What would you do ? [ Really need help cant afford T ]

Hello , I made some topics that might have a connection to what I am gonna write here .. I am making another topic because things are becoming harder and harder and I am running out of energy .. so let`s start

A brief story of where I am now :

24 years old almost 25 !

Chapter I

Quit my 1st college in the last semester ( Not because I could not end it but because I could not stand going to it anymore , I really hated it )
After quitting it I told my parents and my friends that I finished it ( yes I lied )
and I moved to another country where my cousin was living (He knew the truth)...I stayed there for around 1 year ... I tried some jobs that I found too diminishing for me to do so I quit and came back home and I told my parents that I took some classes there and tried to work but did not find something that I liked ...

So after coming back home I shut myself in my room .. feeling disappointed at myself and started working as a designer .. and I got some pretty good jobs ... so after 4-5 months of small to almost 0 contact with my friends ... I started going out again and planned how to live from then ..on

Chapter II

In the present I joined a new college something related to the designer job and I thought I will really like it ... and I did .. for a while ... I tried to study ..I made some friends ( not close ones because I keep people at distance )
and then a girl came up ...

Chapter III

So after this girl came ..like 3 or 4 guys my included fell for her ... the type of girl who always smiles and laughs ..and then the drama started ..at first I was not interested in her but somehow she manged to get me be interested in her .. so we started talking more and more ..at school joking around and at night on the phone sometimes for over 6 hours , so we both got to know a lot about eachother every stupid and small thing ( not some of the big secrets ..like what I wrote about here )

Chapter IV

So after all this talking with her I told her I like her .. she said she cant give me an answer now ..
We kept talking normal and after a few days she said " I like you , and I want to be in a relationship with you , but because I dont have time right now I cant do that .. but I dont want to reject you either because that would mean driving you away "

After she told me that I told her that I am willing to do anything to make it work .. and by that I mean seeing her even 10 minutes per night I would drive to her place and we sit and smoke and just talk ...I told her she needs to give me something for me to catch on so I can stay "

And she said if she is in a relationship she wants to be a normal one .. not staying out for 20 - 30 minutes , she wants normal date and so on .. and she also said that she has 3 big things she is afraid of and she does not want to jump into a relationship

So the status right now is We are talking for hours about everything and I am still waiting for an answer ..

That for me means 2 things :
1. She just wants to stay friends but she is afraid of telling me NO because she thinks I will get upset
2. She really likes me but something is ****ed up ..if you like someone you an squeeze 10-20 minutes right > after all we talk for hours when she gets in bed

Chapter V

Current emotions status ...
To say it straight .. I cant function ... school takes too much of my time and I cant work .. I Live with my parents and I have no money like really .. 0 money right now

If I work I have to quit school but the problem is that :

I have no motivation to do anything !
I dont see any purpose in life .. I dont know what I like or what I dont
I get pissed every time I see this girl talking to someone else ... if I dont get attention from her I act like a child and get pissed

And trust me ... I forced myself to study or to work but it never works ..

I have no clue what to do with my life , that is why I want an honest opinion from you guys .. i cant afford a therapist and I feel like I am really loosing it ..witch each day that passes I feel like more and more like garbage ...
I have no dreams , no desires , no motivation for anything... I just wait for this girl to text me or reply ..and then I feel nice like I am on some kind of drug , I feel happy

I forced myself to even write this topic ... the feelings im trying to cope with are much more powerful than what it may seem that I am walking about here .. there is too much drama with people .. even with this girl If I could forget about her I would probably would want that
The logical step would be to : work on myself so I can live a life for myself .. but I dont want / wish to even do that .. I feel like the thing inside of me that should be caring is dead

It sounds to me like you're doing the right things; you're in school and you have a girlfriend who you mostly just talk with on the phone and are infatuated. It sounds like you are anxious about all the uncertainty. Can't you get a part time job so you have enough money to date and go to school? Why do you only have 30 minutes in your day to see her?

I am so sorry you are struggling. I wish I had some good advice.

I don't understand why she can talk to you for 6 hours ( seems excessive) but only has 10 minutes a day to meet? I wouldn't drive to see anyone for 10 minutes, I don't suggest you do that. But then I wouldn't talk to 6 hours either

Can you set up small manageable goals? Like break your life into chunks.

I also wondered if you have that much time to be on the phone could you use that time for undemanding part time job? Something simple?

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I'm with Divine on this one.


I don't understand how she has no time to date but can be on the phone with you for 6 hours.


Your phone calls take up more time than a date does.

I agree with divine too.

