[Burnt_Out]

As a single guy, dating has been really rough and massively depressing for me over the last few years... and by dating I don't mean "going on bad dates", or "dating women that don't work out", I mean it's going on three years since I've had a date.

I'm not meeting anyone anywhere that are flirty/interested/available/eligible/etc. Women in my circle of friends, out-and-about, engaging in activities I enjoy, work, MeetUps, or what seems like the only way people really want to meet prospective significant others these days: online dating & dating apps... not for the lack of trying though. But, be it organic or digital environs, I've come to feel like I just must be worthless, repulsive garbage... even though if I self survey, I don't see that in myself. I'm hard working, passionate, active, healthy, reasonably intelligent, have diverse interests, open minded, decent looking (I think), caring, confident, etc. I just can't figure out why I'm so ubiquitously repulsive to women. I know that I'm not going to be everyone's proverbial cup of tea, or even many people's, but no one's cup of tea?

It's extremely frustrating as I'm at (and have been at) a point in my life where I really want to seriously start looking for that right person to be with; to fall in love with, travel with, grow with, make a home with, etc., etc. and while I'm very much trying to be patient here, there has extraordinarily little in the way of potential female counterparts on the same page. If anything, as my life has gotten more together, my career has taken off, I've come to better understand myself and what's important to me... the options went from slim to none. This year I quit drinking, upped my exercise regimen, started sleeping better, eating better, focusing on my passions and happiness, and it's more tumbleweeds than ever. The better I feel like I get, the less desirable I am. It's madding.

I'd like to think I've got a lot to offer someone. I'm not looking for hookups (but even when I did try to fill my lonely gaps with a more FWB type profile, I got nothing either); it's been trying but I've done well in my career, I have the means and desire to travel and experience the world with someone; I enjoy cooking, dining out, day trips, sharing responsibilities, spending time with my family, seeing live music, going to museums, art walks, sporting events... I could go on.

I'm just so exhausted of being alone with not feeling like there's a future other than never finding love and a satisfying you adulthood. I recently deleted all of my online dating profiles except Tinder, not because it's good... I've never had a date and almost never get matches... it's just easier than sending out hundreds of messages to girls only to be ignored utterly. I just got so tired of my ego getting stomped into the dirt every time I logged on. Just not feeling like I'll ever be good enough for even a simple conversation.

All I want to go on dates with some people I might be interested in, one a fiscal quarter would be spectacular at this point in time, but I'm simply looked at as passable garbage for some reason I can't glean and I'm always in the wrong places at the wrong times because great, single women don't exist anywhere in my world. I keep looking for answers and trying to explain myself and my situation, but no one has any good advice. One of my best friends says it's "just not being in the right circumstances", but I feel like the "right circumstances" is some alien place I'm not welcome.

[IceCreamKid]

You sound like quite a catch. Do you have any friends who can fix you up? That seems to be out of fashion, but I still think it's worth it to let your friends know you are interested in meeting someone. You said you quit drinking--was drinking a problem? Are there alumni events you can attend or become involved in? What about some sort of volunteer work that is likely to draw eligible singles?

[Burnt_Out]

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

You sound like quite a catch.

Yeah, on paper I sound good I think. I'm either HORRIBLE at conveying it (and I haven't found anyone to help me write a profile that does it right ) or I'm so so ugly that no girl will ever swipe me right, etc. I don't think I'm bad looking, and my friends have told me I'm a good looking guy, but I'm taken aback at just how much of a dating failure I am these days. I was never a Casanova, but I used to be on the radar of at least some members of the opposite sex. I see similar guys to myself around me with attractive, seemingly normal girlfriends and think, "What are they doing that I'm not?".

Do you have any friends who can fix you up? That seems to be out of fashion, but I still think it's worth it to let your friends know you are interested in meeting someone.

No. I awkwardly (and it is awkward) go through that cycle of asking every few years. Ninety-five percent of the time they don't know anyone (or maybe anyone who would consider me in return) who's single... and on the rare occasion they do, it's someone not even close to lifestyle/compatible with. I got a lot of friends that wouldn't even think about that sort of thing (setting up a friend). It's generally girls who do that, and I don't have a lot of friends who are girls. I don't have a lot of friends. I mean, I'm fine with that, but it doesn't help matters.

You said you quit drinking--was drinking a problem?

