[DeeAri]

It's a long story so I will keep it short as much as I can

4 years ago I started talking online out of boredom, and I wasn't looking for friends or anything. I just wanted to learn new things, discuss, debate and spread positivity. I never revealed my identity and never let it go beyond the chat. However I met a guy (call him H) and we got along so well, we exchanged emails. I still remained anonymous in the sense that he doesn't know much about my real identity. but we talked everyday for about 2 years. however he comes from a place where the education system is horrible (exams nearly everyday) and he desperately needed a ticket out. To do that he needed a scholarship and be the top student despite the odds. So he prioritised that and we stopped talking more and more. Of course, I agree to that choice but I still was hurt. I see it as him leaving me (he still managed to go to the gym, which he always needed to release his stress but not enough time to talk to me). I forgot him, got over him after LOTS of tears and heartache and i forgot he even existed afterwards.

After that 2 years, 2 years ago I met another guy (call him M) online by accident on a forum. We were so close and he was like a soulmate to me (we're not in a romantic relationship, but we don't need a status. we're not in love in the romantic sense, but more so in love with how we get along with each other). Also, he came when I was in a bad place. Really bad place. and he sort of helped me to get through it. he was a special person to me and we are so good together. but I am also VERY opinionated and so we always argue. our good times are special, our fights are like fire vs fire. but we always make it up again, because we can't go more than 2 days not talking. we talk everyday. there's no secret between us. we're even like an unofficially married couple after 2 years.

H on the other hand managed to get out despite ALL the odds, he got the scholarship, he is in Italy now. He messaged me, and i always ignore him. i really dont feel anything towards him. also he never forgets my birthday. sometimes i reply most of the times I don't. but in my recent routine fights with M, I went to H and asked him his opinions on the issue we were debating about. H sided with me, so I screenshot his messages and send it to M and say see how wrong you are? etc. And also made comments about how H is a thousand times better than M. M in anger was convinced H would relate to him about how a headache I can be so he said please give me H's email. I asked H and H was willing to because of me so I gave M H's email.

M was awed by H's 'zen' and 'calmness'. He is, a kind soul, a listener, calm and nice person overall. M felt a heavy need to change, mostly because he didn;'t want us to fight anymore. He is very emotional, he feels things very deeply, and like grey things while I am more black and white especially when solving a problem. So M started wanting to change (he promised this countless times before but voila, 2 years of the same cycles). M made a group chat for 3 of us so that H can be the 'moderator' whenever we get into our fire vs fire fights. but sometimes H isn't there so we still got into fights and then H would come and help us reconcile. and M would be reminded about the 'change' he promised. I always leave the group when we fight.

Our last fight was 2 weeks ago. But me and M reconciled.and we were back to our good times. M asked me to rank people in my life for fun, and i ranked H 5/10 and M 7/10. M was surprised, he always thought H would be higher because he had the impression that I think H is 1000 better than him. He is in some ways, but M is my attachment not H. We were having a good time talking as always but the next morning I replied to his messages and it was not sent. I panicked and thought it was a technical problem so I contacted google hangouts. I also contacted H and guess what, my messages weren't sent as well. They both blocked me overnight for no reason or explanation. M and his emotional bipolar sides I can understand, but this is not H's style. I was convinced something happened. and i panicked. i even contacted M's university in USA to find him and check that he is okay. That was how panicked I was. I cried a lot last week, they wouldn't explain or respond to my emails. I was worried, I was scared. But what are the odds of them blocking me at the same time. NONE of it makes sense. we were doing so well and so happy. I don't fight with H too (hardly ever fight with H).

It was not until I created a new email, and created the group chat again that it hit me. I was happy that my messages went through this time, with this new email, but when H came on, he left without a word. and so did M later on. I was heartbroken. it was not an accident or a technical issue. It is voluntary. Without reason or explanation. This happened on the 26th May. it's nearly 1 week now and still no words.

Please help me. What do you think happened? This is breaking my heart into pieces. so much.

[Skeezyks]

Hello DeeAri: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Honestly... I don't really know what happened here. From what you wrote, it sounds as though H & M just got together on the side & decided that you are too difficult. And so they agreed to both block you. It's sad that they chose to "freeze you out", so to speak, with nary a word of explanation. It's also quite rude in my estimation. But when you're dealing with people you only know on-line, this sort of thing can happen. (It's not necessarily even unheard-of in real life.)

