Can't discern this guy's level of interest

My apologies for writing before the crack of dawn.

I am glad that you both hit it off. I gave pause over what I quoted as the point in your expressed frustration with this guy. I am curious moving forward if that might not come out as a point of contention between the two of you ?

Oh, I think maybe I over-expressed or you over-read into my frustration? I was more concerned that we couldn't keep a date. I was actually relieved all the times he cancelled because I was too tired to go out, but I was also concerned that he would be the kind to not be able to keep a commitment.

But when we got together we talked about it and it was a weird few weeks for both of us. And he said how bad he felt that he cancelled so many times but he only felt better going forward because I had also cancelled twice.

We really connected on our date, and have been in pretty good contact since. Not nonstop. I don't get ppl who text all day. But a few texts throughout the day. Like he says good morning, then when he has a break or I have a break, there may be a joke or a flirty text. Then in the evening if we have time a phone call. We would probably have met up again already if I wasn't on a business trip. Which is probably good as it forces us to have some space. It's also good that he has his kids every other weekend and sometimes during the week, cause it again forces us to take time and space.

I dunno, I almost want to vomit how cute we are. Last night we were talking about text messages, and he said he was sorry he couldn't respond right away because he was working outside with his crew and it was raining so he left his phone in the car. And I said, well, I'm not going to lie and say I don't look forward to your texts, but if you didn't notice, it also took me like 4 hours to respond because I was in nonstop meetings, so I get that you were working. It's okay to be working. I'm not going to freak out because you don't respond right away.

So...I will keep my eye on whether or not he cancels in the future, but I think it may be okay now...it was just a weird thing trying to find a time for a first date for two busy, exhausted people.

Seesaw

glad to hear you've found someone that may potentially lead to more.

Nothing wrong with being cute. don't vomit, jeez... I'd be more concerned if you were just starting to date, felt things for each other and it wasn't cute Newfound romance early courting should be super adorable haha.

There still may be timing conflicts that come up for both of you in the future but I think you are PAST the "oh no" phase before the first connection as you are now getting to know each other on a different level

And then it all blows up in my face. Why can't I ever habe anything nice? I will just never meet anyone who wants to have anything with me.

What happened?

I just can't. I allowed myself to believe for a few brief moments that I could have the thing I wanted. And then I was wrong. It hurts. I know it was short lived, but it hurts. And now I'm just devastated because if I couldn't get over this hill will this guy...I can't imagine getting over it with anyone else.

Everything is perfect. We connect on a deep level from the start. Feel like it's been going on forever, absolutely comfortable with each other, it's like walking into a movie that's already started. I have always been really clear that I want kids. We both have been honest about looking for a long term, forever relationship right from the start...but I guess he doesn't want anymore than his kids...and of course, this came out in what started as a set of joking texts about condoms. I don't expect to change anyone's mind nor do I want to try. But he's like, "this is silly to talk about over text. We will discuss it when I come over on Tuesday." I don't want to see him om Tuesday now just for him to tell me to my face he will.never want that with me.

And then of course that means I get to sit with this absolutely wretched feeling like I want to throw up for the next 3 damn days while I try to work. And of course he's texting me this at midnight while I'm catching a red eye.

Okay, whatever. I know it's just the beginning, better to end it now. But it just really sucks. I am heart broken.

Seesaw

He mentioned in text being done with having kids? In the middle of the night?

I took a red eye last night, and we were talking before I got on the plane. Then we switched to texting before I took off. He was joking and being sexy, mentioning our choice of contraception, and I joked that he was going to have to deal with it unless we were trying to get pregnant. He texted that a pregnancy would be bad. I said well it's not bad, it's just not what we're going for right now. And I asked him if he wanted anymore kids, because I just point blank need to know at this point, and he said "heck no, mine are handful."

And I just responded, I don't know what to say. I don't think we are in the same place on this.

He asked if I wanted kids. I said at least one. He said he had two beautiful kids (I dunno, almost like saying that his kids could be mine, but his kids are 9 and 11, and they have a mother). ANd I said, that's great, I don't.

And then he said let's talk about it on Tuesday. And I simply said "why, I don't expect you to change your mind and I'm not going to change mine."

Then he said it was silly to try to have the conversation over text and we would talk about it on Tuesday.

I'm really not sure what there is left to discuss? Him trying to explain to me why I should continue to see him knowing it won't go anywhere I want it to go? I know he's committed to a long-term relationship, but he doesn't want any more kids.

I know, please don't give me any flack that this was early on in the relationship or that I expected too much or that I was too optimistic or any such BS. I'm beating myself up enough as it for opening myself up to this. I made a mistake. It ****ing sucks because literally it felt like the real deal and it's never really felt that way before. This felt entirely different right from the start...

