I let him back in and now I am kicking myself #2

Absolutely. I have bad boundaries too. It comes from how we grow up. I got much better as I got older.

Thank you @unaluna. It's true... I've never been great at having full boundaries. Sometimes yes, often, no.

Awesome. I am wishing you good luck with this new job interview. “Remember when one door closes another door opens”.

Wow! I am always making fun of my clumsiness .

I am seeing a lot of tickets for sale for summer concerts. #1, I cannot buy any. And #2, I have no one to go with. That is seriously depressing.

I've been in the same situation for the most part... where reality and what other people thought or heard were completely different. I think your mother is 99% right. Take the high road. But... be prepared with a response that will leave them wondering about THEIR perception of things. If ANY of his friends have the nerve to approach you in public to tell you anything about YOU AND YOUR MARRIAGE, don't fight, don't argue, don't defend yourself. If you do, you prove him right from their perspective.

Instead, thank them for sharing with you that he has been talking about you and your private matters. Tell them you suspected he was gossiping and appreciate that they were able to confirm it. Then self validate to them... "its been very difficult knowing that my experience being married to him has been so completely different from his friend's experiences. I grateful at least that he doesn't treat you the way he treated me!" Then walk away. Don't say anything more. From THEIR PERSPECTIVE, you've behaved differently, spoke differently and acted differently than he described. You will give them reason to DOUBT HIM without arguing or getting upset.

Remember, anyone who approaches you is purposely trying to provoke you into behaving the way he says you do.

THANK YOU. This is exactly what I needed. Some advice on how to handle it when I do see them, & to somehow find a way to speak my truth without lowering myself and without looking bad. This is PERFECT!

Thank you!!

My life was ALMOST just completely ruined - SIDENOTE.

I came home last night, couldn't access my LinkedIn profile, and before I knew it, I was locked out. I received an email stating my account was permanently removed due to a violation of their policies! I had NO idea what policy I had violated since I was only just trying to access my account! So, I submitted the required identity documentation, ie, a copy of my passport, and by this morning, my account was reinstated.

I panicked though when I went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night in a panic. Then I woke up just 4 hours later, checking to see what the status is, based on my appeal to reopen the account.

THANK GOD it was reinstated since LinkedIn is SO essential for job searching today. Without a proper LinkedIn profile, I would have been royally screwed in my job search!!!!!

I still don't understand what happened, and why I received a permanent closure of my account message.

I am just SO very grateful that it was resolved. An hour later, and I am still reeling from the panic over this one issue. LITERALLY, my career and life would have been OVER.

The feeling is similar to avoiding a near death accident on the highway, somehow finding your car turned 180 degrees in the opposite direction, then righting itself again.

Ok, and.... I went out last night alone to a music venue. When alone, I am prey for other men, I have found.

A man I was standing next to struck up a conversation with me. Then he was telling me how he has a love/hate relationship with his live-in girlfriend, yet he asked to meet up with me. I told him no and said I am not dating right now and especially not men who already have girlfriends! I remained standing/dancing nearby him because the venue was completely packed and I couldn't move too easily. Then he was so bold and brazen to start touching me! He put his arm around my waist and leaned in for a kiss! I was like, what are you doing?!?!?!?!??!? It was appalling. Talk about boundary crossing! I had told him flat out "no", yet he proceeded to think he had the right to touch me and even attempt a kiss from me??? What a jerk. So I found a way to move away from him.

Another man who was there by himself, whom I had met the week before, glued himself onto me on another part of the dance floor. He was talking non-stop to me, and all I wanted to do was hear & enjoy the music. I eventually moved away from him, too.

Last night in particular it seemed like a feeding frenzy.

I look forward to the day when I can meet other musically inclined women with the same music tastes as myself to hang out with at these shows. I need to find female friends... I think I will join some women's music FB groups and see what I can drum up... it may take time to actually form real friendships, but this is how my husband met some of his now best friends. I want to try it out at least, since I am not ready yet to join Meetups.

Yup you need women friends. Or just social group if not true friendships

Honestly I think these particular type of venues and events attract this kind of men and some might even go there by themselves (from what you share majority are actually married or in a relationships) in order to hook up/cheat. They might assume women are there for the same reason.