To me, though, perhaps the greater question is... what has caused you to become so enmeshed in these on-line relationships that they have the power to break your heart into pieces. On-line relationships are certainly fine. But when they become so important to you that losing them can break your heart, it seems to me as though they may have gone too far.

One thing you didn't mention, in your post is anything with regard to the real-life relationships you have. Hopefully you have some & these are strong. My personal advice, with regard to H & M would be to just forget about them. They're not worth the grief they have caused you.

One forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the coping with emotions forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/coping-emotions/

And then here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of how to mend a broken heart:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/12-way...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/help-o...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/chang...-broken-heart/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/dealing-with-betrayal/

I wish you well...

[ShadowGX]

Ugh, I know those feelings all too well and I know my reactions and solutions to them are very unhealthy so I won't tell you what I do... It absolutely sucks when people try so hard to disappear from your life without giving you any closure.

[divine1966]

Since you’ve never met you don’t really know who they are. They might be married and their wives found out they are talking to some women online. Could be anything. Or they decided that they don’t want this drama anymore. If you’ve never met what could you be fighting about?

I’d recommend perhaps therapy and trying making friends in real life. Have you tried?

[Erebos]

It sounds like H & M probably compared notes about you and have both decided on non-contact is best.

I suspect your interpretation of the situation and theirs probably differs quite alot.

It sounds like it could easily have felt like a manipulative environment. comparing one against the other.

I am not sure there is anything you can do. They clearly don't want confrontation.You say H is calm thoughtful and considered so it's unlikely they just came to this decision on a whim.
You could perhaps appeal for closure, an explanation with a promise not to continue to chase the situation if they agreed.

I can see your obviously quite stunned and hurt about it, but somewhere along the line you seem to have missed something. Perhaps a conversation you had in the weeks leading up to them blocking you.?

It's tough to make a call with only one side of the story, hope you are able to get your closure and move on.

[Erebos]

...divine makes,a very good point. You don't actually know anything about them irl.

Perhaps investing more in activities away from the internet could help expand your social circle a bit.

[divine1966]

Honestly I think it’s a bad idea to tell people someone else is many times better than them, that’s kind of questionable and it could be hurtful. Or rating people? Or copying messages of one person to show the other. I’d refrain from things like that in
the future

[DeeAri]

[QUOTE=Skeezyks;6148810]Hello DeeAri: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Honestly... I don't really know what happened here. From what you wrote, it sounds as though H & M just got together on the side & decided that you are too difficult. And so they agreed to both block you. It's sad that they chose to "freeze you out", so to speak, with nary a word of explanation. It's also quite rude in my estimation. But when you're dealing with people you only know on-line, this sort of thing can happen. (It's not necessarily even unheard-of in real life.)

To me, though, perhaps the greater question is... what has caused you to become so enmeshed in these on-line relationships that they have the power to break your heart into pieces. On-line relationships are certainly fine. But when they become so important to you that losing them can break your heart, it seems to me as though they may have gone too far.

One thing you didn't mention, in your post is anything with regard to the real-life relationships you have. Hopefully you have some & these are strong. My personal advice, with regard to H & M would be to just forget about them. They're not worth the grief they have caused you.

One forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the coping with emotions forum. Here's a link:

***

Hello Skeezyks and thank you for welcoming me to the forum. And I am of the same opinion, after thinking about it the only thing that would made most sense (although ironically it doesn't) is that they had a conversation about me (but their conversations are always about me and how M can change) but this time with a decision to block me out. Sometimes I just wondered and assume they turned gay overnight. Nothing made sense. But I appreciate your kind words and understanding. Yes, I have real life friends. I have just finished university and as I have mentioned I never had looked online to find a friend. They happened to me by accident. I have been a skeptic about these online things, never would have engaged myself with it, and even when I found myself close to these two I still refused to reveal my anonymity even when they have asked a few times. M particularly, it bothered him that we can't talk on the phone or do video calls or that he doesn't know my full first name. It is my name actually, he just never knew it and thought I gave him a random name. H on the other hand knew it was my name, and out of respect never asked again after I said no when he first asked about revealing anonymity. So I am not those who are friendless and look for online friends, it happened to me by accident and I learned that you can get to a person's heart/soul easier when typing that real life where there are masks and a lot of things. It probably explained why we got so close quickly, we typed what crosses our minds, no filters no masks.

