I let him back in and now I am kicking myself #2

I don’t know anyone close to me.

ARGH! My mother drives me a bit crazy sometimes!

We had dinner last night, me, mom and my sister. My mother firmly believes that I shouldn't inform my landlord that I want or will have a roommate by April 1, two months before the end/renewal of my lease. My husband's name is on the current lease. so basically, if I have a roommate move in on April 1st, I am essentially subletting my husband's portion of the lease until June 1.

My current lease requires that I obtain written permission from my landlord in order to sublet to someone other than the people named on the lease.

I don't understand why on earth my mother believes I should just allow someone to move in on April 1, without getting my landlord's written permission. And it's very odd to me that she would even suggest this, since she is usually very honest and above board. This would be shady in my opinion, so it's shocking that my mother is suggesting I be shady.

I feel far more comfortable being 100% upfront with my landlord and I feel far more comfortable asking him for permission to have someone move in before my lease ends/renews. So, that's what I've done.

But my mom rolled her eyes at me last night when I told her my plan, and she said to my sister, "you explain it to her". My sister is a lawyer who reads and interprets legal contracts.

ARGH.

My landlord approved it and even said the roommate doesn't need to be on the new lease!!!! So, if they don't work out for some reason, I can always ask them to move out.

YAY! I knew that being honest would pay off.

I just spoke with a potential new roommate! He seems really cool and down to earth. He's a nursing student and works part time at a nursing home and also teaches music lessons. He's a musician as well. I got a really good vibe off of him on the phone. He's coming to see the apartment on Sunday!

AND.. I finally have a new interview, after 2.5 weeks of nothing! YAY!!!!! Tuesday! It's a law practice, so in-house and not a digital agency.

Yay I hope you get the job, Hope

That’s very exciting. Good luck on the interview! My daughter works for international corporate law firm and she really likes it. She’s not a lawyer but she finds lawyers in her firm to be very respectful of support staff because they need them to have their business running smoothly. I think it might be a good place to work. Fingers crossed. Will think of you on Tuesday!!!!

It IS exciting! Thanks!

I have a good feeling about this one, and I think I could be a great fit for them.

I have marketed law firms in the past, working for a digital marketing agency that catered only to law firms.

AND, I have other specific skills they're looking for, like marketing local businesses, and conversion optimization, which are tactics that help convert website visitors to buying customers. I have all that experience and knowledge.

YAY. I am looking forward to my interview!

I woke up at 4 am this morning, unable to sleep.

I am really excited for my interview, but I am a bit freaked over having a roommate. I am used to living alone and prefer it. I haven't lived with roommates since 2012, or for 11 years. I like my solitude and privacy. ARGH. Well, let's see. From 2014-2018, I lived with mom and dad. And then I lived with my husband. I had roommates when I lived in Oregon for a year in 2012. But in prior years, I had lived alone a LOT of the time.

What choice do I have? If I want to keep my apartment, if I don't want to have to move in with my mother, and if I want to save any money for my future, I almost HAVE to get a roommate. AND, with a roommate, I can be out of debt in one year.

My mother says to send my personal loan all back and she will help me pay my monthly expenses. She doesn't like the high interest on my loan, so she says she will loan me the money until I get a job. And with a roommate sharing expenses with me, I will have to borrow a lot less per month from my mother to make ends meet.

And I have my routines... I get up very early in the mornings, like at 4,4:30, 5 or 5:30. I turn on CNN at that time. I like to watch a lot of movies at night, lounging in my living room with my kitty. I go out and sometimes get home very late. I have a new guy on the scene, who is coming to visit again next week. He will likely be visiting from time to time, as long as we keep seeing each other.

This potential roommate says he's pretty busy. He teaches music, he has a part-time job, and he goes to nursing school. If he's not home that much, it will help. I am home a lot these days.

This will be a BIG adjustment for me. IF he's cool, laid back, and easy to get along with, it will really help. I did get the sense that he is all those things.

Oh man.... I am not too thrilled about this. And I think that's why I woke up at 4 am.

Just wear headphones when you watch tv so you dont disturb him. I do, so i dont disturb my apartment neighbors, as there are a row of us in studios.

The TV is on the 2nd floor and the bedroom is on the 3rd floor. With the volume set very low, the TV cannot be heard upstairs with the bedroom door closed. I don't have ear phones that reach to the TV.

I went up north out of town yesterday to a friend's farm, and I attended a "vision board" workshop. It was SO cool. We were able to paint on wooden boards our vision for the year and create all that we want to manifest on our boards.. out of paint, magazines and anything we wanted to put together. My vision board is now in my living room. I am supposed to meditate on it every day to see all that I want manifest.

Then there was a party afterwards, outside with a fire, food and drinks. It was very fun, and I am so glad I went. I wish this girlfriend lived closer. She's an hour north, and she never drives south to come see shows anymore. She would be my show buddy. It's really too bad.

But, I had a good time.

Today the potential male roommate comes to see my apt. I hope he likes my place, and I hope I like him. It would be pretty amazing if this worked out.

I hope it works out, Hope

Thank you!

