will graduate college without ever having a gf

so you know how people will always say, oh you have plenty of time for that, or hey don't rush yourself! it will happen! Yeah I've come to the conclusion that that doesn't mean anything. I never had a girlfriend in highschool, or ever, and I just remember going into college hearing my friends tell me, hey man, it will happen in college! or even my first year of no success, just hearing, hey it'll happen man! You have all of college to find someone, don't worry about it! Well. Time's up. I'm a senior and graduating this year. Still nothing. I don't know how this happened. People tell me I'm handsome. I'm interesting. I'm nice. I'm funny. I listen. All things I think would make for a good boyfriend! Yet, another year passes, and I'm still left single and lonely. What is wrong with me? And I don't think hearing that I shouldn't rush it and it will happen when it happens, or when the time is right, will help.

I never had any intimate experience with a girl in college, the one time in your life where you are just supposed to let loose and have fun. The best four years of your life they say. And I didn't get to experience it. So what am I supposed to do now? Just accept it and remain bitter? Or just keep trying to find someone? I really don't know what to do. Each time the year starts I just think ok, fresh new start, this is the year, everyone is single now just like you, but then BAM, first week and it seems everyone is already in a relationship. What am I doing wrong?? I mean, girls always talk to me, it just seems like they always just see me as a friend though. I am just never presented with the right opportunities. Right now I am just spending my weekends trying to get myself drunk enough to have the courage to go to parties and meet girls. Nothing ever happens with this. I feel pathetic doing it. I seriously don't know what else to do though. If I seriously go through college without ever having had a girlfriend or even KISSING a girl, I will feel like I seriously just failed at life right there.

I will say that getting drunk to go to parties to meet girls is a big mistake. No girl wants to hook up with someone who is drunk. A lot of relationships start out as friendships, maybe you should develop some of the friendship with girls and go from there. A lot of people fall in love with their best friends. Are you asking any of these girls out? Are you getting turned down? You say you are interesting, nice, funny and that you listen, if all these things are true, then you should be getting dates, if you are asking.

I hate the obvious, but have you asked a girl on a date. Yes, I know...very old fashioned idea but you didn't mention it.

Also, why not try giving an online dating site a try. It can't hurt and it's definitely an avenue worth pursuing.

Either you try too hard or not enough. It's when you stop worrying about it, that is when it will happen. When one does come along. Don't assume she is the one because she is the only one. And don't drink. That isn't going to help you any.

I went through college and grad school without ever having a significant other...and most people in grad school were already married...

I will have to say that the whole "stop worrying about it and it will happen" thing isn't true either—I stopped trying altogether a couple years ago and that didn't help.

Maybe you're looking in the wrong places? I wouldn't go to parties to look for anyone, but that's just me.

Maybe you need to be more aggresive in your approach. If you are talking to a girl you like just tell her whats on your mind, tell her what you think of her and if that goes well, ask her out. People like straight forward honesty... even if it takes you out of your comfort zone. I am sure you will get rejected, but all that means is, she is not the one. Try again.

all good advice thanks guys. Yeah I mean, part of the reason is I just don't know where to be doing this. Like in class? I just feel weird doing that. That just sounds so awkward. Maybe in one of my big lecture classes, but in one of my small upper division classes? I couldn't do that. They feel like colleagues to me... It would just seem weird. And I know parties are a bad idea, it's just... as a virgin, the idea of getting drunk and going to a place where there a tons of girls who might want sex, is VERY appealing. But other than that, where? I guess it all has to do with my social circle, and the kinds of outings I go on with them. For one though, going to places alone makes me feel uncomfortable, so I try not to do that. One of my friends from high school told me I should just go up to girls and say hey you're cute, want to go to the movies? That sounds creepy to me! Like just seeing a girl on campus and thinking about approaching her with that question just sounds so desperate and creepy to me. What do you guys think?

Strike up a conversation with a girl that seems nice. Then, if the conversation is going well ask her if she would like to continue the conversation over coffee/dinner/lunch.

ok rolan, what i am about to tell you is what i would tell my own sons or their friends...
if you are socially awkward, dont go up to the "hottest" outgoing girl who has tons of guys hitting on her. what you want to do is talk to the socially awkward girl who you might have have things in common with. i dont say this to offend you... but all you need to do is just try again and again until you become comfortable. rejection will suck, but just learn from it. good luck bro.

I don't think the big college parties are great places to meet people. It's like I've also never understood how people meet anyone at "the club." Places that are loud and full of people are just in general bad places to meet anyone.

Small mixed groups are your best bet really. Also, dive bars can be fruitful sometimes. And while getting absolutely smashed is a bad idea, a little booze does help oil the cogs a bit.

Really good point. OP, I don't know who you are approaching, but a lot of guys make the mistake of going after the women who stand out to them as being hot or sociable and not trying to find things in common with others. There are a lot of girls out of there who get ignored and you wouldn't be competing with a lot of other people for their attention.

Also, many women are looking for someone who wants to genuinely connect with them. It's offputting to realize that a guy only wants someone in his bed, and you're the person who he happened to spot - or that a guy desperately wants a girlfriend, and you'll do. Believe me, it comes across. Some women aren't as attuned to that, but they're usually ones who are happy to find any man who meets traits on a checklist: hot, rich, sociable, etc. Unless you have those traits, you won't succeed with those women anyway.