[DeeAri]

Originally Posted by ShadowGX

Ugh, I know those feelings all too well and I know my reactions and solutions to them are very unhealthy so I won't tell you what I do... It absolutely sucks when people try so hard to disappear from your life without giving you any closure.

yes, it is horrible. I would never have done this to anyone. Closure is important. I will never forgive the both of them for this, not even if they come crawling back after 1 month trying to give me an explanation. I am moving on, and I pray the guilt will forever haunt them.

[DeeAri]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Since you’ve never met you don’t really know who they are. They might be married and their wives found out they are talking to some women online. Could be anything. Or they decided that they don’t want this drama anymore. If you’ve never met what could you be fighting about?

I’d recommend perhaps therapy and trying making friends in real life. Have you tried?

Wrong. I would like to say that your judgement is quite an accusation. I am not a stupid person. I have always guarded my anonymity even after 2 years of talking, and even when they asked us to break it many times. I would have waited 10 years for me to start breaking that rule, even when I knew them so well because that is what it is, the internet is not a safe place. I knew who they are, I knew which university they went to. Unlike me, they didn't guard anonymity as well as I did, they only kept it because I did. I knew their first name, I have seen their pictures which happened by THEIR mistake. For example, once we were arguing and to help me talk to him again M sent me a screenshot of his phone where there was my messages (notifications) saying how much he meant to me or something like that. I hardly say these things to him, and he knew I always have these walls so he wanted to remind me so he sent me that. He forgot that there was a folder called 'My family' at the bottom right and the icon was a picture of him and his parents. He almost wanted to leave after that mistake, even when he never cared much about anonymity. But because he didn't want to reveal to me anything unless I do, it bothered him for a bit but then he chose to just laugh about it. These are common mistakes they would make. I have also seen H's pictures from his university emails which happened to be forwarded to all his contacts, inviting them to join the university alumni - this happened when we stopped talking and before he went to Italy to continue his masters. I have even helped making a note for his studies once when the exams was too much for him to handle - even when I do biology and NOT engineering. He shared his project report with me too.

I would like to highlight that I am skeptic about 'online friends' as well. These two stumbled into my life by accident. I kept them a secret from family and friends, because I know how people looked down on these things. Heck, even I did. Smart people don't do these things, or need it. Which is why i never did look for them in the first place. All I wanted was to engage in online discussions and debates, meet people around the globe and see different perspectives. and we are all 24 by coincidence. We talked everyday and that involves being each other's diary and knowing what is going on. And we don't talk about weathers or music or things like that, we talk about life, what is happening in the world, ideas, what happened in their lives and mine and how it affects us. our fears, our hopes. those things. you can't pretend in these kind of conversations.

[DeeAri]

Originally Posted by Erebos

...divine makes,a very good point. You don't actually know anything about them irl.

Perhaps investing more in activities away from the internet could help expand your social circle a bit.

please read my reply to divine.

[DeeAri]

Originally Posted by Erebos

It sounds like H & M probably compared notes about you and have both decided on non-contact is best.

I suspect your interpretation of the situation and theirs probably differs quite alot.

It sounds like it could easily have felt like a manipulative environment. comparing one against the other.

I am not sure there is anything you can do. They clearly don't want confrontation.You say H is calm thoughtful and considered so it's unlikely they just came to this decision on a whim.
You could perhaps appeal for closure, an explanation with a promise not to continue to chase the situation if they agreed.

I can see your obviously quite stunned and hurt about it, but somewhere along the line you seem to have missed something. Perhaps a conversation you had in the weeks leading up to them blocking you.?

It's tough to make a call with only one side of the story, hope you are able to get your closure and move on.

Yes, I agree with you the most. I could handle people and their whims, you could never trust a person more than 30%, I have always held on to that. Not even your own family. That is the rule in the world. But what I wanted was an explanation. They can leave if that is what ungrateful people manage to do, I can tend to that kind of hurt well. It is not my flaw, it is theirs. But when they do not explain to me why, that is being selfish. Despite knowing me very well, and all the happiness we have shared, all the good and bad times, the least of courtesy they could have given me is an explanation. A goodbye. I also liked how you noted that the hint could have been in the conversations, I did skim through some, but I guess I could read through again to have an idea of what might have happened. But even then, H blocking me is the one that doesn't fit the most. That is the opposite of his character. I could have murdered 100 people and H would have talked to me and asked, instead of blocking me without explanation. It is the thing that was most off about it. And what worried me the most. Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it.

