My boyfriend and I have been very happy together over the last few months.

Well, lately things have gone awry, not between us, but for us. I was hearing sinister voices for a few weeks out of the seemingly blue (I am on meds for this), and then he broke his toe on Sunday and is in sheer agony yet has to run around all day at work.

I feel absolutely horrible because he was moving my broken desk. It was a large piece of wood that fell on his foot. Now he can barely work, yet he has to, and I feel like it's my fault because it was my stupid desk.

And I feel like every time I'm about to be happy, something bad happens to ruin it. I know it's easy to think that the universe is against you, but well, when this happens over & over again, I cannot help but feel like it is. Like some force out there doesn't want me or won't allow me to be fully happy. Like my happiness is fleeting.....

I feel so badly he is in so much pain. It pains me to see him hurting like this. I cannot feel good or happy when he is in so much pain. UGH.

Why can't the universe just allow me to be happy????

[Unavailableartist]

I feel for ya. Don't get me wrong it is normal to feel bad when a friend, or loved one hurts himself. Specially when they're trying to help.

But they chose to help, and they hurt themselves... How could it be your fault, you didn't make the desk hurt him did you?

His foot should heal eventually right, I mean the universe is choosing a small way to ruin your happiness. Its only a broken foot, could've been a worse accident. I would hardly call a papercut in the grand scheme of things the universe conspiring against me.

Well hoping for a speedy recovery and better luck. As long you have each other everything should be fine don't sweat the small stuff.

Originally Posted by Unavailableartist

I feel for ya. Don't get me wrong it is normal to feel bad when a friend, or loved one hurts himself. Specially when they're trying to help.

But they chose to help, and they hurt themselves... How could it be your fault, you didn't make the desk hurt him did you?

His foot should heal eventually right, I mean the universe is choosing a small way to ruin your happiness. Its only a broken foot, could've been a worse accident. I would hardly call a papercut in the grand scheme of things the universe conspiring against me.

Well hoping for a speedy recovery and better luck. As long you have each other everything should be fine don't sweat the small stuff.

Yes... perspective helps. It's more so that I am looking at the trend in my life. That every time I come close to happiness, something punches a hole in it. But you're right -- his foot will eventually heal. TY.

I also noticed that the dark voices arrived right after I received a nasty email reply from my ex fiance (which I deleted, never read and never replied to). I also had horrific nightmares about evil men attacking me wanting to harm me right after that. I saw jason from Friday the 13th in one of my nightmares. The evil voices happened right around this time and have lasted for weeks.

[divine1966]

As bad as broken toe is, it’s not uncommon and it will heal. My husband had his broken too. Too bad he cannot take medical leave. As bad as it is no, universe does not conspire against you. Broken bones are not uncommon

I’d be much much more concerned about voices (still it’s synptoms of some mental illnesses, not universe conspiring against you). . Did you receive a new diagnosis? What does your doctor attribute it to? I hope they get to the bottom of this soon and meds do the work

Originally Posted by divine1966

As bad as broken toe is, it’s not uncommon and it will heal. My husband had his broken too. Too bad he cannot take medical leave. As bad as it is no, universe does not conspire against you. Broken bones are not uncommon

I’d be much much more concerned about voices (still it’s synptoms of some mental illnesses, not universe conspiring against you). . Did you receive a new diagnosis? What does your doctor attribute it to? I hope they get to the bottom of this soon and meds do the work

Hi Divine. Thanks. Yes, it is unfortunate he cannot take any medical leave. His job doesn't allow that.

Now I realize how silly it sounds -- to feel like the universe works against me.

The voices are not new -- I just don't talk about it on here, or haven't, and the meds work well enough. No new diagnosis --- these seem to come and go and haven't been bad until lately. I believe, and my therapist believes, it was brought on due to my ex responding to me and being nasty -- a sort of PTSD reaction let's say.

[mote.of.soul]

Hello. To be honest golden_eve, I think the universe does set us up sometimes. Too many coincidences for me to put down to chance. I mean there's even the old saying 'bad luck comes in threes'. I don't know if you have spiritual beliefs but maybe the hardships are opportunities for learning and growth like a lot of people believe. But whatever the case, looking at it from that perspective seems to give it a bit of meaning as opposed to just plain old bleakness - to me. Anyway, I can relate to what you're saying. Thanks for posting it.

