am I the one doing it all jack?

hey, so I have this boyfriend, we've been going together for almost 2 months now, and I love him very much, but I think I am the one who cares more about the reletionship. Right now he is staying with me until Julyish, because he and a friend want to room together, but they have to wait until some lease ends, and the friend can take new roomies. Now, I like living with him, and he is welcome to stay until the friend can take him, but you'd think when 2 people live together, they'd spend some time together other than eating and sleeping. We don't. He leaves for his job at 10, sometimes a little earlier dropping me off at my job when I have to go in, and then doesn't get home until 10 or 11 at night, eating here occasionally, then going to sleep. He has to spend Sundays alone at the office, so he can play WoW with his friends. I get Saturdays, but he is also supposed to come home early 2-3 nights a week, but if he does it one night a week, and just goes to eat, and then to sleep, I consider myself a very lucky woman. I do all our cleaning, all our laundry, all our cooking, and work on top of it. I know he loves his job and all, but shouldn't there be time for me? Am I the one who is in this reletionship? I know there is something wrong with this picture, and is there anything I can do, or just realize that I am the one in this, enjoy it while it lasts, and figure that with him having these problems keeping his promises to me, that it won't last long after he moves out? Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

How did he become your b/f in the first place if he doesn't have time for you??

To me, there's a whole lot wrong with this picture. Why are you cleaning up after him and doing his laundry? He's a big boy! He should be doing it himself! Is he helping you with the rent and utilities??

Too late in life I learned to make very few demands on people that are close to me. What I get from them, I want it to be because they want to be that way; attentive, thoughtful, generous with a big part of their life. They are who they are. I know it's not my place to change them. Besides, we can't change others. We can only change ourselves.

If your man isn't who or what you want, then move on! Life is hard enough as it is. Why put yourself through more trouble and misery? It's not worth it!

wow, odd story behind that, he does help with rent and utilities, but I found it odd that he told me he loved me about 3 days b4 he had to have a new place to live. He used to want to spend all his time with me, now, he's never here, in fact I am writing this at near 11 my time, and he still isn't home. I do his laundry and clean for him as a courtesy, so that when he does get home, he might spend some time with me........but that is obviously failing. I know he loves his job, but what am I supposed to do about him basically using me to feed his cat, clean, and do his laundry, which the laundry-mat costs, and he has me pay for it, when he makes a lot more money than I do. I do everything for him, and don't see much in return. I really must be horrid at this gf thing.

Maybe he says he "loves" you because you do everything for him??

Is he reciprocating any of the "courtisies" you have for him?

Don't beat yourself up thinking you suck at being a girlfriend. It's all a learning experience. You are uncomfortable with the relationship. You know what it is that you DON'T like. That should give you a clue as to what you DO like!

Tell him that you don't like what's going on. Maybe he's willing to make some adjustments. If he's not, then what he wants is "a mommy" or a maid and not a girlfriend.

I agree with Septi, he seems to be using you, set up some house rules girl, it's time to smell the coffee (right now I smell a skunk) he's going to have to do his own laundry when he rooms with his friend, so tell him you'll both go to laundromat and share the cost, also he needs to put time into house chores (sp)

he wants a mommy/roommate. kick him to the curb

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greenpunkergirl said:
wow, odd story behind that, he does help with rent and utilities, but I found it odd that he told me he loved me about 3 days b4 he had to have a new place to live.

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There's your answer, IMHO. I'm with Bebop on this. Two months isn't long enough to call him a bf. What's he doing for you?

Sounds like you're the one doing it all. I'd take the next available Saturday and lay down a few ground rules about eating, money, time, laundry :-) and that sort of thing. I think a lot of people, if they could get away with it :-) would do as he's doing. He may just not be aware. Sounds like you need to talk to him and see just what he's up to and wants to do about it. I think, whether he wants to be a "boyfriend" or not, that he probably wants to stay until he can move in with his friend so he's likely to change his ways to keep from getting thrown out? But I would lay it all out for him; your feelings, the chores, money and all and see what he has to say.

well, the next availible saturday, supposedly our day, was 2day, and he is still asleep. He doesn't care about it being the only day for over a week that we will get alone time, because his friend brad will be here at nine fourty-five am tomorrow, and will be here until at least next sunday. Yet again, according to him, he is sick, and I am the unreasonable one, asking him to get up at 3 in the afternoon. Now, it is not that I have known him in total for 2 months, it is that he asked me to go exculsive with him about 2 months ago. I have spoken with him though, when he got home at 1 in the morning, and he really doesn't think he is doing anything wrong, just one excuse after another. I care, and feel crushed that I am the one putting all this effort into someone that obviously doesn't feel as I do. He says he does, but actions speak louder than words, ya know? Am I being unreasonable, asking him to come home from work twice a week between 8-9, and to have one weekend day? I feel so hurt, I can't form the words, for this kind of feeling though, they may not have been written. Love sux! Any thoughts?

Dearheart, if he won't commit, kick him out

Dear GPG -- You asked:

Am I the one doing it all jack?

In post after post, the answer is yes -- you are the one doing it all.

The only person you can change is yourself. It's a bitter pill to swallow, I know, but you cannot change him, as you have found. So now your choices are to go on doing what you do, resentfully, or to put an end to the situation. I don't think you are ready for that, but eventually you may be.