Emotionally abusive and controlling husband, took my phone away!

I'm mad and upset now since my husband was mean to me last night. He yelled at me to turn off the heater, so I did. Apparently I didn't turn it off, as he yelled at me again for being to drunk to turn it off.

I did drink a lot, but I KNOW that I turned it off. It takes awhile for the noise to die down. I got mad and yelled at him and told him to not yell at me. I pointed my finger in his face. He got really mad and I was afraid that he might hit me.

He never has, thank god. He is emotionally abusive and financially controlling though. He was OK for a long period of time, but then some stupid thing will make him snap! He's supposedly "normal" and he doesn't drink much or do any drugs.

He had a happy childhood and was not abused, so I don't get why he'd turn out to be this way! Anyways, I DID call the cops on him once a year ago. They did nothing, but he did have to leave the house and stay at a hotel. That was the ONLY time that I ever did that.

So he took away my phone when I went to sleep in the other room! UGH! Asshole! He also threatened to not get me a new laptop that he promised to get me. That is so childish! I admit that I shouldn't have been so aggressive and not have said some of the things that I did.

He might freeze me out for a week. I'm sorry for the rant. I'm going to hide my keys and my phone from now on. My whole purse actually. I have a lot of purses, so I can use one as a decoy, ha ha! I'll also have to make copies of my keys j.i.c he takes them away from me one day.

I drank since I'm on my period. I don't drink all the time. He hates it when I do drink though. I suffer from depression and lately I've been upset on top of having PMS about him not telling me what's going on with our mortgage. We're a few months behind on it, plus, we owe the IRS a lot of money, but he doesn't seem to be worried about it. At least it appears that he isn't. So maybe the stress finally got to him, idk.

Anyways, I said some mean things that I shouldn't have, and I regret that. I called him a ***** and that I'll have him arrested if he hits me. The thing is that we have an open relationship, but I don't go after other men. He just goes to massage parlors. I'm OK with it as I hate sex period. An ex raped me years ago, so maybe that has something to do with it, idk. It's better that he does that then cheat on me secretly.

He has a high sex drive, and that relaxes him so he's easier to be around. I then said that I'll tell everyone what he's really like, ugh! I never said a word about it until now except by telling one friend that I've known for years. That's not the real issue. It does bother me that he "forgets" to tell me when he sees these women like he promised me to. He claims that he only goes to those places once a month, but I sometimes worry that he does it more often and doesn't tell me about things. He recently paid less on my credit cards and now I get $50 less each week. He only gives me $200 a week and when I complain about things, he tells me that there are people out there with families who live on less than that.

Thankfully I'm still able to take money from the joint account still. He did threaten to take me off it a few times in the past after I took out some money w/o asking his permission to do so. I used to take money from his wallet too, but he now hides it in his car. He used to have hundreds of dollars in his wallet at a time, so it's not as if he didn't have money to give me.

Anyways, what can I do if he refuses to give my phone back to me, or worse, return it? It's fairly new. Also, he threatened to also not get me a laptop that he promised he'd get me as a punishment. He then called me a lazy ****. He's called me a ***** before, but not that. He has also called me fat and stupid before and when I told him to not talk to me in a nasty way, he yelled at me and told me that he'll talk to me anyway he pleases to! He refuses to see any counselor. He thinks that I'm the one with the problem, not him. He's NEVER EVER wrong, and he never apologizes for a damn thing!

I can't tell my parents about this as my dad is a sexist control freak like him. He'll only take his side and yell at me. Who needs that? My mom is stupid, and she can't keep her mouth shut, so I can't trust her. My sister won't really care about what's going on. She'll probably brush it off. She has some issues with her b.f too.

Thankfully we have no kids. I don't work, so he knows that he can control me. It's very hard for me to find any decent job as no one will hire me for most jobs since I have no college degree, only a h.s one. Also, I have two non violent misdemeanors on my record-

Things have been calm for a long time, but when he errupts when he's really stressed out about things, he'll tend to take things out on me. He's like a ticking time bomb that way. One time he got so nasty, he threw object around the room, and he knocked over the kitty tower. I got so scared that I called a friend up and asked if I could stay a few days at her place until things calmed down. I had no money for a hotel. She was kind enough to let me.