So, I have a problem. I don't know if I am rebounding?????? I am already pretty into this new guy I met. And I want to hear from him more than I do... as though I am already kind of addicted to our communications, when they do occur. We chat every day by text, not big conversations, all small talk and what are you up to kind of thing. We've shared some photos of our lives back and forth. He says good morning by text every day, and good night by text almost every day. I enjoy our chit chatting, and I've enjoyed his company so far. But I feel myself getting ahead of myself... like steps ahead, and not wanting to take it too slowly. I get excited about seeing him again, and about getting to hang out with him again. He gives me butterflies.. am I falling for this guy????? One really awesome thing about him - he loves adventures and outdoor activities, just like I do - he will be sailing from Guadalupe to Grenada with his cousin soon for 7-10 days. He's helping his cousin move his boat to Grenada. I think that's pretty freaking cool..... and he wants to go skiing with me soon, and we've talked about roller blading together and kayaking.. all things I love! It's the opposite of my husband, and I am loving that. And he seems to have my best interests in mind, too. Like he's got my back and is looking out for me. I like that, too. Hmmmmm.... it's been six months since my husband moved out, and more than that since we separated. I just don't want to be rebounding, but I feel I have done a ton of healing & moving on already... we will go for hours without speaking or texting, and I want more ... I have to slow myself down and really get to know this guy and his character.

It’s possibly you are on rebound or just lonely plus stressed about job. It’s possible. But he might be a great guy too. Personally dating on rebound never ever worked for me.

You don’t really know him on any meaningful level. He might be the best man alive but you don’t know him yet. Skiing or sailing doesn’t say anything about him as a person.
Anyone can text sweet nothings. And butterflies… Well you can feel those for very wrong people too

Do you two talk about anything meaningful? Does he have depth to him? Do you know anything about his life? What he does for a living? Divorced? Single? Does he know you just got divorced less than a week ago?

At the moment you have more free time than him as you don’t work. Having lots of free time explains you wanting more texts or calls. Does he work? In many jobs you absolutely cannot text or call during the day. Going hours without speaking or texting is a normal life occurrence. People work and have obligations. Hopefully when you get a job you won’t be as preoccupied with a guy and will slow down

Who really knows. He might be dream comes true. You just need to get to know him better.

Totally unrelated but my ex husband routinely sails across Atlantics on his yacht and climbed many times the tallest mountains in the world. Flies private planes in some weird places and list goes on. He is a good man and a good father but I couldn’t find worst life partner for myself even if I looked on purpose lol Sometimes liking things like that to an extreme makes one not a suitable partner. I am not saying your guy isn’t. Just that it could mean many other things, not conducive for relationships

Take it slow and dig deep

I agree with what divine said, take it very slow and really get to know each other

I will dig deep.... am trying to take it slow. I will get to know him. He lives 2.5 hours away in New York state.

Will do!

Good plan to take it slow.

I missed this post yesterday. Yes, we do talk about meaningful things. He has told me all about his own divorce, which happened 5 years ago. He is 49, divorced with one 11 year-old child. He makes a living, but I am not sure how good of a living. He manages properties and does a bunch of odd jobs too.

It could just be a fling. He talks about wanting to move to the Caribbean, where it's far warmer. His son and ex wife live in Florida. Don't ask me why they live there instead of near him.. I need to ask him this.

He likes to drive, so he drives puppies to their new owners to make extra money. Right now he is driving to Kentucky from New York and back. His good friend breeds puppies, terriers, and he's helping him out.

Last night he called me and he talked again about wanting to move to the Caribbean. His sailing trip is a bit of a recon mission he said, to look into this. He has a motor boat and likes to water ski in the summer.

Yeah, I mean, it's a bit too soon to say, but I could be barking up the wrong tree for anything long-term with this guy. That's very possible. I think I need to back up and take precautions.... I don't want to get hurt.

I’d back up and take precautions.

He’s repeatedly telling you he plans on possibly moving out of the country. It might be his way of giving you hints not to count on him long term. When people are telling you things, believe them.

His ex wife doesn’t need to live by him if they are divorced as long as he allowed her to move the kid and didn’t pursue joined custody etc Court will allow you to move if your ex is ok with it. Does he see his child on school breaks or ever?

Odd jobs could be a normal thing to supplement his income but could be also lack of stability in his life. It’s fair to assume he’s not career oriented?

I’d say if you want casual no string attached get togethers, it could be just fine as he sounds like a nice fun guy. But I don’t envision long term. Would he move to your state? Likely not. Would you move to his? Not if he wants to live in the Caribbean!

Of course it’s all too early to say but some (if not all) things are obvious early on. And typically what happens is when things go side ways, we question how we got involved in the first place. And typically things were obvious the first time we met that person, we just didn’t want to pay attention because we wanted romance and butterflies and excitement. That’s what clouds our thinking

But again I might be wrong. Maybe you should ask how serious is he about moving? It might be nothing. Just talking. When we have yet another snow storm, I sometimes say “that’s it, we are moving where it’s warm”. It’s just talk. No one’s moving

Yeah, I think you're right. I definitely need to back up and take precautions. I think I will ask him how serious he is about moving to the Caribbean.

I will be locked into a lease by June 1 for the next year, so I definitely won't be moving anytime soon.

Maybe this really is meant for a short-term fling. I am OK with that (I think), but I need to protect myself from falling in love with him and from gaining any deeper feelings for him.

Just from all the things he does to make money, I can tell you if you were to be “serious” about him you would once again be the breadwinner in the relationship. He says repeatedly he wants to move. This is looking like a big no.