OkCupid Woes. Let's talk about them.

So I feel like a part of me was just ripped out from inside me. I met this girl on okcupid and we were really connecting, messaging each other back and forth every day. She gave me her number and we had made plans to meet one day. I had spent this whole month thinking about her every moment, waiting to hear from her, and enjoying just thinking about maybe being with her one day. Then give her my name after all this time and ask for hers. Turns out her name is the same as my mom's name. And that's that. I can't do it. It would just be too weird. I can't think of wanting to do "things" with someone and have it be the same name as my mom's. I just can't. Maybe I'm weird for this but I'm just seeing it being a problem at some point. And now I find myself completely depressed and frustrated just wondering how I am supposed to just instantly TURN OFF my feelings for this girl. I'm really struggling to smile right now.

I was so excited about this working out. This RARELY happens on okcupid, especially for guys, when you actually meet a girl on the site who actually puts the time into messaging you and shows interest. (If it is just as hard for women please correct me on this) I wish I could just "find someone else" on the site, but it's just not that easy. Just about every cute girl I see on the site doesn't even reply. I am getting exhausted of the same "hey how's it going! I see you like ____ I like that too! I appreciate how involved with ____ you are! Maybe we could talk about _____ sometime!" It gets SOOO tiring. Especially how we all know we messaged them because we thought they looked cute in their pictures, yet seeing their profile says to specifically NOT comment on their looks. How does this make sense? You post pictures of yourselves trying to look pretty then we are not allowed to comment on that? I give up. I truly sincerely give up right now.

LOL Anyone who is online dating feels your frustration, I can assure you. Male and female!

From a female perspective, I have encountered many many many frustrating men believe me. Games games games. And some guys are totally half assed with their messaging or interest too.

Do you think there's any way you can get over her name? You haven't met her yet right? I think you should meet her first before throwing it away because of a name. I have a friend who had two girlfriends in a row with the same name, and it took getting used to. But they came up with a nickname to overcome this

yup games games games. That's all it seems to be. but if you look at the overall site it's pretty legit. Potential people to date, and you can message them. simple as that. I guess the frustration of it all, is just the reality of dating. I'm trying to think about what to do about this situation though. Maybe I should try and work past it. Should I tell her though? Think she'd understand? She just told me her name in the last message, but maybe in a reply I could say that that's my mom's name. Maybe tell her it could be a problem? Or maybe we could just laugh about it.

do u have probs with mother? caz otherwise, and even with that, i think is quite ridiculous u stop talking to someone u like just bc of name to be honest.

My cousin calls his wife by her middle name because she has the same first name as his mom. Could that be a possible solution for you? Hope this works out for you.

Thank you! I knew i wasnt crazy! When my t told me that his step mother's name was hankster (i know, odd name for a stepmom!) I was so upset i completely put it out of my mind! He told me again a year or so later, and since then i have been bugging him to get a heart tattoo with a nice H in it. Little different being his stepmom - i would try the nickname route. I always thought it was creepy that jfk jr married someone with his sister's name. I couldnt with my brothers name.

Well the thing is she already goes by a nickname. She goes by "Ali" instead of Alison. So I guess that's already settled. Should I bring this up with her though? And no my mother and I get along fine.

I'm still feeling really bad about this

You shouldn't. If it's such a big deal for you then leave the poor girl who was named wrong to date you coz I think if you really liked her you wouldn't care about it, what if she had a huge scar across her face after some terrible accident, would you be ok with that?

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Go meet her. If you really like her your brain will work out the cognitive weirdness.

REALLY REALLY.
GO MEET THIS GIRL if you feel like you have such a strong connection with her.

Don't bring up the name thing, go with the assumption that it is a bump in the road and will smooth out soon [that is the most likely case, really].

GO GO GO!

Don't miss out on this opportunity.
You will be kicking yourself into eternity.

Signed,
OKCupidVet

Just a thought... are you putting up road blocks to try to prevent getting hurt? I agree with everyone else, take the plunge, go meet her! If once you meet her, you really like her, but you're still hung up on her name, ask about her middle name. Don't miss a great opportunity like this -- if you really want to be with her, it'll work itself out. Good luck!

Roman read my mind...

With every girl thread you post you also explain a series of road blocks which prevent you from actually talkng to her. Road blocks which you so eloquently more often than not, create for yourself.

I'm not saying you don't have a legitimate issue with anxiety or shyness or anything else that plays a role, but you also really do have a habit of not even trying.

Stop making excuses and meet this girl. How many girls have you clicked with? How many girls have expressed a genuine interest in you? And with just how many of these girls have you actually persued a relationship?

Look. I know its weird, I would personally walk in the opposite direction if a dude introduced himself as Gary, buuuut. You've long passed intros and you already like her and she already wants to get to know you. So if you walk away now, you're either up to some massive first class self-sabotaging or you're just not that into her.

You decide which motivation is behind your hesitation.

I know quite a few people who married or are dating partners with sibling or parental names. So while it would take a few of us like you and I some getting used to, its not at all uncommon in the general population.

There are ways for your brain to do some gymnastics around this, question is, do you really want it to?

Thanks guys, you have all convinced me to not give up on this situation. Maybe I am putting up unnecessary obstacles for myself. I think that this would be a lot easier if she also knew the situation and we could figure this out together. I sort of want to bring it up with her now so it doesn't become an awkward "oh by the way..." thing later. The last thing she said was that she never went by the full name and went only by the nickname. So I was just thinking of replying something like: "Oh haha that's also my mom's name". or something light like that. I just feel this would be easier if we both knew about it. What do you guys think?

If you're going to let something like this put you off then i can only see trouble ahead - there will be bigger things, much bigger things, in a relationship to deal with so you can't let a name bog you down. You just can't.

You've posted many a thread dictating different problems with the people you contact - as i've said before, you either need to work out what you really want or start looking for people outside of dating sites where things are a little more upfront. I mean if you intend to eventually meet up with the person is it really such a bad idea meeting with them properly in the first place?

I don't know how you expect her to react by telling her about the problem - she may well be understanding but if things are still pretty new i would let it slide, women don't like a lot of fuss to early on. Just saying.

Really hope you can get past this.

well I guess you guys are right. I just told her about it, and she didn't even mention anything about it, and still is messaging me, so I guess I am just going to continue pursuing this.

I have had relationships with two guys (not at the same time!) with a very common American name. They were different in personality - it wasn't that big of a deal, really. Good luck! x

OKcupid is so very strange. I mean the whole online dating thing is strange. It makes me question my intuition. I have connected with people, or so I thought and gone out to meet them and had a wonderful time and then whammo, nothing. By the way I make sure I have a current photo and I am honest about my weight, age height etc.

I had a friend who met up with someone 2x and the other person kept being reassuring etc and then poof, disappeared. It's enough to give a girl a complex.

Aster

Ugh...really, I know online dating is a shallow bitter place, but to diss someone because of the NAME she was given at birth...thats a new low...
but someone else said here, why, for cryin out loud take someone else along for your ride? if someones NAME is a deal breaker...ohhhh, never mind...I just can't say anymore...

Spockette luv luv luv your gif!
so funny!