It was really stupid too. He got extremely angry with me for not having charged my cell phone one time years ago. I went to a friends B-day party, and it was far away, so I took the train there. Well, I stupidly assumed that the trains would run late since it was in a big city. I missed the last one, so I had to take a taxi. I was short on cash, so my cell phone was dead, so I had to use the cabbies phone to ask him if he could pay the cab driver so I wouldn't be stranded out there late at night. He hung up on me! Thankfully the cab driver was super nice and drove me back home for less than he would've charged someone normally. He accepted what I had. The next day, he yelled at me for not charging my cell phone and for not knowing the train schedule.

It was a mistake, but he acted like it was something that I do all the damn time! He then told me to always have enough cash on me to get back home, and that it was my fault for not being more responsible. I didn't anticipate missing a train! WTH? UGH! I secretly taped him on my phone and my friends were shocked at how angry and violent he sounded. He told me that all I care about is partying with my friends which is NOT true at all! I deserve a social life! I hardly go out with my friends or out much at all more than once or twice a month! That was so out of line!

There have been other incidents too, but almost none of them have been as bad as the above two fights. Except for one time when were visiting his parents in his home country. Well, I got separated from them at the mall when I went to use the bathroom. Neither of them told me that they'd be leaving the restaurant that we were at, and he didn't turn on my phone for over seas calls for that trip, so I was SOL. I panicked, especially since I knew no one there, and hardly anyone there spoke English. So when I finally saw them, I told him why they didn't tell me they were leaving. He then yelled at me, and called me stupid, and that I was freaking out and making a scene! His ***** mother doesn't like me, so she said nothing even when I cried in front of her. *****! I hate her still.

Thank God that she lives far away and that I don't have to see either of his jerk parents ever! They came over here once, and I fought with his mom who'd always rudely interrupt me and treat my house like hers. So I blew up in her face and his dads face, so they don't want to come back here ever, ha! He does visit them once a year though by himself now. He has given me grief int he past for not sucking up to his stupid queen bee mother and his rude friends.He's a huge momma's boy. Whatever!

I'm thinking about going to a counselor on my own, but he might not pay for things. Is there any place that I can go to that offers free or very low cost counseling? I do have insurance, but they only cover so much for mental health care. I do need someone to talk to. I can't leave him now, so please don't tell me to just get up and leave. I DO want things to get better.

How can I get him to treat me with respect and kindness when he's upset? Is it possible for him to change his ways or not? I'm afraid he might not. He once told me that if we get divorced, that I'd get nothing, not even the car. I know that's not true as we live in a 50/50 state. Why is he like this? I don't deserve this at all! He was in the army, and in a war, so maybe he has some weird PTSD thing going on that I'm not aware of? He seems normal, but the way that he acts is not normal. Also, he has a type A personality.

As for my friend who did help me, she told her dad about what happened and he told her to never let me stay at the house that he bought for her since my husband could go after her. I was upset to hear that, but I respected her decision and we're still friends.

And I did call a domestic violence hot line before, but all the rooms were booked! I'd go to a hotel if I had the money to afford a cheap one. The only option would be for me to take my car and go somewhere quiet to sleep if this happens again. Of course I'd only do that sober! I just slept in the other room last night.

Omg this is awful. Are you safe right now?

is this the same man you said is nice and loving and only teases you about eating weird foods and when we said he is abusive you said you get along and he is very nice? I am confused. He sounds very scary. Nothing in your posts indicated that ! You are bring abused.

You've been living like this for 20 years? To top it off you are behind on mortgage and owe IRS? What is he planning to do?

You can work without college degree. Retail and some factories hire you. Retail in my area hires any time. No degrees needed. Get a job and start saving for leaving him. In a meanwhile I'd go into a shelter. You might qualify for public housing and he will spousal support after divorce.

I am scared for you. I also recommend AA. It is free and you might benefit from it

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Forgot to answer your question if things will change between you two. Sorry but it is very unlikely IMHO

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This is a support community. But this is a hard one for me. Hugs and hugs and hugs and get your *** out of there. (So so sorry...)

I don't know what help is available to you as you don't say where you are in the US. But I would like to make sure that you know that none of this is healthy or normal, right?

It is NOT a partnership (that word has a different meaning for every couple, I think, but this is just no kind of good partnership for either of you from the information you are giving us)

I think you know what you have to do. Please take steps to do it. Family, friends...anybody. Just, please. Take a step in a direction that will, ultimately, result in a happier, healthier you.
Get some information together in regards to community property in your state, your rights as a human being (!) and low/no cost ways to get out and get healthy. Reach out to people who can help you.

Please do not excuse any of your, or his, behavior.

