[stolemyheart87]

Every time I tell a guy I am a virgin and I am saving myself for marriage I get responses like this

"Honestly I don't want to lead you on. I am expecting to have sex with the person I'm dating , and I think that is a problem so I think its best I don't lead you on. I think your very nice and sweet and I think its great you've held your virginity, hope you find what your looking for, it was nice meeting you."

Why can't no man wait it out, to have sex, on marriage night, during the honeymoon when your suppose to do it. Everyone tells me being a virgin is great and that special guy will come along, but honestly I don't think that's ever going to happen.

[Trippin2.0]

Even if you're not the religious type, you'd have better luck dating within a religious community as celibacy is a largely religious based practice.


There are definitely people who love Metal and Jesus, and they'll be way more susceptible to waiting for marriage.


It's not really logical to expect someone who's been sexually active for at least a decade to suddenly swear off sex just because you say so.


Thus my suggestion of dating someone who already practices celibacy...

[Talthybius]

Because it is irrational?

Being a virgin means nothing. No pro's or con's, except when someone has some strange value preference for one of them.

In the end what you want is someone who is both passionate and loyal. It's not fun when a person is sexually promiscious or a cheat, and it is no fun when a person is cold, structures, having an issue with intimacy, and holding back.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by stolemyheart87

Every time I tell a guy I am a virgin and I am saving myself for marriage I get responses like this

"Honestly I don't want to lead you on. I am expecting to have sex with the person I'm dating , and I think that is a problem so I think its best I don't lead you on. I think your very nice and sweet and I think its great you've held your virginity, hope you find what your looking for, it was nice meeting you."

Why can't no man wait it out, to have sex, on marriage night, during the honeymoon when your suppose to do it. Everyone tells me being a virgin is great and that special guy will come along, but honestly I don't think that's ever going to happen.

When you're supposed to do it? By whom's rule are you saying that's when you're supposed to do it?

I appreciate that this is a value of yours, but it's not a value of everyone's. I wouldn't hold it against men who don't hold that value. Instead I would focus on finding someone who does find that as a value. Maybe trying something like Christian Mingle or attending church events where more people are likely to practice celibacy before marriage.

Good luck,
seesaw

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I appreciate this. I wouldn't mind this situation with a woman, personally, although I'd probably be quite frustrated at times! Sex isn't the most important thing to me in a relationship; in-fact, it's generally pretty low down there on the list of priorities. Intimacy, passion, love, etc is important to me, however. Still, I'm assuming sex doesn't rule out other ... executions. xD Anywho, although I'm sure it's just hyperbole, it's not "no man", as I'm sure you've not met every single man, so hopefully that'll help remind you that things aren't so hopeless. Yes, though, I imagine most men will definitely not be up for that deal, but it's better to have someone better matched to you, right? In any case, best of luck to you.

Because it is irrational?

Being a virgin means nothing. No pro's or con's, except when someone has some strange value preference for one of them.

I can think of a way in which it would actually be perfectly rational: waiting for a real commitment such as marriage would help a woman to feel her mate (man) is not just there for one thing, and will more likely actually stay to help raise a potential child, should the woman get pregnant. It's quite pragmatic from the woman's point of view. Granted, with the contraceptives available, you could argue it's still irrational, but I can appreciate the concept if you take away how we've socially and technologically avolved. Aside from that, I believe it matters because it matters to her.

[qwerty68]

I think it is very commendable that you are waiting. That said, why do you keep wanting guys to bend for you in so many ways while you consistently look for guys who are completely your opposite? Plus, you don't seem to want to move even an inch out of your comfort zone for them. I am not talking about celibacy here, which I agree you shouldn't compromise. You also shouldn't expect a guy to compromise his most important values for the same reasons you won't. However, relationships are all about compromise.

You want guys that are 24/7 available to you from the second you meet them, yet want them to be working. You also want them to be able to go out all hours of the night, mostly at metal shows, including weeknights and now this? Are men allowed to have their own interests and values other than your own?

You want guys who can call/text you at all hours of the day and night who are not likely to have a job and be independent. Plus you want guys who love the metal scene and value celibacy? That will be a rare fish.