And also, I have real friends. We are all 24 by coincidence, in university or H doing his masters. I never went online to look for friends, never wanted an online friend, never liked the idea, and a skeptic at it. But voila, life is an irony. Gave me 2 online bestfriends, one after the other, and they made me happier than I ever was even when I know I shouldn't have been too happy.

[DeeAri]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Honestly I think it’s a bad idea to tell people someone else is many times better than them, that’s kind of questionable and it could be hurtful. Or rating people? Or copying messages of one person to show the other. I’d refrain from things like that in
the future

I know. It's one of my problems, I am very black and white. I don't operate on emotions or things like this. If someone asks me X I will answer with Y. To me it is simple. If M asked me how much I liked a person, I answered. I write whatever is on my mind, I do not lie and I do not hide. That is my character. And H had always known that I was hurt by him leaving me, he knew it, felt bad for it, and told me it was not like that. But H is always the kind, optimistic soul, so when I said it doesnt matter it's in the past, he agrees and we talked again like normal. He is the kind of guy who would find time to go on 7 Cups of Tea to help anyone he can find, even when he himself is busy with his own troubles. His motto in life is literally to make everyone happy. Even if M told him I gave him 5/10, H may have been hurt but it's not the kind that would be enough to do what he did. He would have asked me and tried to mend it and tried to make me happy again, that's his character. And we have talked for 2-4 years, they both know me very well. They know how straightforward I am, how black and white I am, and it's also what they find to be one of the most interesting things about me. Also the cause of most of our fights. Nonetheless, thank you for your reply. I also doubt it is the cause of this, M knows me very well. But when he found out I prefer him more than H, despite what I said to him about H, he also said "Dee Ari, what an enigma you are".

[DeeAri]

Originally Posted by Erebos

It sounds like H & M probably compared notes about you and have both decided on non-contact is best.

I suspect your interpretation of the situation and theirs probably differs quite alot.

It sounds like it could easily have felt like a manipulative environment. comparing one against the other.

I am not sure there is anything you can do. They clearly don't want confrontation.You say H is calm thoughtful and considered so it's unlikely they just came to this decision on a whim.
You could perhaps appeal for closure, an explanation with a promise not to continue to chase the situation if they agreed.

I can see your obviously quite stunned and hurt about it, but somewhere along the line you seem to have missed something. Perhaps a conversation you had in the weeks leading up to them blocking you.?

It's tough to make a call with only one side of the story, hope you are able to get your closure and move on.

I would also add that, one of the things that caught my attention when I was skimming through past conversations is M making a remark on H on his 'decision' when he talked to me less and less to focus on his studies, even without the intention of leaving, despite the personal costs to me. He followed it by a comment saying 'very courageous'. M's life is messy, he feels everything too deeply and it gets him into a mess despite his potential. I had always reminded him how great he would be if he could overcome this and we had always helped each other overcome our worst sides. But H really made M want to change even more, perhaps out of competition and realizing how far he is behind when he could be so much more. He probably felt the need to fix himself first before returning to me, because sometimes when he asks 'do you love me' (we do this childishly when we feel clingy, but we are not romantically attached, just friends), I would have said no I do not love you. I am attached to you but I do not love you until you fixed yourself. He did reply with a 'it could blossom into love'. We have both agreed we are not meant romantically for each other, the house would have been burnt down the first day. But I also know M, in his typical messy mind, would be capable of putting me at the side and telling himself he needs to fix this, before he could bring me back in. What doesnt fit at all is H blocking me.

