[vishva8kumara]

It has been 2 years in this situation, 2 years is the age of our daughter, yes it was all since she was born.

My heart wants one thing and my head says NO. I feel like I have had enough and no more troubles I want. Sometimes I hate whole womankind - they are all the same.

Sometimes I feel it's all my fault - they all say that. Maybe I'm defective and not suitable to have any intimate relationship with any woman.

Me and my wife live in the same house and sleep in the same bed - like two room mates. Our daughter is with her grandmother who is over 100 miles away. My mom and dad lives over another 100 miles away.

My wife have had postpartum depression I guess, but she refused to continue therapy or take meds. She don't let me kiss her or touch her - she says I do not love her. Once she said that wherever I go, I must take her with me - to see my friends or for a business meeting.

[vishva8kumara]

Now she wants all the money I earn or get me to spend all my money because she is suspicious of what I would do with my money.

She has been passive aggressive towards me, and keeps me from doing things I like, like archery. She has been rejecting me for a very long time now.

She has been suspecting me for no reason, but not any more.

I keep her at a distance and try to do other things, and accomplished quite well recently. Me and some friends of mine have won a couple of Hackathons recently. But that does not lift my spirit since I do not get to have any intimacy with my wife and that is bothering me.

[vishva8kumara]

I want her, I like her, I love her, but I'm afraid to approach her, because I fear being rejected again and again. I hate whole womankind.

My previous relationship a several years ago, almost a decade ago ended sour, and she rejecting me, saying I don't love her.

Ok, this is what my wife would say. One big problem is that she says she does not get any sexual pleasure being with me. She was believing that the only way to reach orgasm was through clitoral stimulation. No matter how much I try, she would never get satisfied.

All woman are same, they never get satisfied. Whatever you do, it is not enough for them. I Hate Them All.!!

No matter how much I accomplish or achieve, or help in house work, my mom always saw that one thing I didn't do, and was not satisfied about me. They All Are Insatiable Beings, I Hate Whole Womankind.!!

Actually, what I expect is not just sex. I could rather easily masturbate and relieve my bodily needs, and I don't mind she does the same as she would please. I yearn for intimacy and having a good time together. But I don't know how to approach when she wouldn't even let me kiss her.

I just want to get rid of these human - manly feeling I have towards womankind. It is causing me great distress. I'm afraid I would be a rapist - I don't want to hurt anyone.

I get triggered when seeing a romantic movie, or a romantic couple or overhearing anything related to intimacy - maybe that is jealousy. Jealousy hurts, and I hate that emotion inside me, I loathe it. I had enough.! I can't go on like this with these emotions inside me. I don't want to exist with this situation around me. I Just Don't Know What To Do..

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time in your relationship.

That being said, hate is a strong word. And to hate all women because of a few bad past experiences isn't healthy. It also may make some members uncomfortable and not sure how to support you.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to reply to your post, to be honest. If you hate all women, do you even want a reply from one? Figured I'd take the risk though.

Sounds like you two could use some couples counselling, as well as individual counselling for yourself. I hope you find the help you need.

[Erebos]

I am sorry to hear about your experiences. I don't think you do hate all women, I think your hurt and exasperated and at the end of your tether. Perhaps you could see a counsellor on your own and come up with some strategies to deal with what's happening. I would have suggested couple counselling also but if your wife refuses to go I am not sure what else you can do.
I will say, you cannot change others, you can only change yourself, so if you don't like what is happening to you do what you need to do to change it.

Being so far from your daughter must also be hard, altho it is good she is still with family. I wish you all the best, and truely hope you are able to find a way through this difficult and complicated time.

[cluelessgal]

I'm so sorry you are in this position.

I wish you'd take a little time in understanding depression. A person in depression finds it tough to simply get out of bed....even for the tiniest task. A depressed person feels hopeless and trapped in life. You simply lack the motivation to do anything.....anything. Think of your worst day where all you wanted to be in bed and not bothered for anything and just be left alone.....depression is like that, everyday.

Now people rarely change when things are the same. It's even more true if it's depression, where you lack motivation to do even the simplest task. Things would NEVER improve, if you leave things to change, on your wife.

It's up to you, to get the ball rolling. Book an appointment with a therapist for her....don't tell her. Get her started on therapy, by hook or crook. Encourage her to earn her own money. Earning makes a person feel good and can help her get out of depression. She may also get off your back for money.

It would also help if you both get in the habit of exercising together....watch exercising videos together and work out together. Exercise releases endorphins which makes a person feel good, more in control and helps in getting out of depression. Also, encourage her to get into psychcentral forums - there is a depression forum and she can improve if she connects with other people going through a similar situation. I request you to use that forum yourself, to get a greater understanding your self.

Now, you may want to consider therapy yourself. I think you do face some control issues and that may be the reason you may be getting even more frustrated with your situation. Blaming 3 billion women of this planet because you've had a few bad experiences is hardly a healthy thing to do . Sometimes when the whole world is the problem...then you are the problem.

