I hate this job

Hey @ruby would you consider taking a break from working and trying some kind of day program or skills training?

It just seems that people find it extremely scary. Whenever I described my regular breakdowns cuz the GM didn’t talk to me, they were scared. And cursing people out. Is it scary because it isn’t normal? Or why?

You are not taking responsibility for your own behaviours and you explain these away as others 'making you do it'. Your attitude is also creating a pretty aggressive work environment (yelling, 'taking it out' on your colleagues and being pushy) towards your colleagues. And you rationalise your behaviours and attitude as being because of one human being i.e. your GM.

So yes, you are placing too much focus on another and it is having detrimental effects in your daily life, in your relationships and on your mental and emotional state.

Focus on yourself and on getting your life in order first.

This is where I feel you are putting us on at times - whether you are on the spectrum or not, you have been told many times you tend to stalk people. You have had legal action taken against you for that type of behavior in another work situation and you still persist in telling us that you just don't understand why people react to you the way they do.

Plainly put, you behave in an abusive way toward people when you don't have the complete attention of your target, and you act like it's the responsibility of others to placate and comfort you.

You should not be working at all because you are uninterested in changing your behavior.

I don’t like being perceived as scary or threatening. At first, I thought they were paranoid. For years, I refused to admit anything I did was wrong. I’m not working there anymore. Friday was my last day. I have to realize that everyone who told me I was wrong couldn’t all be wrong. I’m really trying to put myself in their shoes and actually try to feel (not just cognitively understand) why people are scared.

I can’t go into details about what exactly happened. Cuz it’s that bad. But I know I don’t want to keep having good feelings towards the next person who is nice to me. Once I FEEL someone is my favorite person, I literally cannot control it.

PS. Sometimes I be passive aggressive towards customers in very subtle way. They don’t think I’m passive aggressive, just stupid. But they do get annoyed. That’s another side effect of my favorite person refusing to talk to me anymore.

Idk. I realize I’m wrong. But I’m still too shaken up currently

Ruby, the reason people are scared is that they feel threatened. There are frequent stories in the news about people who behave the way you do at work coming in and shooting up the place. Sorry for being very blunt, but you asked. The last time someone acted the way you do toward me at work I went to my boss and told him I refused to be alone with that person ever again. Had the behavior continued I would have filed a grievance with HR.

Something for you to consider.... you don't know the life circumstances of your coworkers. One could be in an abusive relationship or could have an abuse history or might have PTSD. How do you thin they would feel having a coworker yell and curse at them? It would be terrifying. I speak from personal experience. I was working to get myself out of an abusive relationship, struggled to control PTSD symptoms. One night someone started screaming at me. I ended up rolled in fetal position on the seat of my truck, crying, shaking, in no condition to drive home. THAT'S one reason people might find your behavior scary.

I want to build on LizardLady and Molinit's posts.

Ruby, in the past you have acknowledged that you understand your behavior is bad, that you were stalking your supervisor, and you own up to your behavior. Then you come back a few months later having rewritten the story to make yourself into a victim. Everyone here reminds you again that it's your behavior causing the problem, you concede and admit you know, then rinse repeat. It's my opinion (and yes, just my opinion), that you are aware enough of your actions to control them, but you choose not to because you have learned how to manipulate to get what you want.

I agree with LizardLady that if you behaved that way and I was your colleague, I would have complained numerous times. I have no problem with awkward social behaviors. I have awkward social behaviors. But I do have problems with hostile, angry, and borderline violent behaviors, which you exhibit at work.

I hope you will take time now to get into a treatment program, as so many have suggested. Perhaps now with this incident, the job program will take you on again to assist you and give you a case worker.

I wonder what you mean when you say you “can’t control” it. You demonstrated ability to control your behavior for some periods of time, which mean you have certain amount of control over your actions. Otherwise you’d be acting out of control at all times, but you don’t. It’s just difficult but not completely out of your control

Thanks lizardlady. You said what i was afraid to say.

And so did seesaw. Awkward is fine, hostile is not.

Also, ive been let go from every job i ever had, or left on weird terms, so ruby i understand what its like to have been raised by wolves then expected to live among humans. Its very lonely.