Add that to your recent post, as a 29 year old(?), about living at home and running up the electric bill, which is a very teenage issue. To be very honest, dating should be the least of your priorities. I think you will find that when you focus on becoming more independent and mature, your dating issues will solve itself because you will be in a much better position and can present yourself as a healthy adult and men will respond so much better to that.

I hope you don't ignore what I said, I think women on here will agree with me, more or less. More often than not, advice we would rather not hear is exactly the advice we need to improve ourselves.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I do agree with qwerty68. I wasn't aware of those things prior to my initial posting on this thread. Relationships are about compromise too, and if you can't learn to compromise, I'm afraid you're going to have a very, very hard time, and that's not just regarding romantic relationships. I'd say it takes practice. After all, it's about them as well as it is about you and you both as an item.

[nicoleflynn]

Good for you. Hold on to your belief system....we are a society awash in sexuality, etc.....and it is difficult to not follow. Sex is the most intimate thing you an share with another human being; it seems anymore that kids are just hooking up readily. Don't let anyone talk you IN or OUT of anything. Honor yourself and your values.

[divine1966]

Nothing wrong with waiting for marriage but then you should go for guys who also wait for marriage. Those would be religious folks. Why don't you look for relationship with other very religious people?

You are meeting nice guys who are being very honest with you. Some guys would pretend to respect you then try and use covert measures to pressure you. I respect you for being upfront about what's important to you and I respect them for being honest about not sharing these same values. There are many men who will wait. Good luck. (((Hugs)))

[stolemyheart87]

Here's the thing though, I have tried those religious based dating website's and app's and even those people aren't into saving themselves until marriage. And most on there aren't into metal music either. So...... yeah.

[divine1966]

Why must they be in to the same music? My husband and I don't really like the same music yet we have great marriage.

[stolemyheart87]

Because I love my music and want to be able to take the guy I am with to a concert, and be able to have us both be right there in the front row without any complaints, or us both go into the mosh pit, or headbamg together. I see a lot of couples do this thing at metal, rock, and punk shows, my age or younger if not slightly older.

[~Christina]

I think your going to have a hard time finding a guy that check marks all your wants, what are you willing to change for him about yourself and what activities you both agree and enjoy.

My marriage ....


My husband and I have a healthy relationship because we share lots of common interest and we also do things apart.

If I were in your situation I would honestly be looking for a date based off what activities you're into. That to me makes the most sense.... Right?

[SvanThor]

Originally Posted by stolemyheart87

Every time I tell a guy I am a virgin and I am saving myself for marriage I get responses like this

"Honestly I don't want to lead you on. I am expecting to have sex with the person I'm dating , and I think that is a problem so I think its best I don't lead you on. I think your very nice and sweet and I think its great you've held your virginity, hope you find what your looking for, it was nice meeting you."

Why can't no man wait it out, to have sex, on marriage night, during the honeymoon when your suppose to do it. Everyone tells me being a virgin is great and that special guy will come along, but honestly I don't think that's ever going to happen.

I think this is because many people think that sex is an important part of a serious relationship. I don't think it's anyone's fault, per se, I just think it's a personal thing for each person.

[TishaBuv]

May I ask why you have this resolve to stay a virgin until the honeymoon night?

[stolemyheart87]

I was told it was the right thing to do as a kid and stuck by that since then.

[TishaBuv]

I asked because I did not think it was due to religious observance, I wanted to verify.

I think you might be content with living with your parents and staying rather juvenile. This might really be the real bottom line.

You are probably very scared of adult living, even terrified of having sex.

You have set up all these strict criteria and rules for yourself, but I'm not really believing it.

I am not criticizing, I am just showing you, the thing just might be that you feel safe as you are, where you are, and are clinging to that.

If you want that, there's nothing wrong with it.

I know a 42 year-old woman who never married and lives with her parents. She does work full time and tries to date, is not a virgin. But she also says she has these unrealistic criteria that I don't believe, either.

Originally Posted by stolemyheart87

I was told it was the right thing to do as a kid and stuck by that since then.

This needs to be a decision you feel is right for you and not for the approval of others. Believe me, no one is going to award you a medal.

Bu, if the answer is that you wish to do this for you then I think you deserve a pat on the back.

For the dating website thing, that is another matter that I think differently with you on. You can't expect that there is the perfect someone who will meet every single item you want. I think your expectations may be too high. Besides, differences can be quite healthy. I believe a relationship that is 100% in agreement would be quite boring. A great deal of a relationship is based on sharing one another's interests.

