[TishaBuv]

He lost his job.

Right now he went out. We're both devastated. Our life has fallen apart. Although, for me, it never was solid anyway.

I want to go to him and hold him, tell him everything will be alright. But then, again, I will be the leader and he is the passive, submissive one, the receiver.

I can't bring myself to go and be what he wants me to be. I am too bitter how he was not there for me in the way I needed.

I'm sitting here torn.

It's all just acting. I don't know what is really in my heart. I'm just exhausted and stuck in this rocking chair.

I'm too numb.

Sure, I can imagine the scene where I gaze into his eyes and say my lines. And he loves it, all is well. We're strong because we have each other. But I'd just be acting and I can't do it anymore.

Should I just act and make my life easier?

[divine1966]

Losing a job is horrible but can he find another? can he retire? Does he qualify for unemployment? If my DH lost his job it would be sad but we would manage until he get another one. On the other hand if you don't work, it could be a disaster. Do you work? Is he upset about loss of income or loss if a particular job.

[TishaBuv]

I'm not sure what is going to happen. He always lands on his feet. If he gets another job farther away, and I stay here with our son for school, it would not be a bad thing for me. I'm tired of this horrible relationship. Even if it's all my fault (which it''s not) even if I have BPD (do I?), I'd love a reason to be released from this hell. And I know everyone on here is frustrated with me because I don't leave him. I guess I'm codependent... learned helplessness? Lazy? Scared? Confused?

I don't have advise....I just want you to know I'm not in anyway tired of you nor do I judge you for staying, leaving or anything else. I don't know if you have BPD and there is no shame if you do. Try to meet yourself where you are at. You are confused, that part I can confirm. How can you obtain more clarity? I don't know what your relationship details are, I just know that you seem like a nice person who deserves happiness. I'm sorry for the stress you are under. (((Hugs)))

[TishaBuv]

I can't cry because I'm on Lyrica. I should be crying, but I'm not.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. No, I don't think you should pretend. It might be a good idea to be honest with him and with yourself. Can you work with a tdoc to drill down into why you're staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy? Sending big hugs.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. No, I don't think you should pretend. It might be a good idea to be honest with him and with yourself. Can you work with a tdoc to drill down into why you're staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy? Sending big hugs.

I second that. Why stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy? This question right here is what you need to ask yourself, and work with a personal T to fully understand. You need to put yourself first. Obviously you and your needs are more important than everyone else right now. Put them first. If you don't know how to do that, work with the aforementioned personal T to help you learn how to do so.

Remember, your happiness is the most important thing to achieve right now. No one else's.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I second that. Why stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy? This question right here is what you need to ask yourself, and work with a personal T to fully understand. You need to put yourself first. Obviously you and your needs are more important than everyone else right now. Put them first. If you don't know how to do that, work with the aforementioned personal T to help you learn how to do so.

Remember, your happiness is the most important thing to achieve right now. No one else's.

You're right. The deep down thing is I have low self esteem. I don't put myself first. I put my son first right now. I am staying in this house and letting him go to his HS where he is happy. I like the security of being with my h, having a partner, having someone who I really do enjoy as a person to be with. If only we can fix this problem that causes us to be trapped in hell with each other, we could e so happy. Oy vey!

[divine1966]

Are you able to support yourself? Unfortunately many women stay in bad relationships because they can't support themselves. I can't emphasize enough importance of self-reliance. I'd focus on becoming self suffering just in case

[Molinit]

"He lost his job"

What exactly happened here? Was it downsizing or was it something that could have been prevented?

[JustJenny]

TishaBuv, hugs!

I wasn't around for a while so I have missed a lot whatever was discussed in the last year or two.

From the top of my head - do you have an option to stay away from your husband for some time? I sounds to me that you could use some alone time to put your thought, priorities and desires in order. Can you stay with your relatives or somebody you know for a week or two? My husband travels sometime, it really helps me to put my thoughts in order.

Have you tried asking him about his thoughts on how to resolve this new issue? You said he is pretty passive, does he ever show any initiative? If he does, in what circumstances?

I also agree with divine1966, as far as I can remember you were struggling with your marriage for some years now. What are the main reasons for you to stay in this relationship?

P.S. Again, missed a lot here. Sorry if any of this was discussed already.

[TishaBuv]

He does an excellent job. He's an employee of a group and the group got replaced. So he has to go with the group.

I am appalled at myself. I have been hysterical and seeking a solution and support on here and from my family and friends for so long.

Now I just accept I am the one who is damaged.

Why does my h put up with me? Why hasn't he thrown me out?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

He does an excellent job. He's an employee of a group and the group got replaced. So he has to go with the group.

