I can't stand being ignored by people that are supposed to care about me. It's one thing to be busy and not reply to me, but to ignore me for more than a few days when I need somebody to talk to really agitates me and is something that I take personally.

I think I'm going to close out of all of my personal non-business email accounts and social media and change my cell number again. If they want to ignore me, I can ignore them back for awhile while I focus on my own issues.

In short, I feel neglected. My best friend never answers his texts, doesn't log on Facebook anymore, and rarely comes to see me in person and when he does, he comes at the most random times. A close female friend that I like wants to not reply to any of my messages when I could use somebody to talk to and closes herself out. She only seems to want to give me the attention that I want when it suits her. Also she has BPD so I feel like I have to hold back sharing my own feelings out of fear that she will push me away. All of my other inner circle of friends are usually too busy for me and we rarely talk.

I'm sick of everybody and everything. If they can't deal with me at my worst than they don't deserve me at my best. I don't need anybody because I can function fully on my own.

Am I overreacting? Do my feelings seem justified? I know I shouldn't feel so strongly about this subject but I do and I have no idea why

P.S who needs people anyways. I'll just go watch Anime, Netflix, and play video games all day. Fantasy characters seem to care more about me than real people anyways.

[moodycow]

I detest being ignored too. having said that i am not good at staying in touch with people.

It sucks, yes? It takes me a long time to trust somebody. Those rare few that I open up fully to and begin to trust should be grateful to have me in their lives and they should cherish me and meet my needs.

Unfortunately, I seem to be working much harder to please them than they are with me.

Alas, reality never works out how I want it

[Trippin2.0]

Its a sore spot for most, and for some of us, I guess it is actually quite triggering and can illicit extreme reactions.


I personally could not handle it a year ago. Now, I'm not quite sure I even notice, unless I'm obviously stressed and attempting to reach out. Which is hardly ever actually.


Not trying to pin the blame on you here, but you did mention something about your inner circle being like minded and that you all understand the currency your friendships run on. Frankly sounded like apart from getting along and generally liking each other, you're all in it for yourselves...


If that's so, then it seems like your friends don't see anything to gain by being supportive right now and have chosen to remain self involved.


If this is in fact the case, then I'm not all that surprised, but I am quite surprised that this surprises you.


I could be very wrong though, I could have misunderstood what you said about your friends and your relationship dynamics.


My apologies if I've got the wrong end of the stick.


My suggestion would not be to change your number, after all, how can you ignore someone if you have no idea they're trying to reach you?...


Keep posting here,,hopefully we can fill the gap your friends have left.

[QuirkyGirl99]

No one likes being ignored by their. friends, especially when they need help. It sounds like you need to find some new friends; not some self-involved fair-weather friends.
I wouldn't go to extremes by changing your number, since they are the ones who are ignoring you. If you feel strongly about it, then simply block them. The same goes for FB. You can't be mad a friend for not logging into FB. I go weeks without logging into FB. However, if you no longer consider these people your friend, then simply "unfriend" them.
I hope I'm not coming across as cold, because I know it hurts. I also feel that your feelings are valid. They are your feelings, not to mention that people tend to be more unaccountable for the way they treat their friends these days. I just wouldn't go out of my way to change my phone number, FB and email due to their behavior. They aren't worth the trouble. I also think I'm probably more jaded than you are, since I have very little expectations of people at this point.

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Isn't everybody only in something for themselves? When you befriend somebody, don't you have to like them? Why would anybody help somebody if it doesn't benefit them? I don't see nor do I understand any other way to be.

For most of my life, I've seen friendships and relationships as a mutually beneficial interpersonal exchange comprised by like-minded individuals. I'm not surprised one bit by my friend's neglect; I''m more agitated than anything. I'm in one of the lowest points in my life that I've been in in awhile. I'm having issues financially that likely won't let up until Nov/Dec. Until I get my finances stable, get another vehicle, and finally move out of state and get the fresh start on my life that I want, I'm not going to be happy and I'm, therefore, not going to be useful to anybody. If I can't solve my own problems, I'm weak and therefore, undeserving of people's time and compassion.

