[EJ711]

For those of you who have moved on from past mates, will you tell me what were the final straws in your relationships?

Thanks,

EJ

[BamaGal]

Just the fact that you are posing the question, tells me it is time to move on. But if you are unstable now or in crisis--do not make any major decisions.

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
BamaGal said:
Just the fact that you are posing the question, tells me it is time to move on.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Hmm -
IMHO..... some times when one ask that is when they find the answer.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - (((( hugs ))))

[SeptemberMorn]

When I realized that I didn't deserve or need the abuse, both verbal and emotional and sometimes physical with the first one.

When they insisted that they didn't need to change, but me, and I already had... for the better.

Oh, yeah! And most importantly, when my conscience told me I had given all I had and tried everything I knew how and could give.

[abbidy]

Hey,
You are asking a really hard question. I myself go to couples therapy, and would suggest it number one. If your partner would go with you. But you have a few things to seriously ask yourself. If you left this person, would you feel guilty, or still in love? There is a difference. Sometimes, we are really not communicating well. We put up defences and say things we don't mean. But if there are still feelings, search yourself to see if there are, then learn to communicate differently. Both of you. If this person isn't willing to meet you half way, then this should tell you something. Obviously if there is abuse, this person does not respect you or deserve you. They may care somewhere inside, but that isn't enough with abuse.

[(JD)]

Mine said he couldn't live with my disability. Then, during Hurricane Andrew, he refused to comfort me, and sat with his arms crossed on his chest, a few feet away from me.

[PasDeDeux]

I would not know I have been married some time now and we are happy. I would say if you do not want to fight for saving your marriage or he doesn't then it may be time to end it. Have you two seen a T on this?

[EJ711]

All,

I have an appointment set up with your minister tomrrow evening, but husband doesn't want to to, and he knows that I'm not happy with things.

Hugs,

EJ

[abbidy]

Hey,
Look, he may not want to go, but if he goes, it is at least a begginning. I am really proud of you for setting up that appointment. It's so hard to do that, but it will be o.k. Be prepared for the sessions to open up issues. But it will help, keep an open mind. Good luck.
Abbidy

[PasDeDeux]

I agree with the below. I do not want to go to work in a few hours because I will be tired but I will because I VALUE my job. Its a great job so if your husband goes it shows he sees the value in your marriage. I am sorry you are in this spot ((ej)) and also am sorry for the others in here with such tragic stories

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
abbidy said:
Hey,
Look, he may not want to go, but if he goes, it is at least a begginning. I am really proud of you for setting up that appointment. It's so hard to do that, but it will be o.k. Be prepared for the sessions to open up issues. But it will help, keep an open mind. Good luck.
Abbidy

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
EJ711 said:
All,

I have an appointment set up with your minister tomrrow evening, but husband doesn't want to to, and he knows that I'm not happy with things.

Hugs,

EJ

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Then go by your self.................. I did - then he came later on, months later but nevertheless he still came.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - (((( hugs ))))

EJ... I'm with Rhapsody.... Go there on your own... and hopefully he'll come around.

(((((((((((((((((((((( EJ711 ))))))))))))))))))))))

[Sabrina]

I knew my first marriage was over when my heart and head finally met each other half-way.

I am sorry you are going through this (((EJ)))

[bebop]

Jane this is a tough decision to make for anyone. For me it wasn't so much 1 thing that broke that camels back. It was years of trying. I think you "just" know when it is finally over. There is a feeling that you have done all you possibly can to save the marriage. For me it was when there were no feelings left for the most part. I have had a couple of marriages/divorces. One was an abuser the other an alcoholic. Both were very difficult to make that decision. pm if you need to hon.

[Zen888]

Awwwwwww EJ

((((((((((((((((((((((EJ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[razeljenny]

Good luck with your appointment. Say how you feel to the minister. Say all that can be shared and try not to control yourself; honesty is painful but letting out things can be the start of something significant. This can be taken to the home and be appreciated by your spouse.Let me draw a picture example: Some music is loud and earth shaking, some is like a sympony, but all music that is practiced alittle sounds better to the ones we really love, because it is beautiful, meaningful and worth sharing. ANYTHING that is valuable and worth sharing becomes important and valuable to another and allows the other to give away something that is really worth sharing, when it is modeled by the wife.

[razeljenny]

EJ711- I tried to keep my marriage. Good luck and God Bless, but no matter what you do, God is on your side, and you are also not alone for I have been through this and I wish you blessings in everything and send you a hug, Razel

[razeljenny]

Domestic violence I went to the YWCA and each time I backed out of the restraining order because I was worried that he would hurt me (I was obsessive and knew that I would hang out again) and was worried at how strong he really was and remembering him strangling on me before (I was so very frightened of my love) I am away after 9 years. It has been 12 weeks that we been apart and offically broken up. Been dozens of break ups and get back togethers. Glad that I grew more finally and it really ended. It was as hard as having a child and going thru labor for me to do it though. (JUST GIVING MY EXPERIENCE )

[EJ711]

This might blow you all away, but the minister was concerned about my staying in this relationship for too long if it only continues to becomes worse.

Husband did not come.

Husband, however, found a possible job opening in town. He gave me permission to send out a resume for another job.

Thanks everybody for sharing. I'm still undecided.

Hugs,

EJ

[bebop]

he gave you permission to send a resume? for him or for you?

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
EJ711 said:
This might blow you all away, but the minister was concerned about my staying in this relationship for too long if it only continues to becomes worse.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

If I may ask? - is this "worse" in the since of physically or emotionally worse? - any abuse.

Hang in there...... ((( hugs )))

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

i'm curious about bebop's questions. he gave you permission for you to send out another resume?

and the minister was concerned about your staying too long because???????????

there are all forms of abuse of the marriage vows........it doesn't all have to be verbal or physical..........

Oh dear EJ, I just read this. I agree with the previous posts... Your hubby seems a tad controlling, to say the least, if you can't even send your own resume. Unless I am putting the cart before the horse.

I am also quite concerned with the following: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
EJ711 said:the minister was concerned about my staying in this relationship for too long if it only continues to becomes worse.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Why would your minister be worried if there were no grounds to this?? Is that because you can't be safe within the relationship? Please, you have to take care of yourself and if there is any form of controlling and/or abuse going on, you’d be better off removed from this relationship. Especially if your husband is not willing to change/improve.

Best wishes to you!

[almostangela]

You have only known one life and that is with him. If I had a crystal ball to show you all the other possible lives you could live, starting today, you would walk on alone. You have already asked the question and your preacher is concerned, your friends are concerned, and most of all, you are concerned. All that is holding you back is the fear of the unknown and fear is only an emotion that can be worked through. Thirty three years is a long time and you need support to do this, even if you decide to stay and try to work it out. Gather together your family and friends and make changes because you can't continue living your life in such sadness. You were born to be happy and share your uniqueness with everyone so more than one person can benefit. You have the strength and intelligence to change your situation and you have already started. You are not alone.

[Zen888]

Hi EJ

From what I've read you need another one of my MEGA big fire hozes! This hoze will give you the fortitude to withstand any trails and turbulations that your marital situation is bring your way that is causing you not to feel a sense of hope and impowerment for YOUR future!

((((((((((((((((((((((((EJ's FUTURE))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))