So what if you find an otherwise great guy who doesn't share your interest in music. As long as you are prepared to make your own concession to him that is what is the important thing.

It's not about molding a partner to your liking. It's also about molding yourself to theirs.

[Apokolips]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

This needs to be a decision you feel is right for you and not for the approval of others. Believe me, no one is going to award you a medal.

Bu, if the answer is that you wish to do this for you then I think you deserve a pat on the back.

For the dating website thing, that is another matter that I think differently with you on. You can't expect that there is the perfect someone who will meet every single item you want. I think your expectations may be too high. Besides, differences can be quite healthy. I believe a relationship that is 100% in agreement would be quite boring. A great deal of a relationship is based on sharing one another's interests.

So what if you find an otherwise great guy who doesn't share your interest in music. As long as you are prepared to make your own concession to him that is what is the important thing.

It's not about molding a partner to your liking. It's also about molding yourself to theirs.

Or reaching a happy and exited middle ground got you both. If you expect someone to change for you and you refuse to do anything to change to meet their ideals then you are doomed from the start. You should be able to grow as both individuals and a couple. If you both have different interests and hobbies you actually have more opportunities to try something new and you never know what you'll like until you try it!

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by stolemyheart87

Every time I tell a guy I am a virgin and I am saving myself for marriage I get responses like this

"Honestly I don't want to lead you on. I am expecting to have sex with the person I'm dating , and I think that is a problem so I think its best I don't lead you on. I think your very nice and sweet and I think its great you've held your virginity, hope you find what your looking for, it was nice meeting you."

Why can't no man wait it out, to have sex, on marriage night, during the honeymoon when your suppose to do it. Everyone tells me being a virgin is great and that special guy will come along, but honestly I don't think that's ever going to happen.

There are guys that will wait. They may not number in the hundreds or anything but there are guys out there that can and will wait for that. If this is something that is as important to you as you say, then keep looking, it will be worth it. If they do that, just chalk them up as another one who's values don't match up with yours and it's not worth investing time into them.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Talthybius

Because it is irrational?

Being a virgin means nothing. No pro's or con's, except when someone has some strange value preference for one of them.

In the end what you want is someone who is both passionate and loyal. It's not fun when a person is sexually promiscious or a cheat, and it is no fun when a person is cold, structures, having an issue with intimacy, and holding back.

way to minimize personal values of someone. it means nothing TO YOU. keep that in mind. It is neither irrational or unreasonable to expect and based one one's moral values, I don't think you can just write it off as being something that has no benefit just because this is how you view it. Just because physically it may offer no benefit, the spiritual side of things is something you can't easily write off except state your opinion on whether or not it's important.

To answer the OP's question more directly, it's because it's become commonplace in today's world to have sex without the expectation of exclusive relationships, let alone marriage. It's become the norm, for many so the ones that still believe that sex only after marriage is important have become harder to find.

As others have said, change where you seek partners and find groups where people are like minded in this regard, one place being in a religious setting or church.

[Reseacher12345]

Hey there,

I grew up in a Catholic home. My mom has preached to me about waiting until marriage since I was six years old. I truly believed that was how people did things, that everyone held my values. However, when I got to college I quickly found out that was not how things go.
I found a really great guy freshman year, but I kept him distant because he was very open about sex and I knew that was something he'd want from his partners. But we sorta fell for each other anyway. I told him the night he finally kissed me that he had to be careful, that we didn't want the same things. He hesitated at first, but eventually agreed to wait until I was comfortable.
Things were really great. And it's not like I didn't try for him. But if we got too close I would panic and it would hurt when he touched me and I would have to beg him to stop. He thought i didn't like him, but I truly couldn't get this out of my head.
Waiting is terrible. It's not like we don't want to have sex. But you can't enjoy something you've thought was bad your whole life.
My boyfriend left me because he didn't understand, but I have found other guys that kno about my anxiety and are patient. Granted they are few and far between, but if the person really and truly cares about you before you start dating, time means nothing to them.

[Talthybius]

Reseacher12345, maybe they 'truly care', but in another sense, it just makes stuff a lot harder and filters out relationships that could have happened, but didn't for this reason.

[stolemyheart87]

Well I will find someone who can wait and wants to get married.