How does a guy go about finding women interested in casual hookups?

I don't know what all women are thinking. But I do listen to what they say and they will often say how they feel about things. For example it is very common to see women posting online how they feel about men who date younger women.

You are very confusing. Is it possible you are not sure of what you are looking for?

Really I am not completely sure what I am looking for. I think that is normal for someone who has had no dating experience whatsoever. Most younger guys who are just starting to date don't know what they are looking for usually, they just know that they like girls. I am 28 now, I can't keep waiting, I basically need to dive in even if I don't know what I am looking for.

You are correct .. Dive in ! You really have nothing to lose , your not dating anyone now.

How do you know they find it weird? Unless they directly say " it's so weird you ask me out" you have no ways of knowing. Plus since you never ask anyone out you can't possibly know. Take a risk.

I understand you feel inferior and I understand it's not your choice to feel this way but that's why many of us keep saying you need to see a good t as the first time in right direction

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Hi Shadix, There's nothing for me to say different than what others have already said. It's just hard to see that you are a mess over this. I don't know what happened to you or if there is some underlying MI causing you this much anxiety. You are making life so difficult for yourself. Why are you now focusing on dating younger women? You are only 28. How much younger are you looking for? 18? Why? What's wrong with women 19-28? You really need professional help with these self-image issues, sweetie.

I am not really fixated on younger women, I like women my age and older too. But I do feel like it isn't socially acceptable for me to be showing interest in them if they are more than a few years younger. No not just 18, even if they are 19-22 many people would have a problem with it, including the girls themselves. This is a problem not only because I can't help being attracted to girls that young, but also because girls closer to my age and even a bit older often look insdistinguishable from those younger girls. For example, I find that it is usually very hard to tell a 20 year old apart from a 26 year old. So what ends up happening is that I am reluctant to show interest in girls my own age out of fear of them being "too young". Meanwhile the younger guys can approach these youthful looking older women without worrying that they might be singled out as a creep. I feel like all of society's regulations only serve to empower younger guys in their teens and early 20s and screw over guys my age and older. It often does seem to me like there is a deliberate attempt to make it the norm for men to date older women and taboo for men to date younger women.

There is no taboo

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If you go looking for something, you will find it.

What I mean is that you are clearly searching out these doubts that you have. And you are SPECIFICALLY looking for confirmation of your assumptions about this age/appropriateness thing.
Just like if I Google "why men don't like short women"...then yeah. I will find a gazillion affirmative responses to that....

1) Any girl over 18 is okay to ask out.
2) You might get turned down.
3) You will never know the reason they turned you down.

You can cherry pick stuff off the internet to validate your reasoning, but I'm telling you that your research method is waaayyyy flawed.

I honestly think you should retry therapy.


But this time, don't waste your money on discussing social phobias you probably don't even have. Instead try discussing your obsessive compulsion for holding on to false beliefs and inherently flawed perspectives.


They're probably a coping mechanism / protective strategy / self sabotage/ mix, but addressing them, their root and figuring out how to vanquish them is your only hope.


None of these threads will help until you are even at least willing to get around your obsessively flawed thought patterns.


This is painfully clear by reading how you repeat yourself,thread after thread, post after post, no matter what advice or suggestion you receive.

The OP is waaay too much in his head. Get a grip. There are people with real problems with real serious barriers. You just want to use a woman but want to find a way to make it excusable to yourself and others. The only reason you don't want to keep using professionals is because of personal paranoia? Give me a break. Try walking for one day in my friend or my shoes where we're in our 30s single with kids and practically zero chance of ever finding an ounce of love or fulfilment in a romantic relationship. We can only get old married men! This is pretentious drivel and I'm sick of people supporting these Peter Pans.

I wonder if you could look into OCD. It could be that you can't help it. Once again please seek help from your doc or t

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Peter Pans? Really? I am 28 and have never had a single date with anyone and you think I am old and ought to be looking to settle down and have kids? I beg to differ. I am young and I feel young and I will continue to consider myself young.

