How do you forgive?

I had missed out on the part that you are seeing an " Online " Therapist.. That really does explain alot to me.

Personally? I cant even fathom seeing a T that way, I need Face to face time. Reading peoples body language is HUGE in Therapy ( for me)

Hell. I have misunderstood an email or text from family and friends and I really know them.. So in a Therapy? I cant evne imagine all the misunderstandings and confusion it can and apparently "is" causing.

Can you find a Therapist that you actually see in real life? being in the same room stting and talking?

I know a few people that just want a person to sit and listen to them talk and really don't want any advice or guidence, Just someone to talk too. My T personally won't take patients that are just looking for a place to talk. He will certianly refer someone that to others Therapists that have no problems with a clinte looking for that kinda of help.

Sorry I mised the" type" of therapy your in.

I chose the online route because it was cheaper and more convenient for me. I didn't have to take time off work and saved money since I have crappy insurance. I went to her for help, and in the beginning she was very helpful, but when she found out about my situation with my parents, she became very judgmental and spent weeks telling me I needed to stop seeing my family. I put a stop to that because I can't just walk away from my family. Then she says she doesn't want me talking about my family at all. I'm sorry she's tired of hearing about it, but it's her job to listen. I'm paying her to listen. If she has good suggestions, I'll take them, but to get mad at me like she has is insane. I just walked away from long time group of friends because I got tired of their judgments.

She hasn't suggested I work on anything else. All she's said is that I stop talking about my family and talk about other things, but I don't have any other things to talk about. I mentioned feeling stressed that my brother was back, but she didn't want me talking about my family, so I guess she couldn't help me. She lashed out at me saying she won't tolerate me being manipulative and playing games, that she's been doing t for years and knows how that works. I wasn't playing games with her. I was being sincere. If she doesn't want me talking about my family anymore, why keep talking to her?

And if she's never going to praise me for doing anything good, where's my motivation to try if all she's going to do is constantly harp on what I'm doing wrong. I have my parents for that abuse.

I think if you are paying out of pocket you can make it what you want. Insurance wouldn't pay for the kind of therapy.

Maybe she wants you to go deeper and explore other topics. I find a bit hard to imagine you have no other topics but your parents and brother. We are same age and i also have obnoxious dad. But there are 100 other areas and topics to discuss and explore. I talk about my dad but that's just one of 100 topics

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Well its obvious she just isn't the "right" Therapist for you, Certainy click for another T.

Try to write up a list of what your wanting out of therapy so you can go over thoses points when talking to any prospective T.

Good luck

I think it is fair to:

- ask your T why she wants to change direction/concentrate on other issues
- tell her your expectations
- and maybe ask her what you might expect from another T's approach

I imagine you may have asked these things already; the first two anyway.

You obviously aren't happy with this Therapist. You need not have our permission to change her. I agree with the above that you collect your ideas on paper and discuss your wants/needs with a Therapist prior to optng to see them. Good luck!

Overall I'm not happy with my life, but without money, there's not much I can do. Any kind of socializing costs money, even for gas to drive somewhere. So I don't think there's much any T will be able to do for me until I get a better paying job. So maybe I shouldn't even bother with another T until this happens. Maybe I'd be better saving my $40/week I was using on T and use G-d as my therapist instead. At least I know G-d will never judge me.

Oh, and this T told me that any T will tell me that the situation with my family is wrong and that I should stop seeing them. So if I'm going to be judged by every other T for a situation that I need to stay in right now so I can get the financial help I need, there's no point in finding another one. I won't be judged for doing what I need to do to survive right now.

You have a plan in place. Good. My only suggestion is you have a Plan B in case it falls through.

As for work is there an agency or group that can assist you in finding employment. In my province we have an abilities council. It not only helps place those with physical and cognitive disabilites but helps place those with mental health issues too.

Additionally I would visit whatever mental health service/agency is in or near your community. The one I drop in to often has job postings.

I point this out because these postings have been vetted for understanding employers, and will pay a decent living wage. The additional bonus is that they can be fitted to your specific needs. For example a job that relies on memory work would not be appropriate for myself, where as something routine would.

For a plan b, I can always go back to this website if I feel I need to and feel ready. My health issues get worse with stress and right now the idea of telling my stories to another person who will just judge me is too stressful.

Thanks for your suggestions. I'll look into them. The only restrictions I really have for a job are that I can't work more than 40 hours a week and can't handle a lot of stress, which also includes working under bright lights and a lot of noise. The jobs I'm qualified to get would be fine for me if I could get someone to hire me. My skills are just outdated and I also have too much experience as far as number of years of working. To save money, most companies where I live are only hiring part time or entry level even though they need more experience. They just don't want to pay what people deserve to earn and don't want to pay benefits.