As you mention, you didn't have a great relationship with your mother and she wrongly blamed you for many things . The relationship we share with our parents, like a domino, sets the path for relationship with every other people in our life. Every child deserves to feel loved, cherished & admired. When we have trouble getting that feeling of being loved unconditionally from our parents, especially mother, we fail to love ourselves. When we fail to love and accept ourselves, we fail to connect socially with the world and end up in one dysfunctional relationship after other.

So WOMEN are not the problem, your first relationship with a woman, made the whole world a problem. So start with a therapy for yourself. You may want to explore this forum for yourself - Survivors of Abuse - Forums at Psych Central . And encourage your wife to enter therapy and make sure she gets started on that. You deserve to feel loved, admired and cherished. Heal yourself. Encourage your wife to heal from depression.

Hopefully, soon your daughter will grow up in a loving, wonderful family where she feels loved unconditionally by her parents.

Good luck!

[vishva8kumara]

Thank you everyone.

I don't know if earning makes someone happy, I can focus and keep all those troubling thoughts out of my head when I'm working. But no matter how much I achieve, when I come back home, I don't know what to do.

I don't think it is just money she wants from me, she probably want to make sure that I don't have money in my hand. It is a big Q for her what I do with money and how I spend it.

I tried everything I could to get her on therapy. Our therapist gave us a plan; with me one week, with her the next week and both on the week after and so on. But she wouldn't come or continue the plan, saying that I'm the person with a mental problem and she is not mad.

[vishva8kumara]

To me, it is not just the depression but the anxiety and OCD that arises when I'm in stress and disturbed mood makes life a lot more harder.

I don't even have that luxury to stay on the bed without doing anything, because that would make anxiety and OCD worse the moment I get up, so I have to keep going and running like a shark unable to breathe if stopped swimming.

Yes, even yesterday I was wondering maybe it is all my fault and I'm not suitable to have a relationship with anyone, meant to live a lonely life and die alone.

[vishva8kumara]

I used to go to therapy, and it was working well for my OCD and anxiety. But still I get so alarmed when my phone rings, as if the someone pressed the fire alarm, because I have been tormented by phone calls, I just don't know what horror I would be exposed when I answer a phone call. But my OCD is mostly under control now.

My therapist was a female, my P Doc is also a female. When I stopped going to therapy, my P Doc recommended another therapist who is also a female. The last time I went to therapy was with my wife and the last time for her too. I stopped going to therapy for several reasons.

1) My wife was thinking that I go to therapy every other week to spend time with that woman, and she asked me is the therapist is good looking or young, once she got to know my therapist was a woman.

2) My wife refused to stay to the therapy plan, so why would only I go for it. My P Doc said that since my OCD was under control, it was time I focus on couple counselling for relationship issues.

3) On that day, my wife made up a false negative picture about me to the therapist I've been seeing for more than 6 months, and they both made fun of me, and that I've been having OCD. I felt like they both look down on men like some low, wild creatures. She said all men are kinda ***-pergers.

... And so on. I'm hoping if I would see a therapist who is a guy, not another woman. But the vast majority of therapists are WOMAN.! And they all probably think very low on men, and would make fun of me when I go with my wife. It All Sucks.! I'm Sooooo Tired right now.

[seesaw]

Well, I do disagree with making an appointment for her without her knowledge. I had a family member do that for me once and it was with a rehab clinic that doesn't even treat depression!

It sounds like you still have plenty of issues to work out with a therapist. It also sounds like your views of the world are very skewed. You assume that all female therapists think lowly of men, when you've only met a few, and they most certainly don't feel lowly of men. If you feel more comfortable with a male therapist, then I think it would be smart to change to one.

[wildflowersinmytea]

As a survivor of sexual abuse, your post upsets me greatly. Please seek immediate professional help and share your post with the therapist. It's not rational to judge all women off the two failed/failing relationships you've had. Though we have our struggles my husband and I are intimate and loving in all ways with each other, as many many couples are. This is not a problem with womankind, this is a problem with you and your relationship.. Whether you choose cold unloving women who remind you of your mother, or you don't value yourself enough, or you're so negative about women that your wife senses your underlying disdain and can't connect with you.. That's for a therapist to work out. Do not ruin a woman's soul and life by sexual abuse.

[vishva8kumara]

Me,? Abuse.? ... That would be the last thing. I wouldn't even touch her or talk to her without being called. I have to keep a distance from her or otherwise she would push me away. I'm not being sexually harassed, just outright rejection.

Both times I discussed with her before making the appointment, but those were the first and last with both P Doc and Therapist.

Recently I got to talk with a male therapist just once when things were going downward spiral and my antidepressants was not enough to drown the emotions then. And the way he approached my situation and the way the female therapist approached the situation are complete opposites. But this therapist is bit far away for me.

Before this current situation, after the breakdown of my previous relationship I went to a therapist (which was the second ever therapist I saw to) who was also a P Doc. I wish I would be able to see him again, but he is abroad right now, I guess.

If I'm to see a new therapist, I know for sure that I would be told to come with my wife, which is not going to happen.

BTW, thanks everyone for your support.!!

[wildflowersinmytea]

You said "I'm afraid I would be a rapist - I don't want to hurt anyone"?