How does a guy go about finding women interested in casual hookups?

It'd probably be helpful to put something in your profile about wanting something similar to fwb and casual dating and not an exclusive relationship.

There are definitely women who are looking for those things too. Not always the easiest to find, but I think that's only because of how society wants people to be monagamous.

Just be clear and honest with what you want on websites.

Sick people who go for sex with students or otherwise minors ( sick teachers in your example) aren't doing it for sexual enjoyment but for things like sense of power, feeling needed etc I can't imagine a grown woman chose young inexperienced teen rather than a grown man for sexual enjoyment. They do it because they are messed up. If they wanted sexual enjoyment they would go for adult man with experience who can really provide enjoyment

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There is a lot going on besides "sexual escapades" or "purely sexual experiences" when teachers molest their students, whatever the gender. You might want to read up on power differentials. I'm not surprised you didn't like where the male therapists were going with regard to your treatment. Improving one's mental health often is uncomfortable at the beginning. I believe you would benefit from a healthy male's perspective.

Why do you just want to have casual sex? Why have your prior experiences only been with professionals? What's really at the root of this?

My apologies for such personal questions, of course, you don't have to answer. I think you need to explore this within yourself further. Therapy would help. There is something off here.

i've been in places i shouldn't have been with a guy i really liked but i wanted the relationship to be deeper. then after a single one night stand with this guy, he acted like i didn't exist. i ended up finding my true love, got married and found out the other guy was crying about missing me. too bad!!

Well, people have different ideas of what a "healthy male" is. One of the therapists I had I didn't like because I was getting the vibe that he was judging me when I told him about my sexual experiences with escorts. I kind of got the impression he was a religious type. That is not my perspective and I don't think someone with that kind of perspective is suited to help me.

This is a loaded question, I will answer when I have more time.

But can you clarify what you mean exactly? Casual sex as opposed to what? Marriage? A serious relationship? Casual dating with no sex? Which of these would it be normal for a young guy with no dating experience to want?

Sex without a relationship. That's what I think you mean by casual hookups.

Sex is such an intimate thing. I know I can't do it unless I know and care for the person. There has to be a relationship with emotions. I could call up or pick up some random man and just have physical sex, but it's not just about the physical act for me. Most women probably feel the same.

I think the issue is that you don't know how to go about any of it. Like how to date of how to be friends or how to be in a relationship etc and it's ok. The true issue is that you refuse to seek help. You aren't following our advice so why aren't you in therapy? You really need to be in treatment if you want to be better. No one judges you being with escort. I bet your t was concerned about your well being not that he was judging. Escort didn't make you happy so the bottom line is you need to do something different here. Please seek therapy

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The reason my only sexual experiences have been with escorts is because I never connected with girls socially when I was younger. I was bullied and was a social outcast in school, so I ended up developing an avoidant personality. I had this deep seeded feeling that I was not the guy that girls wanted and that if I showed interest in them they would laugh at me or be annoyed. I still often feel that way right now, and the whole age thing is reinforcing those feelings. Because of those feelings, I spent my college years not taking any initiative to approach the girls I would have liked to get involved with. Sure lots of guys deal with this and they are ok remaining celibate until they get older and find the right girl eventually, but I am not one of those guys. I have a strong sex drive and having sexual experiences is something I value. So yes I ended up going to escorts. I personally do not feel there is anything immoral about visiting prostitutes and I think it should definitely be legal. I am just regretful that my first and only experiences have been with prostitutes, it makes me feel undesirable that other guys are getting it for free while I am having to pay for it.

Well, different people feel differently about sex. In our culture a lot of people are raised to believe that sex should only be with someone you have a special connection with. However, many people do not feel this way. I'm not going to speculate about percentages or anything like that, but I know for a fact that MANY women do not need to have an emotional connection with a guy in order to want sex with him. Women have sexual urges which are triggered by physical attraction, just like men do.

I should point out however that I don't ONLY want casual sex. If I met a girl I really liked(a crush basically), I would want to date her perhaps. But at the same time though, I am not to settle down. I believe that a person should date around so that they learn more about themselves and what they are looking for. Also sowing your wild oats sexually. Most people do this stuff when they are younger. Problem is, because I am 28, people expect me to act like a 28 year old, and that means getting serious in terms of relationships.

Also, I should point out that it doesn't have to be sex. Other things like making out, touching, holding hands, etc. are sexually pleasurable. If I could find a girl who wanted to do that stuff with me but didn't want to have sex, that would be perfectly fine with me as well.

Well from experience I've found my boyfriend advertising for casual sex on Craigslist, pof, ok cupid and webcam sites. I don't know if he actually was successful. Whyou not just walk into a bar or the like? Your chances would be better than taking it to the Internet.

