What do you do when you find out your "friends" hate you?

As about solutions people offer you solutions in every thread yet you typically dismiss it. I've never seen you accepting of any suggestions ever.

As about this particular woman ( why is she called a girl if this is working environment?) I see that you are worried she is friendly and equally worry she is not friendly and worry why she isn't talking to you etc and you also have crush on her. This sounds like a lot of drama for a work place. How much free time do you have at work to be that engaged in these type of interactions? Why is she called a friend? Do you spend time with her outside of work m? You guys talk on the phone on the weekends? Know each other families? If not, she is a colleague. As long as she behaves appropriately and professionally I just don't see how you can expect more.

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See that's where the problem is. You experience society as cold and unsympathetic and even hostile . Why is that? This is your perception. It is something to explore in therapy. Why aren't you in therapy? There are therapists who work after hours.

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I don't agree with being hostile to and harming others regardless of the reason (being depressed, isolated, .... etc), but if you perceive society as not being cold and empathetic (and I am not taking sides here), then it is your own perception, too. People talk from their own experiences. There is no objective reality out side our own experiences, it is just how we perceive it.

I agree Nickname that it is all subjective. But if one's perception is causing him/her constant suffering ( perceiving that people hate them or laugh at them or that no one ever helps anyone and being always upset about it ) then maybe one needs to look into it and find ways to be happy. Maybe first step might be considering that society isn't that bad?

If one perceives the world as miserable place yet never complains about it then it's a different story. If one posts and asks about how to improve ones life then people reply with their suggestions.

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I don't think people choose to be miserable. Some people just fail to do the adjustments necessarily to live happily. I also don't think society is bad, but it is structured in a certain way that alienates some people because they are different and don't fit what the collective society perceives as "normal". These are unspoken messages received. That is why I think people perceive society as cold and not empathetic. Not because no one tries to help. If I cry for help probably I will find many responses at the time, but if I stayed at my home after that for years, or spent all my time alone probably no one would care. Which makes sense, because people assume you are OK and satisfied and don't need help. But people are sometimes pushed to isolate themselves because of what is desirable and what it is not. People don't need help, but need to feel accepted and embraced despite their struggles. But society sends those implied messages "sort out your struggle first and then we will accept you", which, again, makes sense, but for others it doesn't.

I guess it depends on your definition of friends. But I would say we are definitely more than just work colleagues. We have hung out outside of work with a group of other friends from work on several occasions. Nobody really talks on the phone anymore, but we are in a text group chat together with other friends. We do not know each other's families.

Our workplace is more open than what you seem to be thinking of as a workplace. There is no policy against dating coworkers and it seems to happen pretty often. I know of three couples so far who work there.

My worry with regards to this girl is that I mistake where we stand and end up acting inappropriately. I am always on my guard against coming on too strong and giving the impression that I have feelings for her. But I am thinking it is very likely I am doing the opposite, being too distant when more friendly behavior would be appropriate, giving her the impression that I have a problem with her.

It depends really. I think society is sympathetic to people as long as they don't go against what society considers appropriate behavior. For example, I think society will be quite unsympathetic towards a man in his late 20s who is angry and depressed because he never got the chance to date and is not considered too old for many of the girls he is interested in. I think it will cause me nothing but trouble if I went and started sharing these kinds of feelings with other people.

I don't know what you mean by "society". The world is a big place. it depends who you start sharing your feelings with. Typically people don't go around discussing relationship issues or what girls they like unless these are close friends or therapist or maybe their mother or sibling depends on a relationship. Sure if you start telling random strangers or neighbors or coworkers that you have trouble dating they would look at you funny.

I really don't understand the concept of " not having a chance to date". I understand having difficulty finding a date or meeting potential mates or finding right people or asking people out etc ( I've been there too), but what do you mean by " not having a chance". Unless you are in prison you have a chance, you are just having difficulty with it.

But not sure what exact difficulty it is as you never asked anyone out. You shared about many women you like yet you never asked them out to even know if they would be interested. I understand feeling shy so why not try dating sites? Then you can build up courage over time. Relationship isn't easy thing to find but you got to do something to even see if you have a chance.

Sure you can ask that girl at work but it is tricky as if she says no, you'd have to keep working with her. That's why obsessing about this girl might get tricky. That's maybe why she acts funny with you. People do date at work but it's pain in a neck if you break up with coworker

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