I am appalled at myself. I have been hysterical and seeking a solution and support on here and from my family and friends for so long.

Now I just accept I am the one who is damaged.

Why does my h put up with me? Why hasn't he thrown me out?

I think I maybe am not understanding the issue. Unfortunately people lose jobs. He is likely to find another one. Do you live in the area with no jobs? Why is it causing so much devastation and drama? Is he just as devastated? What exactly are you so upset about it? Are you afraid of bankruptcy and foreclosure? I am lost on exact reason of hysteria. Can you manage on his unemployment compensation for few months? Do you have savings?

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I think I maybe am not understanding the issue. Unfortunately people lose jobs. He is likely to find another one. Do you live in the area with no jobs? Why is it causing so much devastation and drama? Is he just as devastated? What exactly are you so upset about it? Are you afraid of bankruptcy and foreclosure? I am lost on exact reason of hysteria. Can you manage on his unemployment compensation for few months? Do you have savings?

Hi Divine,

That post was misleading. I'm hysterical about out dysfunctional relationship, not about his job.

Fingers crossed, he might end up with an improved position. Chances are slim, though.

Why am I hysterical is the $100,000 question. There's been ridiculous dysfunction for so long, I've lost my mind over it.

This morning I had a sexy dream, woke up, reached out for my h, and we made passionate love. All is well with the world again. Reset the cycle of Torture Foreplay!

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Hi Divine,

That post was misleading. I'm hysterical about out dysfunctional relationship, not about his job.

Fingers crossed, he might end up with an improved position. Chances are slim, though.

Why am I hysterical is the $100,000 question. There's been ridiculous dysfunction for so long, I've lost my mind over it.

This morning I had a sexy dream, woke up, reached out for my h, and we made passionate love. All is well with the world again. Reset the cycle of Torture Foreplay!

Thank you for clarification. Sorry I was confused that it's because of a job. Hang in there.

[Chyialee]

Tish, honey. I have no answers, but I hear you, and I care.

Relationships are hard. Some days more so than others.
And tailspins are NO FUN, I affirm.

Hang on, girl.

Support and positive vibes @ you!
Chyia

[TishaBuv]

Well, I prayed for change, and God gave us change in my h getting fired.

Now we're talking about him working with me at my job.

[TishaBuv]

Well, I prayed for change, and God gave us change in my h getting fired.

Now we're talking about him working with me at my job.

[TishaBuv]

He triggered me and cornered me, provoking me into a total psychotic meltdown. My son heard me screaming "Get away from me" over and over as he cornered me in the closet like a caged tiger. I'm sure the neighbors heard it. I nearly called the police, I just don't know what to do, feel so helpless and confused. My son seems ok, my h left for now. I recovered myself and made us lunch.

Tomorrow we have an appointment with our lawyer. I must find the courage to just put an end to this. So devastating.

It is very threatening to corner someone, sorry you went through that.

[divine1966]

Please be safe. It sounds very scary

[Artchic528]

Yes. Do call your lawyer. You're long overdue for that divorce.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Yes. Do call your lawyer. You're long overdue for that divorce.

Is there a 'No Thanks' button? Do you know how triggering your comments are? Do you honestly mean well? This comment and your last one insinuating mine is a 'loveless marriage' is NOT HELPFUL.

[eskielover]

Maybe when you get through your emotional reactions to this, your logical mind can kick in & you will see more clearly what your approximate choice will be.

Oh yea, I had a few melt downs also. I understand that your son's high school years don't need to be filled with family drama. It's good to keep things as stable as possible through that period of time & new job situation will make the picture more clear as to your options....especially since you basically get along with your H except in one area of your marriage.

It is difficult to feel supportive of their situation when you haven't felt support from them. It is what it is. I don't believe in putting on false fronts because society tells us we SHOULD. I never followed SHOULDS in my life to keep peace or otherwise.

I always find that when stressful situations arise in life I usually DO NOTHING other than observe & sit with the situation for a week or so until clarity comes to me about what I need to do when it comes to stressful things happening in my life. Have found it to work best while gathering information & possible options. Didn't work so well doing it in my marriage because of pushing & triggers but it always took me a reasonable amount of time to formulate my solution to the situation. Patience is the most difficult thing is life.

[Medusax]

******I always find that when stressful situations arise in life I usually DO NOTHING other than observe & sit with the situation for a week or so until clarity comes to me about what I need to do when it comes to stressful things happening in my life. Have found it to work best while gathering information & possible options.*******

I WISH I had that particular power. I cannot rest or let go until I have solved something ASAP.