Still lonely

Never mind...

Either they're dumb questions, no one can relate, or I'm just not popular enough to be noticed.

Same old, same old.

I’d like to reach out to people in real life that I rarely see. I don’t really know how or what to say. It makes me so anxious.

I always lose the people I’m not anxious talking to anywhere other than in person.

And unless I’m dating the person (and erroneously assume they want to spend time with me), I’m not comfortable asking people to hang out. I have no idea who would be interested in stuff I’d want to do.

It’s difficult to make friends or get close to anyone. If anyone is nice to me, there’s a possibility I’ll develop feelings...especially if we’ve already gotten to know each other. And since that’s wrong, I can’t get close to people.

It’s like having a lot to say, sometimes things you need to say but no one to say it to. Who do I talk to? Or do I just need to let all these things rot inside me because I’m not special enough to have someone listen to me anymore?

It’s hard to get out of bed on long weekends and just live in the silence. I’m not an introvert. I don’t mind being alone for an evening or even a day, but it’s not particularly relaxing...in fact it’s distressing and depressing if it goes on too long.

Talking to myself is something I guess. Better than nothing.

I just wish I knew why it was wrong to want loved ones? I know it’s wrong to want to date. Well, don’t worry, I never will. No one’s going to be interested in me again and I’ll disappear like I always do.

Was it really worth throwing me away? I loved someone just about as much as one could and accepted his many faults even if they hurt me or make it so he can’t meet my needs. And yet I’m the bad guy. I’m the one who is broken up with.

First of all, don't be afraid asking what you perceive to be dumb questions. There are people here or in any other forum such as this one that are willing to help.

Im.assuming you're reffering to friends you rarely see. A "hey, its been a while, wanna catch up" usually works. If it's not just the reaching out aspect that's anxiety inducing, but also when you meetup. What I do is just ask what they've been up to from the last time we saw each other until now.

Also, if you want to discover people that are interested in things you like. Maybe a friend/dating app could help?

i don't see anything wrong with possibly developing romantic feelings with people you know well. While that could bring pain, is it worth depriving yourself of any close relationships? And i get the sense this has happened to you before. If so, how did you cope?

It's really only the initial contact. It takes a very long time until I feel comfortable initiating contact with someone. This particular person, I think I started developing feelings for so I'm not sure if we should even hang out.

I go to a lot of meet-up groups and other social groups. I meet others through various work environments and even school I guess if that counts anymore. I just don't develop close relationships with anyone. I did with my ex (or at least so I thought) and we were together for 4 years. We became friends afterward, partially to ease the heartbreak I think. It was all a lie though...he never even wanted to live with me, he never even accept me for who I was. I'm not sure he really fully knew or understood me.

I changed my original post. It used to be this (there may be some repetition at this point):

As for dating sites, meeting someone there tends to force/trick me into sexual situations. I don't find it safe. Even if I did, I have trouble finding anyone I would be interested in. I mean, I know I have to settle, so I don't know why I have any standards at all....just from reading about them I already know they're going to hurt me or not accept me/make fun of me so I really don't want to approach them (wouldn't know what to say even if I did).

You are absolutely under no obligation to settle. Why do you even say that.

Unlike a lot of other people, I don't have many if any choices for friendships, family, and especially romantic relationships. Some people are fine alone. I really want to have connections with people, but since so few are interested, in some ways I might have to settle.

I've only had one person like me enough to both date me and get involved with me physically and I'm 30. If I ever find someone who would want to be involved with me both physically and romantically, I'd give them a chance. Who knows how many years it'll be before someone is willing to do that again. There's just too much information shared on online dating sites now...it makes it seem like no one would like me or I'd have to settle some way...either for someone who is conservative sexually or someone who is close to their family (and will make me feel awful about not being close to mine, because no one seems to understand anything outside of their own experience anymore), or would require me to cut contact with my ex even though we're friends and there's no chance of us being involved again. I just seem to be one of the few people who can understand and accept that. There just aren't that many around here that might possibly accept me, so at some point, I'll have to figure out what the best choice is.

None of the people I've been close to and fully let them get to know me have accepted or understood me. That's probably asking too much though.

It just blows my mind how so many here have so many options for friends that they are willing and eager to cut so many out of their lives for any reason.

Occasionally, I can see that to be the case, but so many seemed to be kicked out because the person has way too high of expectations for friends...or maybe they don't want any friends or to socialize? Or they just have that many friends that why does it matter to throw away a bunch.