[divine1966]

Well mote of soul, if universe conspires against us when we get sick or lose our job or flood ruins our house, then what about young children getting cancer or people dying in a car crash or what about Genocide victims ? Did universe conspires against all of them?

Such thinking is magical thinking that doesn’t seem to be contributing to anyone’s well being. Not to downplay these situations but certainly ton of people break bones every day and unfortunately auditory hallucinations are not uncommon. There are very many horrific events in this world that cause horrrific suffering, is universe conspiring against them?

By no means believing that universe is out there to get you is your right. If it helps you in any shape or form then of course you can continue believing but how does it help op?

Well, you see, I pray to God -- somewhat frequently. I am more spiritual than religious, but I think sometimes when people pray and things go all wrong, it's easy to start believing that you've done something wrong or like God is not on your side and to take it personally. At least that is how it is for me.

I really like mote of soul's suggestion to try and learn something from the challenges, which I what I often hear in spiritual circles. And not to turn this into a conversation about God or make it into something more religious, but I do pray, so I suppose that lends to my thinking as well.

[mote.of.soul]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Well mote of soul, if universe conspires against us when we get sick or lose our job or flood ruins our house, then what about young children getting cancer or people dying in a car crash or what about Genocide victims ? Did universe conspires against all of them?

Such thinking is magical thinking that doesn’t seem to be contributing to anyone’s well being. Not to downplay these situations but certainly ton of people break bones every day and unfortunately auditory hallucinations are not uncommon. There are very many horrific events in this world that cause horrrific suffering, is universe conspiring against them?

By no means believing that universe is out there to get you is your right. If it helps you in any shape or form then of course you can continue believing but how does it help op?

No, it's not magical thinking divine1966. What you believe to be 'truth' [as if any person knows the ultimate truth] is the magical thinking. I understand pretty well what I'm talking about but not interested in debating with people whose minds are already made up. The arguments you provide are pretty mundane ones but you have to expect that. Now go and argue with someone on an ego trip like you.

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Hello. To be honest golden_eve, I think the universe does set us up sometimes. Too many coincidences for me to put down to chance. I mean there's even the old saying 'bad luck comes in threes'. I don't know if you have spiritual beliefs but maybe the hardships are opportunities for learning and growth like a lot of people believe. But whatever the case, looking at it from that perspective seems to give it a bit of meaning as opposed to just plain old bleakness - to me. Anyway, I can relate to what you're saying. Thanks for posting it.

Thanks for relating to me. And thank you for the suggestion that I try to learn from the challenges or hardships-- as I wrote above, I've heard this before in spiritual circles, and yes, I am pretty spiritual, as mentioned as well. Guess I just feel like my life can never fully be smooth -- the moment it is, something goes wrong to mess it all up. Maybe that's just life though, but it certainly feels like the moment I'm happy, the universe says, NOPE, we're not going to let you be!

[mote.of.soul]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Thanks for relating to me. And thank you for the suggestion that I try to learn from the challenges or hardships-- as I wrote above, I've heard this before in spiritual circles, and yes, I am pretty spiritual, as mentioned as well. Guess I just feel like my life can never fully be smooth -- the moment it is, something goes wrong to mess it all up. Maybe that's just life though, but it certainly feels like the moment I'm happy, the universe says, NOPE, we're not going to let you be!

You're welcome. It is life, yes. But, yes, I think there'll always be emotional setbacks along the way. I think the trick is to keep growing, keep learning etc., even the therapists will say that, and eventually you'll reach a point where things that used to hit you hard may not hit so hard anymore and it will be a happier time.

[Deejay14]

Golden
I believe that God or the Universe is always working for us. Yes sometimes crap happens but that is Life. It's not always smooth sailing. I also feel bad when someone I love is not feeling wel!- that just being human. Your boy friend 's episode was just an accident and he will fully heal. You will have lots of "adventures" together and taking each day one at a time you will have more good than bad. This is just a small blip on your screen of Life.

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

You're welcome. It is life, yes. But, yes, I think there'll always be emotional setbacks along the way. I think the trick is to keep growing, keep learning etc., even the therapists will say that, and eventually you'll reach a point where things that used to hit you hard may not hit so hard anymore and it will be a happier time.

Great points, thank you! A key point in what you wrote -- things that used to hit me hard may not hit so hard anymore -- this is what I need. To be able to roll with the punches better and to fully believe that things will right themselves again.

