I'm always worried about her

I have this issue where I'm always worrying about my girlfriend. It's not a trust issue because I trust her completely. When she doesn't contact me at least once or twice an hour I'm always worried about where she is or what she is doing. I'll get sad and upset (but not angry) and my mind will start racing.

She is the only person i talk to for more then a couple minutes a day. I don't have very many friends, so my mind is always on her. Sometimes it gets really bad. To the point where all I can do is think about her and worry that she is alright. I get scared and ill get all these horrible feelings that she might be in trouble.

I love her so much and i just want to make sure that she is alright. ill keep myself from constantly asking where she is or what she is doing, but sometimes it slips through. i used to message her constantly about it, but now I've cut back on that.

It's just so overwhelming at times. I guess I'm looking for ways to help calm my mind, or to reassure myself that she is alright. Any help or tips would be very much appreciated.

Hi ~ I assume that your girlfriend is an adult, right? Then TREAT HER as an adult! Stop treating her like a little girl. Respect her enough to treat her as a grown woman!

You say you "trust" her -- well, if you trust her, then trust her enough to know that she's smart enough to be able to make it on her own! Good grief, she's not a 2 yr old. Why don't you trust her? It's obvious that you don't or you wouldn't be insistiing on hearing from her "once or twice an hour" which is absolutely ridiculous!!!

Once a day is more than enough! But making her call/text you once or twice an hour is obsessive and shows that you DON'T trust her at all. She's probably sick of it. I know I would be!

Leave her alone. Let her have a life, for heavens sakes. You're just driving her away by insisting on this. Best of luck & take care. Hugs, Lee

I have talked with her about this. She does not have a problem with it. im the one with a problem. i do not like the way i feel about this. I am the one who suffers from it. if she has to go and do something for a while, im the one who suffers. i am looking for help for me to keep from feeling all anxious when we don't talk for extended times.

We have already talked about this, and it is not hurting her. i just hate the feeling of how I'm so paranoid about it. And not to mention that we have a D/s relationship, so she does not mind checking in with me at all. its only the times when she can not talk to me that i have the problems.

i sorry to say but you "advice" did nothing but to put me in a worse mood.

Your awareness is a good sign. Now, you have to address your behaviour, establish firm boundaries and find something to keep you occupied. If you let your behaviour get out of control, it can lead to serious problems, such as a full blown obsession and abuse. I don't think you want that.

This is most likely an insecurity in you, not you girlfriend. Have you considered therapy? It would help to find out why you feel worried and paranoid.

Keep talking.

Sorry, for coming across as harsh. It isn't personal.

i have a strong belief that violence holds no place in a relationship. ive pretty much established that i have slight paranoia, but not sure about what. ive been trying to keep myself occupied but sometimes its not easy. i find that as long as i know my girlfriend is with a friend or at home or even if she is just walking around town... in fact it doesn't really matter what she is down, as long as she just lets me know, im fine with the situation.

i would go to therapy if that was a option, but it is not right now. im working on it though.

You have a good 'strong belief'.

Your original post has fear as a theme, along with some anxiety. I think this is where your paranoia comes from. Note: We all have these issues so don't feel bad.

Have you visited any psychology/relationship websites? I have found them quite helpful in understanding my own behavior and relationships. Perhaps you can try that.

I hope you find a solution.

I think you can now use smartphones to tag your gf's location so that you can always know where she is (her geolocation).

Would that help?

Maybe you can have her text you every 2 hours then increase it to 3 while shes doing things. Or! For one activity of the day allow her to message you after the activity is done...or let her initiate the texting.

Working may help, too. (Or volunteering)

In my relationship I often tell my boyfriend what I'm planning to do for the day and he'll do the same. Then we'll try to communicate based on our availability during our daily activities.

Heya.

I think that therapy may just help you out. Have you considered it? The fact that you admit and are aware that this problem is yours deserves some kudos too, hard to admit a fault.

And the other thing is what you wrote..

You may have also figured out another reason why this is happening. You've too much time on your hands and that may be another contributing factor to your obsessing. Is there anything that you can do to try and keep yourself busy? For example, if you know that your g/f is doing something where she can't get in touch, then try and plan yourself to do something too. Keep yourself occupied and perhaps try to make some more friends. Ever considered classes, even if just for fun? Or as Confused says, perhaps try some volunteering if not working.

I would recommend trying to take control of this. She sounds a lovely lady, and very kind & considerate to reassure you all the time. It worries me tho that there may come a time when she starts to feel stifled, and be better to try and help yourself before that has a chance to happen.

Hugs.

Im in college right now, in fact im more busy then she is. part of the reason i worry about her is because she doesn't have a job or go to school or anything. i cant volunteer because i live with my grampa and he always has stuff for me to do around the house and shop. i really need a job, it would be the best thing. it would take up more of my free time and i would get paid. in fact right now at this moment my girlfriend is at walmart getting a job offer, we will see how that goes. i wouldn't worry too much about stifling her, because of the way our relation works. we are very open and honest with each other, and besides im her "daddy" if that makes sense. we have an agreement where she does what i tell her without question. in fact that is how she wanted it, its part of who she is. i only worry when she cant tell me what is going on.

She is your... pet? As in dominance-submission?

By "pet" I meant an obedient dog - cats do not behave the way your gf does.

So Lee's response was based on the assumption that the gf is an adult. That was a reasonable assumption.

Felagund23, to avoid unnecessary discussion, you really need to advise us of critically important features of your relationship with the gf. If the gf treats you as her daddy in a mutually consensual manner, this is a critically important and HIGHLY UNUSUAL feature of the relationship that should have been announced in the OP to avoid wasting Lee's time and other people's time as well.

Since you are in college, you are old enough to be aware of the fact that most bf-gf relationships do not unfold in the way yours does, so to the extent that you follow a separate, rare path, you should put your readers on notice about it, upfront.

All children rebel eventually....

If you are going to partake in anything on bdsm 24/7 lifestyle, I would read up on literature. There is another one but I can't remember what its called at the moment.

When I get on the computer I can find a few things for you as a point of interest. I would also recommend your girlfriend reading them too so you can keep the relationship consensual and non-abusive.

My girlfriend knows more about this then anyone else i know, she is the one who introduced me to it. so i essence she is teaching me lol. she knows what she is doing, and im doing my best to ease into it. she has shown me much to read and learn from since we have ben together, but i would still appriciate anything you could through my way though.

Thank you

If she does what you want, without question, then why worry when she can't express herself about what is going on???

She honestly told you, to tell her what to do?

The guidelines on this board may be that one cannot promote other websites, etc. You may have to do your own research.

Could her having introduced you to this lifestyle, be playing tricks on your mind about worrying about her whereabouts?

A good sense of self, is paramount to this...

I think you are overdoing it.

If she pulled you into it, why do you do even more than required? You do not seem to have your own interest in this kind of lifestyle, but just go along with her wishes. So while you say that you tell her what to do, in reality she tells you what to do and you are doing even more than she told you to do.

To me, it makes zero sense, but I am not familiar with the lifestyle in question.

i dont do more then required, we were only going as far with it as i was comfortable. and yes, with this kind of relationship she would be in control for the fact that its based on know that your partner will be safe with you. but we have decided to put an end to the relationship we had. it wasn't working for us. our expectations of eachother were too different. i have also come to learn that my paranoia and anxiety about this is not just with her, but with manythings in my life. it was just most noticable with her.

It's called topping from the bottom. Then again she may be a switch...