Yeah, it was getting to be an issue. I drank a lot back when I was unemployed/freelancing and in a band in Portland and that's how I really got into it / built up a tolerance... but that was intentional and for fun generally, not really as a coping mechanism. But, as the company that I was working for here in Scottsdale over the last year or so spiraled down through venture capital injection after bridge loan after venture capital injection after bridge loan, it got really stressful. Layoffs were imminent. I felt like finding someone was going to be predicated on my having a job (I'm having enough trouble with women, they won't even think about a guy looking for work) and my stress levels were through the roof. One of my co-worker friends (he finally left the company himself) is a borderline alcoholic, and I drank a lot out with him and a few others... then came home and drank more, three, four, five nights a week.

Anywho, when I got laid off, I just quit cold turkey. I've had a couple at events with family, but there's nothing in my apartment, I don't drink at bars anymore (I rarely even bother and go), concerts, parties, etc. Getting my brain to want to stay asleep at night is a bit of a struggle, but I'm 100% happy with it otherwise. I was an expensive drunk, so it saves me money, time, heath, and sanity. I tuned up my Racillio espresso machine and that's my poison once a day.

Are there alumni events you can attend or become involved in? What about some sort of volunteer work that is likely to draw eligible singles?

No. No alumni stuff. My Alma Mater was a private school that doesn't do any of that stuff really, and went on to host different majors a few years after I graduated. It's not even the same set of fields anymore. Also, my specialty as an industrial designer has a very weak industry presence here, so none of the orgs do much of anything. It's a very male-centric career anyway. An IDSA event is not the type of place you could ever hope to meet someone without a Y chromosome... ha ha!

I don't do any volunteer work, but I have gone to all sorts of Meetup events in the past that interest me, as well as the singles ones, ones for shy people, professionals groups, etc. They've all been quite disappointing. I think a lot of it is Arizona, though. Everyone with normal friends gets what they need out of their cliques doing what they do, so Meetups end up people who are antisocial/workaholics/etc. that want to regulate their exposure to other people. These things don't really draw in the regular type of people that fit the prescribed activity. Like if I go to the open mic Meetup, it's not the type of normal muso crowd that would be at Crescent Ballroom for a show. It's like a support group for casual hobbyists, and I feel like like a pretentious hipster who's going to yap on about music they've never heard of. I'm really out of place. Again, maybe it's Arizona, but I've had very bad luck with organized events. Singles groups range from seeking second marriages to (moreso) retired / empty nesters. I'm not award around people, I'm pretty socially capable actually (I couldn't do my job if I wasn't), but I know when I don't fit the crowd.

I know I shouldn't comment on this because I am SO not where you are in life...

But you're really funny and clearly intelligent. Is it possible that women assume that you're already taken?

Typing that, I realize how dumb it sounds
But I have been wondering about "vibes" a lot lately. You sound very date-able to me, which is a creepy and inappropriate thing for me to say.

I'm going to go ahead and shut up now.

[IceCreamKid]

When I was reading your reply I remembered seeing a former professor of mine online looking for other people for a Meetup group. He's really handsome, but the picture he posted made him look stern and unapproachable. The guy is a genius, but he doesn't do 'normal' very well.

I tend to agree with Sophiesmom--you may be giving off what could be interpreted as an 'attached already' vibe.

If I were in the market for someone, this is what I'd do--I'd go to events where I thought people who might interest me would be. For me that would be charitable things. There is something about volunteering that brings out the conversation in people. And just about everything has some sort of charitable/volunteer organization that intersects in some way.

I'd also have a future event I was planning on attending -- and as I met people and got to talking I would ask them if they had thought of going to that.

There is a supermarket near where I live that is just hopping with events and it's always filled with upscale younger people. I think your dates are out there--you just haven't met them yet--courage!

[TishaBuv]

You sound perfectly fine. Some lucky girl will grab you up. I don't have any idea why the girls are not responding to you. They don't even answer your emails?

Is there any attractive girl you come into contact with who you'd like to just try asking out? Are you saying something awful in your dating profile?

[Refuse2Sink]

You mentioned that you have been improving yourself this year...maybe, because you are working on yourself, the stars haven't aligned for you to meet someone because you are going through a transition. When you get to where you need to be, the right person will come along.

As a recovering addict, I have found that I never ever get hit on like I used to when I was using! Lol. Sounds crazy but it's true. Guys that I knew and those that kept up with me on Facebook, used to constantly ask me out (which was probably only bc they wanted to hook up) and now no one does. I wonder why? It could be that because I am very vocal about my progress in recovery that people assume I am not in the position to date...OR it could be that people don't want to be with a sober chick that can smell ******** from a mile away! Lol.