Originally Posted by Deejay14

Golden
I believe that God or the Universe is always working for us. Yes sometimes crap happens but that is Life. It's not always smooth sailing. I also feel bad when someone I love is not feeling wel!- that just being human. Your boy friend 's episode was just an accident and he will fully heal. You will have lots of "adventures" together and taking each day one at a time you will have more good than bad. This is just a small blip on your screen of Life.

TY. Perhaps I have been viewing challenges as the universe working against me, when as mote of soul pointed out, they are actually opportunities. And as you said, his foot breaking was an accident, it will heal and things will improve, and yes, we have many great adventures ahead of us. Yes, a blip, but honestly, I am tired of blips, LOL. I've had so many of them!!

[Open Eyes]

((golden_eye)), it's understandable you would worry about something "bad" happening. You have had a lot of dysfunctional relationships and these relationships turned out badly and you were probably blamed too. It's only natural you would "anticipate" and worry in that you have been experiencing such a positive in this relationship that something bad will happen.

When you hear these voices are they basically in your mind? Or, do you experience them as though a real person is talking to you? The reason I ask that is that with PTSD and a history of "abuse" a person can hear voices "in their mind" that are typically things toxic and abusive individuals have said to them. In a way it's more of a flashback than an actual hallucination as what someone with schizophrenia may experience.

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

((golden_eye)), it's understandable you would worry about something "bad" happening. You have had a lot of dysfunctional relationships and these relationships turned out badly and you were probably blamed too. It's only natural you would "anticipate" and worry in that you have been experiencing such a positive in this relationship that something bad will happen.

When you hear these voices are they basically in your mind? Or, do you experience them as though a real person is talking to you? The reason I ask that is that with PTSD and a history of "abuse" a person can hear voices "in their mind" that are typically things toxic and abusive individuals have said to them. In a way it's more of a flashback than an actual hallucination as what someone with schizophrenia may experience.

TY, Open Eyes. Yes, good points about my dysfunctional past relationships! It's very probable that this effects my thinking right now.

The voices are in my head and are not words from ex's but are literally are like the anti-Christ & are demonic -- it is very very disconcerting & disturbing. I do not have schizophrenia and have not been diagnosed with it. When I was hospitalized four years ago for hearing voices, I was told it was a psychotic breakdown/episode. That was after a severely abusive relationship ended yet the abuse continued for months until I was hospitalized finally. I may be having another similar episode, perhaps related to my PTSD and my ex abuser, I don't know. I don't have a psych doctor right now to speak with about it. Argh.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

No, it's not magical thinking divine1966. What you believe to be 'truth' [as if any person knows the ultimate truth] is the magical thinking. I understand pretty well what I'm talking about but not interested in debating with people whose minds are already made up. The arguments you provide are pretty mundane ones but you have to expect that. Now go and argue with someone on an ego trip like you.

If you believe that broken toe is caused by universe’s conspiracy against the person but my examples of people’s suffering are “mundane” and “magical thinking” it is fine with me. Like I said you have rights to have your beliefs. I have no interest in arguing. I am rather surprised by your anger and taking it personally but that’s all right. I wish you the best

[mote.of.soul]

Originally Posted by divine1966

If you believe that broken toe is caused by universe’s conspiracy against the person but my examples of people’s suffering are “mundane” and “magical thinking” it is fine with me. Like I said you have rights to have your beliefs. I have no interest in arguing. I am rather surprised by your anger and taking it personally but that’s all right. I wish you the best

Hello. No, I'm not angry I'm dismissive, ha, nor did I use the word conspiracy or even think of it in those terms, but I'm glad you're okay with my use of the words, blah blah. Okay goodbye.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

TY, Open Eyes. Yes, good points about my dysfunctional past relationships! It's very probable that this effects my thinking right now.

The voices are in my head and are not words from ex's but are literally are like the anti-Christ & are demonic -- it is very very disconcerting & disturbing. I do not have schizophrenia and have not been diagnosed with it. When I was hospitalized four years ago for hearing voices, I was told it was a psychotic breakdown/episode. That was after a severely abusive relationship ended yet the abuse continued for months until I was hospitalized finally. I may be having another similar episode, perhaps related to my PTSD and my ex abuser, I don't know. I don't have a psych doctor right now to speak with about it. Argh.

Do you think the broken toe could have touched upon some tucked away memory from a past relationship?

((((golden_eve))))

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Do you think the broken toe could have touched upon some tucked away memory from a past relationship?

((((golden_eve))))

TY for the hugs!