And it seems to me that although she doesn't want a relationship with you, she wants to keep you around for some reason. Maybe it makes her feel better about herself?

Well she is like 10 min away if I go by car so thats not something hard to do.
And about the job part ... I went so far with this lie about college and having a degree that now If I try to get a job it will be noticeable ..

What I should do is work on my design portfolio and start freelancing again like I did before this new college started .. but I dont have the energy to do that for some reason .. and also I did force myself and sent some applications but they choose someone else ...


I thought about this too .. she seems like someone who enjoys attention , otherwise why would she act so friendly with everyone ... she now acts super friendly with a guy that likes/liked her , hugs and talking and smiling to him .. I think and told her that he might think that she is giving him hopes by acting like that and she said that she is just polite , she tried this with me also before all this started , to hug me but I pushed her away and said things dont work like this

Why did you start lying in the first place? Do you have a difficult relationship with your parents?

In the past it was REALLY terrible , I was a really really religious guy when I was small I think till the age of 7-10 ( not the type that is a fanatic but the type who really loves god and how god loves everyone and takes care of them )
But when I was small my mom was left unable to work after 1 bad operations ( some doctors ****edup and if she spends too much time on her feet or on a chair her leg and back hurt like hell ) things got really bad with money at home ..
so my dad got more and more pissed about working so much ( he even got an award for how fair he was , he is a cab driver ... people forgot in his car stuff like deodorants , phones , tablets . laptops and he went and gave them all back .. and we live in eastern europe where as you might know things like this dont happen at all almost ) , working so much and barely having any food so he started fighting with mom , smashing things around the house and saying words that at that point in my life left a mark

Anyway yea.. in the past it was really bad now its getting better , he is more calm and relaxed and I dont care about what he did in the past anymore .. but I guess you can still see the aftermath

I am glad things are better at home.

Who will notice if you lied? Let's say you go work some part time job how would they know you lied in the past? There are plenty of reasons people temporary work random jobs even if they have a degree

. I understand you can't afford therapy but can you see a doctor? Even your regular doctor and tell him or her your struggles. Like no motivation. They might suggest something

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Do you think your parents (your father especially) would react badly if you told them that you lied? Can you only talk to your mother about it? I am asking this because having some moral support from one's parents can be very helpful. Right now you seem to be stuck alone with your problems and that is very difficult. What do you think your father would do if he found out you lied?

You said you went to live in another country for a little bit. Did you like living there? How did you feel about yourself there?

I come from Eastern Europe and I moved to Western Europe to study when I was 22-23. At first life was very hard, I had to study and work to support myself. Now I have no intention of moving back to Eastern Europe - I will simply not find a good job there...

There are not many part time jobs that I could work here ...and if there are not I dont think I am willing to do them ... like I said .. I could freelance again but I have no desire or motivation to do anything

I am thinking of talking to a priest , they are supposed to be " wise "
Also a colleague had some problems when he was at sea and he resorted to religion to keep him strong so that made me curious ... how it helped him.


They would react really bad I guess maybe kick me at the house ? which at this point I dont think its a bad idea ... maybe I need to be close to death to wake up to get that motivation or desire fulled again ..

And yes I liked living there .. but I found some petty jobs like dish washer ... or cleaning up hotel rooms .. and I found those jobs too diminishing to do them .

One job that I liked was at a hotel I was the gatekeeper and I was helping with luggage , for some reason I really liked that job even if it was diminishing also ... I think I liked it cause of the people that came to the hotel and because of my colleagues from the staff , they were really great

One thing that crossed my mind about not having any energy was the 6hour phone calls daily. That would drain almost anyone. You're tied down to a phone. How do you get any sleep? How do you get anything done?
Not everyone with a college degree has lavish jobs, anyways. Your parents wouldn't know that you told any future employer that you don't have a degree, would they?

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well its not always 6 hours , sometimes its 2 hours sometimes 1 depends on what she is doing at home ...

and you are not wrong about the jobs .. I just have to find something .. there are like 0 jobs announcements on the internet

I just saw she played the game we usually play on the phone with another guy from our college group . the guy she comes to school with cause they live close .. I felt like a dagger went through my heart .. what the **** was that

EDIT : look how fukin paranoid I am .. I spoke to that guy casually and he mentioned that he installed the game just to play with another guy from our class , god I am slowly loosing it

You are being consumed by this girl.


Not healthy at all.


I would not suggest trying to date her, not until you know how to have a GF without mistaking her for oxygen.


PS I speak from experience, no judgment.

