What next...?

Broke up with him and left the place but he found me and started apologizing and I went late home, at which point my mother also started saying things like stop coming home late (9 pm), work is not important, need to get u married soon, etc. Between him and my mom, I am going to detest marriage and relationships I think ..
How can we breakup with someone we need to contact for work...?

Be strong!

Not wanting to start too many threads for fear of coming off as desperate... (although I guess I may have crossed the line ages ago)...

I hate everything going on now... Feel under-appreciated at work, stressed in relationship and depressed at home...

Just... No one here has the time to listen to me...Everything is so mechanical... My mom has been so bugged that I didn't attend her calls for half an hour (I missed calling her at usual time) and she has been on my back ever since... Saying things like "I don't care about your work... You need to be home soon no matter what work and if you get married, you'll be kicked out...", etc.

My dad is just there... He is the most sweetest person but even he won't listen to what I want. They just want me married soon to someone before I get a chance to go elsewhere in my job (elsewhere means anywhere away from home)...

I do sooooo much at work, yet I am under-appreciated for the sole reason that I am a girl... I can't stay for as long as guys because no one lets me do so at home... I have got the most dead-end project there is...

My relationship needs no introductions... He'll be sweet when needed, abusive when he feels like and won't give a ear when I desperately need to talk...

I don't want to be dependent anymore...20+ years of my life I have been dependent... I am unable to break free... I need to explore my capabilities at least for next 2-3 years (which is a very short time) but... All are pulling me apart... My L with his own ways... Mom and dad with their obsessions to get me married...

I need a ear to listen... I need to break free... Are there interviews which could be attended mostly online and then face-to-face for maybe one round? I need to move away (even abroad is fine - best perhaps)... But none of them will let me go until I actually get a job and I am adamant to go... I can be adamant only after I get a job...

I need a break... I need to be me...I need to be independent and then maybe when it all makes sense, everything will fall into place in life...

I guess... I am out of the option to breakup... He threatens to suicide if we do ... And I am afraid that he will kill himself or do some kind of harm to himself... And I will get into hell lot of trouble

Google emotional blackmail . Do you want to live with someone who is abusive and tries to get his way by threatening suicide?

If he were to hurt himself it would be his fault not yours.

I am very sorry that you have to deal with this.

Yes I need to get away
Although, is it good to alert his friends about his behavior or will it aggravate him? I do love him and I genuinely wish for no harm for him. I do want him to be fine too...
So I am thinking of asking his friends to just keep an eye on him. Any suggestions on whether this is a good idea?

What do you see as the pros and cons of this idea?

NO!! You're cheating yourself if you keep lying to your heart that this is love. You, as all of us do, deserve true love with someone who truly loves you.

And love wants the best, believes the best, supports and nourishes, walks alongside - does not control or belittle or judge ...

It's understandable that you have fears, but you don't have to let them control you or trap you either. Be true to yourself in spite of your fears. Don't be tricked by them or by a cowardly person's threats. You are worthy of being true to yourself.

Pros: I will feel less guilty if he has someone around him to help (I don't want to leave him hanging).
Cons: He'll get more aggravated for involving his friends.


Sadly, I am just worried that what he says is true. There are so many what-if's... What if the person I end up with is worse? What if I am missing on a good life by leaving him? He knows me and my past and maybe in future he maybe good? What if in an arranged marriage, the guy hates me even more for my past

So sorry for your pain and being in such hard situation ... You are doing so well. Keep pushing on for your freedom from abuse. We're loving you!

Just caught up on your latest posts ... (I didn't recognise that I was not on the last page yet).

As someone who had been a victim of very thorough and demoralising abuse from a so-called partner for many years, let me say that as you get true to your heart and honour your need to walk away from people who try to control you, more and more of the right kind of people will be part of your life and the ones who want to hurt and control you will fade out more and more from your life.

Also, this kind of controlling abuse ONLY GETS WORSE. If he thinks it's acceptable to treat you like this now, he will tend to believe after he's married you that he has even more licence to be in charge of you and damage you and make you live in misery while trying to get you to believe it's your own fault.

