[UCLAFan]

Almost every guy i have had feelings for turned into a jerk after i got to know them better. One of the last guys i liked. Had a bad rep and bad temper etc But i did not know that.Tell last year when he cussed me out on My Space. Then other people that know him told me i'm better off without him.That i'm to good for him and that he has issues with women and a temper on him.I was attracted to him from the minute i meet him. But he would always stare at me creepy like though. His staring always made me feel uncomfortable.I thought i was over him. But i came across him a little over a week ago. I still felt attracted to him the minute i laid eyes on him last week. He stared at me again like always. But i did not talk to him.Just because i still find him attractive. Do's not mean i forgive how he treated me. I was tempted to chew him out if he approached me. I think i liked this guy because he gave me a lot of attention. He is in a local band and all kinds of women would throw themselves at him and he'd ignore them all and would come over and talk to me.I'm not the type of girl most guys call hot. So i was shocked and flattered when he would ignore these better looking girls and come over and put his arm around me.I admit i miss the attention he gave me.Plus the talks we had.But i think i'm better off no longer being his friend or having anything to do with him.I noticed since he joined the band 2 years ago. The band has lost a lot of fans. Some times i think it is because of him. Plus i'm friends with a guy who works for the band.He says all that guy is.Is Trouble and that fans etc complain about him all the time..If it was not for his wife. He would stop working for the band. But they are paying him good.The band had one record that was national 5 years ago and then they got dumped by the record label.After knowing all this and more.Am i nuts for still being attracted to this jerk?

[Direction]

Attraction is attraction...right?

Knowing he is not right for you is your brain working...some guys know how to say all the right things to sweep you off your feet...then you see what they are made off. It sounds like those close to him see that overall he isn't a good fit as a friend...?

[LunarStrain]

I completely understand, I too am like 75% of women and am attracted to jerks. It sucks. That is part of the reason why I thought coming here might help. My last relationship lasted 5yrs and now I am a complete paranoid mess. It has been 3yrs since we broke up and I thought I was doing much better (self-esteem, secure, confidence and thinking clear) I even thought I was ready for another relationship. Unfortunatly I have been a paranoid mess ever since I met my new man, I dont know if its him or me. Did my last relationship screw me up that much? Will I drive my new man away? Or, is he just as bad? Im really confused

[Wants2Fly]

Many of us are, UCLA. Is it possible for you to work with a T or be in a support group for this?

In my experience, the solution is not someone giving an easy answer: "You're attractied to jerks because you didn't get enough love as a child." I'm not saying that's the answer, just that it's the kind of easy typecasting people will spout as a reply.

But it doesn't matter what anyone says about why you are attracted to a certain kind of man. You have to figure out why, and you have to find a way to heal that place in you.

I hope that you find the guides you need to help you with this. It will be worth it in the end.

[UCLAFan]

Yes my brain is working. I never have trusted the guy. But i liked the attention from him.Because the only attention i'd get growing up was negative and then he comes along and at first treated me good. Plus he'd give me hugs and would actually listen to what i had to say.

[UCLAFan]

Lunar glad some can relate. But i wish nobody had to deal wityh Heartache. Has coming here help at all? Wants2Fly you are corrected about my childhood. My family treated me badly and at times still do.Even though i have lived on my own for 18 years. My mother thinks i should be in a group home because i have Epilepsy. My family do's not give people much affection. My mom gives it when she wants to look like a loving mother. When she comes here from Texas. In private she will verbally abuse me. But in public she will be giving me hugs and going on and on how much she loves me.She is very fake and i don't like her touching me.I have talked a little bit about this with my T but i have only seen her 4 times. She wants me to write a letter to my mom. Not one i'd actually give her. But for me to express my feelings that i have had for years. But mostly have held in.

[NeuroticallyNormal]

He has temper issues it sounds for sure. Have you ever been scared that he would hit you? Is he a guy capable of that? Because there are two types of guys in this world; those that are capable of hitting a woman, and those who are not. If you feel that he may be, I would say walk away, yet run. If you can't see it, perhaps he just has bad temper problems?

I have a friend who has an awful temper and one thing I have noticed, he has always been with women who like to argue and speak their mind. This guy would not lay a hand on a woman. It's just not a thing he is capable of. He's extremely protective as well. Some pretty cool girls are really attracted to him. His fiance now, they yell and scream at each other, like mean spirited things to an outside ear, but then make up. Constantly. Like clockwork. They're perfect for each other I guess.

My point is. He may be a decent guy, but can you handle a person with temper issues? They require a woman who is very aggressive and thick-skinned, if that's not you, you may just want to steer clear of future problems.

[UCLAFan]

I think i will steer clear of him. But i think i have lost my mind. Because i normally get turned off by guys like him and still find this guy attractive.

[LunarStrain]

UCLA Fan: I dont think you have lost your mind but I dont know you, maybe its just straying away like mine. I remember my psych prof saying one time that attitudes and personalities are very different. Sometimes we find ones attitudes very alluring and then we get to know them and figure out that their personality is really disappointing because its a major contrast from ours. Unfortunatly we tend not to figure this out untill we are already attached in some way. I dont know if this sounds true to you but it makes sense to me, however that doesn't mean that I dont keep making the same mistake.

Infact, I think I attract men with negative qualities....

I dont know if I can help much, clearly Im not an expert when it come to men but I will listen if you need...

[UCLAFan]

His personality for sure was a dissapointment. Normally if a guy's personality sucks. It's a major turn off. Then i don't find the guy attractive any more. This is not the case with this guy.I think i'm this way. Because i have not dated much the last 10 years and i'm getting more lonely each year.In 1996 i was in a abusive relationship and he stalked me for 2 years.Then i dated a guy who was dating 3 other women and i did not know it. Got stood up by that jerk on Valentines Day 1997. So that pretty much turned me off to dating.Plus i have never been popular to men.The few guys that liked me where loser's and when i told them i was not interested they'd go nuts on me. Call me all kinds of names and beg me to go out with them. I might be lonely. But i won't put up with guys like that.