Doesn't know what he feels

Icetea, honey, you are putting a lot of mental and emotional energy into this, but your thinking still sounds convoluted to me. I am not condemning you or judging you on this, as I have behaved in the same way....waiting, waiting, thinking my brains out, analyzing and often blaming myself for someone else's bad behavior.
From your descriptions of his words and interactions with you, he is NOT the HERO figure, the knight in shining armor from fairy tales. HE is the one needing to be rescued; the frog you hope will turn into a prince. You are the hero and the rescuer. You are doing all the analyzing and the mental work here, and, hun, he's not worth it.
He may continue to answer your emails (though you say he seems weary of them), dangling his worm on a hook to you, but you would be well to cease contact.
LOve
Patty

I don't agree, he is thinking about it just as much as I do (we are both big thinkers, always have been). He told me he can't stop thinking about everything and wishes he could find the answers. Maybe we will stop any contact.
It's never just one person responsible. It is not about what a person is worth. I am not blaming myself. I am not blaming him. It doesn't help to "blame". I am not saying that I am going to accept everything, definitely NOT.
I am trying not to repeat the same mistakes. We both need rescuing but we both need to understand that we have to rescue ourselves.
If love grows out of this, even better! But don't worry I am going to protect myself. I am speaking out my needs loud and clearly. If he doesn't want to go the way, I will accept it.

Thanks Patty!

and how long have you known him? have you met anyone that he knows? family, friends, ex-girlfriends? NO ONE can rescue anyone else. i agree with patty and will go one farther...you are going in circles and there is a payoff for you in this. i don't know what it is, but something is making you feel better about him.......

no one here has been able to get through to you yet. and all of the advice has been thoughtful and caring. and i've noticed that you don't answer direct questions about him. take care.

I have answered all direct questions about him and I just explained about the payoff. You need to understand that it doesn't make sense to tell people what to do. That's not the point here. The point is to make people realize what they invest in a situation, and what they expect to get out of it. Then it is their decision.
I just said that rescuing is a bad idea, so why are telling me this???
I am sure that some people may warn against me and tell a man "red flags" are going up.

You know, Icetea, I've been fighting the same battle you are fighting for THIRTY YEARS! Not one single thing is going to change, no matter how hard YOU try or what YOU do! I know from experience!

For thirty years, I've been knocking my head against a brick wall for not paying attention to those "red flags!" So many regrets!! So many "Why didn't I listen????"

If there was ANYTHING at all I could say that was positive, I'd say it, but I can't. Seems to me you want someone, anyone to say, "You can make this work." Guess what? Everybody else sees and knows that you CAN'T. But if you want to try, by all means, go for it! But I can tell you one thing for certain. It won't be long before that knot on your head that you've already got will start bleeding and it will continue to get bigger and bleed worse until it moves to your heart. It will deaden your heart. It will make you cynical about love and men. But if you want to TRY and make it work, by all means! It's YOUR choice, not anyone elses.

Let me reiterate. YOU can't change him. Only HE can and that is IF he wants to and has the courage!

1. have you met all of his friends?

2. have you met his family? all of them?

3. does he work? fulltime? how much does he make? do you work? fulltime?

4. is he married?

5. what is your payoff in this? i didn't feel that you gave a "real" answer.

6. you came and asked us how to make him love you...do you still want answers to that?

7. if you come here for validation that what you're doing is going to help, re-read tomi's post. i've been here with her for a very long time and what she says to you is the honest to god truth. listen to experience. also read patty's post again. i've been with her through hell and back. she knows what she's speaking of. she was a wreck when she came here.......all from a similiar relationship.

8. do you really want our help? or do you want to be angry because none of us will back down from the years of experience that we all share?

9. do you believe that three or four nights in bed with someone tells you all about love?

10. why do you really think he waffles and doesn't answer e.mails and cuts you off on MSN?

11. i'm quitting this thread for good. good luck. pat

Well obviously the chick doesn't read my posts. Bye