And what do you mean all you can get is old married men? Single moms in their 30s find love all the time with men their own age and even younger men.

Also, why is casual sex considered using women, when women want it themselves? Why wouldn't they be the ones using me?

Not to be contrary, and I say this as gently as possible, but just a little while ago you were saying that, at 28 you were beginning to be too old to find anyone, and that women in their 30's were past their prime. I am glad to see this change of heart! That shows progress.

I never said women in their 30s were past their prime, I said that most women seem to think men in their 30s are past their prime. And I still think that is most likely the case. And I am not old, but in this sick society I am apparently not considered young anymore, which is why people disparage me as a "peter pan" for wanting to casually hook up with women. I am supposed to seek marriage while women in their 30s hook up with 18 year old boys.

So far you are neither dating not hooking up nor marrying, you are arguing with random strangers on the Internet. I don't know and have never met any women in their 30s hooking up with 18 year olds. But even if they did, what do you care?

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The first step for you would be to admit...ADMIT...that your thoughts are not right and that you need help getting to the root cause of why you are thinking this way.

This is an insightful post. You are probably right. I think the mechanism at work is to protect myself from getting my hopes up then having my bubble burst. For example by thinking I am still young and going around chatting up young women and then learning that they think I am an old delusional "Peter Pan". It is probably because of social disappointments I have had in the past when I was younger.

I don't care. I just see it as hypocritical that I am a "Peter Pan" for wanting to hook up with women at 28, meanwhile women in their 30s are hooking up with whomever they'd like and nobody criticizes them for it.

Shadix why do you argue with advice and pick bits and pieces from responses to defend what you perceive is all the horrible things that are making life so hard for you to just TALK to a woman... let alone ask one out and give it a whirl.

All this time spend arguing and looping this flawed thought processes is taking up time you could be pro active in actually finding date able people ... Come on your a smart guy...

Cut bait or fish.. It's simple.. You are over complicating things, again.

I think finding a Therapist and actually doing the work will help you determine how to change the way you think about women , dating , your age, and how you fit into this world.

Best of luck

Shadix, what business is it of yours what women think and do?

You know what I think? You're creating a shelter from your insecurities, hiding in there and using it as a huge excuse to not go out and date. You're making excuses to stay in that shelter and stay safe from the world. If that's what you want, fine, then I'm not one to judge. However, if you EVER want to actually want female interactions, then I'm afraid you'll have to demolish that shelter and GET THE HELL OUT THERE. Sorry if I'm sounding a bit blunt, but all you seem to do is the same old shyte, over and over and over again to stay within your comfort zone of excuses.

Like I've always told you, it's none of your business what women think and do. Stop trying to micro analyze us. It won't work.

It doesn't really matter what somebody says or does though. You care too much what strangers say on the Internet on websites and on PC. Or what other people do. That's might be something to explore in therapy.

You want to date then you go and date. Peter Pan or not, you don't even know the person who said it. You are neither seeking help nor dating.

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Exactly, you have become stuck, stagnant, and you will remain there until you CHOOSE otherwise.


Go and ask someone out, regardless of what actually happens, talking to her won't kill you.

You literally have NOTHING to lose by doing so.


Orrrrr, continue posting circular repetitive threads in the hopes that when members give up trying to help you, maybe someone will find your threads enlightening or entertaining.

When I don't want to do something, I think of my t saying " it's not going to kill you". It works for me. It's not going to kill you

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This is Psych Central tho....

Whatever your problem is, it IS a problem that maybe a little online advice could never "fix"...I think people here sometimes forget that we are not dealing with "normal" on PC. I know I do.
Other than telling you that you are stuck in a place that is not healthy, there really is very little else that I can say.

Admitting that you ARE stuck in a place that isn't good for you is the first step. The next would be a willingness to fix it. And that is all up to you.

OR:

If you think that your thought process is true and healthy, then...okay. You will have to figure out how to live with it and cease trying to fight the majority. Because that won't work for you. It's frustrating and pointless and a waste of energy.

So you have one of two roads to take here. Good luck on your journey.