Can't discern this guy's level of interest

So...again...met guy on dating site.

I really like him by our initial chats and short phone conversation. It's been just enough to get a feeling for each other and see if we want to meet. He's divorced, two kids, that he is very active with, he has them every other weekend. Plus he owns and runs a fair size land development business. We had initially planned to go out not last night but the Saturday before, but we both got sidelined by illness. His was worse than mine, I was just under the weather. He had some back injury and a cold.

Texting to try and meet sort of dropped off. This weekend he had to head out of state to take a broken tool to the manufacturer to get repaired (it's 8 hours away and much faster for him to drive it up and back than to ship it).

I would like to nail down at least a coffee date and see if there's anything here or if this is just going to be ongoing texts. I feel like it's just been a little bit of bad timing for us both, as we are both very busy (which I kind of like about him, like he won't be smothering me, but he's also been good about responding to my texts).

I dunno, I'm just not sure his level of interest. And if I should just cut this loose or still try to meet.

Any thoughts?

Seesaw

It’s really kind of hard to tell at this point. I can just say what I would do. I’d wait and see if he contacts you (he contacts you rather than he replying to your contacts) after this weekend and asks to meet next weekend or some time soon on a specific day at a specific time, such as specific plan. If he doesn’t contact you and attempts to make concrete plan for a first date, I’d not contact him anymore and move on

So you wouldn't just point blank text him and suggest a day and time?

I agree with Divine. You should let him ask you out. Act like you are very busy and barely thinking about what’s happening or not with him, ie; hard to get.

No.

I mean I am all for equality of genders and I am not shy, I am quite opposite of shy.

But in my experience if a man is interested, he’d make sure to call/text/ask to meet. Interested man would go to great length to make sure it happens and that’s how you’d know he is interested.

If he is not that interested or seeing too many women, but is in general polite person, he’d be replying to your calls or texts and might even agree to a date but usually he isn’t a good dating prospect

I am not saying you shouldn’t initiate dates or contacts when you are dating a guy, it would be silly but since you’ve never met and aren’t dating yet I’d expect him to initiate especially since you already question if he is even interested

I would contact him. It sounds like he is busy, which sounds like a good fit for you and what you need. I say fire off a text and see what you can set up. Worst case scenario he isnt interested and you dont waste more time.

In general it would be ok but they already tried to set up dates two weekends in a row and he was sick or had to drive somewhere. And texts kind of dwindled which is a bad sign (although he replies to texts but it’s a sign of common courtesy not as much interest). But I do agree that there is nothing to lose and no need to waste time.

I wouldn’t act or pretend to be hard to get. Playing games is never a good idea. Nothing good ever comes of it. Some women have these misconceptions that men like “hard to get” women. Not seriously inclined men who aren’t into games. They don’t want to waste their time. Men need to know if women are interested. So I’d act natural such as very willing to meet. I just would let guy initiate first date especially if there is a concern that he isn’t interested.

I wouldn't point blank suggest the time and day. Maybe send off a text today or tomorrow that maybe suggests what days you have open.

Not sure why you need to cut him lose yet. Do you have a feeling l like he's not interested? It does sound like you're both quite busy, and I also think there's nothing wrong with asking him to get coffee on a certain date. If he shies away from that, I'd then say cut loose. But go with your gut first and foremost.
edit: Ah, ok missed the part about his texts dwindling and possible lack of interest. If you're into him and want to find out what's up, I'd just ask. Or move on. Either way.

Okay, now I'm torn between SadGirl's and Divine's suggestions...lol...

I don't know. I do think it may just be that he's very busy, like myself, and may need to be prompted. He has initiated texts just not the last exchange. But it wasn't just minor replies, he even asked questions about my day, what I'm doing, and replied with interest.

I guess I will just wait until he gets back on Tuesday and suggest coffee. If he blows me off, I'll have my answer.

I'm willing to give him a little benefit of the doubt because with running my business, I'm super busy and miss texts all the time. His business is way bigger than mine and he's traveling all over the place to deal with employees.

I'll keep y'all posted.

Seesaw

WIth my experience of online dating, it sounds like he's no longer interested, although one of the reasons he would be uninterested is because he's busy. Or not. Even if either of you were busy, there would be some eagerness to line up a meet soon. The only other thing might be that he doesn't think you're interested because you haven't set a date or time either.

Best to just ask him. I wouldn't wait, personally. I would want someone to know I'm interested and I'd state it outright, especially since I wouldn't want to waste their time or my own. It's online dating, after all.

Since he is acting non-committal and disinterested, I suggest mirroring that rather than pursuing a man and coming off as desperate to him. Is that game playing?

I think it’s just your choice of word “act”. Yes it appears as game playing to me.

I don’t think he “acts” noncommittal and disinterested he might actually be noncommittal disinterested (or might be busy). I don’t think “acting” busy or hard to get is the way to be though. One can’t find available partner by acting unavailable.