My point is, that maybe it's a good thing that you are going through this time alone. You aren't distracted and other areas of your life are improving. You will find your other half when you least expect it! ❤️

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[Burnt_Out]

I know I shouldn't comment on this because I am SO not where you are in life... But you're really funny and clearly intelligent.

Awww... thanks. I try to maintain a decent sense of humor (I'm a big fan of comedy), and I'm probably a bit better written than I am outright intelligent. I try to be knowledgeable about what's important to me at least.

Is it possible that women assume that you're already taken?

Hmmmm... perhaps, but I kinda doubt it. Over the past six years or so, I've gotten pretty good at dropping into conversation that I'm single... and looking. Everyone in my social/work circle is pretty onto that. My social circle is mostly guys too, so it's usually two or three of us when we go out, or often me flying solo which I'm confident and comfortable in doing. Other than my designated concert buddy who's a (platonic friend) girl, there shouldn't be any women there to throw off the taken vibe. I make sure not to wear ANY rings, even on the right hand.

And that doesn't explain online dating either. I mean, there you've got an environment where people you know you're single and that's kinda the point of it. My biggest frustration with the quote/unquote "real world" is that so many people end up being taken. That's more the situation than anything else. Every time a new girl got hired for work, it was only a matter of time until you found out she had a boyfriend or husband. Now that I'm working on contract, and living sober, I don't really go out for much anyway. Like my username states, I'm fairly burnt out.

Typing that, I realize how dumb it sounds. But I have been wondering about "vibes" a lot lately. You sound very date-able to me, which is a creepy and inappropriate thing for me to say. I'm going to go ahead and shut up now.

No, that's okay. I'd like to think I was date-able... at least give-a-chance-able... Four-dollar-cup-of-coffee-able...

When I was reading your reply I remembered seeing a former professor of mine online looking for other people for a Meetup group. He's really handsome, but the picture he posted made him look stern and unapproachable. The guy is a genius, but he doesn't do 'normal' very well.

Yeah, it's funny. I tend to get along with everyone, across a broad intellectual range, most any age group... well, anyone who wants to get along with me anyway. We had a few awkward lab guys at work like that, one was a Mensa member, another was the scientist that found proof of water on Mars.

I can do the Meetup groups, but they just don't harbor the kind of people I click with: potential friends / musicians / dating material. It's hard to explain, because like I said, it may be a local phenomenon, but a lot of the people are just “awkward” (like your friend mentioned above) for lack of a better term. They kind of feel more like support groups for hobbyists than the kind of environs you meet like-minded people in... and a lot of the “social” groups felt like self-imposed socialization sessions filled with workaholics and BPD/antisocial types.

That's the problem with “activities” in general. There's an element of ulterior motive to it, and I'm not the better for it if I'm going to an activity because in the back of my mind I'm trying to hitch a girlfriend. For instance, I've done the open-mic night group a few times, but once I got the gist that my original-material guy who makes prog metal with computers didn't make for conversations that went anywhere with the bedroom acoustic players doing 1990s radio ballad covers, I just cut out after a couple of sessions.

You sound perfectly fine. Some lucky girl will grab you up. I don't have any idea why the girls are not responding to you. They don't even answer your emails?

99.9% of the time: No. That 0.1% of the time I'll get an uninspired/short reply and/or a subsequent exchange that'll fizzle out after a couple of messages. Over the last ~6 years, I've gone on four dates total. Three out of the four emailed me first. That's pretty much the only way I've been able to even get a chance to go out with someone. That said, it's going on three years since I've had a date... at all...

Is there any attractive girl you come into contact with who you'd like to just try asking out?

No. I'd love to have an opportunity like that, but I don't know or interact with anyone who's single other than a couple of guy friends. That's the crux of the whole situation. Like I said above, I've gone through the motions of polling my friends and they come up empty handed.

Are you saying something awful in your dating profile?

If there was something awful in there, I've tried so many versions of them over the years, there had to be one at some point that didn't have it in there sheerly by iterative trial-and-error. I dunno. I can post the last active one up for review if any of you would think it could help. I've been through the profile-by-committee a number of times before and it's done no good. I've syntax copied profiles that guys SWORE were great and getting them dates, and nada.

[divine1966]

What dating sites have you been using?