It just makes me sad and more afraid to try to make friends. If I'm not perfect, apparently I'll just be thrown away. I'm terrified of initiating contact with people, especially if it's been a while, so I guess I'm a terrible friend so I shouldn't even bother with friends, right? I would just be complained about like people are on here and everyone would appear telling the OP to ditch me because clearly, I'm an awful friend.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so lonely, Skull&Crossbones Please don't give up. Hopefully things will get better for you in the future. Things don't have to stay like this forever. I hope talking here at PC can help with the pain a little bit. I know it's not the same thing, but at least it's something. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm always available if you need to talk to someone. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. Sending many hugs to you

Ton of people are NOT conservative sexually at all, have no relationship with their family and are friends with their exes. Ton of people have that and/or are accepting of others with the same concerns.

How do I have hope that anything will change though? This is how it's always been. People I'm close to demand to see me in a certain way and that's the way I must be or I lose all my relationships. I've never really fully gotten the chance to develop an identity. People may scoff and judge me all they like, but the risk of losing all the people important to you in order to even explore who you might be is a ridiculous burden to put on someone.

I'm not sure I even had a personality until last year when I was finally noticed and appreciated for who I am and what skills I have. I'm not sure I can explain this experience because it seems so foreign to everyone else's experiences.

Where are these people and how do I find them? Searches on dating sites have no yielded any results and with the people I meet in real life, they’re either in a relationship or have a bad attitude (arrogant or unethical). I really don’t want to be judged or shamed again in an intimate relationship ...I guess I won’t be able to date. Maybe I can be friends with the married folks someday if I can really be friends with anyone.

I don’t know as I am quite older than you. My daughter is 31 and is a widow. She is bisexual and neither men nor women have a problem with that. She understands that some might have an issue but so far no one does. I’d say it doesn’t bake her conservative. She is close friend with her ex (female) with whom she lived for four years prior to meeting her late husband. In fact she recently had a birthday party and her ex-girlfriend was there as well as a new person (a guy) she is dating. No one is objecting. She has close family but other people she dates often don’t. Most if not all of her friends are like opposite of conservative.

Do you live in a conservative area?

This has nothing to do with sexuality. I may live in a conservative state, but in a liberal area with a good-sized LGBT community and a large bisexual community. I'm talking about being able to just experience a variety of sex acts which I've never been allowed to do. I just want to explore like everyone else got to do when they were young! Apparently, I'm supposed to know everything and only be interested in a select few things and NOT want to explore. And since I have been made fun of and hurt physically during sex I do not have enough trust to have sex with random people.

Why automatically make this about sexuality? And why make me feel bad by comparing me to someone else...I'm inferior, I GET IT.

You said that you have hard time meeting people who aren’t conservative sexually. I didn’t make it about sexuality. I can’t care less. You are the one who brought the issue up hence I am telling you that there are ton of people who aren’t conservative. I am older but I’ve met some not conservative people in my dating times.

I am not comparing you to anyone. You said there are no one who is not conservative sexually, everyone has close family and everyone would have an issue with you being in touch with your ex. I am just telling you that it’s not the case. Not at all. Nothing to do with comparing, just an example

Who doesn’t allow you to experience variety of sex acts? I am confused. Who has such power over you? Why aren’t you allowed to explore? Someone you’ve been with? Well he or she was a bad match. It doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed.

I feel your pain. I thought you were making some progress on your thread about your music. As I said on the other thread, I don’t see you making any progress without describing your situation. Why not sometimes use forums targeted to those with your profile?
In any case, as you see by posting on PCentral, people do like you.
I feel really bad today too. In about 6 hrs, My pen pal then friend is goingback to Iraq to a very dangerous job as a contractor. He is totally messed up w horrible depression from ptsd and cant sleep. It messes up his whole personality and going back will make it worse. You never get rid of ptsd, just learn to control it. I am afraid I have even lost touch w him at this point because I panicked and messaged him when I shouldn’t. He may have even blocked me. If he did I would have to decide whether to approach people he knows to express concern about him. He hides the ptsd from everyone partly for job security but u cant heal from that if you didn’t talk about it.
I am writing this to see if you can pull yrself out of yr tailspin by advising me, which I often do for others. You need to break the chain of ruminating, thinking this way and focus on something else even if its cleaning out a closet.