In terms of connecting with a woman - it might be a little counterintuitive, but it really helps to think that you're evaluating them just as much as they're evaluating you. Conversation is not something you have to endure before you get to ask them out, and it's not a performance you have to succeed at so that they'll say yes. It's a means of finding out whether you guys enjoy activities in common, whether you share some values, whether you have similar senses of humor. You can find out whether she is interesting to you and has a positive outlook, and if she doesn't, then you might want to be the one who backs away and says "It was nice talking to you, see you around."

If you are in a place of genuinely feeling that you like this person and find her interesting, then often she'll feel similarly and want to continue the conversation. This is not where you suddenly fall back into a habit of wanting to impress her, get her in bed no matter what, get her to be your girlfriend at all costs. No, you go out with her, you observe how she behaves in public and around friends, you see if you're still feeling the connection after a few more times of hanging out. You don't rush to get physical, you let it happen naturally - and if it's not there, it's not there. You maintain your stance of evaluating her.

You can do this with several women at the same time - it actually helps to not sink all your hopes into one person.

Also, don't knock girls who just want to be your friend. Friendships can be great, and it's still an honor for another person to invite you into their life as a friend. Opposite sex friendship is not just a means to an end.

yeah thanks for the advice guys! I think I will try to connect more with the shy girls. I'm going to a party later tonight, and I will definitely try to talk to some girls. I will try to report back to you guys to tell you all how it went.

just got back from that party. well that was a let down... I met no one. I just realized how incredibly awkward I am at shows. standing still all night because I didn't know what else to do or who to talk to... I basically just stood there the whole darn time, not speaking to anyone. Just... how could I though? no one was very open or friendly. everyone was just talking to who they knew. incredibly cliquish. you're typical hipster party. some insanely attractive girls there. too bad they were all being smothered by all the guys they already knew. maybe I felt weird because I went alone? I don't know, I just felt out of place. I usually like dancing, but in situations like these, I just felt to uncomfortable to dance. I hate having social anxiety... It ruins my chances with women.

I’m really happy that I stumbled on this. I feel like if we had a conversation together, it could be a fruitful one.

First, let me just say this, most people (not to offend anyone on this site) will just provide you with blanket statements and won’t be able to offer you much true insight to your situation. They are still kind for trying to help, but when relationships are so easy to come by for everyone else, the outsider tends to assume that YOU’RE doing something “wrong”. Maybe there are things that you could improve, such as confidence and approaching people, but personalizing this predicament will only lead to self-resentment (easier said than done, I know. I struggle with this myself).

Though our situations are a bit different, I can totally feel you on this. I have had horrible luck finding a relationship since I transfered to my college two years ago. Even when I think things are going well with someone, it always seems to fall apart and they go for some one else. It’s frustrating and has led to self-worth issues. Lately, the men I have had past sexual and/or emotional connections with don’t even want to have sex with me. It confuses me because I’m constantly told that I am gorgeous, funny, sexy, highly intelligent, passionate, interesting, and a good writer. I’ve super involved in my community and have tons of friends and still no one I like seems to like me back for very long. I get very frustrated with the “there are more fish in the sea” or the “you just need to lower your standards” remarks. I feel like no one understands how incredibly irritating and complicated this is and wish people would understand that there is nothing I can do to change this. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m intimidating and intense to men, and most men my age are scared of me. Its hurtful, but accepting this about myself has given me a more positive outlook on my future.

Please try not to think of women as one big entity. We’re all different people. There is no “game” to crack our code and make us like you. I avoid men who act like this because it’s insulting. Besides, it will help you to think “the women I’ve encountered in limited social settings don’t like me” instead of “women in general don’t like me”.

There are tons of different things in life to be successful in. Though it hurts that you’ve been unsuccessful in this area, you certainly haven’t “failed” at life.

I don’t think its bad to have a drink or two to calm the nerves, but I am concerned that you’re trying to go to parties to meet women to have sex with. It’s very unethical to take advantage of drunk girls. One or two drinks is one thing, but if a girl is drunk, she can’t give consent and that is rape. In fact, in my state, it is illegal to have sex with someone who is intoxicated and you can withdraw your consent and press charges against someone for such activity. Besides, do you want your first time to be when you are both drunk? I’m not saying you’re a bad person, but I am concerned that the issues here could lead you to make some poor life choices. You have to accept you and your life for what it is, not take desperate means to change it.

Feel free to personal message me if you’d like someone to talk to. Good luck!

You're going to have to get used to going places alone. Its a part of life. I wouldn't be able to do the things I like to do if I didn't go out alone.

I agree with you. I would never go out with a person I don't know. To me, that sends the message that all the person asking cares about is sex.

I'm 25 (26 in 2 months) and very sociable but I've never had a boyfriend or a relationship.
How about that?

So don't worry, there's worse lol. You're not alone.

solid advice. thanks a lot. I appreciate it. makes sense

Also consider that friends who are girls can help you understand how you come off to women more and can introduce you to more girls.

without knowing waht you are doing to try and meet women it's hard to really give a good answer to "what you're doing wrong". I mean, sure it can "happen' like people say but not without your doing something, being in the right place and really putting yourself out there. I don't mean to pimp yourself out and make a fool of yourself trying to pick up girls, I don't think that's effective at all. What I do mean is, do you interact with the ones you find attractive, at least on a level to get to know them and such? People tell you it will happen, but it's not like some magical thing that just "poofs" and voila you're there with some girl that is your lady.

I say this not without thought, because I am hoping to eventually find someone again too and the truth is sometimes I get frustrated because I too am having trouble but.. I can trace it to the fact that I'm not out there, I don't meet women, interact with them on a regular basis or anything. The ladies just don't even know that I'm available, so maybe that's the thing, maybe they don't even realize that you're a "single and looking" person.