Something Bad Is Happening Now

That's when money started getting tight. My mom made me feel terrible that she paid for my wedding. So, when she needed a car, I gave her my car and got myself another one. Then when she needed another car, we bought her another car. That paid her back for my wedding.

Then they told us their money had run out and their social security didn't cover their nut. So for one year we gave them money every month to help. Meanwhile, my two sisters gave nothing. They are 'poor' (not really).

So this last year, we told them we weren't going to give them any more money. So, somehow we were coerced to give them more money. This time we said it was a loan and i asked for the necklace as collateral. I made them sign a note putting it in writing because i know they forget and distort.

I always loved that necklace. I told her I wanted it for my inheritance and was willing to pay for it by giving her this 'loan' that I knew they could never pay back.

Then a few months ago, having never paid back any of the loan, as they have no money to ever pay back any of the loan, my mom demanded the necklace back so she could sell it and use the money from it.

So now when my aunt came to help her, we were supposed to go sell the necklace for my mom, who wanted me to go sell it because I have experience in the jewelry business, and she doesn't trust my dad, and she's too feeble, yada yada.

So I went there with the necklace, thinking I even had to go sell it for her. But on the way there, I called my aunt and told her I didn't want to have anything more to do with it. I was coming up to give my mom the necklace and make her sign the note acknowledging that the loan was never paid back at all and the necklace was still returned.

So, i woke up this morning feeling bad that my aunt, who witnessed that abusive scene of my mother berating me for the first time, didn't even have the care to call me to see how I was.

My sister called and said she spoke to them and they didn't even bring me and the necklace up at all.

I am now saying I will go no contact. But history proves that probably won't stick.

It can be hard to maintain the no contact boundary because they will try as hard as they can to drag you back into it. She will send your sisters and aunt and father as flying monkeys to do her dirty work of making you feel guilty. To truly go no contact, you have to maintain with them that you don't want to hear messages from your mother or about what she says or does. Otherwise they continue to be conduits to her.

You can do it. It's for your own health and well being.

Seesaw

What hurts the most is to feel of such little importance. The lack of respect and caring. I have suffered this my whole life. There was never anyone to defend and comfort me. I had to comfort myself, which means crying hysterically for hours by myself.

I know a lot of what you have posted refers to money and loans but I think your last post really gets to what this is all about.

I am truly sorry that there was never anyone to defend and comfort you, that absolutely should be a parents role.

I think my mother and my aunt are Narcissists.

I think the narcissist abuse caused me BPD traits.

Money issues bring out the worst in people sometimes. There are stories about it concerning my Dad's side of the family and we also helped my mom for a while (by taking over payments/buying the condo her parents were living in) and it was a big scene when we said we now have children to take care of, it is time for my grandparent's children (as their oldest grandchild--I had done enough), to assume this mortgage.
You have sons in or about to go to college--it is so expensive even when they have partial funding (scholarships rarely pay for room and food). So even if she was a saint she comes in third on the priority list for your funds. When I see how this thread has evolved--I really do think you may be getting to the point that you might be able to mostly stay away from her. I think what is hard for you is that family momentos/history mean a lot to you. The fact that your mom wants to sell that necklace means that her intention is to preserve nothing from your family history for you. If she was understanding of your feelings she would have considered your loan as payment in full for that necklace. Based just on that, don't count on anything, including there being any equity left at all in her place when she dies. This is just what happens to people who were, for whatever reason, are unable to robustly fund their retirements. I know you know this and it hurts but restating this might help you stay away from her.

I had a bright idea that I can live part time with my son who needs to rent an apartment in another state. I can fly every weekend there and stay here with my other son who wants to stay in this school here.

I need to get out of here!

I don't want to see my mother again and I can't handle being with h either. I am so miserable!

Here comes the sinking depression, body aches, inability to focus...

Everything he says is what triggers me. He finally came in the bedroom and asked me about eating. I told him he should go to the store and get groceries. He came back and made me a sandwich. I thanked him. He is kind.

Body aches, stomach in knots, down mood. I'm 'sick'.

I'm not getting out of bed. My son knows I'm depressed. He knows what happened with my mother. He said "Don't let it bother you, she's just a crazy old lady".

He asked me if we're doing anything today. I said he could do something with his dad or he could phone a friend.