Alcohol is involved and many if not all intoxicated to various degrees are if pot is legal in your state they might be high as a kite.

I don’t think going alone places makes you a prey for inappropriately behaving men. Going alone to these kind of places makes it more likely to run into trashy men.

FB groups (that meet in real life) or meetups is a good idea. I don’t know if you could set your preference for only women groups on FB but you could do that on meetup. In my experience most mixed groups are groups where people go to find a date. Just for friendships go for all female groups only

I’d email LinkedIn and asked what happened. I assume it’s a glitch but it’s always best to make sure

Thanks, divine. Men at bars in general can be sketchy, I think, or at least in my own experience. I need to just steer clear of that kind of messiness in my life.

I won't email LinkedIn for the sole reason that I think I will let sleeping dogs lie. It's all resolved, so I don't see the need.

I’m sorry you can’t afford the ticket :sadhug nothing wrong with going by yourself

Especially if they have wives and girlfriends at home. Why are they alone in bars? Not even with friends? Alone? To hook up. That’s why.

I am not saying everyone should go to museums and symphonies but some venues just attract certain people behaving certain way

The guy who was touching me was there with his group of friends and his brother. His brother told me to take it easy on him, the guy, and I told him that he still lives with his gf! His own brother didn't even know this, apparently.

And yes, I've noticed that this kind of crowd draws all kinds of sketchy characters. UGH. Not my style, but I 100% love the music.

Thank you.

I go alone a LOT of the time.

“Take it easy on him?” Like let random guy touch you? Even if he had no girlfriend at home. Why??? Are they entitled to touch women?

What kind of music is it? Why does it attract unsavory characters? Is it attracting much younger crowd? How old are these people? Liking music doesn’t mean it must be inappropriate like this. I dated a musician and my son in law is a musician from a big family of musicians. They are very appropriate people. I think it’s bars and drinking that’s an issue. Not music itself.

So a guy tries to push you to be closer to him and kiss him after you say no and you're supposed to go easy on him??!!. Oh @%&! no! Those disrespectful pigs are lucky it wasn't me. I have a right to say no and I have a right to stop them when they ignore my no! It really doesn't matter if he's married, single or your boyfriend. It doesnt matter if he's drunk or sober. It doesnt matter if you are a a bar, a park or a grocery store... No means no.

You have the right to say no. Have you thought about a self defense class? There are tons of free classes at colleges, community centers and many fitness centers. Even senior centers offer free classes for any aged adult. They are confidence boosters for sure. If not, watch the "sing" part of the movie Miss Congeniality.

@divine1966, it's jam band music - for hippie types. That's the crowd - all hippies, older & younger, so ages are mixed. I guess the hippie crowd is full of many unsavory characters.

@RollercoasterLover, agreed about the boundaries! This man's advances were most unwelcome! I ran away fast afterwards.

Ah. Yeah, that's a crowd that can be difficult to navigate. One of my oldest friends frequents that kind of crowd because she's a bassist and vocalist, but even she is wary of who she's around in that crowd. But her husband is usually with her, so generally she's fine, but she has VERY strong boundaries (she didn't always). This is her second marriage -- which is a healthy one. But she comes from a very abusive first marriage, so she's been where you are but has gotten to the other side. I know she steered clear of that scene for a great while -- found some strong female friends (also musicians who she ended up forming a band with for a while - they were female friends supporting each other so they were each others' safety) -- and got herself together before she felt confident that she could navigate that scene without falling into old ways.

Sometimes we have to make a conscious choice to not put ourselves in environments that repeatedly set us up to be somehow unsafe. It can be tempting to keep going back to what we are comfortable with, but if that comfort sets us up for repeated problems, it is wise to find a different outlet for those interests. Or, until you have a group of solid female friends you can go with who will look out for each other, perhaps give it a break for a bit.

How's Have Hope feeling today?

I am alone all day every day. Music and dancing is my one favorite past times that gives me a break from all my problems. I will not stop going to these shows, but I will have stronger boundaries, for certain.

I am OK... thanks willow!

How do you learn self love after abuse?????

@Marie123, do you know the answer to this question?