[DeeAri]

Hey guys, thank you so much for taking the time to read and write your replies. I appreciate it a lot. I sent replies to each of you, but it doesn't appear for some reason (yet). I hope they all went through. Have a good day

[DeeAri]

Also, I would add that M did leave me once early this year in January. It's one of the typical side of his messy character, in order to get things in order (start of class) he wanted it to be perfect. For example, he would write tons of pages on his 'plan' to improve and then shred them. If he wants to start something new, he wants to start it at the 1st day of the month. It's sort of like an OCD (not clinically diagnosed, just a minor characteristic like it, to make it easy to explain). So he sent me a goodbye email ( we had a fight in late december and I stopped talking), and said how our good times were like heaven but our bad times really drag him down. He was angry too, blaming me for a lot of things, especially my opinions of him when we start fighting, it brings him down. We always apologize and move on after our fights, and he brings me down too during our fights but he prefers to see me as the evil one of the two. However, I was worried when he was not online after 1 week. I agreed to the goodbye, cried a lot but I found it strange that he who comes online everyday, was not online for a week. Again, I panicked if something happened to him. Despite all odds, I tried everything I could to get to him. I told him to reply with a blank email if he is alright and just ignoring me, it is all I need. I needed to know that he is okay and alive, just ignoring on purpose. Went to people from some forums we both were involved in, and despite all odds. Really wrecked my brain on how to get to him. What worried me most if he didnt even send me a blank email to answer that he is ok. It's all I needed to confirm. He on the other hand, discovered that I do care about him. WAITED until he had plenty of time so he can write so many things down for me. Not even caring how I felt while he waited for the right time. A blank email was NOT hard. So he came back, wanting to continue. He admitted that he convinced himself that i did not care about him or about us as much as he did (I don't do emotions or show them to him much. I have these things he called 'walls'. but he knew I was attached to him as he was after our countless cycles of fights and reconciliation). He admitted that he overreacted. I was angry of course. Promised not to let him in again. He was selfish. His life was messy and he was blaming me for it. He also apologised to me for 'bringing me into his chaos'. But we reconciled, as always. This time H was still uninvolved. and now here we are.

[DeeAri]

There's too plenty of past messages I could share but I would share this one as an example. This was from a fight that stemmed from his ignorance towards the plight of women over the course of history. A heated fight and I went to H as a 3rd person to ask him H's views. H is a sensible person, he also said he just discussed the same issue with his roommate. He said he thinks about it nearly everyday. I could make a 1000 miles progress when discussing with H, but no progress except arguments with M. So when I sent M all the screenshots of H's answers so he can compare to his (and because I knew my words hurt others easily when I am angry) I told him to go speak to H and learn. This was his reply:

Dila
H is your friend
not mine
he's a good guy but I don't know him
not like i know you
and based on what you said and how much you've shared with him
he doesn't know you like I do
and you don't know him as well as you know me
I am awed at how explicitly calm he sounds every time he speaks though
judging from your screenshots i mean
... cmon dilu
we were doing so well
DIRUUUUUUU
okay tell me how is Max
yknow how much I like a DIRU right?
my good side can trump my bad side
I'm sure of it
anyways
it's late for you
goodnight

Dila is what he and H calls me. Diru is what he uses when he is being clingy. Max is my cat. Which he loved, and self-proclaimed himself as the godfather of. He wouldn't have left without asking a final picture of Max. I know in his mind he is calculating it. He wants to fix himself and come back, whenever that may be. It's his 'ocd' (I know, I am not misusing it, he is not clinically diagnosed, but it helps to explain). he wants to clear out the mess in his life as he starts his 'improving myself' plan, which he always fails at so far. I call it 'energy sparks'. Feels like he can take on the world at one moment, then feeling down the next. I have a bipolar mother, and I always assumed he is bipolar. or maybe multipolar since he wears so many masks depending on his mood. But deep inside, he is a person really special to me and I can see through him easily. Hence why when we get into arguments and I know his opinions are flawed, I block him. He would come to his senses after a while and see the problem that caused us to fight. And we would reconcile. I call it his 'different suits'. There's the sensible suits, messy suits, angry baseless opinions suits etc.

But still even if I can expect M to do stupid and selfish things like this only to regret it later, H on the other hand, would never have blocked me so the puzzle is still not solved.

