[SorryShaped]

It needed to not be a thing, because of all the places where we were so incompatible. The lust faded and I'm grateful for the time I had with her. I told her it was done and I still want to be her friend. I'm supposed to go help some people this morning but I've told them we can do that later. I gotta workout and go to yoga

[SorryShaped]

It took most of the day to even start to feel like crying. Her smell is still on my bed and blanket and pillow. I can't stop bawling.

[Patagonia]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

It took most of the day to even start to feel like crying. Her smell is still on my bed and blanket and pillow. I can't stop bawling.

I’m sorry this happened Sorry. Do you wanto talk about it? Was it something specific or did you not really click?
(((Hug)))

[Erebos]

That turned around, hope your ok.
I don t mean that to sound as inane as it probably does.

What were the irreconcilable differences? If you don't mind saying.

By all means tell me to shove it, just seemed you thought there waS alot to be had.

Then again you can learn alot about yourself and others in a couple of days.

All the best. Take care.

[SorryShaped]

Lots of reasons not to be together.
She wants to be high/drinking always and I'm not of that path. She was getting up at 4 to go get stoned.
She's really a loud person. It's all in craving for attention. That's not something I'd even change about her, but it's too loud for me.
Daddy issues. Not something I can help with.
Strange proclivities that I'm not willing to do with either of our bodies. I tried some of it and seeing what it did for her was fun to watch, but not to feel or do.
She plays a lot of head games while trying to seem like the hurt one. That's a really bad way to treat people. Not cool.
I think it's better we aren't together and weren't for long.
She is a very neat person and I hope we're still friends, but only on Facebook. I can't take her in real life any more

[SorryShaped]

We're also both bipolar. My mania somehow dropped like a rock yesterday.

[Erebos]

Wow!! Ok that's alot of turn offs in one person.

Sounds like you made the right decision and that it was a bit of a rollercoaster.

I guess the next thing is to figure out how to filter these people out before you get too close.

[divine1966]

Sorry it turned that way, I was really concerned that she drives intoxicated. Take care of yourself

[SorryShaped]

I had or even still have strong feelings for her in ways that I've never known before.
I forced myself to work on my laundry. So much of it smells like her. That's the stuff that went into the washers first.
I found where she threw away the band from the concert we first IRL met up for. I kept it. Probably should've left it in the trash, but I can't. I just can't

[SorryShaped]

So this is what "breaking up from whirlwind romances where I'm swept up completely and wholly like a tornado and, just as abruptly and swiftly, slammed back on the ground" feels like. Ugh

[SorryShaped]

I had to finally decide what to do about the fridge. There were containers with leftovers from my birthday dinner we made together. I threw up violently into the trash from nerves first, then threw the containers in and promptly took out the trash. I'll buy new containers tomorrow.

[Patagonia]

Sorry, it still sounds like you’re on a whirlwind. Does everything have to be done now? Bec even when their done, you’ll still have emotions & feelings to deal with. It’s ok to stop & feel those emotions, acknowledge them, let them wash over you & then process them. It’s ok to go slow....

[SorryShaped]

I want as much done as I can get before I have to wake up alone tomorrow. I want the reminders gone. I couldn't look in my own fridge for food because those were in there. It was like my fridge was lurking at me

[SorryShaped]

Portugal. The Man "sleep Forever" stuck on repeat all night long. Still playing.

[carcrashonrepeat]

I'm sorry about your loss. Regardless of whose decision it was to end the relationship, it still hurts. You have to mourn it. Do what you can. Feel as much as you need to for the loss you've experienced. It's tough and perplexing in situations when you still have fond memories of the person and yet you were completely incompatible.

I've experienced this alot in the relationships I've initiated. I still have good memories regardless of the person not being good for me. A loss is a loss. In the end, you'll find yourself a much stronger partner for the next woman you meet.

What I think is worth acknowledging is that you were able to stay grounded to your own healthy boundaries and that's extremely admirable. This will be hard but perhaps you can take some small comfort in knowing yourself and trusting in yourself enough that you can make such difficult decisions for your overall betterment.

Don't feel alone in this. Stay strong

[SorryShaped]

Wow that was well put.
I did a dirty, disgusting thing at a major retailer's today. I saw this woman, obviously too young but she was being kind of flirty and talking a lot to me. Too much talking, really. I was so evil.
I said, "wow! I'm only going to ask you for this one thing, right here, right now. I don't do this ever, but I can't help myself right now. I have to say it fast or your eyes will make me forget over and over again, just like they would every day. I could never see myself in your life forever because I'd constantly lose my train of thought into your eyes. You're so beautiful. May I have a kiss?"
She must have serious self-esteem issues or something, but, she kissed me!
I had to go back to the store later because I walked out at that point, without making my purchases. Something is terribly wrong with me and I'm not sure what it is.
I actually cried after that, a lot, in the parking lot.

[MrMoose]

It sounds painful and awful.
But it also sounds like you kept the smart and sensible part of your brain working hard and you ended up making a decision that sounds healthy and well-considered ... even if it’s painful...

[WasabiAlmonds]

Congratulations on making a difficult decision.