Please believe in the part of you that is trying to look after heart - it won't let you down!

Leave now. It will only get worse.

I agree that there is a grave risk that this would happen.

I have told him that "it ends here now" many times and each time I thought that okay it is over. But he keeps coming back and is too sweet to me and is too hurt by my words. It is just so hard to hurt someone we love so much.
It is such a scary and saddening thing to do especially since I will need to see him daily and maybe even interact for work. What can be done to prevent him from coming back once and for all? And also, I am worried that he might create a scene at workplace.

^^^^ That is how abusive people are . He can only come back if YOU allow him to. Stop stop the cycle.

YOU deserve a happy healthy relationship and you will never change him.

My advice .. dump him... stick to your decision and move forward in life .

I am breaking up... I just need the strength to remain focused on my decision. I don't know yet if I am losing who could be the love of my life but, I am just unable to lose myself to save this relationship.

Just remember, the love of your life, wouldn't treat you like rubbish.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

Hi friend, its same happening in my relationship.. but my husband is in your suituation and myself in ur husband's situation.. really ur husband will tryst u.. dont hide anything from him until he will believe u completely.. dont talk anything which related to anyone of your boy friends in front of him.. really its hard to believe dear.. still i am suspecting my husband eventhough he is good. its better to take him any pshycharist... really it will help you.. have some outing with him and let talk from base of your heart

You are cheating yourself out of any possibility of having a good life by staying with the guy who blackmails you in an attempt to make you non-marriagiable.

It is hard to read your thread for me, and I am sure that many other posters are similarly tired of reading, again and again, things that should have long made you quit.

Pushkin, the greatest Russian poet of all times once wrote this poem (posting a translation):


I Loved You Once

I loved you; even now I may confess,
Some embers of my love their fire retain;
But do not let it cause you more distress,
I do not want to sadden you again.
Hopeless and tongue-tied, yet I loved you dearly
With pangs the jealous and the timid know;
So tenderly I loved you, so sincerely,
I pray God grant another love you so.

<1829>

As you see, it is the polar opposite of what your bf is doing - your bf wants to make you non-marriagiable, whilst a man who has truly loved a woman wishes the woman the best, even in the form of another equally enthusiastic lover.

So your bf, by threatening to make you non-marriageable, has revealed his true colors, and now all you have to do is leave him.

If you could turn this thread into something more productive - say, you list the steps you will be taking towards separating from the guy and report on your progress by periodically posting updates - I am sure all of us will help you be accountable in tracking your progress and celebrating your victories.

Sorry, I posted without the benefit of seeing your latest update. Good job.

We have sort of decided to move slowly apart. Had one big breakup fight but he found me after I left and begged to me. Anyways, now even he knows that I can't keep up with his behavior.
Buddy17 alone has mentioned talking to him. I have spoken enough to solve even the fight between two nations but not much comes out of talking to him.
There is too much damage in this relationship. It is destruction. I have lost weight, lost much when it comes to job, lost friends, started self-harm, become depressed, lost sleep... And the list goes on...

Please, do not lose any more sleep or weight over this guy. Please! Your talents - see in bold - can make for an entry into the diplomatic corps!

I finally feel 1% better... It is not much but I have contacted my 2 best friends of course 1 of them is angry with me but he'll come to help me no matter what. My 2nd best friend was messaging me for long and he was very soothing and supportive to me

He is currently away abroad and he feels sad that he is not with me but I told him that I will call him in the morning when I get to office so I feel like the weight I am carrying is lifting slowly. He asked if my BF has bipolar??!! but I have no clue about that.

I am taking the steps to move away. Yes I see the signs of abuse in this relationship. Huge red flags. I am terribly scared as to what he'll do. I just need to surround myself with people to help me out of this.

It is my fault for falling into this.

An excellent move to get the support of two best friends. You could not have thought of anything better!

Spoke to my best friend after months... Was liberating.. He told me not to breakup immediately to avoid huge dramas/problems but to slowly get back to being my old self starting today. He told me that he'll call like he used to and told me to spend my time the way I did before my relationship.

I hope that this works. Fingers crossed that I get out before any disaster happens.