If you're done with therapy, have you considered AlAnon or CODA meetings?

There are no CODA meetings where I live (I checked the website). I don't need Alanon since my brother is no longer drinking now that he's severely disabled and living with my parents. The issues I need to work on, I'm going to do thru my religion instead for now. It's free and non-judging. :-)

A word on alanon. It's not just about loved ones who are currently abusing within their addiction. It deals with things on a grander scale - particularly events, issues, dysfunction, etc that were present leading up to the addiction. That is why it was recommended. You may in fact find some relief of your own. You may even have an 'a-ha' moment.

I am encouraged by your wish to seek help in your community. If you feel comfort in your church then that is a positive thing for you.

Al anon isn't just for those who have actively drinking family.

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You need to parent yourself.

I didn't mean seeking help from my church. I'm Jewish and don't belong to a temple, as they are too expensive to join. I simply meant talking to G-d and trusting that He will help me.

VaneltinaVVV, I'm not sure what you mean by parenting myself. My issues aren't with needing someone to parent me, it's with needing more money so I can be financially independent.

My brother started drinking when he was 9 years old and was addicted when he was a teenager. Since he was adopted and we don't have his medical records, we just assume he was maybe born an addict or born with an addictive personality or other mental issues we don't know about (since he has a sociopathic personality and never had a conscience). He was also emotionally abused by my father, so I'm sure that was part of it as well.

The problems I had growing up with my brother drinking wasn't dealing with my brother, because I never talked to him, it was that my parents constantly rescued him and ignored me. My parents and brother are in the situation they're in because my parents refused to let him fall on his face and deal with his own consequences.

I've been following this post anonymously since its inception. I just felt the need to wade in. What I am about to say is not intended to be mean spirited. I just felt I needed to say what needs to be said. I'm pretty sure there are more than one here who will agree...

What I am seeing is a whole lotta people trying their best to offer some sound advice. What I am seeing is that aadvice completely being ignorred.

Now, try listening to what people are trying to nicely tell you. What they are saying is good common sense.

While there obviously people dysfuntion you can't ignore, only you are responsible for your life.

Look beyond the money issue. Yes, it can't be ignored. But you have got to deal with what else is happening in your life. FIRST. This it sounds like what your T is trying to do. She sound as if they are frustrated with you ignorring this. I would listen to her.

I am sorry but I have to be brutally honest about what I have observed.

I am Jewish too. You don't need to belong to a congregation to attend services or talk to a rabbi. There are few things you can't do such as putting your kids to Hebrew school or attending a particular event. But no one says you can't come to a service.

I belonged to a congregation for many years but stopped this year for financial reasons but I attend services just the same. I have never heard of a temple that would prevent you from coming in unless you are congregation member.

But if you don't or can't attend temple, alanon also relies on a concept of higher power/G-d. It's free

As about financial troubles they are often symptoms of other issues. Money are important but can't always fix deeper issues.

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I wasn't talking about going to services, I know you can do that without being a member. I think rcat thought when I said I was going to use religion as my therapy, that it meant I was going to talk to people who go there. That's why I explained that I simply meant I was going to just talk to G-d instead of talking to people. I really think in my case, this is my best bet. I also watch a temple from NY that live streams most Fridays. For the holidays, I go to temple with my parents, as they buy my tickets.

Well, with me, money can change a lot in my life. It can make me financially independent so I don't have to rely on my parents for anything. It can allow me to have a social life, as most things being single cost money, even to drive somewhere. My financial troubles are simply a symptom of being in low paying jobs for 10 plus years that never gave raises, while the cost of living kept going up year after year, and having chronic health issues that were very expensive. I'm not a compulsive spender.

Since I walked away from my toxic group of friends, I really am feeling much better about myself.

I am glad you are doing better. It's tough not to have enough money, hopefully you'll find something better eventually, hang in there

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Thank you divine1966, I appreciate that. I had two job interviews recently, so hopefully something good will come from them.

For those who think I'm ignoring advice from this thread and not listening to my T, all I have to say is I know myself better than anyone and G-d knows me better than anyone. He has plans for my life and only He can help me, not a therapist. I am doing what I need to do in order to solve my money problems because, whether you agree or not, money IS the main issue that's causing all my other problems. All of my insecurities and issues with low self esteem are coming from not having enough money to take care of myself and having to rely on abusive people for help. Some of you can choose to disagree, and that's fine. You're not hurting me or upsetting me with what you say because I know what I need to do now. I need to pray more and talk to G-d more and follow what He wants me to do. Spending more money on a T who only wants to judge me and argue with me isn't a good way to spend my hard earned money or a good way to lessen the stress in my life.