[Patagonia]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Wow that was well put.
I did a dirty, disgusting thing at a major retailer's today. I saw this woman, obviously too young but she was being kind of flirty and talking a lot to me. Too much talking, really. I was so evil.
I said, "wow! I'm only going to ask you for this one thing, right here, right now. I don't do this ever, but I can't help myself right now. I have to say it fast or your eyes will make me forget over and over again, just like they would every day. I could never see myself in your life forever because I'd constantly lose my train of thought into your eyes. You're so beautiful. May I have a kiss?"
She must have serious self-esteem issues or something, but, she kissed me!
I had to go back to the store later because I walked out at that point, without making my purchases. Something is terribly wrong with me and I'm not sure what it is.
I actually cried after that, a lot, in the parking lot.

So how are you feeling?

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

So how are you feeling?

I made another post. I'm feeling self-destructive and internally violent and depressed. I'm letting my ex come over tomorrow. I'm weak right now

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

I made another post. I'm feeling self-destructive and internally violent and depressed. I'm letting my ex come over tomorrow. I'm weak right now

Why are you inviting her over?

I know this is probably something you don't want to hear, but you'll always, to varying degrees, feel depressed and self-destructive. We all have it within us to be. The thing is, these feelings are just that. Feelings. So sit in it. Sit in that fear and anger and self-destrucrtion because you're strong enough to do it. Let yourself feel all of these ****** feelings because they are yours. They're not right or wrong.

I hope you're not inviting her over to quell your emotions. You'll only end up feeling worse after all is said and done and I think you know that.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by carcrashonrepeat

Why are you inviting her over?

I know this is probably something you don't want to hear, but you'll always, to varying degrees, feel depressed and self-destructive. We all have it within us to be. The thing is, these feelings are just that. Feelings. So sit in it. Sit in that fear and anger and self-destrucrtion because you're strong enough to do it. Let yourself feel all of these ****** feelings because they are yours. They're not right or wrong.

I hope you're not inviting her over to quell your emotions. You'll only end up feeling worse after all is said and done and I think you know that.

I didn't feel self destructive, for quite a while. Then, like a fool I allowed myself to think about women that I knew I liked. That's my downfall. I love to fall in love, even though I know it's going to make me miserable every time.
If she offers I might just because I can, knowing I shouldn't the entire time.
But for today I got over seven bicycle miles in with hella hill getting there, fifteen minutes elliptical and 45 minutes of really good yoga. I found out a friend from another gym asked about me and that made me feel really good inside. The ride home was mostly downhill and that was awesome. The rush was extreme and otherworldly. This is what I'm supposed to do with my life, my natural endorphin high

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

I didn't feel self destructive, for quite a while. Then, like a fool I allowed myself to think about women that I knew I liked. That's my downfall. I love to fall in love, even though I know it's going to make me miserable every time.
If she offers I might just because I can, knowing I shouldn't the entire time.
But for today I got over seven bicycle miles in with hella hill getting there, fifteen minutes elliptical and 45 minutes of really good yoga. I found out a friend from another gym asked about me and that made me feel really good inside. The ride home was mostly downhill and that was awesome. The rush was extreme and otherworldly. This is what I'm supposed to do with my life, my natural endorphin high

Yeah, but just because you can do something... I mean, doesn't it make you feel empty? I know it was like that for me most of the time.

When I used to live down South I rode my bike all the time. I didn't have a car so I was on it every day. My FAVORITE was riding downhill. Where I lived there were plenty of them. There was this big curved hill by a football field and it would lead me right to the comic book store or the coffeeshop. Riding down that big bastard was awesome. I got bugs in my eyes a couple of times but it was well worth it. When I'd get to the bottom I'd pedal like crazy and dip around corners just to keep the momentum going. Loads of fun.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by carcrashonrepeat

Yeah, but just because you can do something... I mean, doesn't it make you feel empty? I know it was like that for me most of the time.

When I used to live down South I rode my bike all the time. I didn't have a car so I was on it every day. My FAVORITE was riding downhill. Where I lived there were plenty of them. There was this big curved hill by a football field and it would lead me right to the comic book store or the coffeeshop. Riding down that big bastard was awesome. I got bugs in my eyes a couple of times but it was well worth it. When I'd get to the bottom I'd pedal like crazy and dip around corners just to keep the momentum going. Loads of fun.

Four serpentine turns down about a mile at about 15 degrees the whole way. I had to be speeding over the 35mph limit. Next time I should wear my helmet. That tiny bit of fear is the kind that opens the mind to the rush

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Four serpentine turns down about a mile at about 15 degrees the whole way. I had to be speeding over the 35mph limit. Next time I should wear my helmet. That tiny bit of fear is the kind that opens the mind to the rush

I didn't wear a helmet either. I thought I didn't need it. But I also think there's a bit of a death wish there, too. Like "You know what, if this is how I'm going go, I'm fine with that."

When I was a kid, we used to take huge garbage can lids and go sledding down this steep hill in our park. When I was in high school, a dad ended up dying on that hill. He crashed into a tree! We were all freaked out, but so many spectators noted how he was so happy going that fast down the hill. And I always thought how beautiful that was.

But hindsight's always 20/20. I'm sure he would've wanted to stick around long enough to watch his kids grow up and live for another day on the hills.