No, I don't think that's it.

I think literally, it's the fact that I was thanking God and the universe for my happiness (outloud & in prayer), and then these things happened -- the voices returning and the broken toe. Perhaps it's sheer irony that it happened in that way and sheer coincidence -- but as it is, now we cannot do the things we love to do -- see music and dance. He has to sit now for the next six weeks whenever we go out. It's not fun for him. And my voices are a nightmare for me. And also, it's been like this most my life... that things go wrong the moment everything feels and is great in my life. That's why I feel like it's more than just a coincidence, you know?

[Open Eyes]

That's why I feel like it's more than just a coincidence, you know?

This is a "feeling" though golden_eye and it's based on what you have experienced in your past. Feelings are not "reality" either, they are just feelings and it's important to recognize your feelings but to also learn not to feed into them because this can cause anyone to begin to believe they genuinely have no control and are doomed and that can end up with a person experiencing a genuine chemical overload that can become extremely disabling. This is something you have already experienced in your history, however since that experience golden_eye you have been learning and gaining more knowledge. Knowledge is "empowering" golden_eye and you are not as naive as you were when you broke down.

Your new boyfriend's foot will heal, he isn't going to be incapacitated forever and he isn't being mean to you or abusive either like others have been with you. You need to see this about him and rebuild your faith and consider this experience as an experience that is not taking your chance at happiness away, but instead is showing you how this individual is not being mean towards you and instead is reacting in a much healthier way with you. You are so used to thinking about the glass being half empty because of how you were exposed to toxic individuals, this gives you a chance to embrace the glass as half full instead where you can see this new bf as being a much safer person to invest your time with. Experiencing psychosis is just that, something you experienced because you experienced something that completely overwhelmed you, but, that doesn't have to mean that you are doomed to experience that state of mind again, you have learned a lot since that experience and you have regained more "control" over yourself too. It can "feel" like evil voices are "there" because you did experience very toxic even evil situations in your past. However, allow yourself to sit and recognize the difference between what happened in your past and how this is really not happening right now. I know this can be a challenge when a person experiences PTSD, I have to work hard at this myself, part of getting stronger is trying and experiencing some "positive" things and the more you do that the more you will regain a sense of personal control back.

Understand golden_eye?

[Sameer6]

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things get better for you.

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

This is a "feeling" though golden_eye and it's based on what you have experienced in your past. Feelings are not "reality" either, they are just feelings and it's important to recognize your feelings but to also learn not to feed into them because this can cause anyone to begin to believe they genuinely have no control and are doomed and that can end up with a person experiencing a genuine chemical overload that can become extremely disabling. This is something you have already experienced in your history, however since that experience golden_eye you have been learning and gaining more knowledge. Knowledge is "empowering" golden_eye and you are not as naive as you were when you broke down.

Your new boyfriend's foot will heal, he isn't going to be incapacitated forever and he isn't being mean to you or abusive either like others have been with you. You need to see this about him and rebuild your faith and consider this experience as an experience that is not taking your chance at happiness away, but instead is showing you how this individual is not being mean towards you and instead is reacting in a much healthier way with you. You are so used to thinking about the glass being half empty because of how you were exposed to toxic individuals, this gives you a chance to embrace the glass as half full instead where you can see this new bf as being a much safer person to invest your time with. Experiencing psychosis is just that, something you experienced because you experienced something that completely overwhelmed you, but, that doesn't have to mean that you are doomed to experience that state of mind again, you have learned a lot since that experience and you have regained more "control" over yourself too. It can "feel" like evil voices are "there" because you did experience very toxic even evil situations in your past. However, allow yourself to sit and recognize the difference between what happened in your past and how this is really not happening right now. I know this can be a challenge when a person experiences PTSD, I have to work hard at this myself, part of getting stronger is trying and experiencing some "positive" things and the more you do that the more you will regain a sense of personal control back.

Understand golden_eye?

TY, Open Eyes -- much appreciated.

You have pointed out the positives about my current boyfriend and relationship that I have definitely kept in mind for myself, each and every day. I appreciate you reminding me of this as well, especially during this down period of time. He is reacting very well to the situation and to me, despite his extreme pain and discomfort. Others from my past would have reacted very differently and I am seeing this.

Yes, I suppose feelings are just feelings and are not necessarily reality. I am glad to be reminded of this as well -- thank you.

Originally Posted by Sameer6

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things get better for you.

TY.