Husband Walked Out

You all have helped me to see it this way, so thank you. I just have to figure out what I’m gonna do about it now. I’m done being blamed for everything, I can’t take it. I will never feel better about myself if I allow that.

You’re right, and I highly doubt, based on past experiences, that we Hill beg for forgiveness. He never does. At most he will text me a one-worded apology and expect me to move on immediately.

I applaud you!!!!!

Exactly -- because his apologies are weak at best and not heartfelt or genuine when in his mind, you're the one with the problem.

Yes! Honestly, I'm tearing up reading your dawning revelations, Doglover! Seeing through the BS and understanding what is going on is HUGE!! Good for you!!

Thank you for your encouragement ❤️ I’m really terrified about my options. I just want to hide from the world for awhile and pretend this isn’t going on.

Thank you so much❤️ I’ve been crying reading all of the encouragement from all of you. I never thought that strangers would care about me more than my own husband. I don’t know how I would have made it otherwise so thank you for helping me to see through his BS. Now I have to figure out what to do.

You CAN do this!!!! Where there is a will, there's always a way.

And honestly? In my opinion, it's always good for a woman to become self-sufficient so that in cases like these, she can survive on her own.

I know you can do it -- now you just need to be resourceful, ask for help and talk to people.

Keep posting here as you need to -- I understand it's terrifying, BUT at the same time, this is exciting because it is SO empowering for you -- taking your life back and into your own hands... taking control of your life is very empowering!!!

My ex husband used to give me the silent treatment. When it first happened it was very confusing and I couldn't understand why we couldn't just talk things out. He is over a decade older than me, but the age didn't mean more mature at all. There was nothing that I could do to make it right because...silent treatment is a means of emotional manipulation. It's scarring. It was vindictive. It was a means to "put me in my place." It could last for days at a time.

I tell you this, to let you know that it's not about you needing to make it right by him. You've done nothing wrong. This isn't your fault.

My ex husband is/was an emotionally stunted individual. He has anger issues. There's an emotional dysregulation about the anger. Albeit not all tears nor the type of emotions that you profess displaying of yourself if that makes sense?

I feel the exact same way; I don’t understand why we can’t talk it out and why he has to ignore me for days at a time. I realize now that there’s nothing I can do to fix it, so it doesn’t really matter what I do. I could be totally perfect and loving after a fight and he’ll still ignore me for a week at a time. It is horrifying and draining. Yes, everything you said makes sense. I wish I could show him all of the things you all have said without him freaking out.

I’d try to focus on becoming independent. If you have financial independence, you have more options so you don’t have to stay in bad marriage. You can’t change your husband but you can change your own life. Could you improve your work situation?

He is very young, and very selfish and you are also very young yet yourself. My advice is to find yourself and invest in yourself and let this guy go as IMHO he will continue to treat you badly and be selfish with you, you really do deserve better. You need to learn how to be more self sufficient too, it will change the way you see men and you will end up being better able to have a healthier relationship. You married a spoiled child. Don't have a child with this guy either, he will be selfish with you and the children. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

You can't show him though Doglover, he is NOT available for that, he prefers to stomp off like a spoiled child. That is what you married, "a spoiled child" not a mature caring available partner.

Yeah the problem is that I only work part-time. I work for the county and no one ever leaves since it’s a good job so the chances of full time opening up are slim. And, not even really sure how I’ll get to work now, as we have a shared car that he will most likely take with him if he leaves and I live in the middle of nowhere so no bus or Uber. No money to buy another car. I really don’t know what to do.

In response to your last post, believe me, we are not having kids. I can barely handle myself right now.

And yeah, boy do i realize how immature he is now. The more I think about it, the more unreal it is to me the way he has acted.

You have not even been married a month and look how he is treating you and here you are with no options but to hope he gets over his temper tantrum? He is a spoiled child saying "you did not play my way so I am going home to my mommy, wa wa wa". You need to look into possibly getting a shared rent closer to your job, within walking distance or taking a bus. You should also look into getting a second job, waitressing or something and possibly thinking about part time college or training for some other job that you can do full time.

I'm sorry that you are struggling and hurting right now. Take a moment to breath. Perhaps he said something out of anger. I feel he should have been more understanding unless your controlling him he shouldn't react that way.

I wonder Doglover if you have ever seen the movie Gaslight with Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer? It’s an old one but a classic and presents a situation somewhat similar to yours though perhaps more extreme. You might be able to relate to the woman. ((( Much support and many hugs. There are few situations as excrutiatingly painful as what you are presently enduring. I wish you good healing, whatever happens. ))) ❤️

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Originally Posted by golden_eve ...And trust me, the man is always attracted to sex, even if she's not attractive. ....

How do you know that? Do you think men are just sex machines, and they would do it blindly just for the sex's sake?

Cold Soul, if you read more what you highlighted has already been hashed out so there is no need to really discuss it further ok?

((Doglover)), I have noticed you started this same thread in different forums. This tells me how frightened you are feeling, how worried you were when he blew up and had this temper tantrum. This means you are suffering, injured and frightened and that means you seriously need to step back and really pay attention to how you are feeling and hurting. You are exhibiting "desperation" and after reading more about what you are experiencing, you should NOT be experiencing this kind of desperation, it's a definite RED FLAG and hopefully with all the advice you have been receiving here and other places, you can now realize that you are in fact in an unhealthy relationship. You made a mistake, it happens and you need to really think about YOUR own mental health and no longer sacrifice that for this clearly childish immature partner that clearly doesn't care to be available for your needs and blows up in a childish tantrum when you ask him to hear your needs. You can't fix this, his parents let him walk all over them too, bad training and may never be something anyone can fix either. This is something this young man will have to WANT to fix himself, and usually that desire doesn't happen until this kind of person hits bottom and ends up finding out he has to grow up, that can take years, if ever in some people.

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Originally Posted by Open Eyes Cold Soul, if you read more what you highlighted has already been hashed out so there is no need to really discuss it further ok?

The thread was started yesterday, and now there are 10+ pages!! I cannot possibly read all of that. I read the first 2 pages, and stumbled on that statement, and I thought it was ignored. But now I see someone commented on it. Thanks for pointing that out.

this has been hashed out as mentioned. i'm so done with being attacked.

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Originally Posted by golden_eve go away please. this has been hashed out as mentioned. i'm so done with being attacked.

No one attacked you, but your statement was insulting to men.