship in anyway. This is a way of saying you cant maniputate me any more. The thing is Aiuto, it is what it is and you cant change it, only it except it and move on. Sometimes it hard to accept, but if you continue it will be the same thing over and over.