Just a couple of questions. Could it be that you come across as "too good to be true"? Not so much as a just a normal guy? You sound pretty much perfect ( except drinking in the past), could it be unattractive in a profile especially if women might suspect you are not real? Is it too long? Too many pics? Pics with no shirt? Etc

Do you mind posting your profile or sending me a pm? I had someone once complained that they get no responses but when I saw their profile it totally explained why.

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[kamikazebaby]

You could be giving off a vibe of being "other". Anyone who is different from the status quo tends to. The more you differ, the higher the "strange" rating.

[IceCreamKid]

I wish you the very best.

[divine1966]

Sometimes less is more. My future husband had virtually nothing in his profile. He is just wonderful.

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[Burnt_Out]

What dating sites have you been using?

Historically, Ok Cupid has been my main focus as it has more of an appeal to Millennials, progressives, creative/muso types, geeks, educated types, etc. (i.e. more like me ), though I have kept profiles on Plenty Of Fish, and Tinder because that's what many use as well. Over the years I've tried a host of others including Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, FetLife, DateHookup, HerWay, Mingle2, etc. I've got a Match.com profile too but not a subscription. Nothing comes across on it and despite their claims of being big, Match has a fraction of the matches that OkC or PoF has. I'm pretty much unworthy no matter where I'm at.

Could it be that you come across as "too good to be true"?

I doubt that. I've done okay with myself, but I'm not exceptionally blessed in any particular area. If anything, I don't feel like I'm good enough. Standards seem exceptionally high. Make $100k/yr.? Must be $400k/yr. Five-ten? Must be Six two. Bachelor's degree? Not a PhD. I'm not sure how anyone ever dates anymore. I'm doing pretty good for myself, but I'm not a 1%'er in much of any measurable dimension. Sorry for sucking so much.

Not so much as a just a normal guy?

I wouldn't say I'm a "normal guy" per se. I'm not a shambling murdering psychopath with a hook for a hand down by the pier (Phoenix has no piers for me to hide under), but I'm hardly the generic, no personality, no individuality guy that women complain about on forums. When you get advice about this stuff, it just drives me mad: "Don't be generic. You have to stand out from the crowd."; "Be as normal as possible, it's all about marketing mass appeal." Well, which is it?!

You sound pretty much perfect ( except drinking in the past), could it be unattractive in a profile especially if women might suspect you are not real?

No. I'm pretty sure they just see me as repulsive.

Is it too long?

I've tried profiles of varied lengths.

Too many pics?

I'm not much of a picture taker, and neither are my friends or family. I usually use around five or six: A few close up / head shots, maybe one with friends, one with family, one doing something I enjoy like a picture taken of me playing guitar live in my last band. Nothing is going to win any awards for photography, but at the same time, my pics are adequately clear and accurate to convey my visage.

Pics with no shirt?

Ha ha. No. Nothing like that. I'm 39 and while I go to the gym 3x a week and eat pretty well, I'm just a luckily trim and young looking guy for my age like Jared Leto or something like that (well, without the bats**t crazy... ha ha). Like the vast majority of people in the world, I'm not fitness competition ready. If that's what it takes to get a date, I guess I'm out. End the topic. I'm dying alone.

Do you mind posting your profile or sending me a pm? I had someone once complained that they get no responses but when I saw their profile it totally explained why.

Sure, give me a bit as I'll have to dig something up over the next few days. Honestly, I got utterly sick of the rejection and took most of them down.

[Burnt_Out]

Originally Posted by kamikazebaby

You could be giving off a vibe of being "other". Anyone who is different from the status quo tends to. The more you differ, the higher the "strange" rating.

Yeah... well, I'm sure I'm guilty of being a bit of "other"... but that's okay. I'm not looking for super high rates of return here, and certainly not wanting to date a bunch of women I'm not compatible with and waste both of our respective times. I want to date the kind of girls that date the kind of guys who are like me... the "other" type girls... and honestly, while I'm open to giving many a chance, and i do, I tend to focus on those types first to contact/like, and work my way out from there.

It's not so much about mass appeal. For instance, while looking for advice on a certain forum, I got relentlessly BEAT DOWN for having a beard, with a bunch of posters insisting it was the source of all my online dating woes. Trigger activated. I might as well have been Osama bin Laden. I was hideous, unlovable garbage. Just a page-after-page onslaught of criticism, despite my trying to make it clear that I didn't even have a beard a bit over a year ago and still had a struggle getting replies. The Internet is really bad at listening.