((((((((unaluna))))))))

I don’t know how I developed borderline. Like all borderlines, especially as severe as mine, the main major trait is I have a favorite person that I obsess over. And when that favorite person (who had been really nice to me initially) inevitably start rejecting me, it’s devastating and I often handle it wrong. All my feelings are intense whether good or bad. And when it’s devastating that FP leaves, it’s literally debilitating. So I yell at people or become passive aggressive.

I even become passive aggressive with customers although in a much more subtle way. Most of the time I just come acting as incompetent to them instead of passive aggressive. For instance, when I ask a question about their order and they possibly didn’t hear me, I just stand there silently waiting for an answer instead of repeating myself. Then when they get annoyed and ask what’s going on, I be like “ok I’m asking you yes or no?”

Honestly once I develop a good feeling towards FP, it’s already point of no return.

Not all people with the same diagnosis (like BPD, for instance) are the same.

Not all people with borderline PD obsess about a specific person or behave inappropriately on the job. Although many share some traits, not all are the same. Same with ASD. When you know one person with ASD, you know ONE person with ASD. Not two are alike

Being borderline does not give you a free pass to act out and terrorize your workplace. You can feel angry but you need to control your behavior. And you can, it’s just that you CHOOSE to act out because you get a thrill from it. At least that’s what I read in your posts.

Downright frightening and frustrating that you can't recognize your behavior and accept responsibility for your own actions. If any one of us on this forum or any of your other coworkers did even just one of the things you mentioned you did, such as lashing out, screaming, cursing, stalking, and among other things, we would rightfully so be walked out the door without a seconds hesitation and that could very well be the least of our problems. Legal action could follow which would tarnish someone's reputation permanently. You don't realize just how lucky you've been so far, one day you're going to scare the wrong person and they will seek full legal action against you.

You really need to realize what you're doing is wrong and take all of our suggestions as a warning that in the future people will not be so nice towards you. In court, stating that you have ASD will not hold up. They don't give a crap about what problems you have, if anything they would use it against you. That's why you need to start changing your behavior now before it's too late. I'm sure you would actually hate it if someone was as obsessed about you as you are to them and rightfully so too.

@ruby2011, it's great you are realizing that you have been in the wrong. And I think you CAN control your behavior towards other people. Feelings may be difficult to control, but behavior can certainly be controlled. We have a choice in how we respond to our emotions and feelings. We can give into them, or we can acknowledge them and CHOOSE another more appropriate behavior in response. For example, you chose to curse and yell at your coworkers in response to the GM distancing himself from you. Instead, you could have chosen to remain nice and courteous to all those around you. But you took out your feelings on everyone else around you.

So what happened at McD's? Did you get fired? You say you cannot talk about it because it's THAT bad, which makes me think you were fired or told not to come back.

Looks like she deactivated her account.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rdgrad15 Looks like she deactivated her account.

Thanks for clarifying. I couldnt figure out how her name went from ruby to anon..

Well, it's unfortunate the way this all turned out but we can't force anyone to take our advice.

Hi Ruby, I see you deactivated your account but maybe you're still reading replies?

I just wanted to answer your question of "how scary is my level of obsession... ". The answer will be different from person to person actually, which is basically true of anything, but I don't see your behaviour as scary at all. Okay, there might be some boundary issues here and there - that's almost universal to young people or people learning to grow - and big deal if you raised your voice - it happens - no one has perfect patience - so, for me, I don't see you as scary at all. Are you sneaking around spying and peeping through people's windows? Cutting peoples faces out of photos etc? Planning to commit harm on anyone? No, you're not! Not at all obviously.

To me, you just sound like a decent friendly person - maybe a lonely person seeking connections - someone trying hard to stay in a job, which is admirable - and reaching out for feedback as you go.

In terms of your behaviour, people jump up and down and freak out over hardly anything really, and I don't want you to see yourself as some kind of 'freak' or 'monster' because you're absolutely not. Trust me, I'm a good judge of character. You're a good, decent and quite gutsy person Ruby.

Stay strong and stay well upon your journey. 🙏🙏🙏

Yeah and she will create another account and make it seem like it's someone else. She's done that before.