He was never perfect, and I never thought he was, but I thought he was the right amount of imperfect...but I just allowed myself, this year, to admit that I wanted a family. I've been too ashamed my whole life to admit I want it or seek it.

So it just sucks. And now I have to deal with it.

Honestly, I want a family, but I think at this point I may have to go with artificial insemination. I'd adopt if I could get someone to adopt a child to me, but I don't think that would ever happen, with my past and being single.

Seesaw

I'm not about to give flack. I am thinking as a parent myself. That it can be an off the cuff, knee jerk reaction because kids are exhausting and wear you down. I like the fact that he used silly. To me, that's a word that those that have utilized the therapy offices tend to use.

I'm saying......Breathe!!!! See what he has to say...

I haven't written it off entirely yet, but I do not feel very optimistic at all.

I just really don't see how this could have happened. My profile clearly states that I want kids. And I wouldn't have messaged him if his profile had said he absolutely didn't want more kids.

I don't know. I just hate feeling this right now. And it's extremely difficult and feels.almost abusive to make me, with my anxiety disorder, sit with this anxiety for three damn days.

I think I might go insane first.

I am sorry to hear that. Having or not having kids is a big deal. Men don’t necessarily read profiles that carefully. He likely didn’t pay attention to that portion. It could also be that since you two didn’t have serious discussion about kids what he said was maybe just a moment reaction. I’d wait and see what he says in person.

Texting imho is only good for passing on information, not serious discussion: too many misunderstandings could occur. I am sorry you are hurting. Don’t beat yourself up. Can you keep very busy next few days with no time to think? That usually helps me when I am anxious

The thing is, I really can't keep myself so busy the next few days. I am just now returning from an extremely stressful and busy business trip, and I cannot keep up with this level of production for another three days. I had planned the down time...I will try to keep my mind off of it. But it's still going to really suck.

I dunno, I'm hoping that you and healing are right and that this can be resolved. I feel torn in a lot of different directions right now, and each tear is painful.

I feel like this is the most acute emotional pain I've had in a long time. Chronic emotional pain, totally used to. But acute like this? Haven't let anyone get close enough for it in a long time.

Seesaw

It's probably the job combined with this major unheaval of a new man and the intensity. I know plenty of men in their 40s and even 50s that went on to have second families after believing that they were done.
My ex and I, he was 40 when our oldest was born, for example. One of his nephews was 43/44 when his 5th child, 1st with his new girlfriend came along, post separation/divorce.
Unless it's a deadset no, face to face, then there's probably one of those chances of 'let's see where this goes' moments.

Try to look at the outcome as positive regardless what’s the outcome. If it’s absolute no, then the positive is that you found out after one date, not after you made serious commitments (some men unfortunately lie about wanting children, he didn’t ). And if it turns out he actually wouldn’t mind children just didn’t think about it, then it’s even better. Win win. I do understand it hurts. Hang in there.

For what it's worth, I looked up his profile again and it does say that he "has kids and might want more." So it's not like I barked up the wrong tree thinking I could change someone's mind or something.

Then he likely wasn’t serious when he said no more kids.

Yeah, I just don't know...

I think that it probably just went to fast to suddenly for him and his knee jerk reaction was like "woah!" Hold on.

I know if someone mentioned kids to me after one date I'd be off like a shot. Not even thinking about it. Christ I don't even know if we can make it to second date and your talking about babies.!!!

That would be my reaction. Regardless of my actual intentions.

The fact he hasn't bodes pretty well I think.

I know in the US shelling our child support is a crippler, so I can imagine someone who has been there once us HYPER cautious of being there again.

I just think you need to chill a bit. Breathe. Remember also that things like kids to him don't just involve you and him, but the kids he already has.
He has ALOT to consider. And I really doubt he expected this conversation to arrive before your 2nd date.

Hope you manage to work things out. All the best.

Yeah, I get that, except that how you describe it is NOT how it happened. I didn't just bring up us having kids out of nowhere. Nor did I even bring up US having kids.

Please don't tell me to chill. You are not understanding the situation or what has happened.

How is your communication with him today? Does it seem relaxed and comfortable same as before?

I seems okay. it was a little delayed in the morning, but it's been a few texts and responses here and there. He's still excited to see me on Tuesday.

We haven't had any further discussion on that topic. I'm concerned, but I still do really like him. I'm trying to allow myself to live with the discomfort.

He's right. We have to have the conversation in person.

Oh good. It's there as an open ended possibility.

I wouldn't blame you for being fearful of falling fast and hard for someone who could turn out to be wonderful but to have that tear the opportunity like a hole through the heart. That's how big of a deal breaker it is for many.

I did read what you wrote...And I am saying what I would have heard in those circumstances. As someone who already has kids that's where my head goes.

Regardless, of what was meant.

It’s always a bit unsettling when you just start dating and have assess what’s a deal breaker and what’s not a big deal.