I thought about it again last week while enjoying a meal at Pita Jungle here in Scottsdale. I looked around and saw no less than three couples where the guy had a beard smiling and enjoying their respective evenings' together. Those "other" guys obviously weren't the worst people to ever exist because of their facial hair (or tattoos, etc.), they had pretty girlfriends, and seemingly happy days together. Those are the women that I want to connect to. I get that not everyone is going to like me. That's fine. That's not the point... but after about six years of this s**t in two different major metropolitan areas, it is getting me down for sure... whatever "it" is...

[ptangptang]

Modern dating is virtually all about looks so what is it about your pictures that puts women off. I looked at your profile on here and yeah you look 'ok'. The beard doesn't do you any favours though, makes your face look longer. Ditch the beard, and maybe change your hair. Luckily you have hair haha. Can't see any reason then why you wouldn't get dates.
Other than that have you thought of turning gay.

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by Burnt_Out

Yeah... well, I'm sure I'm guilty of being a bit of "other"... but that's okay. I'm not looking for super high rates of return here, and certainly not wanting to date a bunch of women I'm not compatible with and waste both of our respective times. I want to date the kind of girls that date the kind of guys who are like me... the "other" type girls... and honestly, while I'm open to giving many a chance, and i do, I tend to focus on those types first to contact/like, and work my way out from there.

I personally think that "other" is good - I like individuality. Our society claims to as well, but it's a bit of a lie, unfortunately! And people are so fussy with the online dating. It's so easy for them to scroll down the list, click quickly on a face, see some word they don't like, and click just as quickly away. I do understand, and I think the same way. But sometimes it seems like offering too much on the profile can effectively scare a lot of people off before they've even given you a real chance. It does make you feel like a leper, doesn't it?! A lot of these people truly do seem to expect "perfection", and on a very shallow level at that. You have to be a certain height, have a certain salary, have a certain level of education, have a certain disposition, etc. It's quite daunting and disheartening!

You may also find that the people who will give you a chance and truly like you might be those you'd ordinarily be inclined to shy away from. Try to keep an open mind just in case someone good comes along but isn't quite what you'd expected or specified. (Which somewhat relates to what you say further down.) I have an example, actually. I met a guy a few months ago on one of these sites. He spoke of having terrible luck on the dating sites, hardly ever getting any interest, etc. I went on a few dates with him and he seemed very excited about meeting me and thought I was a great match. We both loved games, intellectual conversations, etc. But he had dated someone who had "mental health issues" in the past, so when I mentioned that I also dealt with certain things, he seemed very wary and taken aback. From that point on, he began raising the bar. Suddenly not liking the same games (which he knew on the first date) became a possible deal-breaker. Then he insisted that he had to spend a whole weekend around me as soon as possible to see how "normal" I could be. (Didn't happen, needless to say.) There were other things. Anyway, you get my point. I let him go.

Originally Posted by Burnt_Out

It's not so much about mass appeal. For instance, while looking for advice on a certain forum, I got relentlessly BEAT DOWN for having a beard, with a bunch of posters insisting it was the source of all my online dating woes. Trigger activated. I might as well have been Osama bin Laden. I was hideous, unlovable garbage. Just a page-after-page onslaught of criticism, despite my trying to make it clear that I didn't even have a beard a bit over a year ago and still had a struggle getting replies. The Internet is really bad at listening.

Yes, very bad at listening! It is totally not about having a beard. It was just something for them to fixate on as "the problem". Someone suitable will not decide not to date you just because you have a beard, even if they're not fond of beards. But then, it's sadly true that a lot of people in the online dating scene do precisely that - reject people based on superficial and stupid things.

Originally Posted by Burnt_Out

I thought about it again last week while enjoying a meal at Pita Jungle here in Scottsdale. I looked around and saw no less than three couples where the guy had a beard smiling and enjoying their respective evenings' together. Those "other" guys obviously weren't the worst people to ever exist because of their facial hair (or tattoos, etc.), they had pretty girlfriends, and seemingly happy days together. Those are the women that I want to connect to. I get that not everyone is going to like me. That's fine. That's not the point... but after about six years of this s**t in two different major metropolitan areas, it is getting me down for sure... whatever "it" is...

I get you. I do the same thing. Trying to figure out where I've gone wrong and what those other people have that I'm lacking. It's enough to drive you crazy!

EDIT: I just looked at your picture, and you're quite attractive. Honestly, even the shallowest person who was only interested in what you looked like would have to be an idiot to pass you over because of the beard! LOL.

