Single again.... maybe for the rest of my life

I miss the bustle of an office but not the interruptions. I also work for myself now so there's just no office to go to. And honestly, the quiet of my home office helps keep me focused. Sometimes I do go the library though to work, just to be around other people's energy.

Thank you all -- these are all great points and good questions. Although I am not talking about dating again right now. I am taking myself out of the dating scene. I know I shouldn't be dating. I know my life needs some fixing (mainly just moving now -- I have two jobs... I will be working full time and can afford health insurance). The point of my post is that I feel like I will be alone forever. that I cannot break my patterns and that I am doomed to be alone.

You cannot predict the future. I realize that is your concern but it is not up to me (or anyone else, including you) to address it because it is the future and it is an unknown. I was trying to help you stay in the present and focus on the current concerns not the future may bes. There is no point in entertaining negative thoughts.
I ams sorry that I wasn’t able to confort you the way you want.

No, what you wrote was very helpful, and I apologize for not addressing you directly. I am in complete agreement with you. I know I need to focus on my own life, healing and inner peace....

And you're right... I know the future is untold.

I just feel utterly hopeless. I am depressed. I am starting to become suicidal again. My two greatest dreams in life have not worked out. I am seriously not well.

My engagement to a guy was a total joke.... a sham. And my other dream to live across the country failed miserably. My life has been so very difficult, with too many challenges. I just feel done... done with everything... and hopeless about love.

But from what I know about you, you are really great. You are likable and lovable. You are smart and dedicated to your career.

Don’t fall down the well now.

I predict you will not be alone forever. Hang on.

Aww, thank you so much. Your words really touched me deeply and mean the world right now.

I'm afraid I am falling down the well.... I know I need to fight it.....

As an FYI... I am going out of town for the night so if I don't respond right away, even though I feel suicidal, please everyone know that I am safe. I will be back tomorrow.

I used romance, almost like an addiction if not an outright addiction, to distract myself from the unhappiness I had with the rest of my life and with myself as a human being. It's like a drug... think about a man I'm involved with and don't think about things in my life i'm unhappy with. I think this is pr etty common.

It's also common to make cognitive distortions like: I'm alone now and will be alone forever. That forever is part of black and white thinking. It isn't real. It's a distortion.

I finally understood that I had to grow as a person before I could have a healthy romantic relationship. At least I am not painfully missing feeling 'in love' anymore...

Ty for sharing this.... I feel like I may have been doing the same thing at different times in my life. I have been happy and unhappy.... so it has gone up and down always..... there are times when I've felt on top of the world and didn't need or want a relationship, and other times when I have felt so needy for love .... when my life has been most unhappy.

Right now, I don't feel starved for love because I have too much to focus on myself, but that black and white thinking is there for sure. TY for pointing this out to me.

I've been there too. I was just referring to the times when I was needy for a relationship and what I think was driving that. Personally, black and white thinking drives a lot of my difficulties so I try to cancel it out by looking at things more flexibly and realizing that my mood will change. Unfortunately I am mostly a hermit when I am not delusional now. I'm not saying my way is the right way just trying to empathize and share.

TY. I greatly appreciate your empathy and sharing with me. I will try to work on my own black and white thinking with my therapist this next week. Something I should mention to her. I feel like becoming a hermit myself now.

Please stay safe.
We are here for you.

Be safe. Make sure you take care of your safety first.

There are most definitely teams! When it happens it’s magic...but it’s difficult: the last team I tried to be part of turned out to be a teamwork built to work on a single page (so far so good, right?) but that single page was determined by a single person and woe betide you if you thought about editing the page even a little...

I am in my early 50's. I haven't been in love for 8 yrs. I was dumped and heartbroken. I do work on myself and I do go on casual dates.
I understand how sometimes there feels like there is a timeline for women. Youth is perceived as the time to be finding someone to settle down. That we lose our value as we get older. I want to say that is crap. I am pretty, men still like me,( even younger men,)and I am on no timeline.

And you are not either. Be alone. You have time. Don't rush for love.

TY! I am back now. All is OK... I am still really down, but not as bad as yesterday... at least I am coping better now.

TY! YES. Safety and well being first. I don't want to downward spiral... I cannot afford it right now.

I feel the same way about the downward spiral although I don't SI.

Yea, I have too much to do that is important right now. I have to be productive.

I really wish I had something all knowing to say that would help you feel better about your situation. It brings me sadness to see how deeply this pains you.
*sitting quietly beside you*

Thank you SO MUCH. You are very sweet. Even to just have someone sit beside me with my pain means so much to me!!

Golden_eve,

Not holding myself as an example to emulate, just sharing experiences... after I went through menopause, for whatever reason, I stopped aching and making myself miserable about being 'without a man'. I miss having enough friends now, not a man, but I remember times I acutely wondered if I'd be single for the rest of my life. Believe it or not, I don't think about that day in and day out any more.

TY for sharing this! It does help me to think that maybe this feeling won't last forever. HUGS.

I just had to tell my most recent guy to stop messaging me. He was commenting on all my facebook posts, texting me and messaging me on Facebook.... I don't know why he was doing this since we had to end things very recently, but I had to tell hm it's not helping me to get over him and that I need to not talk to him for a while.

Now I feel the emptiness of the loss of him for real. I woke up feeling more alone than ever. I started crying.

Then I just read my own article on my blog, How to be Happy Single.

I gotta take my own advice....

Thing is, I have friends, I have hobbies, I have goals and dreams. I have a social life. I have a girlfriend that I see every once in a while for dinner. I have two other girlfriends that I get together with from time to time. I have a lot of acquaintances and a small circle of closer friends. I talk to my friends almost daily. I get out at least 3-4 times a week.

I could use more girlfriends in my life nonetheless, and I could use more activities I suppose. I could diversify my activities other than seeing live music, but that is what I most love to do.

I suppose I just need to sit with this emptiness I feel. It does not help that Valentines day is around the corner and that I just broke up with someone! (tears)

I hate Valentines day when I am single. It is the worst! It also doesn't help that at this time last year, I was with my ex fiance, going out for an expensive, beautiful dinner at a fine restaurant (that I paid for! HA!).

I say in my article to date yourself.... so this year, I will date myself somehow. Or maybe I'll get together with my best guy friend for Valentines.... I feel like I have to do SOMETHING or else I will sit at home, crying by myself. (more tears).

I don't want to feel sorry for myself... but this is hard.... this is really really hard for me right now.



But that emptiness is there.