I'm repeating my prior post to you on this thread. It's still what I think about your situation.

"You're just scared, and that's ok.

I don't think there is any need to write anything about specifying your intentions on a profile. Just put yourself out there, start dating, and see what happens. Sometimes you won't click at all, sometimes you'll get laid on the first date and won't ever call her again, and you just might meet the love of your life.

You don't really even know what you want. You just need to have experiences. Have fun. Be nice."

I remember a prior post of yours about the girl who is the receptionist at the gym. That was yours? Like Divine says, everybody has given you lots of advice about approaching and dating girls.

Bullying and rejection in youth is so much more damaging than anyone ever thought. I experienced it, too. It damaged my husband, too.

I hope you find the confidence to let yourself do what you want to do.

Also, I don't judge you at all regarding the escorts.

I work with population for whom building relationships is often very hard. It's essential that they work with social worker/therapist/life coach on developing skills etc as an adult you can also locate resources. It might not happen on its own until you seek true help. Going for casual sex is ok. I had fwb myself at some point. No biggie. But none of these discussions is going to make you better at building connection with people. You do need help in that area


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I think your vibe meter is out of whack.

For a girl to want touching you and holding hands and making out she would need to enjoy your company and have fun with you. No one is just going to start touching you out of the blue. You need to practice communicating and hanging out with people. Why don't you ask girl at the gym for coffee? Or join meetups to just hang out with people? Things don't just happen

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The main problem I am having is that when I know a girl and I like her, I am too afraid to make a move because I feel like if she isn't interested it will make things awkward between us. I also have this underlying fear of being laughed at, even covertly. I see that girls often feel there are certain guys who just have no business asking them out, that these guys are just "below their level". What if I am one of those guys but am not aware of it? I am fearful of the age thing, because I think that is the effect that it can have. I cannot allow myself to ever be looked down on like that again.

I believe most adults reject others not because they think they are below their level. Sometimes people just aren't interested but not because you aren't worthy. Grown people typically don't laugh at people who ask them out. You kind of describing high school behavior. I can't imagine grown woman laughing at you just because you asked her out

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Risking rejection can feel scary - for all of us.

But bear in mind just because a woman may turn you down does not mean she thinks you are 'below her level' - there are many reasons she may say no which have very little to do with you.

Even if she was looking down on you which seems to be your big fear - sure, that would not be nice, but why would one persons opinion matter so much? By law of averages many others would disagree with her.

I don't agree. When young women disparage older men who ask them out, it is all about thinking they are below their level. They believe they should only be with a young man and they see those older men as delusional and narcissistic for thinking they can get a young woman. It is exactly like in high school when the girls thought I wasn't good enough for them because I was an awkward loner. I thought I would be done with that when I got out of that **** hole, but it continues to follow me.

How do you know what women are thinking?

I don't mean this in a snarky way. I just am asking, honestly.

Well if 80 year old man asks 18 year old out it might be slightly funny although it's more disturbing than funny. In your case you are 28 though. So I am not sure what would be so funny if you ask women out, younger or older, no matter. Not sure what's funny or unusual about it.

As about high school, high school was over 10 years ago for you . You are out of high school.

Come think of it I was asked out once by a 70 year old when I was maybe 35 the most. I politely declined as I was not interested but it never occurred to me to laugh

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Guys do it. They've done it to me. I was 33. Why wouldn't women do it? Some people never grow up.

If you are asking out very emotionally immature women, or 18-year-old girls who are still in high school, then maybe they would act like that. But well-adjusted, adult women (or men) do not laugh at anyone who asks them out. I am frequently asked out by men and I don't particularly like it, but I would never laugh at them. I also don't believe in "levels" the way you phrase it. That is an immature concept. My friends and I simply say "no thanks" and move on. We don't really give it a second thought. We are in our late 20s/early 30s now, but we behaved the same way when we were in our early/mid 20s also. I prefer to date 5-10 years older and certainly don't reject people because they are "too old" until you are talking 20 years older than me. I am interested in career, drive, emotional depth, maturity, and how well someone treats me. Same thing when I was early 20s.

Ok, when I said being "laughed at" I didn't necessarily mean laughed it like hahaha funny, I meant more like them finding it really weird. It's hard to explain. Maybe I am totally wrong and it is an irrational fear, but I just have this sense that it is only normal for a guy to ask out a girl when he is meets some set of criteria where he is fit to be dating her. It is not just my age, I have had doubts that my physical appearance, my personality, my life experience, my interests, even my ethnic background, make me unsuited to ask girls out. Again, it is an abstract feeling that is hard to explain.