[divine1966]

I am surprised you referring to pof or OK Cupid or tinder as sites for educated people. These are hook up sites primarily or for people who can't afford memberships on paid sites or are too cheao. Sure some people met others on those but those aren't plenty.

I have not heard of any intelligent employed professional who is looking for serious relationship on there. Creative? Progressive? On free hook up sites? You kidding? women of class aren't there. Trust me. And women don't like men who use unpaid sites.

I don't know why you are referring to yourself as millennial. You are almost 40.

No need for pics of family or friends on there. No one wants to see those.

I am a decent looking woman but when I used dating sites I never thought of putting 6 pics. One can see how I look on two. Why so many?

I am not saying you are too good to be true but you kind of describing yourself as you are. You are saying you have low self esteem but you don't come across that way. Are you humble in your profile?

Do you describe yourself as freelance? It often means unemployed or not having steady job. Maybe just say you are designer and then explain what kind when you have a date.

What age women do you want to date? Judging by the kind of sites you use, you might be going for young women . They don't want 40 year old man. Go for women your age or even a bit older. The very fact you refer to them as "girls is kind of strange. What age are you considering?

Just some thought. A bit groggy in the morning

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[divine1966]

I looked at your profile on PC. Saw your pic. You are a nice looking guy, your looks shouldn't stop women from replying, especially since you said you don't have a beard anymore (beard like that wouldn't work for me) or you still have it? Now plenty of women like beards

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[unaluna]

Oh yeah - very nice looking! Do you run or bicycle? Maybe some sports type meet ups. Or else you need to find the next Patti smith

You are not garbage, I'm sorry you feel that way.

Fix your hair and beard and you're perfect.

Then stop looking. Because it happens that way :-/

[kamikazebaby]

Divine, in my experience, OKC has been one of the best sites for matches and availability. Definitely better than Match, POF, eHarmony, etc. Having to pay for a subscription does not guarantee that a site is decent, sadly. Oh, and I'm educated and have encountered other educated people on OKC. There really are all sorts of people on there. (Personally, I would never just hook up with someone, and I don't care if someone pays for a subscription or not. I only care about the quality of the person.)

Also, I often say "boys/girls" myself. It's just a preference/quirk of word choice. Nothing more than that.

People seem to want to see lots of pictures on dating sites so (presumably to get a realistic idea of what you look like). I think I have at least 8 up myself, even though I hate taking pictures.

Millennials could certainly be in his dating range as the transition point between the two is supposedly early 80s.

[kamikazebaby]

(Burnt, I'm quite curious about your profile text, too. I'd be glad to give you my opinion if you wanted it.)

[divine1966]

Kami you might be right of course. I am just speaking from what I know. I know a lot of people ( grown people with education and career) who are either using now or used to use online dating in the past and are now in a relationship. Those aren't the sites they use.

The thing is if a person can't get a date for that many years, I am suggesting to make some changes: different sites or different age range or different profile etc et. telling him that whatever he is doing is awesome just isn't helpful.

Of course if people don't want to make any changes its fine. It just seems counterproductive to me

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[unaluna]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

You are not garbage, I'm sorry you feel that way.

Fix your hair and beard and you're perfect.

Then stop looking. Because it happens that way :-/

What is wrong with his hair and beard? I have relatives his age in Arizona and that's what they look like. I don't like the lumberjack beard and scruffy hair look that was popular in the 1960s and in Brooklyn now, but this look is awesome.

I don't like - sorry to be harsh here - when a guy kinda techie name-drops about his work or his hobby, like he wants me to ask him what he means, and then he's going to launch into some long boring techie mansplanation. Unless it's a subject I am REALLY interested in myself. It seems unfair, I know - girls expect guys to listen to the girls talk about their girlfriends their work their whatever - and girls want a guy who will talk to them - but TO and WITH them, not AT them.

I feel like... you should look for a PARTNER in life. I know that sounds like just semantics, but it's not

[divine1966]

I don't know. I know geeky techie guys. Heck my own brother is. They don't grow beards like this. The only guys with these long beards I know are my fiancée's relatives ( also long hair and drinking horns ). They aren't techie. Lol They kind of duck dynasty look alike ( not him, just his family, he is a bit of an outcast).

I am not saying you got to lose your beard though. But you have nice looking face and beard covers much of it. Like you are hiding. Personally I'd like to see the whole face.

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