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Thanks for reading my long post. I'm safe, don't worry about me. He did NOT hit me, but this still hurts, his unpredictable outbursts at times. I did say all those things on another thread. I was kind of in denial. Things are normally good for a long period of time aside from him being a little annoying like by not letting me sleep by asking me where the cat is and to tell me to go get the cat.

He'll then reach out to grab the "cat", but he ends up grabbing me instead. I have yelled at him to stop many times, but he is like a bully, relentless. I have insomnia, and he knows that, but he doesn'tcare about that. He thinks that it's funny to do that and get a reaction out of me. He is very immature at times.

I don't really think that I'm in danger, BUT IF I AM, then I'll for sure sleep in my car if I have to! Like I said, all of those shelters are always booked solid! I have nowhere to go. My family lives 7 hours away from me. So does my sister. I don't think that he'll ever hit me as he knows that I'd immediately call the police on him, and I'd tell my parents about it for sure. And my dad would be livid even though he is a sexist control freak pig, I'm still his daughter.

That is why he took my phone, he is scared that I'll take action if he pushes me to far. However, I'm not stupid. I DID leave him for a few days before when things got really bad that one time. I was lucky enough to have a friend who lived nearby who has a big house with lots of room. I no longer have the option of going there thanks to her jerk dad, ugh! Oh, and there is no way in hell that I'd ever move back home. My dad and my mom would drive me insane! My dad has a really bad temper. He's bipolar, a narcissist, and a huge control freak. He's even worse than my husband! My poor mom has nowhere to go, so she's stuck with him. She's super codependent.

I just looked up a ton of counselors in my area and some offer sliding scale payments. I'll find one and go to whoever will cost the least who is also a good fit for me. I'll try to make him pay. If not, I'll take money out of the account for now to pay for it. I'll make sure that he knows it's for counseling since he's driving me insane and hurting me emotionally.

As for work, I'll try to look for work soon, but it's not easy. I have anxiety and issues with depresssion. I'm apparently an introvert, and most places like retail require you to have an outgoing people perosnality. That's not me at all. I used to work in retail, customer service, some waitressing at small places, offices, and fast food. I hated each job, most of my former bosses and some of my co-workerds and customers too.

People can be so mean to you when you're different. I've been bullied, sexually harassed at work, and then fired after two weeks or 3 months for no apparent reason. Not trying to fit in and be everyones friends doesn't help matters. Just being polite isn't enough. I might still try hard to find a night job to avoid dealing with him. He works 6 days a week during the day.

I can maybe do overnight stock at a grocery store if heavy lifting isn't involed. I'm not that strong, and I have a bad back, neck, and shoulder pain.
I have not worked in 16 years, so since a lot of places do background checks, they'll find that out. Who would want to hire someone like me who hasn't been able to keep a job for more than a year? I've quit a few jobs due to not being able to deal with the stress and the people there a few times too. I'd never be able to support myself on miminum wage, even if I worked two jobs. I have bad credit, so getting a new car, my own place, and stuff like that will be next to impossible. I'm a realist. I'd probably not be with him if I could support myself 100%.

He also told me that no one will ever want a crazy person like me. No guy has ever shown much interest in me as a romantic partner expect for the jerks who only seemed to want to have sex with me, ugh! He is very sneaky to. I think that he'd try to hide any money if push came to shove. It'll be tough to get spousal support from him I think. He's a really good liar and manipulator. When the cops came over, the dicks fawned over him and his gun which he showed them. WTH? And they liked the fact that he was in the military. What a bunch of assholes! He didn't threaten to use it on me, but there have been times when he cocked it in front of me. I told him not to of course. I think that he gets off on trying to intimidate me.

Why is he like this? He has had a perfect life, and he's NOT this way with ANYONE but ME! WTH? Thanks for responding.

As for A.A, I went there once. There are also former drug addicts in the group. It's based on religion, and I'm an atheist. The people there were fairly nice, but this one lady kept on getting me to come to her house, so I didn't like that. Idk. I don't see myself as being an alcholic. I only drink when I'm really stressed out. I don't even have drinks with lunch or dinner 99% of the time. I'm a binge drinker which isn't good, but I don't belong in A.A.

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Thanks for responding. I do know that this is not a healthy relationship. I'm going to see a counselor soon. I can't call anyone now since he's still at work and he still has my phone, ugh! Jerk! I'm hiding my phone and keys from now on, as well as my walllet! I don't trust him at all.