I wouldn’t pursue him or act desperate either, that’s why I suggested not even contact him but wait for him to contact me and ask me out. If he isn’t contacting her, how would she even “act” busy or mirror him? But if he contacts and asks her on a date, I’d demonstrate interest and enthusiastically offered available time.

I think we are saying the same thing, just caught up in semantics. Good luck, See Saw.

Yeah looks like it.

Seesaw let us know how it goes

Personally, I would just be up front and honest if I was in the same situation, and have been a couple of times. That said, if you're both just that busy that you can't find time to go out, it seems like it's not that great of a fit, at least for right now.

Maybe explain that you like that he's able to keep himself busy, but you feel like conversation and interest is dwindling and would like to know if it's just a simple case of "too busy" or if he's not into you. If he does say he's still into you but just too busy, I would tell him straight forward that he sounds like he's too busy to date right now and that you'd like to talk to him again when he has more free time (if that is what you want, of course).

I gave this some thought. I agree, it could be called “game playing”, and it is unavoidable in dating and romantic relationships to a degree.

Here’s why:

To do no game playing and be true to Seesaw’s feelings, she would keep contacting this man and he might keep saying he’s too busy to see her. In my experience, men say a woman who pursues them like that is “desperate” and they are repelled by that. I did plenty of This pursing and testing this theory, and sadly found it to be true IME.

If Seesaw does not contact him, but waits for him to contact her, yes she should act happy to hear from him, and looking forward to seeing him. Then a date will be made.

If no one contacts the other, then that’s that.

I am in my early 50’s and I know this is ‘old school’ thinking. And I hate to say that I have found what I say to be true by men’s comments about women, and by my own failings at procuring dates with men I was attracted to.

It’s not like this is a ‘game’ for malicious intent, but simply to get a lousy date. But, tbh, this is what I have learned from living and observing society.

I don't play games. If a man want to play games, he can go find a child to play them with.

That said, he texted me when he was on his way home from his trip yesterday afternoon and we spoke via phone. We tried to set something up for last night but couldn't find anything that will be open late enough. We are planning on a drink this evening.

Awesome! And am in total agreement: no game playing

Hmmm, well, last night's idea was very last minute and he was driving back into town. We had pretty much agreed on tonight, and he texted me today asking me how late I was working. To which I responded a time, and also suggested we meet up for happy hour at a specific place.

He responded that he had to run something out to one of his development sites, which is kinda far away, and he would know about time in a couple of hours. I texted him a few minutes ago and asked how he was doing on time. He said it was rough and he would call in 20 minutes.

So, well, I don't know what he's going to say, but if he can't make it, I think it may be time to cut the chord. I could maybe see trying one more time for tomorrow, but at this point I'm moving things around in my own schedule for him, and if he can't commit, for whatever reason, then I need to move on.

I'm fine with him being too busy, if he would just pick a time when he's not going to be busy and commit to that. I don't like rearranging my own very busy schedule only to get blown off. Time is money for me.

If he needs to just wait until the weekend, he needs to just say so. You know?

Seesaw

By him calling, at least in my mind, it answers the question of interest in you.

It's not like you have sat around waiting. I'm not so sure writing him off before having that first date is what I would personally do. Some fields do require a lot of travelling, ergo traffic delays, etc.

Will be curious to see if he follows through on tonight, however. The night is still young on the east coast...

Well, no, tonight got cancelled, but it's because that work errand ran late and he got caught in the rain, and he said he looked terrible. He actually texted me after we spoke, like 30 minutes and was like, I was actually thinking if I could make this work. And I reminded him he looked like a wet dog, so we should just wait.

We're going drinks tomorrow instead.

You're right, I haven't sat around waiting, but I have now re-arranged my schedule twice. So keeping the date tomorrow will say a lot to me.

I don't mind that people are busy. I am busy. But if I give you time on my calendar, I expect you to respect that I made time for you. If he can't keep commitments, even a date, because he over commits, that's a red flag to me.

So, we shall see what happens.

Seesaw

I get what you mean about not liking rescheduling other life events, friends, etc., to be left with a cancellation.

Hopefully, he'll make it work out, tomorrow. And hopefully he's not kidding himself about actually being ready to date others if his life is overscheduled.

Yeah, I mean, I totally get being busy and needing to schedule even a week out. That doesn't bother me. But my day is so full, and I'm not waiting around for anyone. I make plans. So I just expect people to be reasonable about their own schedules.

On another note, I keep getting these texts from another guy, usually around 9-10pm, asking "wyd?" which means "what are you doing?" And I'm typically already doing whatever I've planned for the evening, and this guy is always asking me to do drinks last minute, like very last minute. Not like, hey what about tonight or in a couple of hours, but like, right now!

I don't wait around waiting to making plans with people. I make my plans. If he even texted me like in the afternoon and wanted to do happy hour, I could make something work, but I'm so irritated that like he keeps asking me if I'm available at the very last minute. I figure he's just trying to get a booty call or something, or that he texts me when he's bored. I've stopped responding now.