Let's see what they do.

I don't care what anyone thinks of me anymore. I feel trapped inside my body and just want to disappear.

It was nice of him to feed me. I do appreciate it. I wish he connected with me, though. Why couldn't he make me feel physically good this morning? Instead he did nothing, as usual. My soul aches.

No taking drugs, no SH today. Just feeling down. I accept it is what it is. I feel the pain. My body surges, the rage running through my veins, sadness fills my heart.

I told my h I'm not going out with him tonight to his company's party. Yet another time he's gone stag due to us being so unhappy together. Someone even made a comment that he always goes alone. I don't care anymore.

He gave me a down frown.

I said 'don't act so sad, your actions (inactions) caused it.'

I can, at least, control that I am not self harming and that is a huge improvement and a goal I set for myself.

I can't control how others act towards me. I can only react. Well I'm reacting. I'm sad and angry. I am staying home and wallowing in it.

You can't make someone treat you how you want to be treated. You can only take care of yourself.

Defriended my mom, all her friends, my aunt, her daughter, and son in law on fb and left the Family group.

I hope you feel better this morning.

It is going to be good for you to take VERY long break from your mom. You obviously have put up with so much because you just love her but she hurts you over and over.

You have described your problems with your H but your explanations leave me wondering if he is really the problem. When I get angry at my H, it also effects the way he responds to me and then his response can make me even angrier. The result sometimes for us is that we can't stand each other and at the point in my marriage prior to my attempt, I started wondering if I had ever really loved him.

I am sure your H also has some hard feelings about dealing with your depression, anxiety and anger but still seems to be committed to staying with you. You are very vulnerable right now and still have a lot that you are trying to heal from. You are going to recover from this. So long as your H is trying to stay together, maybe don't make any decisions until you stabilize your depression and anger about all that you have suffered from in your life? Maybe process some deep issues from your childhood before evaluating your marriage? Hopefully, your H will give you some more space/time to do this.

<<<hugs>>>

Sadly, the hate has over-ridden the love. I have taken too much abuse. A woman who says the things to me that she said, deserves to die without this devoted daughter at her bedside.

My h is incapable of giving me the one thing I needed. It has been a struggle for control to the death.

If I've learned something about myself it's when I have drawn a line in the sand about something that is of utmost importance to me, if you want to stay in my good graces, you best not cross it.

If that is part of a disorder, so be it. If I can't get one iota of respect, I'm done.

NO, YOU DO NOT!

One of the worst beatings I ever got was telling my female parental unit that the Bible also says to NOT provoke your children to anger! (Colossians 3:21).

She was the queen of quoting the bible and using the "word of God" as an excuse to justify her abuses of me, so I thought I'd drop a little knowledge on her and evidently it hit a raw nerve!

Once I got away from these evil people, found my own mind and came to realize how vile and inhumane their treatment of me had been, I left them to their own misery, and never looked back ...

I hope you can do the same, and not feel overly guilty about having to let them go for your own physical, emotional and spiritual well-being!

I still wrestle with whether or not I believe in God, but I do think that if there is one, he/she/it/we/they won't judge us too harshly for deciding to love and care enough about ourselves to not allow another human being - no matter their relation - to continue to maltreat us!

Sincerely,
Pflower!

That same bible that gave your abusers ammunition to beat you also gave you ammunition to show them the error of their ways.

I'm so glad you escaped your abusers.

I have escaped, too, as I now know I will not hurt myself anymore.

And look at my h's role in this whole thing with my parents. It was the money HE earned that they weaseled out of us! Look how he says and does nothing!

Not only does he not defend me, he doesn't even defend himself!

How would a normal son in law feel? What would he do?

Now, if I went and said that to my h, suddenly he would start trying to say and do something with my parents. Like it always has to be all my push, all my idea, then he becomes an imbecile, overly aggressive and stupid, just to show he has balls.

I would not call my H normal but he always saw the abuse from my family before I saw it. He refuses to see them/ talk to them. Currently he feels the least animosity toward my sister and the most towards my brother. I even have an uncle/cousins that constantly seem to want me to leave him. The ill will started before my attempt but turned into "he is the problem you need to divorce him" when I attempted. Because of the situation, I have gone for years at a time without seeing anyone in my family. I still miss the mountains and deserts in my home state.