The only exceptions to this are two of my male friends who haven't been talkative for their own reasons. One is introverted and is trying to work 2 jobs while getting away from abusive relatives and the other has severe ADHD which makes it hard for him to focus on anything including reading his texts or being available to hang out.

Still though, having somebody to talk to that won't judge or criticize me would be most welcomed at this low point in my life. I wish things didn't have to be the way they are with me.

Originally Posted by QuirkyGirl99

No one likes being ignored by their. friends, especially when they need help. It sounds like you need to find some new friends; not some self-involved fair-weather friends.
I wouldn't go to extremes by changing your number, since they are the ones who are ignoring you. If you feel strongly about it, then simply block them. The same goes for FB. You can't be mad a friend for not logging into FB. I go weeks without logging into FB. However, if you no longer consider these people your friend, then simply "unfriend" them.
I hope I'm not coming across as cold, because I know it hurts. I also feel that your feelings are valid. They are your feelings, not to mention that people tend to be more unaccountable for the way they treat their friends these days. I just wouldn't go out of my way to change my phone number, FB and email due to their behavior. They aren't worth the trouble. I also think I'm probably more jaded than you are, since I have very little expectations of people at this point.

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I still want these people in my life though. I hate Facebook as it is and rarely use it for anything other than maintaining my company fan page, so the social media thing isn't an issue with me. The only reason why I'm upset by it is simply because it is a main form of communication for me since I don't get out a lot.

Also, even if I did kick these people out of my life, It is difficult for me to open up to and trust people so what am I supposed to do? Be alone for a year or more while I form additional friendships?

I simply sit in my home office doing nothing more than trying to scale and build my web business on my PC and play video games, stream shows/movies, and read most of the time while rarely leaving the house. I rely on my phone and the internet for 90% of my socializing.

I want to move on, I just can't until I fix my own issues.

[QuirkyGirl99]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

Isn't everybody only in something for themselves? When you befriend somebody, don't you have to like them? Why would anybody help somebody if it doesn't benefit them? I don't see nor do I understand any other way to be.

For most of my life, I've seen friendships and relationships as a mutually beneficial interpersonal exchange comprised by like-minded individuals. I'm not surprised one bit by my friend's neglect; I''m more agitated than anything. I'm in one of the lowest points in my life that I've been in in awhile. I'm having issues financially that likely won't let up until Nov/Dec. Until I get my finances stable, get another vehicle, and finally move out of state and get the fresh start on my life that I want, I'm not going to be happy and I'm, therefore, not going to be useful to anybody. If I can't solve my own problems, I'm weak and therefore, undeserving of people's time and compassion.

The only exceptions to this are two of my male friends who haven't been talkative for their own reasons. One is introverted and is trying to work 2 jobs while getting away from abusive relatives and the other has severe ADHD which makes it hard for him to focus on anything including reading his texts or being available to hang out.

Still though, having somebody to talk to that won't judge or criticize me would be most welcomed at this low point in my life. I wish things didn't have to be the way they are with me.

I totally agree with you! A friend ideally is someone that you can count on. Just like they count on you. I guess I've just been disappointed and hurt by a lot of people, who I thought were close friends. I got sick of being in one-sided friendships, where I'm the only one going out of my way for people and never receiving any help when needed. I started looking at people as mere acquaintances instead, who I don't expect anything from. I'll help them if I can, but I refuse to go out of my way for them or expect anything in return. It's just easier that way. At least for me. I do have 2 very close friends, which is all I really need.

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[QuirkyGirl99]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

I still want these people in my life though. I hate Facebook as it is and rarely use it for anything other than maintaining my company fan page, so the social media thing isn't an issue with me. The only reason why I'm upset by it is simply because it is a main form of communication for me since I don't get out a lot.

Also, even if I did kick these people out of my life, It is difficult for me to open up to and trust people so what am I supposed to do? Be alone for a year or more while I form additional friendships?

I simply sit in my home office doing nothing more than trying to scale and build my web business on my PC and play video games, stream shows/movies, and read most of the time while rarely leaving the house. I rely on my phone and the internet for 90% of my socializing.

I want to move on, I just can't until I fix my own issues.

Honestly? I really don't have any answers. It's a crappy situation. I'm not in your exact situation, so I can't tell you what to do. I, personally, would just stop having any real expectations. At least as far as they are concerned. You can keep them in your life, but you will have to accept them the way they are. It sucks.