[DeeAri]

From H:

"hello dila
i shall answer ur questions because u do deserve to know
i didnt speak to M much, we both were busy and i as you know, am working on two master projects and most of the times unavailable to talk, as much as i wished i could
sometimes after talking to you, M would come to me distressed, unhappy and extremely angry for reasons even he couldnt explain
thats when i tried to help him, trying to teach him anger management and controlling oneself
so i probed more on the topic as to why he was angry all the time, one moment he seemed alright, the next moment, he seemed to blow his lid off completely
eventually, even though we didnt speak much, i was able to make out that he was frightened of you, angry, desperate and terrified of even speaking to you.
this angered me as well, i did not understand why it could trigger something this bad in him, hence i asked him to share a little more context that would allow me to decipher and understand his anguish
he told me some of the conversations that he had with you, things that i came to realize, that you were not the same person that i had met 2 years ago. through somethings that he shared, i understood that you had some sort of profound loathing for me
and u really liked him, romantically or otherwise, i do not know
he on the other hand, thought the opposite, he thought u liked me because u mention me apparently quite a lot, i know abt subtlety, u mention me to trigger a reaction from him
u loathed me dila, this broke me entirely, after really always being ur friend, praying for you- sticking up for you, i do not know if you would even believe it, ive missed sometimes even classes to cheer you up and talk to you, i learnt that u hated me
u shared ever more with him, i understand all of that and i dont mind, u might even have had feelings for him, i do not know
but knowing that u were an entirely different person altogether with him than you were with me, not to mention how u loathed me, it really hurt deep
the truth was i never left you 2 years ago, i simply had a lot more exams and assignments, u always believed that i hurt you, i was hurt tremendously even with that accusation, i was very unhappy
yet i wanted to always reconnect, most days thinking abt you, praying for you, whereever you were, ive made sure to remember your birthdays, even when i dont receive anything back
i was quite alright with all of that tbh, the last conversation that you had with M, he said vaguely abt you rating how much u liked someone, he said you gave me a 5 out of 10, it really struck a nerve to me, i wouldnt have been mad, if you had given me a negative, you gave me something that confirmed what i had suspected all along, ull never ever like me even if i gave it all to you. I tried everything, so in the end, i wanted to break away, since uve already accused me of leaving you, i thought this time, ill do it for real, because for one it didnt have to be a lie, i am hurting you, and i was getting hurt even without speaking to you much. That is why i left
I briefly told M that i wanted to leave and that even goodbye would plunge me into a very dark place, a place i did not want to go, i hadnt been there since my ex. But if you cannot appreciate if people are happy, even after always wanting and praying for your happiness, i am really sorry, i cannot continue it any longer
M was extremely angry himself, for reasons i am not sure, we havent spoken for over a week now, ive been really busy with my assignments, You could try asking him what u asked me. I know the pain of not knowing, hence why i wanted to let you know the reason. It took me an entire week to calm myself, and even go beyond my anguish. If ur wondering if we were happy that we blocked you, its completely wrong. We were literally going through the worst days of our lives blocking you. I personally felt like i lost a long known dear friend, something that i will never recover from. I know that you are good at compartmentalizing your emotions, we arent. You might move on like its nothing, we right from day 1 have not. We blocked you, because there was no other way for us to escape the whirlpool of despair and sadness that were plaguing our minds. For every mail that you sent us, we felt a sadness equal to a 100 times worse. M i think loved you dila, from all that he told me, its something that i could make out, There times even 2 years back, I had profound feelings for you, somethings that you would never understand, those feelings always have been there, making me pray for you, remember all the times that we have had to together, not deleting a single email that u had mailed me. I dont know if you would believe me, maybe you wouldnt, but its alright, ive learnt to accept that you loathe me anyway. I was really affected, heartbroken, when you deliberately tried to get me jealous by mentioning ur relationship with M. I would imagine its the same for him as well.
For all these reasons, Ive decided to move on, to try get past the sadness that forever haunts me, the mails that you sent cursing me for all eternity, as I still to this very day pray for you - something at this point would hold of no value to you. I wouldnt mind if you curse me, but please do not hurt manan, he is very depressed and deeply still cares abt you. If you want you can ur anger at me. I cannot move on like you dila. I do not know if you had feelings that were really genuine for me. Maybe it was all a mask. You did lie to me an awful lot, things I forgave you instantly. But i could not stand that you were entirely a different person to me and another to him. Maybe M might have been affected by this as well. It would take a long while before either of us recover from this. I'll always pray that you too find peace and happiness. May Allah ever bless you and keep you happy"

I do not know how to react to this. They could still have told me a goodbye, or an explanation before leaving. Please share your thoughts. It was horrible what they did to me, and I don't think they can hide behind 'love' as an excuse. Please advice.