Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

Thank you!!

And agreed! It could have easily been resolved. But nooooooo... he exploded. Yes, it can be learned, IF someone is willing. If they don't think they have a problem, then that's a problem.

I think I know what pushed in part to blow up too. I will talk about that aspect later.. it's about our financial ties together.

Then I think of logistics, like if we have to separate, HOW in the world will we pull that off, living in the same household?????? Even if temporary, how could we even manage that? It's a very small place! It would be AWFUL and SO uncomfortable living that way. I don't know how we could pull it off, unless I stayed at my parents' home for a month.

I am severely depressed -- it is hitting me like a TON of bricks. He arrived home and we ran errands together and got takeout for dinner. We've spent the last 2 hours together, driving around, and my mood has swung way low. I am depressed being around his company right now. He is picking up on something being wrong, and on me not being my normal bubbly cheerful self. I am not telling him. I feel it's best right now. I simply told him I felt "blah". It will eventually come out somehow.

Sorry, @divine1966. I didn't initially see this post of yours. Our finances are already entangled. I won't get into details, but I will need a lawyer, if this goes in that direction. From this point forward, I will be careful to not get even more entangled.

My prayers and thoughts are with you!!I hope whatever path you choose, it works out in the end.

no problem if you need roommate, Roommates.com On the bright side, all this could give you a new beginning and a new lease on life that is long overdue.
This man is not doing his part. You deserve better than that and we see that you know that! Good for you!

Thank you soo much.

Thank you!

Well, it's our wedding anniversary today and I am crying. He is irritable this morning and not feeling good. He kissed me goodbye and grumbled "happy anniversary" - no cheer, no real joy.

This is a nightmare. My worst nightmare right now. My parents are sending super sweet and happy text messages to us, and I am crying. They have no idea what's going on.

We haven't had sex in 3 weeks either. Our sex has dwindled down to barely anything at all anymore - 1-2 times per month, maybe, if I am lucky? I have brought it to his attention as a problem, and he said "we'll work on it". Has anything changed since? NO. He gave me a little something this past weekend to satisfy me at least, but we haven't had intercourse in 3 weeks.

This is not the life I want to live.

He just sent me a cute Happy Anniversary text, and I am bawling my eyes out.

I'm sorry this is such a hard day for you.

In addition we all stuck at home and can’t do much of anything. I am sorry it’s a rough day. Pandemics isn’t helping. Don’t worry about it being an anniversary. Take pressure of it. Just think of it as another day

I think you two just need to talk and see where you stand. Reduction of sexual activity could be stress or age related and that’s normal. If it’s related to problem in break in emotional intimacy then it’s something to look into. It might not be a big deal at all.

Thank you soo much. It really is very tough.

Yes -- we're stuck at home, and that creates stress and hardship all by itself.

We are of an older age, we both have had a lot of work stress, and we're both totally exhausted by the end of the work day. He told me a while back that that's all it was. And then the pandemic hit, and we can't go out. Then there was financial stress when his work hours were drastically reduced.

But in our blowout fight last Friday, he tried to blame me and issues we've had for our lack of sex. I called him out on that, and he retracted his statement and said he blames me for nothing.

On the flip side, before this blowout, we were most affectionate and loving with each other, cuddling and snuggling every night and being very sweet together.

I admit that I was recently struggling with the notion of being single again. It was very painful for me years ago to be single and alone. I looked around me, and everyone was coupled up -- most of my friends at least and social acquaintances. I was alone for national holidays. I was alone on Christmas, while my sister had someone. I was alone on New Years eve, and it was very painful for me. I spent many days, nights and hours alone - the isolation I felt and experienced really got to me and made me deeply depressed. I finally up and moved across the country to resolve it and to experience new adventures. I was gone for 4 years, and then eventually returned back home.

So I had to face and contend with my fears of being alone again over the last week during this questioning of whether I need to divorce. And I came to the other side of it, thinking I can handle it, and still be happy on my own. I have some very good and close friendships, I do have support and I have a social life that is intertwined with my husband's but it could be ok -- I guess? If I just avoid him? I don't know.

If I divorce, I also decided that I will remain single for the rest of my life. I am done with all relationships. Though I've also had healthy relationships in my life and I know what they look like, I've also had a string of abusive relationships. I don't trust my judgement, and I don't trust myself anymore.

I really thought I had found a good man in the beginning with my husband. But he rushed into things, which. was a red flag. I was aware of him rushing things, and I was aware this was a red flag. But I wanted to give it a chance, so I continued, while telling him we had to take things more slowly. I tried at least.

On our wedding day, he blew up at me in anger and we fought the morning of our wedding. He told me to "leave him alone". I almost called the whole thing off. So here I am, on our anniversary, still questioning the marriage and still thinking perhaps it was a big mistake.

I think you can trust yourself. You are now wiser.
On one side, you are seeing things clearly and have clear your boundaries and you are standing up for yourself. This already should give you a credit.
On another side, you are being compassionate with people who are important in your life, in this case, your husband.

You are doing the best it can be expect from a person, in my opinion.

Don’t put the blame on yourself and your capability to choose. There’s not a perfect marriage but as you saw, the important is that both parties are ready to grow. If your husband can’t do it, you have the right to look for yourself.

Thank you sooo much for your compassionate and kind post.

I appreciate you saying I am doing the best I can. I am trying. I do have clear boundaries, and I am standing up for myself. I am trying to be compassionate with my husband -- I do still love him, even though I hold anger towards him right now.

I don't trust myself though. But I guess I am getting ahead of myself. We're not separating right now, and divorce is not on the table at this moment. At least it's not being discussed, even though it's on my mind.

Thank you.

I made a 'wedding and year in review' video for my husband for our anniversary before all this went down. I just posted it on his Facebook wall, regardless. It's a really great video, I think.

And now I am crying again. I want to celebrate, and I want to feel happiness. And a part of me does feel some amount of happiness, coupled with pain.

When I watch the video, it's of our happy times together. And it makes me cry and feel very sad for what I am thinking of right now. He has no idea that divorce is seriously on my mind.

He posted on my FB wall a happy anniversary post -- short and sweet, and not gushing like all our friends do.

We have several married friends who GUSH all over each other about how awesome the other person is, how much they're loved and how much they cherish each other and their marriage/relationship.

We're not like that. We never gush about each other, not online at least. It does make me envious of my friends' marriages though. And it makes me sad about ours.