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Originally Posted by QuirkyGirl99

I totally agree with you! A friend ideally is someone that you can count on. Just like they count on you. I guess I've just been disappointed and hurt by a lot of people, who I thought were close friends. I got sick of being in one-sided friendships, where I'm the only one going out of my way for people and never receiving any help when needed. I started looking at people as mere acquaintances instead, who I don't expect anything from. I'll help them if I can, but I refuse to go out of my way for them or expect anything in return. It's just easier that way. At least for me. I do have 2 very close friends, which is all I really need.

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This is exactly how I feel! Why should one go out of their way for anybody if the other person can't meet them halfway? I don't like high maintenance people nor do I like having to work my butt off for somebody if they won't do the same for me or help themselves.

Pardon me if I seem like a selfish prick but I feel like I'm worth more and deserving of better.

Originally Posted by QuirkyGirl99

Honestly? I really don't have any answers. It's a crappy situation. I'm not in your exact situation, so I can't tell you what to do. I, personally, would just stop having any real expectations as far as they are concerned. You can keep them in your life, but you will have to accept them the way they are. It sucks.

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I don't have very many expectations for anybody nor do I have faith in anybody other than myself.

At our best, these friendships are awesome and rewarding and I want more of the best of them, but it seems like in order to achieve that, I need to work out my own issues first so that I can be more of a benefit to them.

[QuirkyGirl99]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

This is exactly how I feel! Why should one go out of their way for anybody if the other person can't meet them halfway? I don't like high maintenance people nor do I like having to work my butt off for somebody if they won't do the same for me or help themselves.

Pardon me if I seem like a selfish prick but I feel like I'm worth more and deserving of better.

You are not a selfish prick! They don't deserve your help. I wouldn't waste my time and energy for people who don't appreciate it.

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[QuirkyGirl99]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

I don't have very many expectations for anybody nor do I have faith in anybody other than myself.

At our best, these friendships are awesome and rewarding and I want more of the best of them, but it seems like in order to achieve that, I need to work out my own issues first so that I can be more of a benefit to them.

That sounds like a good plan. In order to be a good friend, sometimes you have to be an even better friend to yourself.

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Work on yourself and don't worry about other people.

[divine1966]

I sometimes ignore people. I lost some friends this way. I am a caring person

. My reason is most of my old time friends aren't very busy. I on the other hand lead extremely busy life, heck I commute two hours a day. I work two jobs. I raised a kid, I have college degrees etc I never have extra time. Some of my friends never understood it. So I came across as I am ignoring them. They will probably never get it.

Are these people busy?

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They all have less free time than me and have things going on, but I feel like they could put more of an effort in.

I don't need to be coddled or showered with attention by anybody. All I ask out of my friends is to at least put some time in. Heck, I'm cool if we only talk once every 2-3 days, as long as there is something.

Even back when I was working a busy regular job and had a lot more going on in my personal life than I do now, I still put effort into keeping contact with those whom I value most.

[divine1966]

I understand your feelings, I really do. but talking to your friends every two days is a LOT! I only talked that often to my friends when I was very young, like high school young. What if people have relationships and families and jobs and school etc they can't possibly talk to friends that often! I would think once a week might be more reasonable. Even that is often.

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True, but they can still answer a simple text message even if they don't reply until later.

It's not like I'm asking for a long drawn out conversation here. I do deserve more than a mere text or two a week, however.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

True, but they can still answer a simple text message even if they don't reply until later.

It's not like I'm asking for a long drawn out conversation here. I do deserve more than a mere text or two a week, however.

Ok. I still think you are being a bit unrealistic with your expectations. But we can disagree. Or maybe you can try to look for new friends? I know it's hard.

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[lizardlady]

I am in no way trying to minimize your hurt over friends not responding to you, but I would like to give a different perspective.

I have a friend who will call and leave me a voicemail with a message like "Tried to reach you. Will try again." I am supposed to read her mind and know that she's hurting and needs to talk. I'm not psychic. I can't know she is struggling unless she gives me some indication. I might not return the call immediately depending on what's going on in my life.