My friends can't help me like I stated. Most people don't care, or they don't want to get involved. I don't want to scare away my two new friends by telling them this. Maybe I will in the future if I think they won't run fast in the other direction after hearing about this. I only have one good friend who knows how bad he can be. I can't go live with him and his g.f though as he has to take care of his dad who has dementia, and he's finacially strapped now and he also has a few health issues. He'd help me if he could though probably. Maybe one day he can.

I'll talk to a counselor about this and try my best to get him to go. I'll tape record him on the phone again so that he can't B.S anyone about what he said if confronted. I'll have proof to show other people even though I will never be able to use it in a court of law.

It's illegal to tape record people w/o their knowledge no matter what. I live in Ca. So I know this is a 50/50 state. He'll probably try to hide his assets and money. I know very little about our finances aside from what I can find by opening the mail and how much is currently in the checking account. He hides everything from me. He always has.

I too am worried that you say you owe the irs Tons of money. They could garnish his wages. And being 2 months behind on the house payment is no joke either. At 3 months they can foreclose.
That would mean you would get a notice to move within 24 hours.

What do you spend this $800 month on? Groceries?
And you say you have bad credit?

The relationship stinks. You know that. But you could get a job.

You could fudge it. Tell a friend to vouch for you that she has her own business and you've been working for her. When there's a will there's a way. Then you can help to get the mortgage current. Make a deal with IRS and get that paid too. You can be responsible if you want to. It's up to you.
Ask him for your phone back as you are going on job interviews and need to get back to prospective employers.

You obviously want to stay in this relationship. You may have learned to be mistreated by your mom and dads relationship.
You could go to a free DBSA NAMI support group.

If you've been married 20 years and don't work it is pretty typical to get spousal support. My fiancé pays a lot spousal support because his ex refuses to work and they've been married over 20 years and he makes good money even though she is the one who filed for divorce. Judge said she is accustomed to a certain life style and he needs to continue contributing to it for certain number of years. It's not up to him. Judge decides

I doubt minimum wages jobs would worry that you never worked. You were a homemaker.

AA isn't religious based. There is a spiritual component to it but you don't have to follow dogma. You can take out of it what you need

I don't have a very good credit either, it's average at best . My fiancée had bankruptcy. It never prevented him from renting apartment or buying a car. It's harder to get low interest credit card or buy a house until credit gets rebuilt. But other things are available and world didn't end.

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Thanks for responding. I don't know what will happen as he rarely tells me much of anything. All I know is that we HAVE been through this a few times in the past, and things did work out in the end. He will probably work out some sort of payment plan with them and the mortgage company or bank.

As for what I spend the money on, paying off bills, some food, sometimes visits to the vets for my two cats, sometimes going out (but not that often), clothing, and grooming services that us women need like haircuts and waxing.

I try to look nice for him and myself. Thanks for your good advice. I could lie about my work history, but it won't be easy to do since a lot of places do background checks, and if they catch me in a lie, that won't be good. I suspect that I've been fired from past jobs because of that. And I have two things on my record that will scare off most employers.

Please don't judge me for this. The first one was for a shop lifting something that cost around $50 tops. I didn't exactly get arrested. I did get chained to a bench in an office and I was there for hours. They were super mean to me and demanded that I sign some papers so that we would have to end up paying the mall a fee which was steep for the offense. Then I had to beg them to let me use the bathroom. It was very excessive and they were all clearly on power trips. Of course, my husband hit the roof when he found out. He hired a lawyer and he took care of everything.

It wasn't expunged though. I don't have the money to expunge it, and my husband would not pay for it anyways as we ended up paying a fortune in lawyers fees. That was back in 2000. I haven't really worked at anything but free lance jobs that lasted a day or two since then for market research companies. They don't do those checks, but the work is super hard to get, and you can only do them so often, but the money is good.

And the second offense was back in 2011 or 2010 for a first time DUI. Thankfully no one was hurt. I spent the night chained to a chair. It was awful. I drank to much on an empty stomach. I went to classes and got community service which I completed. I learned my lesson and I will never make the same mistakes again. I will go to jail for two years if I were to be caught again for a DUI, so there is no way in hell that I'm risking that, my life, or anyone else's life. Again, he hit the roof, but hired a lawyer who did all of the work.

So with that being said, who the hell would hire me? I even job rejected for a job at Target! And Safeway! So I'm not sure if anyone would be willing to hire me!

What kind of counseling is DBSA? Where can I find it? I live in Ca. Anyways, I hope that he never does hit me. I let him know that I'll take action fast and call the cops again if he does, so that's why he took my phone away.