I really don't understand the concept of diminishing jobs. Don't know what you mean? The only diminishing job I could think of is something that causes harm to others like drug dealers or a pimp. I don't see any shame in any jobs. Especially for a young person with no college degree. But even with degrees and at any age. You need money so you go work ( unless no jobs are there but not because it is diminishing).

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You are not wrong at all !!!
When I say diminishing jobs what I mean is that ... I can speak 4-5 languages
I almost graduated a college based on engineering and math , I earned money by creating art ...
So when I got those jobs .. where the people made me carry their trash spoke to me really rude , and they could barely speak their own language I got really pissed at myself for putting myself in that situation .

No honest job is diminishing , the people I worked with made me feel that it is

I have master's degree and have a professional job and speak 3 languages but due to pay cuts I don't make enough at my job so I work random job in the evenings. You got to do what you got to do to pay bills. Strangers don't care what degrees you have.

It is a shame people are rude but frankly if you have zero money and live with your parents you might have to put up with rude people to make some money. I understand you are struggling and hopefully your doctor can suggest something to get you motivated.

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Hi: Just thought I'd offer a suggestion: Most colleges offer some sort of counseling, either with in house counselors or via graduate programs, where you meet with therapists in training. Not sure if that's an option for you.

Again , that would a normal logical human would do ..
But I can`t do it ..really need a T I guess ...

No option here thanks for you worry though

Anyway the more I talk about this and it feels like I am ranting , I think I feel a little more helpful after all this ranting

deepable, I somehow understand you. A dear friend of mine followed her husband to Norway. He had an ok job there, he worked as a regular worker-electrician (with his electrical engineering degree he was a supervisor back in his home country). She didn't work for some time and eventually found a cleaning job. At first she was ok but then she started feeling depressed. She also found that job demeaning and finally went back to her home country. She comes from a good family and although she doesn't earn much now working as a local librarian, she is much happier now being close to her family.

Her goal was to leave her home temporarily to earn money and then go back to live her life in her home country. My goal was to start a new life in a new country.

What are your goals in life? Where do you want to live? What do you want to do?Where would you like to see yourself in 10 years? Think about that.

Hey , this is my problem ..

I have no goals , I don`t really have a place I want to live in , I don`t want to do anything ..This days I am waking up hoping I get a text from this girl so we can chat ... , if she won`t text and I manage to go 1 day without texting her .. I spend my time watching movies but not really paying attention to them ... or listening to music and imaging myself some big shot ... or spending time on some voice chat program with some friends that I used to play games with ..but I dont even enjoy computer games anymore , so I just talk to them ( not to feel alone I guess ) and watch them play ...

Last night I felt like I needed some air and went to visit a friend .. but I did not stay for more than 1 hour cause I got really bored ...

So you see ...this is my problem .. I dont feel like doing anything ,
I was hoping that this girl would somehow be my saviour and would give me a reason for me to try ..

I wouldn't diagnose people online, but something tells me you are showing some signs of depression? I know you can't see a t right now but please see your doctor.

Some girl especially the one that's not interested isn't going to save you. It could be that change of scenery will help you such as moving but there is no guarantee. When will you be done with school?

I can relate to being extremely preoccupied with the person. I was preoccupied with men couple of times in my life. It could get difficult. But it didn't interfere with my ability to study or work. But if this prevents you from succeeding in your career or even simply work, then something needs to happen to stop the obsession.

I am sorry you are struggling right now

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I agree with divine.

And I will say something that you have probably heard before - you cannot rely on other people to make you happy regardless if you are depressed or not. And here is the reason why.

Events in our lives can be divided into two categories: ones that are in our control and ones that are outside of our control. Things in our control are the decisions we make on daily basis, big or small. Like deciding to make ourselves a coffee in the morning, deciding to apply for a job, deciding to invite a friend for a walk, deciding to buy a lottery ticket, deciding to stop eating junk food... And here there are things outside of our control, such as getting a job or not getting a job, winning or not winning the lottery, having somebody fall in love with us... weather, traffic, politics, economics and many many other things. Being happy often means being proactive, and proactivity mans making the share of things in our control larger, than the share of things outside of our control.

I am not saying you cannot be happy if the girl you fancy falls in love with you. But putting your happiness in her hands will make it very vulnerable. You will suffer every time she would go out with friends and stay out for too long, every time she would play an online game with another guy... She sounds like a very social person and it can be potentially hurtful for a person who doesn't like to socialize that much.

You are right , and thats exactly how I feel because she is so social

Omg..how is that living? Trolling this girl

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