Then there are the times that I'm struggling to deal with my own stuff and I just don't have anything to give someone else. I have a tendency to pull into my shell when I'm really stressed. It takes too much energy to interact with other people. I may not have it in me to help someone else at those times.

And then there's me and my take on things ... I can be overly needy and that will definitely push people away, so I'm learning how to soothe myself during those times.

I do have one friend that keeps on promising we'll go to the mountains or antique and junk hunting, but will never commit to a date ... This hurts me immensely, so I've decided next time he mentions it, I'm simply going to say, "Hey!, I'm tired of this, so when you're ready to go, let's go, otherwise quit bringing it up and giving me false hope!".

And in the meantime, I'm working to restore my credit so I can get a rental car two or three times a year and go when I'm ready to and not have to depend on others to take me on those little road trips I so enjoy!

It's not their job to rescue me from my situation anymore than it is my job to rescue them from theirs!

It still hurts sometimes though!

Originally Posted by lizardlady

I am in no way trying to minimize your hurt over friends not responding to you, but I would like to give a different perspective.

I have a friend who will call and leave me a voicemail with a message like "Tried to reach you. Will try again." I am supposed to read her mind and know that she's hurting and needs to talk. I'm not psychic. I can't know she is struggling unless she gives me some indication. I might not return the call immediately depending on what's going on in my life.

Then there are the times that I'm struggling to deal with my own stuff and I just don't have anything to give someone else. I have a tendency to pull into my shell when I'm really stressed. It takes too much energy to interact with other people. I may not have it in me to help someone else at those times.

You're probably right. I never mention that I'm hurt or lonely because I dislike talking about my feelings and I hate showing weakness. I simply start conversations with my friends when I'm like that without saying anything and I usually feel better if they respond.

I think that I'm just going to keep my friends at a distance until I get myself financially stable with my online business. Once I pay off my debt and get my seller accounts more established, I have a solid shot at making well over $4-5k per month with chances to scale it even further.

Once that happens they will be flocking to me. I will be making more money than most people my age without a college degree no doubt. I will be completely self made and people will see that, therefore, I will be worthy of respect finally. People will need me for once and it will be glorious!

I need to keep focus and keep my priorities in order and avoid emotional attachments for a bit longer.

[divine1966]

I don't think you need to make tons of money to be loved and respected. No one usually cares. If your friends care how much you make you don't need them. . I just think when you are busy you might not need other people as much and they might relate better

Good luck with your business

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I think I do though. Nobody will ever care about me enough if I don't benefit them. With money, I have more options open to me. I can bribe people to get what and manipulate myself out of trouble with ease. If I screw up and push people away, rather than talking about my feelings and begging them to give me another chance, I can simply send them some money in exchange for their friendship again. When it comes to relationships, I can avoid opening up and instead buy her fancy gifts to keep her interested in me. I could have any woman that I want with money and if one decides to abandon me, I would have plenty of others to take her place.

I have an inferiority complex. I think I'm worthless if I don't benefit others somehow.

In short, I refuse to ever be at the mercy of another human being ever again. I want to be in absolute control of my own life and destiny and I will do what I must to get what I want.

Wow. You're being very hard on yourself. Can you not imagine someone liking or loving you just for who you are, rich or poor, sad or happy? I really feel your pain in some of your posts. Some incredibly bad things must have happened to you to make you feel like that. I am so sorry. I realise that's probably a meaningless thing to say. I genuinely hope that you can find some peace and healing, as well as make a success of your business and move to another state. I'm interested in what happens to you and I hope it goes well. PM me anytime.

FWIW, I think I'm about twice your age. My mother was admitted to hospital last week and has come home. I had 2-3 close friends regularly contact me to offer help and support. There were 2-3 who I thought cared about me, who didn't respond. I think this is just how people are. Sometimes selfish, or sick/ sad themselves, or busy, or forget stuff..... Don't take it too personally. Focus on getting yourself in the right place and the rest will come.

And BTW if a guy loved me, he'd show it by how he treats me, not by what he buys me. There was an old lady opposite my mother and her husband came in every day and brushed her hair while she slept. He couldn't afford flowers or cards but you could see how much he loved her. Love and friendship cost nothing but are priceless. Hugs to you DIMF.