He had to go to a hotel last time, and he was embarrassed that the neighbors saw what was going on. They all think that he's this great guy when they don't really know him.

Anyways, I just sent him a text that explained how I felt w/o making it sound like everything was his fault. I did say sorry that I drank to much and said a few things that I didn't mean, but that I don't appreciate being yelled at.

I also sent him a link about emotional abuse. I told him that it's not normal to abuse and hurt people that you claim to love, and that by taking away my phone and threatening to not get me the laptop that he promised are all signs of controlling and intimidating behavior that I don't appreciate.

I asked him if he'd like to go to marriage counselor with me to work on his anger and control issues. I doubt that he will, but now I have written proof that I tried to be the adult here if push comes to shove. Pun not intended.

Anyways, trying to find low cost counseling of any kind is very hard. I did contact this one lady, but she ignored my email it seems like. I made the mistake of asking her over email about her sliding scale payment and that I'm not sure if my husband will help me pay for it as I'm not working. That was a huge, huge mistake!

I'm upset about that. Why even offer a sliding scale fee if money is such an issue to them? She could've worked something out with me, or have referred me to a low or no cost counseling center. I did ask for that, and she ignored me, ugh!

The search will continue though. Hopefully I'll find someone who can and will help soon at a reduced rate. And better yet, hopefully by some miracle, my stubborn husband will attend at least a few sessions with me.

I got my phone back, and will hide it from now on. He is still giving me the silent treatment, ugh! The good news is that I don't think that he'll ever hit me, but this emotional abuse that he dishes out when he's angry and stressed out is not ok! I'm going to do whatever I can to stop this

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If you don't mind me asking, where did you fiance and his ex live at the time of their marriage? Maybe it depends on the state and the judge? I know that this is a 50/50 state, but like I said, he's a sneaky one, and he'd try to hide his assets and income for sure. And with my luck, the judge probably won't be as kind to me.

The problem with minimum wage jobs is that even they have their limits. I have two things on my record that I explained in detail just a minute ago to the person who wrote to me before you, OceanSwimmer.

Who would hire me when Target and Safeway rejected me? It makes me want to give up, and I have for awhile. I don't know if I'll go back to A.A. Maybe I will, maybe not. If I do, it'll be mostly to get the support that I can't afford to get. A counselor out here costs $100 and up an hour!

Anyways, I hope that he never does hit me. I let him know that I'll take action fast and call the cops again if he does, so that's why he took my phone away.

He had to go to a hotel last time, and he was embarrassed that the neighbors saw what was going on. They all think that he's this great guy when they don't really know him.

I just sent him a text that explained how I felt w/o making it sound like everything was his fault. I did say sorry that I drank to much and said a few things that I didn't mean, but that I don't appreciate being yelled at.

I also sent him a link about emotional abuse. I told him that it's not normal to abuse and hurt people that you claim to love, and that by taking away my phone and threatening to not get me the laptop that he promised are all signs of controlling and intimidating behavior that I don't appreciate.

I asked him if he'd like to go to marriage counselor with me to work on his anger and control issues. I doubt that he will, but now I have written proof that I tried to be the adult here if push comes to shove. Pun not intended.

Anyways, trying to find low cost counseling of any kind is very hard. I did contact this one lady, but she ignored my email it seems like. I made the mistake of asking her over email about her sliding scale payment and that I'm not sure if my husband will help me pay for it as I'm not working. That was a huge, huge mistake!

I'm upset about that. Why even offer a sliding scale fee if money is such an issue to them? She could've worked something out with me, or have referred me to a low or no cost counseling center. I did ask for that, and she ignored me, ugh!

The search will continue though. Hopefully I'll find someone who can and will help soon at a reduced rate. And better yet, hopefully by some miracle, my stubborn husband will attend at least a few sessions with me.

I got my phone back, and will hide it from now on. He is still giving me the silent treatment, ugh! The good news is that I don't think that he'll ever hit me, but this emotional abuse that he dishes out when he's angry and stressed out is not ok! I'm going to do whatever I can to stop this

Divine, I forgot to say that I'm glad your finance is going better now. I have to go now. I'm surprised that I didn't get more responses. WTH? Do people not care about this at all, or do they just not know how to respond to something like this?

Leave. Now. Go to a Women's shelter if you have to. Just get the hell out of there.

You cannot do or say anything; to make him treat you with respect. I stayed with someone just like that for 31 years; ;then found the book which saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. You have no way of knowing if he will hit you. Call the Domestic violence hotline (you may have already); call a hospital and ask to speak to a social worker, keep reaching out until you can find someone to help. Abusers are excruciating insecure and will do and say anything to keep you under their control.

NEVER, but NEVER GO INto counseling with the abuser (I did that it was a disaster) an abuser needs to go on his own and work on HIS issues, before you can think of going together. Most abusers will not go.

I hope you will find a therapist....the domestic violence hotline may be able to give you names of those in your area. If you contact Patricia Evans, she has a list of therapists specifically trained in verbal abuse (many are not and you will only be re-abused.

This is a site in the State of California you can contact your area for help. http://www.feministtherapy.org/domes...vention-links/

http://www.verbalabuse.com/

I hope you will get the book I mentioned; read it in private.

Abuse is a CHOICE, always a choice...he doesn't "snap".....he chooses that behavior; it has NOTHING to do with you at all. Abusers take no responsibility for their behavior and blame it on the abused. Try to stop explaining yourself....that is the "fix" the abuser needs;; it takes a lot of practice, but I did that....when you respond to their abuse, you are validating what they are saying.

Get out. That's all I can say

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You can't hide income unless you work under the table or own business. How can he hide pay stubs? Judge was supportive of my fiancée and told his ex she only has few years to get her act together. He won't have to pay alimony forever. You might need alimony for few years to get on your feet

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I am sorry that you're in such an unhealthy marriage. While he may not be physically abusive, your husband certainly displays a lot of emotional undercuts towards you. It sounds as if as time has passed, he has taken away more & more of your independence and at the same time, has also been more emotionally abusive.

I wouldn't recommend staying with your husband, personally. I would, at least, get out safely & demand that he get professional help, if he insists upon loving you & wanting you back again. I am *really* not one to push divorce (because it is so difficult, on many different levels) 9/10 times. However, when it comes to abuse, I firmly believe in getting the heck out of the relationship!

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Thank you for the tips and advice. Sorry to hear about what you had to deal with! I'm glad that you got out of that relationship. I'll check out that book and the link. Now that you mention it being a bad idea to go together, I won't. That one lady never emailed me back. I hope that I can find a marriage counselor that won't ignore me like that.

I've been to a few of the cheaper ones in the past, and one guy would talk about himself and tell me stories mostly. Another place had a student that made me fill out a huge questionnaire that was like a book, and it made me feel super uncomfortable to be forced to consent to being videotaped. So I stopped going. She didn't seem to be helping me or taking me that seriously anyways.

I hope that I can find an fairly inexpensive, serious, caring, and good one soon.

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Uh oh, he does own his own business! So does that mean he can hide money? What did the judge mean by getting her act together? Did he mean that he expects her to get a job or get sober, etc...????

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Thanks. He isn't always like this, so I didn't see it as emotional abuse at first. Unfortuantely I can't just get up and leave. Where would I go? I have no money, no savings, no job, no asssets, no nothing! It'll take time to save up and get a job, etc.....

In the meantime, I'll try to look for a good low cost marriage counselor who can help me out with all of this soon. This won't be easy as a lot of them cost a lot of money, and my insurance barely covers much when it come to mental health coverage. And a lot of these counselors aren't always so good. I know from experience! I'll have to be much more careful now as some of them are awful, and a real joke!

My best friend was in the same position. She had nothing. She still left. She went to a battered women's shelter. She found programs that would help with housing. She found a job. You can do it.

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That's good to know. Thanks. I'm so glad to hear that your friend is bettter off now! Over hear, I'm not kidding, it's hard to get into a shelter. I'll call them again though and try to utlizie whatever progams that I can. Thanks again-

Yes judge expects that able bodied adult will eventually work or if not able bodied then be on disability. If he can work, so can she. So alimony is only for few years in this case. My fiancée didn't win a lottery, he only has income because he works. The funny and sad thing is that he has a disability but always worked, she has no disabilities yet doesn't work.

I don't know if your husband can hide money but from how you describe him I wouldn't be surprised.

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Well, things are better for now, but I'll for sure be making some changes and getting help like trying to get some support and training at a women's shelter. And I'll start looking for work again. Hopefully I'll be able to find some free to low cost counseling at the shelter.

And I'll put aside a little money to save for emergencies like I should'v a long time ago and back an overnight bag to stash in my car, and hide my phone and wallet. And I'll put a blanket and a pilow as well as a jakcet and a change of clothes in my car should I have to leave anywhere in a hurry. And a hard copy of all numbers should he ever disable my phone. I'll get a pay as you go phone if I have to. I hope that I'll never have to do that!